I don't know if I should be telling you this or not, but this thing has been burning inside me. I really need to tell someone.
I have an older brother, which I idolize. Even though he was 6 years older, he was my friend, protector, and confidant - I was one of those baby surprises. Brad ended up in NY working for a fashion photographer. At the end of my senior year of high school, my parents sent me to my brother's place so I could check out some of the colleges. They thought that if I liked one of the schools I could stay with Brad and they could skip the cost of room and board.
Although he was shooting for a studio downtown, Brad had his own photography studio in the old house he was renting. He would ask me to help him when he was shooting nudes so that there would be another girl in the studio. When I told Brad that I thought his models were gorgeous, he just said that was why he was photographing them. He then said that I had nothing to be ashamed of that I was as good looking as they were. I told him that if he really thought that then would he shoot me. He just laughed and said no - he would stick to the models.
I couldn't stop thinking about shooting myself so after he went to work downtown I set up the studio the same way he had it for the last boudoir shoot, set the camera on remote and stripped. Climbing into the bed and pulling the sheet up around me, I started shooting with the remote trying to recreate the same poses from his last shoot. It was a rush, as the lights would flash each time I took a picture. Soon I was posing fully naked and shooting every angle I could think of. Problem was that before I could finish I heard Brad come in the front door and go upstairs while talking on his phone. I hurried off the bed, turned off the camera and lights and ran and into another room with my clothes and dressed. When he came downstairs, I asked why he was home early. He said he needed the camera in the studio and before I could say anything, Brad got the camera I was using and left. I was so anxious the whole day waiting for Brad to come home. I was in the kitchen staring at a box of spaghetti when he came home. He called me into the living room, sat me down on the couch and started to yell. He was furious! I kept hearing the same things over and over.
How could you be so stupid? Why would you let me leave with a camera filled with nude photos? Worst yet, my sister - shit! What were you thinking?
Brad had never yelled at me, at least not like this, and I had not thought about what would happen if anyone saw the pictures. As I sat there watching him yell at me the tears started streaming down my face. All I could say was how sorry I was. After what seemed forever, Brad sat down on the couch next to me and when I leaned into him, he wrapped his arms around me and held me without saying a word.