[cis+trans les, futa, BE, AMA, hyper]
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It was a bittersweet August day as Christine and Angela drove their daughter Nikki to her first semester of college. The pair of women in their late forties were complete contrasts of each other. Christine, with her long curly silver-blonde hair, was clad in a sundress and knee high boots like she was off to a hippie music festival. Angela looked like she had just gotten back from a productive golf course business meeting in her khaki slacks and pastel polo, her dark hair shimmering with red to hide the gray.
They had decided to drive up in one car over two, their hands nervously rubbing against each other on the center console. It was not long ago that being this close for even just an hour would have become a shouting matchβand they had been in the car for nearly three. Over the last year though, between all the college visits and prep, the wound between them had finally become a shiny scar in a relationship that defied classification.
"This makes me nostalgic, you know?" Angela said into the silence between songs from Nikki's playlist. "It feels like just yesterday we met in Klarsen's lit class."
"Yeah, things were really different for kids going to college then. No laptops, no cell phones. It almost makes me wish I could do it now."
"You probably would have been out sooner. We could have been girlfriends!" She laughed and playfully punched Christine's arm.
"You're probably right. I don't think Chris would have been the one to graduate. Hell, the way things are now, Chris might have never made it out of high school."
"Were you really sure about your identity that far back? I mean, I won't doubt if you were, I just feel like you started to think about it after we got together."
"No, you're right. Honestly, it's hard to figure out if even the me I am now would have happened had I been exploring before I met you. Either way, I didn't really figure out who I was until we had an eight year old daughter."
There was a pregnant pause as the scar on their relationship throbbed. Even now, after years of acceptance, talking about Christine's transition made Angela's face tighten.
"I knew it was a possibility when I married you and I've made my peace about your decision," Angela paused.
"But?"
"But I wish we could have been more of a te-"
"MORE of a team?" Christine glanced away from the road to shoot her a withering glance. "Angie, there were happily married couples who spent less time together with regards to their kid's life."
"Sure but,-"
"No buts," she said, banging the steering wheel. "Nikki growing up with two moms, who lived in across town from each other, meant she ended up being raised in two homes, by two people who had to be committed to making sure our issues did not affect her life."
Angela fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. "I...I guess. I just wish I had reacted better."
Christine sighed and bit her lip. This was a conversation that had been hashed and rehashed all summer during college visits. It never went anywhere and it became just the two of them feeling guilty.
"Look, I'm sorry that I didn't transition sooner. I wasn't...well, you know...and I wanted us to have a family."
A corner of Angela's mouth twitched. "And I appreciate that. I almost wish I had pushed you harder back then, when you first started questioning."
"I probably wouldn't have ever started questioning had you not. I probably never would have started fantasizing about you getting me pregnant had we not gotten to the point where you were always topping me."
"Not that you complained, then."
They spent the next hour recalling escapades from their college days and arguing about the particulars until Nikki woke up and told them she really did not need to hear intimate details about her moms fucking. Thankfully they arrived at campus shortly after and the next couple hours were occupied with carrying things up to Nikki's new living space. There was a quick tour and lunch but, soon enough though, it was time to leave.
"Don't do anything we wouldn't," Christine said from the open driver-side door.
"I promise not to raise a demon, go on a murderous rampage, or hack a foreign government but, that's about the extent I can guarantee," Nikki said with a grin.
"Just keep us in the loop," Angela added. "I don't want to come up for a visit and find out then that you had something like butt implants or a snake tattooed onto your face."
"I'll tell you about face snakes and butt expansions the moment they happen."
There were hugs and kisses, and then, two parents watched their daughter spread her wings as they pulled away from the curb. They were quiet on the drive back with Angela leaning on the door as if trying to be as far away from Christine as possible. It made sense to her in a way, today was really the last day they had any real reason to see each other. She was sure they would finally drift apart now.
"Do you want to come over for dinner?" Angela asked out of the blue as they pulled off the highway for the last thirty minutes of drive into town. "I'm not sure if you had plans but, I figured maybe we could talk about where we go from here over pizza."
"Sure, I would like that."
The pair of them haggled over toppings. Angela called the pizza place in town. The pizza would be there about the same time they were. When they arrived, Angela's apartment was filled with boxes.
"I figured I would downsize since it was just me now," she said in response to Christine's raised eyebrows.
"Ah, makes sense and I guess Nikki can stay with me on breaks."
"I figured you would not complain."
Just then, there was a knock on the door and the pizza arrived. The pair stood in the kitchen around the island and ate over the Formica counter top. "So, where will you go if you're downsizing?"
"Actually, I was hoping maybe I could move in with you."
Christine choked on her bite of pizza. "You want to run that by me again?"