As God looked over the vast expanse before her she sighed, thinking of yet another infinity of nothingness, existing for little purpose and feeling mightily bored.
There had been a time when life had been full of fun and adventure but unfortunately that idiotic brother of hers had somewhat screwed things up down below and now she was restricted to a lonesome life in heaven with nothing but a few fluffy clouds and a couple of irritatingly pleasant angels for company.
The plan had been quite simple. Jesus was to descend to earth for a very straight forward research project that would determine exactly why bananas were bending so much. A simple task really but no, he had to get an ego when he was down there and before you knew it the self proclaimed messiah had put the whole world in turmoil causing floods, plagues, wars and all sorts of ridiculous things! When finally he returned, she had had to give him a seriously long lecture on the ethics of messing around with the minds of a fragile species. But unfortunately the damage was already done and at the next meeting of the Divine Council it was decided that earth was to be left to its own devices. With a bit of luck they will have forgotten all about it in a couple of thousand of years they mused.
So now God was left with only two of the original three planets she had had in charge. One was a blue planet that contained nothing but buttercups and the other a planet made of rock - and rock being rock there was little administration to be done there.
As God sat in her cloud contemplating her bleak future she was approached by one of the angels.
"Your divine holiness!" the angel sang.
"Oh for goodness sake, drop the notes!" God replied irritably.
"Your divine Holiness, Lucy is at the gates, she says it is urgent!"
"Well you'd better let her in then hadn't you?" God replied.
The sound of the gates creaking open resonated through out the clouds and in the distance, God could see Lucy floating towards her. Lucy was a particularly attractive divine being. She was tall and slender and had magnificent red curly hair that cascaded like waterfalls down her smooth back just reaching the curve of her lovely pert bottom. God always felt slightly uneasy when Lucy was around and wished she could put some clothes on now and then.
"Hi God! It's been ages - how have you been?" she asked.
"Oh you now, same as usual, there have been a few photosynthesis problems with the buttercups but that's about it really. How about you - have you recovered from your devil complex yet?"
Lucy winced and replied, "I wish you wouldn't keep bringing that up, it took centuries of psychoanalysis to get over that you know. And I still bear a grudge at that brother of yours for starting the whole thing!"
Given Lucy's stunning appearance and the fact that she was the only female divine being with a sex , she naturally attracted a lot of attention from the male divine beings and Jesus had been no exception. For millenia, he had pursued Lucy for himself but had never got anywhere at all with her. He was so frustrated and bitter about the whole affair that during his messiah campaign on earth he had decided to preach to the humans the "evil" of Lucy, the woman with the hair like fur and that if they did not obey him they would be sent to her hell of sexual frustration when they died. Of course over the years, Lucy-fur became Lucifer and the whole thing just got way out of hand. Anyway, the knowledge that a whole planet knew her as a devil had been quite an ordeal for Lucy to deal with.
"Yes I know. He's got a lot to answer for that Jesus. I still blame him for me having to look after buttercups for a living! Anyway, what goes? Why have you come?"
"Well," Lucy replied, "I've got some insider information about yesterday's Divine Council Select Committee meeting. Apparently they've decided to put earth back on the records and the job of running it will be up for grabs again!"
"You're joking," God replied, suddenly feeling quite dizzy.
"No, not at all. Apparently there are millions of people down there following the rules that that bloody Jesus laid down, the worst of all being that lust is a sin! The Divine Council has decided that this must be rectified so we're going to have to go back and teach them that sex is literally a gift from the divine ones and that they should use it as much as possible!"
"Goodness me, that's amazing!" God replied. "They'll have to give the job to you because you're the only female that has a sex so you'll be able to sort it out won't you?"
