The following is a transcript of a taped interview I had with a young woman, Judy, who consented to the interview when she learned, from a friend of a friend of a friend, that I wrote and edited erotic literature. The words are Judy's; I have only edited out those details necessary to preserve her privacy and I have reordered some of the paragraphs to avoid non-sequiturs and to improve readability. The details that have been edited are noted by [brackets].
The primary interview lasted nearly 2 hours and took place in a local restaurant on September 3, 1999, and a brief follow-up interview, to answer questions I had after reviewing the initial transcript, took place over the telephone on October 4, 1999.
Judy is 38, attractive, nicely-dressed but comfortably so, and exudes a great deal of poise and intelligence. She looks like she'd fit in on Wall Street, at a charity event or at a PTA meeting. This is the first time that we have met. Before the interview began we spent an hour or so having lunch and making small talk so that Judy could make sure that she felt comfortable with me and my conducting the interview.
* * * * *
Paul: First, Judy, I want to thank you for granting me this interview.
Judy: It's my pleasure.
Paul: The ground rules are that I will hold your identity, or anything that might enable someone to determine your identity, in strict confidence, and we'll stop at any time if you feel uncomfortable or just want to stop for any reason. Okay?
Judy: Okay.
Paul: And you understand that I'm taping our conversation, but that I will only release a transcript of our conversation. I won't let anyone hear you voice.
Judy: I understand.
Paul: Good. Then let's begin. Would you start by telling me why you wanted to do this interview?
Judy: Well, first, I'm only doing the interview because you promised it would be published and I want to help other women out there from needlessly sacrificing their happiness like I almost did. I want women to know that if they keep strong and are patient, Prince Charming will come along, even if they have deep doubts that he ever will.
Paul: How did you almost sacrifice your happiness?
Judy: By getting married to a man who wasn't suited to me or my needs.
Paul: But you're married now, right?
Judy: To the most wonderful guy. His name is Ken.
Paul: Okay, so tell me, why is Ken so special.
Judy: Well, he's cute and he's kind and he's got a wonderful sense of humor. I also like that he's intelligent and a good provider and, of course, he loves me and I love him.
Paul: I'm happy for you. How long have you been married?
Judy: Six years. Seven next June 14th.
Paul: So how did you almost sacrifice your happiness?
Judy: By allowing society to dictate my standards for a husband, and for suggesting that what I wanted in a husband couldn't exist without my marrying some disgusting, coke-snorting, Times Square pimp.
For example, my college sorority was full of some of the most beautiful, but most compromising, girls I ever met.
In general, their primary qualification for a husband was that he was kind and that he made a good living. And when they found a suitable candidate, especially if it was their senior year, they'd play 'the game' to snag him.
For example, my junior-year roommate's standard for an acceptable man was simple, even if was a little more shallow than average. One, he had to be older than she was, two, he had to be taller than she was, and three, he had to be a doctor. By the way she preferred a doctor who had normal hours, like uh . . uhm, what do you call it, a skin doctor . .
Paul: A dermatologist.
Judy: Ya, a dermatologist, I couldn't think of the word. What was I saying? Oh ya. She preferred a doctor like a dermatologist who had normal hours rather than like a surgeon or an ER doctor with crazy hours.
She reasoned that tall, dark and handsome millionaires, who were tender lovers and faithful to their dying day were in short supply, and, therefore, that she was only being reasonable. If she loved him that was gravy. In return, she would be the perfect little wife, mother and homemaker.
Paul: Do you know what happened to her?
Judy: Ya, I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. She married one of the nicest guys I know: he's older than she is, taller than she is, and he's in med school. If only I were so easily satisfied.
Paul: He sound's like a catch. So why wouldn't you be satisfied with someone like him?
