Anya stood outside the Heavenly Temple restaurant, looking up at the faΓ§ade. It was a strange building to be sure, a mosaic of colourful swirls that must've taken ages to assemble, so very unlike the monochrome blocks the rest of the street was filled with. But apparently, that was the shen tian for ya. The strange aliens had only introduced themselves to the galactic council a few years back, and everyone was still trying to figure them out, but "colourful" and "swirly" did seem to be a big part of their modus operandi.
They were fairly big -- or bigger than humans, anyway -- and resembled nothing so much as an octopus, with their bodies being made up primarily of long, sinuous limbs that could change in both colour and texture at the blink of an eye. They did also have a bulbous head to connect all the limbs, though it was perfectly possible that they only kept it on top and head-shaped in order to be courteous, and not because they needed to.
Despite their slightly disconcerting appearance, however, the worlds at large had welcomed the shen tian, and already they'd been allowed to settle on other planets, and were considered a positive addition to any neighbourhood. They were a very religious people, but not missionary, and were incredibly polite in all situations, even hostile ones, if a bit long-winded.
And now, a few of them had set up a restaurant in Anya's town. Anya had been very sceptical at first (frankly, she was still sceptical), and when a bunch of her friends decided to check the place out, she refused to come along. What sort of aliens started their visit by serving up food, anyway? How well had they researched what was even safe for other species to eat? All the pictures on their menu looked all weird and slimy and wrong. Food was
not
supposed to be that shade of purple.
But her friends had come back from their test run and praised the place sky-high, insisting again and again that she simply had to try it. Again and again, Anya refused. But every time she got a little more curious. And now she was here. Alone, though -- no way was she going to let her friends be there if she ended up loving it as much as they did. There'd be no end to their gloating.
Hesitantly, she opened the door in front of her. Inside was a long corridor, its walls covered in the same colourful, swirly mosaic as the outside. Anya stared at it and started to feel dizzy. This was a bad idea. She should just turn around and go home. She should-
"May her obedient servant help the exalted guest with anything? Does she require a table?"
The voice made Anya startle, not in the least because it seemed to be coming from inside her own head. Ahead of her in the corridor, a shen tian stepped into view. Well, "step" wasn't quite the word for it. Slid? Glided? Scuttled?
It stared at her with a single eye. Anya knew its second eye was at the exact opposite side of its head, but that didn't make its cyclopean gaze any less disturbing. She knew, too, that they were telepathic, and didn't have a mouth, or vocal cords, or any other way of speaking, but knowing it was very different from experiencing it.
This had definitely been a bad idea.
"You know, I think I'll just... maybe some other time," she said, haltingly stepping back and starting to close the door.
"The exalted guest is always welcome in the Heavenly Temple," said the voice in her head. "Her obedient servant looks forwards to making her acquaintance, and ardently hopes she will deign to grace her obedient servant with her presence again at her earliest convenience."
Okay, wow. When people said these guys were polite, they weren't kidding. Maybe she was being too hasty? She bit her lip, and maybe the shen tian sensed her hesitation, for it spoke in her head again.
"May her obedient servant interest the exalted guest in a sample? Perhaps she would agree to try the discount for initial visitations?"
"Oh," said Anya, "well, um..." The lure of free samples and discounts was too much. Plus, she was still very curious. And a little hungry. Maybe coming here had been a bad idea, but... it couldn't possibly be
that
bad.
"Yeah, okay."
"Her obedient servant is overjoyed at these turns of events, and would humbly escort the exalted guest to her first table, if that sounds agreeable to her."
"Sure," said Anya, who was starting to think that as creepy as it'd been at first, the shen tian's voice was really very nice. If they'd started making audiobooks instead of serving weird-looking food, she'd have been all over them ages ago. Though telepathic audiobooks might be a bit difficult to accomplish.
"What do you mean with
first
table, though? Like, because it's my first visit?"
"Ah, no," explained the shen tian in its lovely voice, "her obedient servant apologises for the inconvenience, but things are done a little differently at the Heavenly Temple than what the exalted guest might be used to. If it pleases the exalted guest, each dish here is served on a table specifically suited for it, and it pains her obedient servant to inform her that she will have to move several times if she is to enjoy a full course. Her obedient servant hopes the exalted guest will be forgiving if this offends her."
"Oh, no, that's okay," said Anya, though it did sound weird as hell. Her poor waiter sounded so anxious, though, she really didn't want to say anything to upset it. And a little exercise between meals couldn't possibly hurt.
"Her obedient servant is tremendously relieved. May her obedient servant suggest that the exalted guest begins with an appetizer?"
"Um, okay," said Anya, and then quickly added, feeling that she was being pretty rude, "I mean, that sounds lovely."
"Her obedient servant is delighted," said the shen tian, and scuttled on. Its backwards-facing eye hadn't stopped looking at her this entire time, but the longer she looked at it, the less weird Anya found it. Really, the way it moved on all those tentacly limbs was kind of cute. And its gaze was as polite as its speech. Besides, what else was it supposed to look at? It must've seen those swirly mosaics a thousand times before. Thankfully, she was getting used to them, too, and wasn't feeling so dizzy anymore, just... slightly fuzzy. Almost like she was the tiniest bit drunk. It was nice.
They came around a bend in the corridor, and rooms started opening up on either side of them. Her waiter -- or obedient servant, she supposed -- took her into the very first one, to her slight disappointment. She would've liked peeking into the other ones before arriving at their destination. Getting a better idea of what this place was like. On the other hand, perhaps it was best not to look at too many winding mosaic corridors. While they were extremely pretty (how could she ever have thought otherwise?), something about them were making her sooo hungry...
The room was of medium size and empty but for the two of them, and reminded Anya somewhat of a bar. At least, there were several bar stools standing all along the long wall, right next to a sort of table at bar height, although it wasn't really a table so much as a shelf, or a part of the wall, and instead of room for bartenders on the other side, there was no other side, just the wall. In front of each stool there was a hole in the bar top, about the size of a small plate. There was no sign of any food.
"What flavours delight the exalted guest?" asked the shen tian.
"Huh?" said Anya, moving her gaze from the mosaic bar top to her waiter's big, bright eye. He courteously repeated the question.
"Um," said Anya, "I guess I have a bit of a sweet tooth?"
The shen tian extended one of its limbs to her and looped it lightly around her arm. Anya shivered at the touch, though it was warm and smooth and really quite pleasant, and allowed herself to be pulled over to one of the stools. Once she'd taken her seat the shen tian let go of her again, and her skin immediately missed the contact. It rapped its tentacle against the surface of the bar, and immediately a... thing... rose up out of the hole in front of her.
It was a sort of tube, or cable, about as thick around as her wrist, with a tiny hole at the end, which was rounded off. It seemed to be made of some sort of plasticy material, and coloured chocolate brown with a swirly white and light brown pattern, like milk poured into a latte.
"What is it?" said Anya, confused. Maybe a tap of some sort? But where were the glasses?
"It is a straw," said the shen tian. "The exalted guest may put it inside her mouth and it will feed her."
"Uh," said Anya, staring at the supposed straw. "Straws are supposed to be about as thick as my finger. This is... a bit much."
"Her obedient servant must apologise that the heavenly temple cannot provide the satisfactory amenities that she was expecting. If the exalted guest would prefer to leave, her obedient servant will do everything in its power to make her happy, even if it means removing her pleasant visage from its ocular range."