It was the most intense, most emotionally powerful kiss of my life. We might not have gotten many points for technique, and it wasn't especially passionate. We were both a little too tentative. But my knees were shaking, and I could feel Simran trembling, as well.
I held her in my arms, afterwards, almost unable to believe that she was there. Finally. This was no accident. I hadn't pursued Simran simply because she was attractive, or available. I had been in love since the day I met her. Now, at last, it was real.
We were together.
My letters from England and Wales (the 2nd and 3rd) arrived over the next few weeks. They were proof positive that I had been thinking of her the whole time. Simran was touched - and flattered.
Coop and I moved into our apartment, with second-hand furniture, for the most part. Dad helped me out, and I splurged on a bigger bed. The place wasn't much to look at, from outside, but inside it had lots of wood trim, French doors and built-in bookshelves, which we promptly filled.
I soon discovered that my roommate - great guy though he was - was not quite a neat freak. He was apparently unaware that dirty socks don't belong on the kitchen counter. It quickly became obvious that the task of keeping the apartment tidy and reasonably clean was going to fall to me.
Otherwise, he was an ideal roomie: he kept beer in the fridge, and didn't drink all of mine. Nor did he pilfer my food. Coop was also quite busy at school, so he wasn't always at home. This was something I came to appreciate more later on.
We started hosting D&D games. Nate could borrow a car, and bring Parvani and Cherie over. Or, Parvani could borrow her sister's car. We were deep into the Symenon saga, as we called our campaign, after Nate's duellist-mage. Nate had completed a whole series of sketches of our characters, individually, and in a group.
I passed him a book on Welsh castles, and let him in on a portion of my plans.
I also invited Simran to join us. It would be easy to bring in a High elf character, if she wanted to play one. But she politely declined.
- "Are you sure? You know you'd be more than welcome."
- "I know." she said. "But the reason is the same. I don't want to intrude in Parvani's social group any more than I already have. She needs
something
important in her life that doesn't include me."
I tried, but I couldn't budge her on the issue.
"Besides - what if ... what if something happened, and we split up?" she said. "That could be really awkward."
- "What would that 'something' be?" I asked. "I can't imagine it."
- "Hypothetically."
- "I can't imagine it hypothetically, either."
We were just dating, at this point. We hadn't slept together yet. I was hoping to change that fact soon. Now that I had an apartment, we could have some privacy. I just couldn't figure out how to invite her over to my place - alone - without it seeming like a blatant prelude to sex (which it would be).
We had kissed, again - and the kisses were growing more passionate, more urgent. We had also had a pretty heavy necking session in my Dad's car. It started out innocently, as a goodnight kiss, and then got serious. I started caressing her breast, through her clothes, and she had her hand on my thigh. Then we came to our senses.
Neither of us wanted our first time together to be in the back of my father's car, on the street in front of her parents' house. I wanted it to be special. Memorable. I wanted it to last all night, if possible.
In late September, we had our first disagreement. There was an old pub just a few blocks from the apartment. One side was noisier, with a busy bar, the dartboard and the pool table. The other side was quieter, with comfy armchairs and a big fireplace. People came to this room, alone, to read a book and enjoy a pint. Simran and I both liked it.
But I could sense her mood that night - and it wasn't good.
- "You alright, Sim? Or is something bothering you?"
- "Something's bothering me, Ian." she said.
- "What can I do?"
- "I'm not sure. Do you think that I'm assertive?"
- "You most certainly are."
- "And confident?"
- "Of course. It's one of the things I respect and admire about you." I said.
She made a face - it was halfway between a grimace and nausea.
"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked.
- "You think that I have everything under control, don't you?" she said. "Ian -
I don't
. I'm as insecure as anyone else. Well ... maybe not as much as some people - but I
do
have my moments."
- "Really?" I was surprised. Simran had always struck me as one of the most confident, capable, 'has-her-shit-together' people I had ever met.
- "What would you do, Ian, if you saw my sister make a face like
this
?" Simran's lips tightened, and quivered, and she blinked rapidly. It looked as if she was about to cry.
I
had
seen Parvani make
exactly
the same face - after her disastrous party, and when she tried to tell me that she wanted to go out with Nate.
- "I'd hug her. I'd offer her a shoulder to cry on." I said. Because that was exactly what I
had
done.
- "Did it ever occur to you that I might need - or want - the same?" asked Simran.
She was right. I just hadn't seen her that way. Simran was always so cool, so collected - it hadn't occurred to me that she could prey to doubt, or fear - like everyone else.
"Do you remember, Ian, when I broke my engagement? You were one of two people who offered me uncomplicated, unconditional support. And I loved you for it."