Matthew took a seat in the waiting room, and then moved to a seat by the window. The room seemed far too warm, but he knew it was really the 100 milligrams of Viagra he'd taken just before he left home. He also knew (or at least thought) that his face was flushed and people would be looking at him wondering what was wrong.
He tried to distract himself with the large screen TV placed there for that purpose. But the minute by minute, in-depth analysis was still all about the continuing America vs China row. And even though the events were taking place 249 million miles away on Mars, it was still a petty dispute about who's solar cells were obscuring who's. For the hundredth time, maybe the thousandth time, he wished he'd just bought his Viagra off the internet. Everyone did it, it was perfectly safe. But there were always the rumours that sometimes the off brand medications were bulked out with whatever came to hand, and Matthew's job called for random drug tests. The first time he took a test, and they found something extra in his blood would be the last time and he'd be out of a job the same day.
A week ago it had all seemed so easy. He'd submitted his regular request for his routine anti-virials, and of course his Viagra. The anti-virials had been approved automatically, but the Viagra was flagged
medication review
required
and rejected. But that was still perfectly normal, and he made an appointment, chatted to the Nurse as she took his blood pressure (and looked away as she took a blood sample). But then the Nurse had frowned at his results and asked him to wait while she downloaded his data to a doctor.
The doctor was male, elderly and didn't look happy. "Your latest blood pressure results were far too high. We'll need to do some more tests before we can approve the Viagra."
"The figures were only a little bit high, can't we let this one slip?"
The doctor pressed his palms together as if praying and then pulled them apart slowly stretching out a hologramatic graph. He turned the sheet of light towards Matthew so he could see the spiky yellow line that ran across it. "These are your results since you became a patient here. And it's been
a little bit high
every single time." He made a throwing motion, and the graph vanished. "You're 62 now?"
Matthew nodded.
"That's not a good age to have a history of high blood pressure in conjunction with a medication that is known to have a noticeable effect on blood pressure. With an already high reading continued use of Viagra may be inadvisable,"
"Isn't there anything else you could prescribe?"
"Of course! Viagra is the oldest medication available, there are far more recent solutions for erm erectile dysfunction. But they all work in much the same way with much the same effect on the cardiovascular system. And moreover at 62 we really should be checking your prostate at regular intervals. I think we should schedule an in-use-test." He looked meaningfully at Matthew. Saw his blank expression and frowned. "You have had an in-use-test before?"
"No,"
"No" he echoed with a surprised look and tapped at the Slate that held Matthew's medical records. "Ah, you became a patient here before it became mandatory for new joiners." He looked down at his hands, suddenly fascinated by the way his fingers knit together.
"What we'll need you to do is make an appointment, and about an hour before take your normal dosage of Viagra. When you get here you'll be wired up to collect the required data and shown to a room as private as your bedroom where erm, materials will be provided to help you erm perform. In this way we'll be able to see the effects of Viagra erm in use. As it were,"
"You mean you want me to come here and get an erection!" Matthew said disbelievingly.
"And preferable ejaculate," the doctor said briskly. "So we can really see how the Viagra pushes your blood pressure."
"but ... but can't you wire me up, I'll go home and you can download the data later,"
The doctor looked up. "We used to allow this, but it turned out that some of our patients, particularly our older patients, were so keen to get their prescription that they were going home, taking a brisk walk around the block and then telling us what a wonderful time they'd had. For insurance purposes an in-use-test has to be performed here."
"Isn't there any alternative?"