Brash and the Schrodinger Snare

Was there anything better in this grazy galaxy (the g makes it alliterative!) than being petted by your vampire fiancee while shapeshifted to look like a super fluffy kitten? Yes! And that would be being petted by your vampire fiancee while shapeshifted to look like a super fluffy kitten while your friendly neighborhood space princess gives you exposition and also you have hot chocolate. I nosed at the cup, not wanting to shift into a form that could drink from it yet, even as Cindi took her seat in the cozy sitting room in her Ravenloft mansion.

"So," Cindi said. "You said you were going to tell us more about the Quantum Hoard. We have..." She checked her wrist, which had one of those fancy Apple watches that sometimes said things

other

than time. Like hello! "...about a week until we arrive at Junkstar and more people start shooting at us."

Kira sighed, brushing her fingers through her hair. She was holding her cup and looking very glowy and happy. Almost like a certain dragon had snuggled her! Which was weird and silly because I hadn't snuggled her. But then again, I was a kitten currently, and maybe I was emitting a low level snuggle-field. Like a chunk of radium!

"Where to start..." she said, clicking her tongue.

"You could start with an explosion!" I said, excitedly.

"Start with an orgy," Alex chimed in, proving that she was indeed the perfect wife. I beamed and floofed up aggressively.

"An orgy

explosion

!" I said.

"Ooh, noice," Alex said, then tapped her finger against my paw as a little paw-five.

Kira laughed, shaking her head, while Cindi made a face. "Wouldn't an orgy explosion just be tragic?" she asked, sipping her hot coco. "Like, all the naked people would be dead."

I looked horrified. Alex, though, swooped in: "Not if they're mega-damage capacity creatures. Like..." she paused. "Me! And Brash!" She nodded, sagely. "And Bubbleyum."

"You mean P90?" Kira asked.

"Yeah," Alex said, grinning. "Because she's made of bubblegum and she's

hot

."

Kira sent her a

look

. It was the look of a serious dwarf princess giving a silly vampire princess a serious talking to using only her eyeballs. Alex, meanwhile, shot back with a casual eyebrow wiggle. Kira kept

looking

. Alex kept eyebrow wiggling. Cindi's eyes flicked back and forth, watching this astounding battle of wills and finally set her cup down and coughed, loudly.

"Right!" Kira said, sitting up, brushing her hair behind her ear. Her fingers drummed on her hot coco cup and the ominous rain clouds that Ravenloft had been providing as a backdrop for our conversation decided to provide ominous rain. The fat droplets slapped against the window and Kira leaned forward over her cup. "Back when the Five Talon Empire was forming, the Prismatic Kings used elves and dwarves and other lesser races to research the nature of the cosmos, and the cosmos beyond. That was how they moved from spelljammers to portal ships to slipdrives."

"Oooh..." I whispered, nosing at my hot coco with my cute kitten nose.

"But then an elvish inventor named Yhazten created an

offshoot

of faster than light travel technology. The Quantum Drive." She nodded. "Rather than traveling between universes or by using magic, the Quantum Drive's entire purpose was to take advantage of eerie actions at a distance to teleport you instantly from place to place. Like

that

." She snapped her fingers. "No weeks traveling through subspace, no hopping from Sigil to Baator to your destination, and no fiddling around with an explosive and dangerous Phlogiston." She sighed. "If it had been scalable, you could have done away with spaceships entirely and just leaped from planet to planet."

"So, uh, what you're saying is that it'd be a quantum leap?" Cindi asked, then started to giggle uncontrollably.

I crawled up onto Alex's shoulder, whispering to her. "I got that reference!"

"Of course you got it, husbando," Alex said, snickering. "You're raised by Merton Miles, the man who was famous for being a total

dork

."

I gasped. "Dear gods, she's right!"

Alex swung me back down and started to

mercilessly

pet my belly fluffs. It was so terrible. Most bad. I cannot even begin to describe how terrifying it was. As she petted me more and more, Kira shook her head slowly. "Anyway, there was just one problem. The dang thing didn't work."

"Like, it failed or..." Cindi asked, looking nervous. At Kira's expression, she sighed. "Oh boy, this isn't going to be fun, is it?"

"The ship returned with it's crew turned inside out and tied to the wall with barbed wire," Kira said, her voice solemn.

"Ugh, that's terrible," Cindi whispered.

"Oh, it gets worse," Kira said, nodding solemnly.

"I don't want to hear this." Cindi closed her eyes tight.

"The crew were still alive," Kira said, shaking her head.

"I said I didn't want to hear this!" Cindi squealed.

I leaped from Alex's lap and landed on Cindi's face, then scrambled up onto her head. I laid myself as flat as I could, so it was like she was wearing a cat-hat. I started to purr, my voice buzzing as I said: "IS this helping?"

Cindi blinked as I craned my head around to look at her face. Slowly, shakily, she smiled. "Thanks," she said.

Kira sighed, then sipped on her drink. Once she had set it down. "The Prismatic Emperor at the time declared the quantum technology to be dangerous. It was closed away alongside unrestricted class three wishes, communicating with the Night City, and dracolichdom." She nodded. "But Yhazten didn't want to give it up. He retreated into the outbacks and worked on his invention. Eventually, a chromatic attack force was dispatched to destroy his laboratory and his planet, to make it

very

clear that research like this wouldn't be tolerated. They did so - but rather than being sucked into the Abyss by their Warsphere, his planet imploded on itself like a black hole, which sucked itself into subspace."

I nodded, slowly.

"Ever since that day, that black hole has flickered between different points in realspace," Kira said. "And the legend grew as seers and fortunetellers who were called upon to scry about the hole: That it leads, if you know the way in, to the Quantum Hoard. A dimension of pure glory, an inverse of the dimension of pure horror the first ship entered into." She shook her head. "And so, treasure seekers have hunted for it...ever since."

"...they're dumb," I said, slowly. "That's like, obviously, super duper totally mega double ultra a total freaking

trap

. It couldn't be more traptastic if it was built by Admiral Piett and staffed entirely by evil clones of Severus Snape from the Terran Empire."

"Were those English words?" Kira asked, slowly.

"Wait, not Admiral Akbar?" Cindi asked at the same time.

"Guuuuuys!" I said, flowing from Cindi's head to her shoulder to her lap to the table, in the uniquly liquid ways kittens can. "Admiral Akbar led the

rebel

fleet, which was caught

in

the trap. Piett led the Executor, which was a big part

of

the trap. So, we're Akbar. We. Are Akbar."

"Again, is this English?" Kira asked, her brow furrowing.

"To the mansion's internal theater!" I exclaimed, springing to my kittenish feet.

"W-We don't necessarily have an internal theater!" Cindi said, in the defensive tone she usually used when she didn't want to seem too proud of being rich as tits.

***

In the mansions internal theater, the circle wipe slammed in, revealing the blue glowing words of DIRECTED BY GEORGE LUCAS.

Kira and Alex both sat, their jaws almost on the floor as the music started to play and I sang along, having shapeshifted to my human form. "Daaaa naaa da na naaa naaah na do dee daaaa dun dun nah nah!" I wriggled, my fingers pointed into the air. "So, anyway, that was Biggs and Wedge, who survived, and they had

just

survived just as bad a fight in Rogue One, and later, they're going to survive the even

bigger

battle of Endor, and like, that's

way

bloodier and way more dangerous! But first, we need to get to my second most favoritest Star Wars movie, which is the Empire Strikes Back! But we can't just jump

straight

to The Last Jedi!" I said, excitedly. "Even if that's when...well, I can't say more! If I do, spoilers! No spoilers!"

The door next to the theater opened and G282 stepped in. Her eyes were narrowed and she walked slowly around to the front of the small theater. She put her hands on her hips. "Princess," she said. Kira sat up and coughed, closing her mouth as she did so.

"G282," she said.

"I wanted to talk to you about a minor discrepancy in your logged sleeping patterns last night," G282 said, nodding. "According to my sensors, you left your room for about an hour and a half." She frowned, slowly as Kira squirmed just a bit in her seat. "As keeping your

reputation

intact is a big part of my duty."

"Well, I was just going for a walk!" she said, nodding.

"Yeah," Alex said, leaning forward.

G282 frowned at Alex. "So, you're her alibi? You may find this insulting, Miss Lioncourt, but I don't exactly find

your

testimony that trustworthy."

"Hey, Gee!" I s aid, scowling. "Don't say that about my wife!" I said, sliding my arm around Alex's shoulder, squeezing her to me. Alex stuck her tongue out at G282, who shook her head and clicked her tongue.

"The issue is that if, at any point, you are offered a hand in marriage to a culture that demands exclusivity or virginity, that virginity is a valuable commodity to not only yourself

and

your people," G282 said, frowning. "I was programmed to protect that."

"Well, fortunately!" I said, putting my hands on my hips as I stood. "I can tell you that I have

not

had sex with Kira. The only time that might have happened, I was having sex with

Alex

. And since people who demand virginity are usually sexists and homophobes, they wouldn't count having sex with a girl if you're already a girl, cause they're

dumb

." Alex and Kira were both smiling at me. So, that meant I was on the right track! Now, to settle the issue once and for all. I put my hand on my chest, continuing my rhetorical powerslam. "Now, yes, I was blindfolded-" Alex and Kira's smiles vanished. "-and Alex was a bit shorter and more curvaceous than I expected. And she didn't have any fangs. And was actually

pretty

warm now that I think about it, and not cold at all...BUT!" I said, thrusting my finger into the air. "Alex...is also a shapeshifter!"

G282's brow frowned.

"It's true," Alex said, casually - or should I say...Kira 2!

G282 shook her head. "Well. All right." She sighed. "Just...I want what's best for you, Princess."

"I

know

," Kira said, but her voice was definitely cross. She crossed her arms over her chest to double cross herself. "I got the

freaking

picture, G282. Now go on, we're about to watch the Jedi Strikes Back."

"Empire," I whispered.

"Whatever!" Kira said, glaring at me. Then her glare softened. "Sorry."

G282 huffed and turned and stomped off. I waved after her as she left, then flung myself back down next to Alex. On the other side of me, Cindi had the weirdest expression on her face. She looked at me, then at Alex, then back at the screen. Thanks to my darkvision, I could see that she was blushing brightly.

"N-Next movie!" she announced.

As the title crawl started to slide back, Alex leaned in close. Her voice was soft and cool - in that she was undead and didn't have body heat. But her words added all the warmth her breath lacked: "Thanks Brash." She nipped at my ear. "But, uh, for future reference, that was me doing Kira a solid."

I blinked. "Having sex with me in her form?" I asked.

Alex gigglesnorted. "No, you goof. Letting her bang you. I even came up with the whole 'soak in cold water' trick so she felt vampy at first."

I gasped.

"Is that a prob?" she asked, drawing back as the opening text faded into the background of galactic space. I looked at Alex...and then grinned.

"Duuuuuude!" I whispered. "I got to bang a

Princess

. That's basically like, you know, a dragon national passtime. Like the dragon version of soccer. But, you know, with less body armor." I nuzzled up against Alex. My tongue licked along her cold neck and she made a quiet cooing noise, turning and pressing her lips to mine. Her tongue swept in and before I could do the classic dragon tongue trick, Alex used her own shifting to slide her tongue down my throat. I clutched her to me as she wriggled and pushed up the armrest between us. As she slipped onto my lap, I could hear Cindi coughing quietly. She coughed. Then coughed again. Alex, meanwhile, was

grinding

her tight rump against my bulge. She was able to undulate her spine in a curving, flexible motion that was as sinous as a snake. My palms cupped her ass and squeezed her. She lacked the squish of Kira, but totally made up for it by being vampire sexy.

Cindi coughed, like, for the tenth time. I broke the kiss and Alex licked her lips, her ears twitching up and her eyes glowing red as she grinned wickedly at me.

"Do you need help?" I asked, looking at Cindi. "Is it a popcorn kernal?"

"I'm

right

here, Brash!" Cindi hissed.

"Oh, right," Alex said, then grinned. My hands, by then, had slipped from her jean covered rump to underneath her shirt, meaning I could feel her gray-blue skin. It meant I could feel the

rush

of heat as blood shifted through her veins and into her brains. Her eyes flared and she purred. "

Obfuscate."

A faint cold

shiver

went through my skin and my hair seemed to rise up on my head as Cindi sat bolt upright, her mouth opening, then closing. She blinked slightly, reaching slowly out with her palm. But somehow, she managed to not actually touch either me or Alex. Alex grinned at me. I mouthed the word 'whoa.' Then Alex grew her fingernails out to be sharp enough to cut clothes, but not nearly sharp enough to cut my MDC skin. Her fingers spread outwards, then tore downwards, shredding my shirt and showing off my shredded ripped cool muscles. I blushed and grinned, my cock almost exploding out of my jeans as Alex let out a quiet

purr

. "You know, I like bad boys sometimes," she said. "I know, that's crazy. Me, liking bad boys."

"I can be bad!" I said, grinning. "Once...I...

cheated

on a test." I whispered, softly. It had been math and I had used my head computer to do the division that the problem needed.

Alex crooned. "So bad..." she grinned, then started to plant little, cold kisses on my cheek, my jaw, my neck. Her tongue flicked along my neck and she shivered, breathing in my scent. "You know, vampires got a

beast

inside them..." she murmured.

"I haven't even taken him out of my pants yet," I said, grinning.

"Not dragon dick, goof." Alex laughed. Then she blinked, shifting her hips. Her brow furrowed as she ground herself against me. "Did you just grow a...a

knot

?"

I grinned. "I said I can be bad. Or maybe I should say..."

"Knotty!" Alex and I said at the exact same moment. She laugh, throwing her head back. "Fucking Cain, you're

awesome

, Brash!" Then, with a growl, she leaned forward, her nose pressing against mine. Her ears had grown longer and sharper, her teeth had come out more, and her eyes were now red on black. All

black

around her irises. She growled hungrily. "But when I say beast, I mean

Beast

. With a capital

B

. It's...one thing to fake being betrothed, but..." She paused. "I just...I don't...want you to get the wrong idea, or-"

Behind her, Luke Skywalker was disarming a wompa. I decided to disarm this sitch with the same weapon Luke did: Honesty. Forthrightness. And maybe a lightsaber. A lightsaber of

feelings

. I took Alex's hand, my voice soft. "It was

always

real betrothed for me," I said, nodding. "I mean, you were basically cool as pool right from first glance." I grinned. "Everything after has just been cherries ontop of a hairless, delicious, vampire pussy Sunday."

"...are you trying to imply...that you want to...coat me in chocolate and lick it off me?" Alex purred, hungrily - her eyes shifting to just red/white as she let her Beast slide back.

"Holy shit, that's an amazing idea!" I exclaimed. Then, with that, I grinned and chomped down on Alex's neck. It wasn't a chompy chomp, like hers. It was more of a love bite. And Alex squirmed and gasped, then wriggled and nuzzled at me, giggling and laughing.

"I can still hear the seat

squeaking

!" Cindi hissed, then popped more popcorn into her mouth.

"And I still wanna watch the movie..." Alex purred. Then an idea sparked. Her eyes literally

flashed

. She floated backwards, flying up and off the ground. She casually skimmed off her T-shirt and tossed it so it landed on Kira's lap. Kira, being just as obfusglooped as everyone else, didn't even notice. This showed off Alex's amazing a-cup apple shaped, absolutely perky titties to the most amazing effect. They were small and firm and oh so

succulent

looking, tipped with dark, blue-black nipples. She grinned as she locked eyes with me and I wouldn't have looked away...but she made sure I couldn't. I was frozen in my seat, my heart literally in my throat as Alex sloooowly slid her thumbs down, hooked them in her jeans, then

shoved

. Her thong went with her jeans, so fast that I almost missed she was wearing any. And...well...

I was right.

She was as hairless as an elf.

Her sex glistened with arousal and she crooked her finger at me. I surged to my feet, tried to fly, and ended up stumbling forward against the guard rail. My jaw connected and my teeth

clacked

together. I grabbed onto the rail, forcing myself to my feet. "R-Right!" I exclaimed. "No freaking flight powers...I hate that..."

Alex pouted - then flew down. She popped a kiss right on my lips - and then as she opened her mouth to apologize, I grinned and grabbed her ankles. I knelt down, planting her feet squarely on the ground. Alex cooed, then laughed as I stood and bent her over that guard rail. Her palms grabbed it and she thrust her rump forward, her eyes

glued

to the screen as Han Solo started to get ready to slide a hot, thick shaft of glowing light into something soft, moist, and potentially delicious. I mean, have you ever had tauntaun? I haven't! I grinned, bending over Alex as I reached back with one hand to shove my jeans down.

"Can you see fine?"

"Oohh yes..." she purred as her sex dripped on the floor. Her fingers hooked and I started to

grind

my cock along her sex.

"What. The. Fuck!?" Kira yelped.

I looked back. My cock was pressed right up against Alex's deliciously slick mons, while her sex dripped along my member, slicking myself up more and more. Alex looked back as well as the movie continued on the screen. She saw that Kira and Cindi were both gawping at us. Alex grinned, shyly, then laughed. "S-Sorry! Ah, uh, duration ran out." She giggled and, once more, I felt a rush of blood as she invisibled us again. We vanished away - and Kira and Cindi both continued to look flubbergasted.

"Think they've forgotten we're here by now?" Alex asked, instantly.

"Likely!" I said, then

slammed

into Alex. It was one, smooth, solid motion and it wrung the most

adorable

noise from Alex I had ever heard from Alex. And, to be fair, Alex was full of adorable noises! It was something between a 'yip' and her exclaiming 'yes' in the same breath. Her fingers tightened more and the metal actually squeaked ever so tiny slightly. Her eyes closed and she grinned slowly as she settled, getting used to my dick.