I went into mourning, I guess. There was some second-guessing involved, too. In the end, I couldn't see that I had done anything wrong - or that things would have turned out differently if I had acted otherwise.
There was no question that I would miss Jen. But I was honest enough with myself to wonder which I would miss more: Jen, or the incredible sex.
I was pretty shitty company for a while. Not wanting to face any 'How's Jen?' questions from Parvani and Nate, I just told them, straight out, that she had dumped me to go back to her old boyfriend.
- "Oh, no!" said Parvani. "Ian - I'm so sorry."
- "You really liked her, didn't you?' asked Nate.
- "Yeah - whatever." I said. "Are we going to play, or what?"
It was not one of my finer efforts. There were no protests when I called it quits early.
"I'm sorry, guys." I said. "You're trying to be sympathetic, and I'm ... being an asshole. I just ... I'd rather not talk about it, if that's okay."
- "Whatever you want." said Nate.
Over the next few months, I grit my teeth, and concentrated on writing essays. The only awkward moments were in American History. Jen went back to sitting up front, and I started leaving the moment that class ended, so that she wouldn't have to see me - and I wouldn't have to watch her walk by.
Some of the papers I turned in were probably not my best, but I nailed my exams, and finished second year fairly strong.
I needed a summer job; I wasn't going to go back to the moving company - Derek was there first, and I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. Dad pulled a string or two, and helped me get a job with the city, in the Parks Department.
It was half clerical work, and half step & fetchit, but the pay was pretty good. It was also where I met Vincent Cooper.
- "Call me Coop." he insisted. "Chicken or pigeon - doesn't matter."
Coop was a funny guy, and all-round interesting. He was a conversational jack-of-all-trades. He couldn't
do
everything, but he could certainly
talk
about almost anything.
He talked fishing with the janitor, wine with our supervisor, and the Head secretary came to him for advice on how to nurture a bonsai. Coop and I discussed school, politics, sports, music ...
One day, he surprised me. Coop was reading a newspaper when I got to work.
- "Holy shit." he muttered. "They're going to make a D&D cartoon."
I was stunned. "You know what D&D is?" I said.
- "Y-yeah." he admitted. "Do you?"
- "You don't look like a guy who plays D&D." I said.
- "Neither do you." he said. "Wait - what does a guy who plays D&D look like?"
After work, we went for a beer. We had done this before - but this was the first time we talked about D&D. It turned out that Coop had played for a few years in high school. But his group had broken up.
- "Two went away to school, one got too cool, and one got a girlfriend. I suppose I could have hooked up with some other players, but ... you know. It was more about hanging with my friends, I guess. It would feel weird to play with a bunch of nerds, if D&D was the
only
thing we had in common."
- "I hear you." I said, thinking of Burnsie's stoner crew, or guys like Misha. "I'm only playing with a couple of my closest friends."
- "You still play?" said Coop. It wasn't my imagination - he sounded a bit wistful.
- "Do you miss it?" I asked. "Because you'd be welcome to join us, if you feel like it."
***
- "How do we fit him in?" asked Nate. "Our characters are 7th level."
- "He doesn't know the story, either." said Parvani.
- "Guys: it's not a problem." I said. "We start some new characters with Coop. If it doesn't work out with him ... then it doesn't. We can continue the main campaign on our own, whenever we want."
They didn't look entirely convinced.
"Look," I said, "I didn't object when Par brought in Annette. Or when Nate invited Misha."
- "Really?" protested Nate. "How long are you going to keep bringing up Misha?"
I looked at my watch. "Another ... eleven or twelve years."
- "Come on - it was ages ago!" he said.
- "You don't understand, Nate: I was scarred for life by the experience."
Nate gave in. "Fine! Bring your friend."
They needn't have worried. Both of them enjoyed meeting Coop. We decided to add a random element to the character creation process: we would roll stats, and let the results determine what class we would play.
My luck held true. My highest statistic was wisdom. I was the cleric.
- "Oh, no." said Parvani.
- "Is it a problem?" asked Coop.
- "Ian is
always
stuck as the cleric." said Nate. "We can switch, if you like."
- "It's not a problem." I said. "Besides, Parvani played the cleric last time."
They argued a bit more, but I insisted. That left Nate as a fighter, Coop as a wizard, and Parvani with a choice. Since dexterity was her highest score, she could be either a rogue, or an agile fighter - like an archer. She'd always liked Legolas, from
Lord of the Rings
, so I wasn't surprised when she chose the latter.
Coop was a hit, right away. He added magic words and gestures every time he cast a spell. His favourite was magic missile. He would point his finger, and cock his thumb, as if his hand was a pistol.
- "Pew!" he said. Then he laughed. "I can't wait till I'm 3rd level, cause I'll have two missiles. "Pew! Pew!"
After the game, when Coop was gone, Parvani stayed with Nate and me to de-brief.
- "I like him." said Nate. "Better than Misha, anyway."
- "He's funny." said Par. "And he seems very nice."
The following Monday, I saw Coop at work.
- "What did you think?" I asked him. "Honestly."
- "Your friends are pretty cool." he said. "But I was really surprised by the way you guys play."
- "Oh?"
- "It's more about the story, and the characters. My old crew just wanted exotic monsters and magic items. After a while, I think we ran out of new things to fight. I really liked the way you do it."
- "So you might play with us again?"
- "For sure." said Coop. "If your friends are okay with it."
That was how we became a foursome.
***
After my experiences with Tanya and Jen, I couldn't stop thinking of that ancient warning: be careful what you wish for - you might get it. I had desperately wanted to lose my virginity - I got my wish, but it didn't work out quite the way I had expected.
So I designed a story line for our first-level party. They stumbled across a magical item - a small wax tablet which they couldn't read. They had to take it to a mage, to have it identified.
They were astonished to learn that the little tablet would grant them 3 wishes.
- "What?" said Parvani. "Anything?"
- "Holy shit!" said Coop.
- "Wait a sec." said Nate. He was studying my face, trying to figure me out. "Is this some kind of trick?"
- "No trick." I said.
- "So if we wished for ... a million gold pieces, you won't have them come raining down from the ceiling to crush us under their weight?"
- "You can specify exactly how you would like them to appear." I said.
I went off to make tea, to give them time to think it over. They talked for an almost an hour, trying to plan for every eventuality - for every way that I might try to screw them over. My new cleric didn't participate in the discussion, but they were prepared to share the rewards with him anyway. Finally, Nate told me their decision.
- "We wish for ten million gold pieces, deposited in a bank account, in our names, so that each one of us can access one quarter of the total cash whenever we want."
- "Okay." I said. "Done." With that much money, they could buy almost every item in the DM's Guide.
- "Really?" said Nate. I guess he had been expecting me to make it difficult. "Can we use the money now?"
- "Sure. Your wish came true. Just be careful with that tablet - if you lose it, you won't get the other two wishes."
That led to another lengthy debate. All three were deeply suspicious. Even Parvani was casting dark looks my way. It took them another half hour before Coop came up with an idea. It was a good one, which I hadn't anticipated.
- "We wish for a guardian angel for each one of us, powerful enough - and willing and able - to protect us from enemies much stronger than we are." he said.
- "Done." I agreed.
They were still a bit hesitant, worried that I was setting them up. But they couldn't resist the temptation to enjoy their first wish.
- "Let's go shopping!" said Coop.
I did limit their purchases, of course. There was no way that even the capital of the kingdom would have
everything
they wanted - much less the multiples they were asking for. Still, the group came away with a ridiculous amount of loot. They were suddenly the best-equipped 1st level party in the history of the game.
The GM (me) graciously let them enjoy their goodies for a day and a night. Then I set my plans in motion. They had been right all along, of course - the three wishes were a trap.
The mage blabbed. Word spread. Virtually everyone in the city learned of their incredible good fortune. Beggars followed them everywhere they went. Thieves hovered around at all times, and tried to sneak into their room at night. The bankers hired assassins to eliminate us, so that they could keep the money.
The King simply seized the bank, and confiscated the rest of their money, becoming the richest arbitrary ruler in the land. He declared himself Emperor.
Their guardian angels kept the most terrifying enemies at bay, but clearly decided that 1st and 2nd level opponents weren't 'much stronger' than we were. Our heroes were besieged, night and day, by hordes of lower level challengers. They also found it difficult to make friends, since everyone expected to be lavishly rewarded, or generously tipped.
My players caught on pretty fast. Their reactions varied.
