Taking Beth Home

The wet little tongue in my ear would normally have caused my cock to throb a couple of times as it stroked in and out of the pussy belonging to the tongue's owner. That night, though, instead of being happily plugged in and stroking away, I had one arm around her waist and was trying to keep her from falling on her ass as we walked. The sidewalk that runs between Joe's Burgers and Barbecue and my apartment has some uneven spots and I didn't want to end up falling down with her. I'd have probably been OK if it that last Glenfiddich hadn't been catching up with me or if Audrey hadn't asked me to take the little blonde home.

Even that might have worked if the little blonde hadn't kept dodging my questions about what her name was and where she lived. The only thing I'd gotten so far was her first name, Beth, and some gropes around my crotch. I was pretty sure that Beth was really short for either Elizabeth or Bethany, or might not even be her real name, because she'd hesitated a little before giving me even that much.

The groping of my crotch would have been great too, if Beth had been sober enough to find what she was groping for. Her hand slid down the front of my jeans again and squeezed the pocketknife in my right front pocket.

"Mmmm...your dick is so hard...uh...what was your name again?"

"For the tenth time, I'm Jerry, and that's my pocket knife. You know, you could at least try to hold yourself up. You're getting heavy."

Beth giggled.

"Then you'll just have to lay me, won'tcha."

"You mean lay you down, and no, I'm not gonna lay you down right here on the street. I promised Audrey I'd take you home and that's what I'm gonna do...just as soon as you tell me where home is."

"I think I live with you."

"No, you don't. I'd remember something like that even if I wasn't half drunk. Now where do you live?"

Her voice was singsong.

"Not gonna tell you."

"OK, we'll try something else. What's your name?"

She leaned her head on my shoulder and a cloud of strawberry daiquiri vapors enveloped my face.

"Hi...I'm Beth."

"I know that much all ready. Beth what?"

There was that giggle again.

"I can't remember. Do you know what it is?"

Fuck, this was getting me nowhere except to the stairs to my apartment. They were just around the corner, right there between the laundromat and door to the little Chinese restaurant run by Herbie Chin and his wife Minnie. Yes, I know they don't sound Chinese, but they are. Minnie makes a kung pao chicken that will make your head sweat when you eat it...and again a day or so after you do.

Had I been able to get anything from Beth, or whatever her name really was, I still wouldn't have been able to take her there. The smooth, old scotch had kicked in just as I'd planned, and driving would have been a lot more than I was up for. If only Audrey hadn't been such a good friend...

It took a full five minutes to get her up the stairs and into my apartment because she kept trying to jack off my pocket knife. Once inside, I steered her through my office and into the little apartment.

"OK Beth, maybe you'll remember who you are and where you live in the morning. You can have the bed. It's down the hall and to the right. I'll take the couch."

"I have to pee."

"It's down the hall and to the left."

Beth draped her arms around my neck and breathed strawberry daiquiri all over me again.

"Wanna come show me?"

I gave up and walked her down the hall, opened the door, turned on the light, and pushed her in. She giggled.

"You can peek if you want. I don't care."

I just closed the door and walked back to my office. Most guys would have taken Beth to bed and fucked her silly. I couldn't do that. I had my professional reputation to think of. Well...my professional reputation wasn't all that professional, but it was still a reputation after all. I was just pouring a couple fingers of pale golden Glenfiddich in the jelly jar I use for a glass when I heard the bathroom door open.

"OK, I'm ready. Where do we sleep?"

Beth was naked, and even though she was having trouble staying upright, it was a very nice naked. Beth's breasts were a lot bigger than I'd thought, but that would be because the loose sweatshirt she'd worn was about two sizes too big for her. Her ass wasn't little, but I'd guessed her at a little over forty, and most women fill out quite nicely by that age. She'd filled out enough that between her round ass and the big breasts that bounced enticingly as she stumbled along, I was thinking of reconsidering our sleeping arrangements. The slender bare lips that peeked out under her shaved mound weren't helping either. Sometimes, it's hell staying professional.

I pointed a finger at her.

"You...are sleeping in my bed.

I pointed that finger at myself.

I...am sleeping on the couch."

Her lips got all pouty as she walked over behind me and leaned on the back of my chair. I felt a nipple poking me in the ear.

"Don't you like me? I like you."

"Yes, I like you, but you're too drunk."

There was that little giggle again.

"I'm not drunk...I'm just horny."

I sighed and stood up, and Beth would have fallen over backwards if I hadn't caught her.

"You may be horny, but you're too drunk to stand up by yourself and I don't take advantage of drunk women."

I walked her back to the bedroom, pulled back the blankets and sheet.

"Get your ass in there, and I don't want to see you until morning."

Beth frowned, but she got in the bed. I pulled the blankets up to her neck.

"Now, stay."

I needn't have told her that. I don't know if she passed out or just went to sleep, but she didn't hear me. I went back to my desk and finished off the scotch in my jelly jar, turned off the lights, and sacked out on my couch.

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You're probably thoroughly confused by now, so I'll explain.

My name is Jerry Madison, and I'm one of several private investigators in Nashville, Tennessee. Now, I don't have an actual office building with my name on a big sign out front. I'm more of a private, private investigator. I don't really advertise, except for that ad I have in the phone book, but I have some connections that get me enough business to pay the rent, keep a few snacks in the pantry along with a supply of very old, very smooth scotch.

What that really means is that the other PI's in town send me the jobs they don't want for some reason. I don't care as long as they pay the bills, though some of those jobs aren't really all that much fun. Still, I get to be my own boss, make my own hours, and live as I want. I do pick up the occasional job on my own, and those are usually fun.

I eat lunch out because I'm working and dinner is usually at Joe's. Gloria, Audrey's cook, makes a really mean cheeseburger, and if I get tired of them, her chicken breasts fill me up quite nicely. Gloria's own breasts are pretty great and her nice round ass is too, but we're just good friends, at least that's what she keeps telling me, so I've never had the pleasure. If I don't eat at Joe's, I stop down at the Chinese place and have Minnie fill one of her carry out boxes with the flaming concoction she calls kung pao chicken. She always throws in a few fortune cookies for free.

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That night, I'd stopped by Joe's for a cheeseburger and fries, and as usual, had stayed on for a bit watching Gloria and letting the scotch ease away the tensions of the day. I'd spent the day serving NTA's, notices to appear in court for some reason or other, and after the last one, I had some tension...well, I felt like a heel anyway.

Serving NTA's was one of the jobs most of the PI's in town didn't have time for and didn't like, so they passed them on to me. For a hundred bucks each, I took care of that, and they didn't have to send one of their guys running all over town trying to find a person who didn't really want to be found. Sometimes, it's an easy hundred. Other times...well that's why I felt like a heel.

She was a woman, and they're usually the hardest. Most people who are being served with an NTA know it's coming and try to avoid the official notification. Guys will hide out, but they usually look the same as the picture I get with the NTA, and they're not very good at staying away from the places they always go. It usually doesn't take long to find them, though they can get pretty pissed when they find out what's on the paper I hand them

A woman can change her appearance at the drop of a hat, and can go places where I'd look very out of place or couldn't go at all. They also stick together, so if her friend finds out what I'm up to, my target will find out faster than I can get to her. It can take a while to catch them, but once I do, they usually resign themselves to what's happening and I can just walk away.

Judy Martin had been slipping past me for two days. I almost had her in the drugstore where she worked, but I'd made the mistake of asking the checkout girl if Judy was at work. She said, "I don't think she is today". As I walked away, the girl was texting somebody, and all I saw of Judy was her tight little ass walking very fast through the parking lot in front. By the time I got to the minivan I use for surveillance, she was long gone.

I finally got her the next afternoon as she walked from her car to the store. She was a redhead instead of a brunette, and I figured the increase in her boobs was the result of a very well designed bra. Her eyes filled with rage when I handed her the summons.

"That bastard. He was getting parking tickets all over town in my car, and I didn't know until last week when I found them in the trash. I kicked him out, but I still have to pay the fines. They can take my license, did you know that?"

Her eyes filled with tears.

"Either that, or take some of my pay. He ran my credit card up too, and I can't afford both."

Well, I felt bad for her, and was still feeling bad when Audrey set my third scotch down in front of me.

"Bad day?"

I told her the story and Audrey sighed.

"Been there once. Not again. This girl's living alone from now on because of an asshole like that. If I need a man..."

Audrey slapped my playfully on the shoulder.

"Don't look at me with that gleam in your eye, Jerry. We're just good friends, remember? Anyway, if I ever need a man, which I don't, I'll take him to a cheap hotel for the night. No man's getting into my place again. Once they do, getting them to move out is like getting rid of roaches."

Audrey patted my arm.

"Don't feel too sorry for her, Jerry. She'll be OK. It'll take her a while, but she'll get it together in a year or so, and she'll be smarter, not like Blondie over there."

I saw the woman I would soon know as Beth sitting by herself at the bar and nursing her drink.

"She have a bad boyfriend too?"

"Damned if I know, but she's been here for three hours and six strawberry daiquiris, and I'm not serving her any more. She can barely sit on the stool by herself now. I offered to call her a cab, but she just asked if there were any guys here who'd like to sleep with her. You're used to getting information from people. Go find out where she lives and take her home. She's not in any condition to think for herself and I know you won't try anything, which is more than I can say for most of the guys who come in here."

I finished my scotch before walking over and sitting beside Beth.

"Audrey thinks it's time you went home, Honey."

"Probably is, but I'm still looking."

"Looking for what?"

"A guy to screw me tonight. You interested?"

I looked at Audrey and she waved goodbye. The woman seemed determined to find what she wanted, so I played along a little.

"I'd rather take you home and talk about it there."

She grinned.

"Let's go."

I picked her up after she slid off the barstool and fell on her ass. She giggled.

"Somebody moved the floor."

"Yeah, they do that to me sometimes too. What's your name, Honey."

"Uh...You can call me Beth."

"Let's get you home, Beth."

Well, that was what led up to her being passed out naked in my bed, and me trying to sleep on a couch with busted springs.

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One of those busted springs woke me up with a poke in the ass. I knew it was morning, because there was some light coming through the window of my office. I got myself rearranged so the spring wasn't poking me any more and was almost asleep again when I heard the loud moan coming from my bedroom. I got up, waited for the room to stop spinning around, and then walked down the hallway.

Beth was curled up in a fetal position on top of the blankets and holding her head. I chuckled.

"Hurts like hell, doesn't it?"

Her eyes flew open in alarm, then slammed shut again because of the light.

"Who are...where..."

"I'm Jerry, remember, from Joe's...last night...you were pretty drunk and I brought you here because you wouldn't tell me where you live?"

She groaned.

"No, I don't, and stop yelling at me."

"I'm not yelling. You don't drink much, do you?"

"No, and you're still yelling. Stop it. Why is it so cold in here?"

"Well, it's November and you're not under the blankets. You're also pretty naked."

Beth felt her bare breasts and her smooth, naked hips, and then groaned again as she tried to pull enough of the blanket up to cover herself.

"Did we...I mean, you did use something, didn't you?"

I laughed.

"No, we didn't, although you seemed to want to pretty bad. You took off all your clothes and tried to seduce me, but all I did was put you in bed by yourself. I slept on my couch."

"Oh, God...my head's gonna fall off."

"No it won't. Mine never has, anyway. We just need to get some coffee and half a dozen aspirins in you and then get you some breakfast. By tonight, you'll probably feel almost half-alive again. Come on, get up and get dressed. I always like pancakes after this happens to me."

"Where are my clothes?"

"In the bathroom, right across the hall."

I was halfway through my cup of coffee when Beth crept into my office like she was walking on raw eggs. She hadn't done much with her hair. The blonde waves were still the tangled mess I'd seen splayed out on the pillow. It looked like her sweatshirt was on backwards too. She eased down in the chair opposite mine, and her voice was a soft croak.

"You said you had coffee?"

"Cream, sugar, or black?"

"Black."

I set the steaming cup down in front of Beth, and she lifted it gingerly with both hands. After a couple of shaky sips, she set it back down.

"You must keep this stuff in a cage. It's strong enough to run off if you don't."

"Part of the cure, Beth." I put six aspirins beside her cup. "Now, take your medicine like a good girl."

She swallowed them in two's with a sip of coffee each, then sagged back in the chair.

"Oh, God, I haven't been this hungover since college."

"You'll feel better with some food in you. There's a pancake house a couple of blocks from here. Uh...you need to fix your sweatshirt first, and maybe straighten out your hair a little.

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I felt pretty good after my double stack. Beth seemed to be feeling better too, at least she smiled a little.

"How much did I have to drink last night?"

"Audrey said you'd had six strawberry daiquiris. That's a lot for a small woman like you."

Beth laughed, then winced a little.

"Ah...head is still pounding. I'm not all that little...but I guess I showed you all that, didn't I?"

"You weigh what, hundred five, maybe ten, and you're five three? That's not very big."

"Five-two and a half...and one fifteen. You missed the five in my big butt. How'd you know that anyway, how tall I am and how much I weigh?"

I shrugged.

"Your height was easy. I'm six-two. The top of your head comes up to just about my shoulder. Your weight...well, I had to help you up last night, so I know you're not very heavy. You're small boned, at least I remember you that way from last night. One ten is about average for your height. I'm a PI, a private investigator, and it sometimes helps to know how to do that."

She almost smiled, but then winced again.

"So, what else did you learn about me last night?"

"Well, you're about forty, give or take, or else you spend a lot of time in the sun...the little crowsfeet at your eyes tell me that. You're married or have been recently. There's a little shiny spot on your ring finger that tells me you've worn a ring for a while, and I think you've had one child. You uh...you have a couple stretch marks...down low, and I don't think you've ever been fat enough for that to be the reason."

"Forty five, actually. I'm still married, but I'd like not to be so I took off my rings, and one daughter. She's twenty two now and married too."

"I have to ask, Beth. Why the binge and why...well, I usually don't have women trying to get me into bed. I'm not that great a catch."

"Could we go back to your apartment before I tell you that. It's not something I really want anyone else to hear."

I put on another pot of coffee while Beth used the bathroom, and had two steaming cups on my desk when she came out. Beth sat down, took a sip and then told me.

"I guess I wanted a little revenge. The drinks were to get my courage up enough to do it. You've probably heard this a thousand times because it's what you do a lot, I imagine. I think Harvey is messing around on me. He hasn't touched me in years."

I shrugged.

"It happens, and I do that sort of investigation, not a lot, but enough. Ever talk to him about it?"

"No, but he leaves his office every Friday night and doesn't come home until Sunday afternoon. He used to work every Saturday, and I thought that was just what he had to do to get ahead, but nobody works all day and night every weekend."

I started the standard spiel I always give people who think their spouse is cheating. I can't see separating people from their money when there's not good reason for their suspicion.

"Has he seen a doctor? Sometimes men can't get...can't perform and they'd rather not try than admit it."

"He doesn't have a problem with that. He's always hard in the morning. He just won't let me do anything with him."

"Any money troubles, problems at his job, sometimes that can cause it."

"We're not rich, but we're comfortable, and he keeps getting promoted so I don't think he has any issues at work, unless it's a woman from there."

"Well, I don't know then. Maybe there is something going on."

"You could find out for me, couldn't you? How much would you charge?"

"I get three hundred a day plus expenses."

"How long would it take?"

"Probably a week at most, unless he's very good at hiding where he goes and when."

"I want you to do it, on one condition. I want to come with you."

"I don't think that's a good idea. It can get pretty boring."

"Would fifty dollars a day more keep you from getting bored with me?"

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That Friday afternoon, I parked the minivan a block away from the office building where Harvey worked. Beth was in the back, behind the darkened windows. I didn't want Harvey to see her and get spooked. A little after five, the taillights on an SUV flashed twice, and a man opened the door and got in. Beth tapped me on the shoulder.

"That's him. That's Harvey."

I started the minivan and waited for Harvey to pull out of the parking lot. He was pretty easy to follow, signaling every turn he made and never running a light. I drove past the little white house a couple miles outside the city limits when Harvey pulled in the drive and then parked my minivan a block away. Beth joined me in the front seat.

"You get the address, Beth."

"Yes. Ten thirty seven Edgewood Drive."

"Recognize the house?"

"No. I've never been out here before."

"Well, now we find out who lives there."

I pulled my cell phone from the case and pressed the icon for the browser. It loaded in a few seconds. In a few more, I was signed on to the database I subscribe to and typing in the address. A little circle rotated for a while, and then a name appeared in a little box in the center of the screen.