Reshaping The Narrative
The four of us sat around the table in the bar and sipped our drinks, bullshitted, and talked about sports, the upcoming election, and women. Finally, Jacob looks at me and says in a slurred voice, " I hope you don't mind my saying, but your wife is one very hot piece of..., well, she is one fine looking lady," he said, revising his original thought.
I raised my glass and said I didn't mind. "I got to be honest," he said. "She makes my dick hard. Anyone ever had the guts to tell you that?" he asked, stumbling over his words because of the number of empty glasses in front of him.
"No," I said, "no one ever had the balls, or the lack of sense."  I gave him what I hoped was my toughest stare, then smiled, but he just shrugged it off and I smirked.
"No, I mean it. You should take it as a compliment," he mumbled. "I bet every one of your friends jacks off to thoughts of your old lady. I am just drunk enough to be honest. Every other guy here is thinking that, but I am the only one brave enough, honest enough, to tell you the truth straight out."
"Thanks," I said.
Then he turned to the others. "Be honest. Would any of you admit to wanting to fuck his chick?" No one spoke.
Later that night, after the others had gone, and Jacob had staggered off towards his car, David put his arm on my shoulder. "You showed a lot of class not punching his lights out tonight," he said.
"He was drunk," I said. "He didn't mean anything by it."
"He's right, you know. Every guy you know wants to fuck your wife," Dave said trying to be totally honest.
"You?" I said.
"I am as horny as the next guy," he said.
"Does that mean yes?" I asked.
"Well, how would you feel if a friend told you he did?" he said. "I mean, honestly, how would you feel. Pissed off or proud?"
"It would piss me off if a guy said he was going to try to fuck her. Just saying he'd like to, well nothing wrong with that, I guess," I said. "You going to try?"
"We been friends for years," he said. "I wouldn't do that."
"But you'd like to, right?"
"Any normal guy would," he said looking me straight in the eyes. "Any guy who doesn't like guys better," he said. "Let me ask you. Doesn't it give you just a little shot of pride to know other guys would give their left nut to fuck your wife? I mean, seriously, don't you get a bit of a charge to know she is that sexy to other guys?"
"Sure," I said.
"So, do you ever wonder if she does, I mean think of other guys?" he asked.
"No," I said, "because I know she does. She's told me," I said.
He looked at me for a long time without saying anything, processing what I had just said. "We tell each other everything," I said.
"You going to tell her what Jacob said?" he asked.
"No reason not to," I said.
"And what I said?"
"I tell her everything," I answered.
"And what's she going to say?"
"Probably. That's nice," I said.
"What if she says, 'Okay. I think I will try that.'"
"She might," I said.
"And if she does?"
"Then she will," I said. "She doesn't ever say she is going to do something without doing it."
"And if she does," he repeated.
"Then I'll ask her how she liked it," I said. I did not tell him I had actually seen her fuck another guy, that we had an open marriage. I didn't tell him that she has a "friend" that she sees about once every three or four months. I know it was mean to leave him dangling like that, but I was having just a little bit of fun with him. Eventually, I figured I would tell him, but I knew that may just freak him out.
He figured I was going to smash Jacob in the face for saying, or almost saying, she was a hot piece of ass, but she is, truly. I cannot argue with that.  Dave asked me if I was pissed at him for agreeing with a drunken Jacob. I told him no, that I wasn't even mad at Jacob for being so crass.  Then I tell him that Claire and I have a unique arrangement.