Two Unexpected Gifts

An insecure European beauty confronts her fantasies. He lets her find herself.

A loving couple explore beyond their marriage to find things they didn't know about themselves.

KRYSTINA - THE REALIZATION.

"My mind ran wild. In the semi-darkness he looked straight into my eyes. Two more strong hands held me from behind as I sat on the edge of the bed. They startled me at first, but held me in just the right way, so I didn't mind as long as they didn't stop.

Lower down, I felt another pressure against my skin. Inches in front of my pounding heart I felt pain, left side of my chest, then the right. I exhaled slowly and realized it wasn't pain at all. Relax.

I thought about places I had never been, and strangely I imagined I was a maid cleaning a floor. I went down on my hands and knees, and although there was no floor, it seemed like the natural thing to do.

I had never allowed myself to be touched in that way. Touched no, taken. There was no pretext of finesse. They just roughly took things as they wanted, my clothes, me. And more. It felt like violation, but my reluctance transitioned to something else. I was hungry in a way I could never confess.

From the beginning of time I dreamed this could come true. It couldn't happen, could it? Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who...? Please Mirror, let your reflection be real? Please! But I'm scared. I opened my eyes and tried not to look, but the more I tried, the more I had to look. The fruit was there, taunting and tantalizing. Like a voyeur I watched them. Two mirages that might have been another species, but I gave thanks their species existed. I wanted them to take what they wanted. In taking they would give. And in those moments it would be good to be a woman.

I discovered something I didn't know, hidden like a secret strand of DNA. I hope you understand. I want to know, just a taste, then be safe again with you. You can see that, can't you? A bright light filled the room, and in the mirror's reflection three people became three words. What? I don't get it? Where did they go? "WANT BECOMES NEED". The three words hovered impossibly in the air and slowly began to fade. Why? What is happening? Don't you realize how far it has gone? I thought I could go there. Mirror, help me, I want to. Please, I need to know what is there."

I stirred and felt him hold me close. With a start, I knew it was Jason and relaxed. I was half awake but kept my eyes closed. I was so horny I dared not move. What a dream! I let the remnants of it float around my confused brain and enjoyed what it did to my body. I must have dozed off again and when I was finally awake, I realized Jason had already left for work.

There was a message on my cell phone.

"Wo! Someone was restless last night. Must have been some dream! Enjoy your day off Beautiful. J."

Jason's message reminded me that the whole day was mine! No work, no deadlines, yes!

I thought I might dress up today for a little bit of fun. I felt like just wandering the city. My friends were saying good things about a cool new café, so a long, lazy brunch there would be a good start. I was totally ready for a me-only day. Mood setting for the day? Definitely Level 9, 'Dangerously Playful'! Not quite Level 10, 'Off Switch Broken. Out Of Control Until Further Notice'. Regardless, Jason better watch out tonight!

I spent a long time in the shower daydreaming. I was feeling more than a little naughty, which did exactly nothing to help resolve the thorny impasse I had reached during the past months. I knew the time was well overdue to talk to Jason about 'It', but how? It was a very big 'It'. I was a world-class procrastinator and being naked under a warm shower was a perfect place to procrastinate. Especially after such a crazy dream! Needless to say I was very clean and smooth after I left the bathroom.

As I walked through Midtown, I wasn't sure if my imagination was playing tricks, but I had the impression more people than usual were looking at me. I tried not to stare back. Was there a large green pimple on the end of my nose I hadn't noticed? Without hiding behind naivety, I guess I still look ok for thirty three. The shock of turning thirty had almost worn off. Almost. The constant stares used to bother me, but I'm happy to accept them as compliments now. It's even kind of hot. One of the reasons maybe why those naughty ideas keep popping into my head?

I ordered a coffee. People-watching was outstanding. There were even a few celebrities pretending they didn't want to be noticed. A women's magazine lay open on the table where I sat. I thought it might be fun to continue the story from where the last person had been reading:

"I studied myself in the full-length mirror. I looked good. It wasn't easy to think that about myself. I was told I was beautiful seven days a week, but now I honestly felt beautiful. Unusually for my fragile ego, I genuinely believed them all on this particular day.

The mirror showed my excitement. I was wearing only heels and Agent Provocateur lingerie which spoke its own clear language. I could feel his eyes on me. I wanted him to see me. I was letting this happen for the first time. No, that wasn't entirely true. Yes, it was the first time, but I wasn't randomly 'letting it happen'. I was doing it deliberately for no other reason than to realize a long running sexual fantasy.

I had never seen this beautiful man before tonight. Was it wrong? I struggled with that question for months. In an erotic moment of weakness I confessed the fantasy to my husband. He told me he understood! How could he understand, let alone accept it? He told me it aroused him. Did he really love me? It confused and disconcerted me that he could let me do this. There was no doubt he loved me, but I couldn't reconcile how he could want this too.

With his encouragement, I conceived how to make it real. And here the mirror reflected the consequence of that planning. The first flicker of a sexy idea had grown from a small flame to a raging wildfire. A mirror isn't complicated and cannot lie. As I looked into my own eyes, he pressed his body against me. His warm hands touched me gently and I shivered. The evening air was cool outside, but it wasn't why I shivered. I wanted him to touch me. It was only the start of what I wanted to feel. I wanted everything."

What was this? I couldn't believe what I was reading! My disbelief wasn't only at the cringe-worthy writing, not out of place in the pages of a bad romance novel. Much worse, it felt unnervingly like the author was looking over my shoulder into my private thoughts and making fun of me! The coincidence was disquieting.

The moment I read the words, I realized with a shock I could have been reading my own story! Just like the woman in the magazine, mine was only a sexy thought at first, provoked no doubt by something profoundly erotic that happened at a party a few months ago, but just as she described, the idea developed and grew. And difficult as it was to admit, it was true, I really wanted to do what that woman was doing.

But unlike the fictional woman's husband, in the four years Jason and I had been together, he had never given even the slightest indication of wanting me or us to explore anything sexually beyond what we could give each other. Which incidentally was a lot! To be fair though, neither had I. I'm not sure how I would have reacted if he had. Now I think I would be able to accept it, but until a few months ago, I don't think so. And I'm sure Jason is where I was a few months ago. So how could I even begin to talk to him about this? We are completely happy in our relationship at every level.

So, the obvious question, if I am completely happy, why would I want to do it at all? It makes little sense and I have no perfect answer. At first I couldn't admit what was happening in my head. I shrugged it off as normal sexual fantasy, nothing more. But the reality gradually hit home and made me realize it was more than just a distraction.

I fantasize a lot about things that excite me, (like last night in my dream), and I think I've reached a tipping point where I want to discover what that really means. But how? On that eventful night, what it meant just came to me and took me by the hand. Confronting as it may be, it became clear it means involving other people. And that is problematic at every possible level!

It has taken my whole life to accept the way I look. The world somehow sees me as beautiful to look at, it just does. With slowly and reluctantly accepting this, instead of downplaying my appearance as I have always done, I think finally I want to tap into that advantage and explore what it can be for me. And that sounds ridiculous even in my own head!

It's not as though I didn't sleep with a lot of men before I was married. I think I experienced a lot sexually. Or that our married life is boring. It isn't, and our sex life is amazing! It is difficult to define. Since I discovered the idea turns me on so much, I realized I want try a few tentative steps beyond our safe, married comfort zone and see what might happen if I let it. I feel guilty even thinking about it. And that excites me even more! It does things to me.

There is something special about the idea of playing those naughty, flirty games and imagining possibilities. I'm guilty of wanting extramarital sex. It's like venturing out hungry into a jungle full of dangerous predators and making it back home alive. And satiated, as my fantasies remind me regularly! And I want to share it all with Jason.

I need somehow to find the right way to do it, but I'm scared. Scared about how he will react if I tell him what I want to do, and scared about my inhibitions to actually go through with it. So there lies my conundrum. Do I take the big step and tell him? Is the reward greater than the possible consequences? I could never risk our marriage. But just like that woman in the story, I was curious and restless, especially after what happened to me. Unlike her though, I didn't dare risk what was necessary to even start the journey. Stalemate.

Months had passed since reading those words. Parallel thoughts of "Magazine Woman" entered my head more and more frequently. I invented all sorts of sexy scenarios for her and me. I was torn between an increasingly graphic imagination and wanting to try things for real. I was constantly aroused, even to the extent of wondering if something was wrong with me. I knew nothing was wrong, but I needed to share what was going on with a trusted friend for some valuable perspective on what I should do, and more importantly, find a way to open up to Jason about his wife's naughty secrets.

JASON AND KRYSTINA - AWKWARD CONFESSION AND...

We had a great night with our close friends Michelle and Rick. Rick has a wicked sense of humor and uses it mercilessly. We were all sore from laughing so much. Michelle cooks as good as she looks, as Rick likes to frequently remind us after a few glasses, and as always, the food and wine were great. Back at our apartment, I put on some music and lay on the couch. I had specific ideas about how I would like the evening to continue.

My wife Krystina, unusually for her, seemed a little preoccupied with her thoughts. This was somewhat out of sync with her usual smiling enthusiasm about almost everything. Too much wine maybe? But I didn't think she drank that much?

"Jason, I have to talk to you about something. It's extremely awkward and I have no idea how to explain it. But it's important and I really need to share it with you."

"Don't worry, you can tell me anything, you know that. It's obvious something is bothering you. What do you want to tell me?"

"A bit hard to hide, huh? I know I can tell you anything. It makes it easier, thank you, but right now, maybe it makes more difficult too. It's very important you don't see anything I tell you now in a negative way. It isn't. I've been thinking about it for a while and I wanted to tell you in a gentle way. But I came to realize there is no gentle way..., so I'm really nervous."

So it wasn't too much wine. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Go on."

"You know how I have been wanting you so much lately."

"Yes, I have noticed that. I was thinking about that right now coincidentally!"

"I don't know what's happening to me, but I feel like it a lot. When you are at work and I have a day off, I even masturbate sometimes. It embarrasses me to tell you that, but it's true. When I get in that mood, I read about things that excite me, and then I look at them on the computer. Jason, I touch myself until I have orgasms. And instead of satisfying me, it only makes me want more. I'm like a female dog on heat. The thing is though, I like it and I love wanting you so much. I have very naughty things going on in my head and they embarrass me. I don't know, maybe it's better I keep them safely stored in the private vault where they are! You see now why I'm so nervous?"

"Krystina, you really know how to get my attention, don't you! I know you're a naughty girl. I like that you are naughty. Is that all you want to tell me?"

"No, it isn't, and I don't know how to tell you."

"Everything is ok, don't worry. I'm not some evil judge, I'm your husband." Krystina looked genuinely worried. I was beginning to wonder if it was that time of the month. Was she sick? Or maybe something was really wrong?

"I had one of those long girlie talks with Michelle before dinner and what she told me came as quite a shock. She said was thinking about having an affair. Someone from where she works has been coming on to her and she was considering going through with it. She said it flattered her to be pursued in that way again and the idea really excites her. It was something I never expected. She and Rick seem completely happy. I told her a little of what I'm going to tell you. She wants to know more, but it is difficult for me."

"Wow! That really surprises me. I thought they were really tight. So, what is it you want to tell me?"

"This is so hard. I decided after the conversation with Michelle I had to tell you tonight. It's why I'm not myself. Hmmmm, ok, here goes. I'll start from the beginning, so you can see where it's all coming from."

"There is a beginning? You are terminally horny, your best friend wants to have an affair, and now suddenly after her confession you need to tell me something which is obviously difficult for you? Not sure I'm totally comfortable with the direction this is taking. You realize how that sounds, don't you? I get that you are nervous, me too now! I'm listening."

"Yes, I know how it sounds, but please let me explain. You remember that great party we went to in the old factory a few months ago?"

"Of course. How could I forget! It was the best party ever."

"Well, some crazy things happened that night and it's still affecting me. I never told you because my reaction was so uncomfortable."

"What happened?"

"You remember the four dancers from Ibiza?"

"Oh yes. They were incredibly hot!"

"I left you to visit the lady's room, and on the way back I stopped to get a glass of wine. As I went around the corner to the bar, I inadvertently walked in on a 'private moment'! One of the dancing girls was kissing a guest, a female guest. They were both incredibly beautiful. As they kissed, and I mean really kissed, the dancer winked at me, looked directly into my eyes and touched the woman very erotically down there. She motioned for me to come closer.

It was like I was hypnotized. Jason, I went closer and watched them. I was fascinated. I couldn't look away! The things they were doing! And it seemed they got even more excited with me watching them. I thought they might have orgasms right there in front of me! Maybe they did! After a few minutes, the dancer whispered something to the woman. She turned toward me, and also looked at me in that special way. Soon after, she left.

The dancer smiled, took my hand and asked me in her heavy Spanish accent if I would like to join her for some of what I had just seen. She said that if I wanted, the other woman could join us too. And then she kissed me gently. Her tongue touched the corner of my mouth and explored. She lingered with it just long enough to clearly confirm its intended meaning. For her it seemed like a completely natural thing to do, no embarrassment, no pretence.

It was only a small kiss, but it asked me a very big question! That small, naughty kiss sent a shockwave right through me. I was completely unprepared for it. It so overwhelmed me, I could hardly move. The question it asked waited for an answer, and all I could do was hesitate while she kissed me more. Jason, a beautiful woman kissed me, and it actually made me imagine what it would be like to have sex with her."

"Wow!"

"Of course, I didn't go with her. The effect it had confused me though. It scared me that a thought like that could even find its way into my married head! I had just been asked if I wanted to join a lesbian ménage à trois! Yes, I'll have two please! I was completely taken aback and immediately hurried back to you. I guess I was in some sort of altered erotic state. And a little drunk. It was so wrong in every way. I don't know how to describe it, but it really excited me Jason. Just how much I couldn't believe. You thought I had only gone to the bathroom. I even forgot to get the wine while I was there."

"I remember. And I remember after the party too! No wonder you were like that. I think that was our wildest night ever. Now I know why."

"Well, you don't know everything yet. That wasn't the end of it."

"Krystina, now you really have my attention! You didn't, did you?"

"I want you to understand what's going on in my confused brain, so I have to tell you everything. And no, I didn't. It's not what you think. Please let me finish and you will understand.

Later in the night, again when you weren't around, the only male dancer in their group also approached me. I didn't even see him coming. He took my hand and kissed it almost before I knew he was there. It sent shivers through me too, but differently, in the normal man-woman way. After what had happened earlier, the profound effect it had on me wasn't surprising!

He told me I was beautiful, and just like his colleague, asked me to leave with him. Maybe the other dancer had talked to him, I don't know. He told me blatantly he wanted to make love to me. It could have been very sleazy, but somehow it wasn't. He was really charming and had that rare combination of mischief and charisma. He was the bad one that good girls can't resist. And without asking, he held me close and kissed me. He was excited, and I could feel it pressing against me! He knew exactly what he was doing. He was definitely bad!

I'm so embarrassed to say this..., I liked it Jason. I liked it a lot! And I liked that he was so turned on by me. He was really attractive, and it surprised me in a very sexy way. It affected me so much, that when he kissed me, I kissed him back just a little.

I couldn't help it Jason. It was almost like tasting the wine before they fill the glasses. I can't deny that I let him kiss me for much longer than was appropriate for a happily married woman! I'm so sorry, but I was already drunk and very, very horny. I was disarmed and vulnerable and had too much to drink. It all just got to me. And the timing having already been offered lesbian group sex in the same night! I just couldn't help taking a little taste. The wine was good, but I refused having the glass topped up! I did imagine though how it would be to try the rest of the bottle! Jason, for a few short moments I wanted to have sex with that man. And he was so arrogant, he knew that I did!"

"And?"

"And nothing! Of course I didn't. I was scared and hurried straight back to you. I almost ran."