Author's note- Not to be taken too seriously, this started as a very short "stroke piece" but got a little out of hand. Hope you enjoy nonetheless and consult a doctor before attempting any of the therapies contained herein.
*
In mid-conversation on a video call, Mom acknowledged my return home with a wave of her hand, and I tried to remain quiet as I entered the kitchen seeking some after-school refreshments.
"So, as I said, give the magnesium and zinc a go; keep up the vitamin B12 and calcium. Of course, stay active and we'll see how we've progressed in... shall we say, two months?" The woman my mother was talking to posed and assuming her to be a doctor, I was glad I'd come home at the end of the telehealth appointment, not during.
"Great Doctor, thank you. I'll arrange an appointment then," Mom ended the call, and feeling her eyes on me, I gave her my attention as I emptied the fridge of food and drinks. "You're going to eat us out of house and home," she giggled as she typed something on her laptop.
"Hah," I laughed, nodding toward the computer and alluding to the appointment. "All good?"
"Oh, fine," Mom dismissed my concern with another wave of her hand. "Just my usual aches and pains. Nothing for you to worry about," she added as she studied whatever she was looking at on the screen. "My goodness vitamins are expensive," she said, more to herself.
"Everything's expensive these days," I casually remarked and left her to her own devices, heading off to my room with the spoils of war.
*
It was early evening and post-dinner when Mom again raised the subject of her doctor's appointment and in the process of doing the dishes, I was a captive audience as she accosted me, wine in hand.
"I was shocked at the price they're asking for simple supplements these days," Mom leaned against the benchtop, and I had to politely nudge her aside to place the dinner plates back in the cabinet.
"Oh yeah?" I engaged, admittedly disinterested.
"I just can't justify the expense at the moment," she continued. "We're stretching the budget as it is," she added, and I felt a twinge of guilt at the effects of my appetite on the household spending.
"Well, I'll see if I can't get a few more shifts at the supermarket if that'll help Mom," I proposed. "They need more people to pick the online orders."
"Oh goodness no Honey," Mom refuted the idea. "I don't want you working all hours. You need to concentrate on your studies. No... we'll make do," she tapered off and I once more had to request her to move, as her butt pressed up against the cutlery drawer. "Oh, silly me. Getting in the way again," she laughed, and I couldn't deny she was behaving stranger than usual, even with the advent of alcohol, equally strange for a worknight.
"Well, whatever I can do," I again offered, hanging the tea towel up to dry, and by the look on Mom's face as I prepared to leave the room, I could see she had something else to say. "What?" I paused and she pursed her lips, stifling a smile.
"Oh, it's nothing," she swatted away my concern, taking another sip from the wine glass.
"Okay!?" I made to turn and again paused as her eyes remained on me, her anxiety or eagerness palpable. "Seriously, what is it?" I questioned her and she laughed.
"Oh, it's silly," she shook her head. "Just something I discovered this afternoon. Online," she elaborated.
"Oh yeah?"
"Well. It's so funny actually... you'll laugh," she determined, and I was admittedly becoming curious as to what she was building toward. "It's all about those vitamins you see. I don't know if you were there, but my doctor recommended I take some certain supplements."
"Yeah, I heard," I admitted. "Vitamin C or something wasn't it?"
"Well, it's funny you say that because Vitamin C IS something else that's apparently in it."
"In what?" I asked and she didn't immediately answer.
"Along with magnesium; zinc; calcium; B12," she continued listing vitamins, as I began to tune out and she could obviously see my waning interest. "In semen!" She enthusiastically proclaimed and her face began to blush.
"What?" I made sure I'd heard her correctly.
"Uh-huh," she nodded and headed to the fridge where she refilled her glass with white wine. "Crazy, isn't it? That's what's so funny. Basically, everything my doctor suggested I take, is in human semen!"
She took that moment to turn back toward me and it was now I that began to redden.
"Um, yeah," I offered under her searching gaze. "That's weird. I didn't know... I guess," wondering why indeed she'd informed me.
"You're right Honey, it IS weird," she agreed and took a larger-than-normal draught from her glass, noticeably swallowing. "Weird that I'd discover that, right when we were here talking about finances and the cost of everything."
Her eyes remained on me, and I felt it wasn't the end of the conversation.
"Well, as I said Mom, whatever I can do to help... those extra shifts are..."
"Do you mean that Baby?" Mom interrupted.
"What?" I questioned and she paused before she responded.
"I meant what I said earlier Darling. I don't want you working extra shifts," she crossed the kitchen to place her glass on the benchtop. "But you can still help..." she breathed in deeply. "Have you..." she struggled to voice before fully turning toward me and confidently speaking. "Darling, have you been masturbating lately?"
They weren't words I thought I'd ever hear her say and I felt a little lightheaded as I processed her query.
"What?" I whispered.
"Masturbating," she repeated. "I know you've done it in the past," and here she threw up her hand. "Don't get me wrong Honey, there's nothing wrong with it. It's natural for a boy your age. I was just wondering if you're still..." and she finally faltered.
My face burned and I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat.
"Mom... I..."
"Look, all I'm saying is if indeed you're... well. If you need to... you know. You could possibly save it. And, well as I said, the price of vitamins being as they are, I could... well, make use of it. Somehow."
I was hearing her correctly. Mom wanted me to jerk off, save the cum, and give it to her to, what... consume? The world had just exploded.
