Renaissance Faire

This is the final chapter in a 7 part series. It will not make sense without reading the previous chapters.

Chapter 7 - Commencement

Early May 2018

As in previous years, the Saturday of graduation day was also the opening day of the Renaissance Faire. Knowing in advance that the engineering school wouldn't be helping, they planned to make the fair slightly smaller so it would be easier to manage.

Even so, it had been a harrowing experience and herculean effort for the renaissance history department to pull together this year, because in addition to losing the help of the engineering school, the Unionville based charities decided it wasn't worth their effort to participate. That meant many of the games and more fun attractions weren't at the fair. To replace those attractions, the department reached out and found more commercial attractions, which ended up being more expensive for the guests and not as kid friendly.

Also, without as many experienced volunteers, more resources were needed from the general student population, many of whom were not pleased at having been coerced to stay and work for several days beyond graduation.

Dr. Finebaum took it all in stride, though. He believed that in the eyes of the board, Harold's not helping would look petty. Anything that weakened Harold's position at the school and in the eyes of the board of trustees was a win. He didn't think it would take but a couple more years of unhelpfulness from the engineering school to convince the board to remove Harold from his position.

He was disappointed with the new board members, though. He didn't get a single board member for which he campaigned with the alumni. That was unusual, but not completely unheard of. At least the new members had a business background, which he hoped would mean that he would have help in his launching a new business school at the university. He could use the funds that were supposed to go towards replacing the ChemE building to build a new building to contain the new school.

The new board would convene in two days on Monday after graduation. He felt certain that he could convince them of the merits of the new school.

The fair started on time, and the usual King's Feast was held, but it wasn't 100% full this year. No matter. The people that were important to Dr. Finebaum were there. Richard, Debbie and the other senior members of the renaissance history department were there as well.

At noon, after an early King's lunch, it was time to officially open the fair, with the ceremonial pillorying of the president and his guest of honor. When arriving where the pillory usually stood, they saw a new pillory set up in place of the old wooden ones.

Whereas the old pillory had been wooden, the new one looked to be composed of polished metal. It was dark grey, but it was impossibly smooth as if it had been machined and honed for as much comfort as metal could afford. There were small silicone strips where the neck and hands would be placed to provide a more 'secure' and comfortable fit for each guest, since each guest would have different neck and wrist thicknesses.

The previous pillory could only accommodate two 'guests', but the new pillory could accommodate up to four. Each pillory was mounted to a square pillar, and all four of those pillars were sunk into a secure concrete platform, which would be better for the water balloon portion of the ceremony, because in previous years by the end of the fair, the guests shoes and pants or skirts could get quite muddy from all the water and saturated ground.

As Dr. Finebaum approached the new pillory, he saw a note attached to one in the center which read, "No more splinters." He smiled at this and wondered if this was Harold's way of trying to get back in his good graces. "Ha," he thought. "Good luck with that."

With room for more guests, Aaron invited Bunny to join him in the pillory on his side. Like last year, Richard was Aaron's guest of honor, and asked Debbie to join him at the pillory as well. Bunny didn't seem too thrilled about the situation because her white costume probably would become a little transparent with all the water she was about to be hit with. However, she knew Aaron wasn't someone to whom she could say, "no" so she relented and decided she would change later.

Debbie wasn't too thrilled either because she knew her hair was going to be messed up, but she could always pull it back into a ponytail. It was a small price to pay to be in the opening ceremony of the fair with the president.

A large man, mostly hidden by an Igor costume helped to secure each of them into their respective pillories, because the top bar that needed to be raised and closed on each pillory was very, very heavy since it was extremely dense metal. The two center pillories holding Richard and Aaron closed with an audible "ching". They both laughed about how well machined these new devices were. Once the swimmer goggles were in place on each of them, the water ballooning began. This year instead of rose water, the balloons were filled with something that smelled like eucalyptus. It smelled nice, and Aaron was pleased. The line was quite extensive this year, with people ready and willing to pay to get to throw balloons at Aaron.

After about five minutes of people trying to pelt them with balloons, a lady in an Igor costume joined the large man in the Igor costume and they went over to Debbie, placed a magnet on the edge of the pillory and helped her out and away from the scene. She was soaked to the bone from the balloons, but otherwise she was fine. Because of the design of the pillory and the direction of their approach, Richard did not see that she had left.

Debbie asked, "What's going on? Why did you pull me early?"

Taking her back into the King's tent, Jane removed her hood and replied, "Because your father asked me to come and get you."

She recognized Jane but didn't know that she and Aaron were having difficulties. Debbie asked, "He did? Why?"

Carl and Sheila entered the tent, which was puzzling to Debbie. "Mom, Daddy, what are you doing here?"

Jane left the three of them to their discussion. She had work to do.

Still cloaked, she and the man in the Igor costume rolled a new wagon of water balloons into place for the pelting to continue. She dismissed the person collecting the money for the balloons and let the people begin pelting for free. The new balloons smelled the same as the previous set, but after a few minutes, the three remaining 'guests' began to feel a tingling. A few minutes later, the large man rolled the new balloons away, replaced by the normal water balloons. Jane pulled the hose that was set up for refilling the water balloons and hosed off the three guests, pissing them off. She didn't want any permanent damage to be done.

As she did this, patches of hair could be seen falling from the guests, which elicited a scream from Bunny. "My hair!!"

Of course, this brought cries of anger from Richard and Aaron, and all three of them tried to get free of the pillory but couldn't. They were locked in tight. This caused Aaron to begin screaming at anyone who could help to try and get them free.

The large Igor placed a placard several feet in front of each of them, which those in the pillory couldn't read. Richard's read "Crimes: Homewrecking, Insufferable Blowhard, Embezzling, Dickhead". Aaron's read "Crimes: Embezzling, Philandering, Megalomania". Bunny's read "Crimes: Embezzling, Slutting, Stupidity"

Their cries for freedom and the placards caused a flurry of activity, and there was no shortage of pictures and videos of the scene taking place. While not completely bald, several bald spots could be seen where large patches of hair were missing.

Amongst the commotion, a man came up to Aaron and said, "Dr. Aaron Finebaum."

Aaron yelled, "Who the fuck are you?"

"You've been served." Then he thrust the divorce papers into one of Aaron's hands, took a picture and left.

Immediately thereafter, Marcus Davidson, president of the board of trustees approached Aaron. "Dr. Finebaum, you are being suspended for embezzlement and creating a disruptive environment on campus. You can defend yourself at the board meeting on Monday."

Defend himself? He couldn't even free himself!

Marcus turned to Richard and said, "Richard Russo, you've been suspended pending investigation. You are no longer welcome on campus. If seen there, you will be arrested."

Richard was stunned.

Jane, who had decloaked a few minutes earlier, approached Aaron and said, "Enjoy your retirement, asshole. You'll never work in academia again."

Only stunned momentarily, Aaron resumed screaming expletives at anyone nearby.

Back in the tent, Carl and Sheila were having a difficult time with Debbie. Carl said, "We found out some information that we needed to share with you before you left for Italy. We don't think you would have enjoyed the trip."

She was frustrated by the intrusion. "What do you mean I wouldn't have enjoyed the trip? You better tell me fast, because I'm supposed to be out there with Richard and Dr. Finebaum."

Carl shook his head, "Debbie, Richard has been playing you. He isn't planning to give you a position on faculty this year, or maybe even next year. He was going to backfill positions that opened due to people leaving by bringing in new people. He didn't plan to actually create a new position for you until maybe next year. He wanted to string you along so that he could continue to use you sexually until you got your position. Trust me; it pained me and your mother to learn these things.

"He and Dr. Finebaum have been double-teaming Bunny. During one of their sex sessions, all three of them discussed pulling you into their group, convinced that you would be willing to swap with them to stay in line to land that position next year. It's all a big mess and because of the audio and video tapes we have, Dr. Finebaum and Richard are likely to be unemployed by this time on Tuesday."

Debbie was indignant, "I don't believe you. Did Rob set this up? Is he still angry at Richard? Or did Dean McVicar set all this up to try and make Dr. Finebaum look bad?"

Sheila said, "Actually, Debbie, Rob did send us the information, but your father's firm has verified everything, and it all checks out true. Rob did this to protect you, so that Richard couldn't hurt you any more than he already has. We've heard and seen the tapes. They are real."

As Debbie realized what they were saying and what was about to occur, she was distraught. Would she get to do her research in Italy? No. Would she still get a teaching position? Unlikely. Would she have ever gotten a teaching position? Who knows. What was worst of all, was the inescapable conclusion that she had destroyed her marriage for no good purpose. She gained nothing from the affair and lost everything; all because of that insufferable dickhead, Richard...and her stupid desire to trade her marriage for Richard's professional help. Ha. Some trade.

As the weight of her situation sunk in, she became furious. Turning and striding from the tent, she went to look for the asshole that had destroyed her life.

Finding Richard still stuck in the pillory, she lined up behind him, hauled off and kicked him hard in the balls with her pointy shoes. Richard immediately collapsed but was held in place by his head and hands being bound.

Carl caught up with her, and along with Sheila, ushered her away to their car before she got into any real trouble for attacking Richard.

Seeing the scene deteriorate, finally, someone from his entourage flagged down a campus security officer, who tried to restore some order. The officer attempted but could not figure out how to free the captives. After several minutes of this, he called the sheriff, who would bring a hacksaw to try and help.

Meanwhile, at the vehicle bridge over the river, the crossing guards began lowering unassisted and traffic was briefly stopped, while very large security bollards rose into place, preventing traffic from crossing in either direction. As word of this spread, concern began to rise amongst those that were parked on the fairgrounds side of the swollen river. An hour later, the bollards were still in place, and what was a trickle of cars lined up to escape, was now a torrent, with people angry about being held captive at the fairgrounds.

Once the sheriff arrived with a deputy, he walked the long distance to where the pillory was located with the hacksaw, while his deputy examined the bollards but couldn't figure out how to have them disengage and go back into the ground. He called another deputy to come and direct traffic away from the site. No cars were allowed past the pedestrian bridge, and generally unhappy people were turned away from what was normally a festive fair. Many were there to enjoy the fair during the day and the graduation that evening.

At the pillory, the Sheriff attempted to find a good place to begin sawing but realized that it was constructed in such a way that the two pillories in the center had no seams on which he could saw. It was designed in such a way that there didn't appear to be any exposed point where sawing would be easier.

Getting a bad feeling about this, he tried to saw between where Aaron's head and hand were captured. The saw didn't even scratch the metal. The only thing that happened was that the blade on the saw began wearing down. "Shit!" thought the sheriff. "This is going to take some real help to figure out how to get these guys out."

His first call was to the engineering school, but since it was the weekend and after their graduation, no one answered. The sheriff asked Aaron, "Do you know anyone at the engineering school?"

Aaron was incensed, "Call that bastard McVicar. He can fix this. He may have been the one behind it."

Someone from his entourage produced Aaron's phone and the sheriff called Harold. He received a voicemail indicating that the dean was enroute to Scotland and would return calls tomorrow. Damn. Now what? The sheriff called another sheriff in the county that contained the big city who promised to reach out and find someone that could help.

Given the spectacle the area was becoming, the sheriff and campus officer began telling people to go away. Neither of them had any idea how to free the three prisoners. The security officer called the head of campus maintenance, Neil, hoping he could help.

Another hour passed and when the head of maintenance showed up with his toolbox, he quickly told them that he had no idea how to free them, but he would call the maintenance supervisor for the engineering school and Rob to see if either of them could help. Unsurprisingly, neither were available and Rob's message also indicated that he was enroute to Scotland and wouldn't be available until tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Aaron was getting even angrier. Richard was now accusing Rob of being involved since both he and Harold were flying to Scotland. Aaron told him not to be ridiculous because a maintenance guy could never pull something like this off. This caused serious bickering between the two of them. Bunny was beginning to cry deep heaving sobs.

Another hour later the situation was becoming dire for Richard and Bunny, because biological functions, like going to the restroom, still needed to occur, but they were unable to leave. The same problem would eventually arise for Aaron, also.

By now the sheriff's office was trying to determine how to remove the bollards but couldn't, without jackhammering them free of their cement enclosures, which would take real construction equipment unlikely to be available until Monday. Many people had pulled their vehicles near the pedestrian bridge and walked away from the fairgrounds towards campus, furious.

Another hour had passed, and Bunny had peed herself. Humiliation couldn't begin to describe her feelings. She would never live this down. When a new deputy came on the scene, not knowing what had been attempted, he tried to lift up on the top piece of metal over Bunny. It was quite heavy, but it swung upwards, and Bunny was free. She ran towards the King's tent to call someone to come and meet her at the pedestrian bridge.

What no one at the fairgrounds knew was that the two pillories on the end were held closed by weak magnets and timers so people could be freed, but those in the center would lock into place upon closing, requiring the occupants, intended for Aaron and Richard, to be cut out.

With their pillories unable to open, Richard and Aaron's humiliation would not be ending so quickly. Clearly, they were going to be there for a while, and the sheriff called the local hospital to help make arrangements for care for them, but not before both men had urinated on themselves. When the sheriff called Jane to see if she would help, he expected her response which was "I hope he rots there."

Graduation had to be postponed several hours, with the provost hosting the ceremonies, instead of President Finebaum. The whole ordeal was a hardship for many families whose cars were stuck at the fairgrounds.

Gurneys were wheeled in and adjusted because Richard and Aaron wouldn't be able to stay on their feet the entire night. A nurse brought and changed them into adult diapers. Once lying in the gurneys, they were clothed in hospital gowns and covered in blankets. Their heads and skin were checked to ensure there was no real damage from the depilatory that removed parts of their hair. A makeshift tent was erected to protect them from the elements.

The sheriff got fed up listening to Aaron and Richard bicker and complain, so he had one of his deputies take over. A schedule for the next twenty-four hours was worked out between the sheriff's department and campus security to oversee the site.

News of their captivity and botched graduation spread across the south and pictures of them with their ridiculous looking hair and placards accusing them of their crimes spread on social media.

The next day, Harold and Rob called the sheriff and were puzzled by the story but were not in a position to assist since they were so far away. Were they aware of the pillories being built at the school? No. Absolutely not.

By Monday, they were still stuck, and experts from other universities and private companies had descended to try and find a way to cut them loose. Construction crews were jackhammering the bollards out of the ground so the bridge could be used, allowing the trapped cars to leave and providing passage for the equipment that would be needed to help free Richard and Aaron.

When the board met on Monday, they voted to fire Aaron for poor oversight of university expenses (direct approval of Richard's travel, which contained some hotel expenses which were not research related) and mismanagement of internal relationships within the university and externally with Unionville with which the university was forever linked. The board president became acting president until a search committed could locate, interview and hire someone for the position.

The board president's first action was to fire Richard for submitting expenses associated with his trip to Italy that were not clearly part of research activities and were outside the guidelines of the school. He hadn't even travelled and was submitting expenses for things that were prepaid; another school violation.

Harold reached out to a company that could likely help them with the cutting. The metal used in the construction of the pillory was so hard that it took specialized ceramic cutting tools three times longer to cut through the mysterious metal than Inconel 718, another very hard superalloy. Had they tried to go any faster, the metal would have heated to the point of burning their skin and the tools would have dulled very quickly. Also, the two captives' hearing and exposed skin had to be protected because serious industrial equipment had to be brought in for the cutting. Finally, the right speed for cutting the ultra-dense and hard metal was found and after ten solid days of cutting they were freed, the week of Memorial Day. Ultimately, it had taken two and a half weeks before Richard and Aaron were freed.