Space Relations

A handful of minutes later, the crew of the Space Relations exited their ship, minus one brooding Combat Tech. They stepped out from the small partition they'd landed in, and into the vast docking bay it was part of.

An electric cart zoomed to a halt before them to pick them up. The cart only had five open seats on it, Washington noted, and there were six of them, since Brukenfooken had elected to stay behind. He began to wonder whether or not he should volunteer to stay behind and wait for the cart to make a second round.

"Oh, don't worry about that, captain." Mary read his mind. "I'd be more than happy to sit on Cruz's lap. That's where I am most of the time, anyway."

"That wouldn't look very appropriate." Washington said, as he scanned the dock for surveillance cameras. "I'm positive we have eyes on us as we speak."

"You don't always have to go by the book, captain." Mary replied.

That's easy for you to say, the captain thought at her. This is my first mission, and I'm sure there are some people here who would jump at the first mistake I make, so they can report me to Space Corps and have me removed from my command.

"Don't worry so much, captain." Mary voiced.

Washington cleared his throat. "While we're on board the Neptune, you are to refer to me as Lieutenant, and not as captain. The designation of captain is reserved only for the head of this starship."

"Sir," Willow motioned over to the front of the electric cart. "I believe Officer Cruz is making some sort of negotiation with the driver regarding the seating."

Sure enough, Cruz clapped his hands together and confidently strode back to where the group waited. "I've made a deal. The driver has agreed to allow me to drive in exchange for one of our females sitting on his lap."

"Oooh! I'll do it!" Mary started hopping up and down. "Pick me! Pick me!"

"I was hoping you'd volunteer, baby, but I didn't want to speak for you ahead of time. Shall we go?"

Against Washington's better judgment, they all began boarding the cart. He sat next to Willow in the middle seat, with Margo and Cummings sitting on the bench behind him. The original driver, a man who appeared to be in his forties with pepper gray hair, happily took shotgun, especially when the curvy Mary plopped down on his lap. Cruz started honking up a storm as the drive got underway.

"Make way for Lieutenant Washington!" Cruz shouted, as he went out of his way to circle around a few stationary vessels. "And make way for the crew of the SCS Space Relations!"

In unadulterated shock, Washington covered his gaping mouth.

Neptune personnel were busy supplying the various vessels in the dock, or cleaning and repairing them. Cruz couldn't resist the temptation to shout out comment after comment as he zipped close to them.

"Your fly is open!"

"You seem to have dropped your wallet back there!"

"I'll be in town for two days, baby. Call me!"

"Can you give me directions to your sister's house?"

To this last one, Cruz managed to extract a hearty response of 'Fuck you!' from a worker spray-painting some landing gear. Cruz smiled, waved back and kept on going.

"Could you please refrain from the banter?" Washington requested.

"Oh, sure, Lieutenant." Cruz nodded back at him. "I was just trying to break the ice with these people. You know, in a friendly sort of way. To get the buzz going and all that."

Washington noticed that Mary was now ruffling her fingers through their original driver's hair, and whispering into his ear. He sighed as he was realizing that it was going to be a long two days aboard the Neptune. Almost dreading doing so, he turned to look behind him at Cummings and Margo. Both of them were flipping people off at random, with both hands.

"Oh, no." Washington shook his head.

Willow turned back and noticed this as well. She started cracking up. "These people are so funny! How did you manage to find them all?"

"They came very highly recommended by the academy." Washington fibbed.

"Aren't they just great?" Willow sounded awed. "I've always wished I could be as bold as all that, because I've always been so quiet, but just look at them go! They are off the satellite!"

By then, Cummings had repositioned himself on his seat, so that his butt was sticking out of the cart. He was slapping it. Margo was actually encouraging him to drop his pants and moon the dockworkers.

"Did I not specifically ask all of you to be on your best behavior?" Washington scolded the pair.

Cummings sat back down. "We're just having a little fun, sir. You remember how dull things got on the ship, before we all had our little nookie time."

"What's nookie time?" Willow innocently asked.

"Ask one of them to tell you later." Washington deflected the question.

They finally reached the end of the docking bay, where a stern looking senior coordinator stepped out of a small, official looking booth. A long, plastic gate arm barred the way. Cruz was angling the cart and doing his best to circumvent the thing.

The official, whose nametag read Mulligan, watched the ensign's antics. He was clearly not amused. "Stop that at once!"

"Well, open the gate, baby!" Cruz shot back. "We've got places to go and people to see!"

"I will not open the gate." Mulligan snapped. He turned toward the original driver and grimaced as he took in the attractive blonde sitting on the man's lap. "Crumly, why aren't you behind the wheel like you're supposed to be?"

"This man has a higher driver's rating than I do." Crumly replied. "He pulled rank on me."

"That's right, I did." Cruz nodded. "So there, Mr. Snooty-Pants."

Mulligan asked, "And just who the hell are you?"

"Let me ask you a question instead," Cruz countered. "According to your man here, you're a little bit on the hard-up side. When is the last time you got laid, baby?"

"What does that have anything to do with it?" Mulligan snarled.

"Well, everything, baby." Cruz explained. "You are exhibiting the classic symptoms of an overworked and neglected man. It's no wonder that all of your underlings here in the hangar are so snappy. You've made them all as grouchy as you are."

The official seemed at a loss for words. Finally, he stammered out, "I am not grouchy!"

"Listen, I'm in town for two days." Cruz continued. "I know a multitude of techniques that you can turn to while you're searching for that special someone. If you look me up, I'll be glad to reveal some of the better ones to you. Masturbation can be your friend, if you allow it to."

"They really know their stuff, boss." Crumly nodded, motioning at the pretty female sitting on his lap. "Mary here said she'd give me and the rest of the boys a good lap dance once we're done with our shifts."

Mulligan glanced at the pretty lady. "Is this true?"

"Oh, yeah." Mary confirmed. "And if you promise that you won't bully any of the others while they're off duty, I'll invite you, too."

"I... I don't bully the others." Mulligan denied.

"Step over to my side of the cart." Mary requested.

The official looked uncertain.

"Pretty please?" Mary made her cutest face.

"She'll change your life, baby." Cruz commented. "She did mine, I'll tell you that."

"Oh, brother." Margo's voice carried to the front of the cart. "There he goes with his bullshit drama again."

Cruz turned around in his seat. "Don't you make me come back there! In just two hours' time, I will make you rue the day you ever turned lesbian. I will make you my wife! And on top of that, we'll have kids! Lots and lots of them!"

"Come on then, sucker." Margo challenged. "I could do with another tussle like the one the lieutenant gave me earlier.

Willow gasped. Her head snapped toward Washington.

"She meant that figuratively." Washington lied.

"No, I didn't." Margo returned.

"Yes, you did."

"No, I did not. In fact, you fucked me so hard just a little while ago that I'm walking with a limp right now."

Cummings snickered out loud.

"There's no need for all this bickering." Mulligan halted them both. "I'll just step over and see what Mary has to say." He shook his head as he went around the cart and paused beside her.

"Lean a little closer." Mary said.

The official shook his head, made a face, sighed, and finally, he relented and did as he'd been requested to.

Mary tilted her head over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "That was a Happy Kiss. It's going to make you feel very happy for a couple of hours, but unfortunately, it's going to wear off later. Your job is to remember what it feels like to be this happy. You are going to try to get this feeling to come back every single day from now on. That's your homework, 'kay?"

Mulligan's face gesticulated in a very strange fashion. His mouth frowned and pouted, his jaw moved about uncomfortably. Even his eyes and eyebrows twitched around, until finally, everything on his countenance settled down. The man was now smiling.

"See, that wasn't so hard now, was it?" Mary asked.

Crumly took out his phone and snapped a shot. "You're working miracles, honey! I haven't seen my boss smile like that in over three months!"

"I suddenly feel wonderful." Mulligan nodded. "I feel elated, I tell you. It's like all the clouds have parted, and a bright and happy day is shining right through."

"I told you she'd change your life." Cruz said. "Now, I take it that we're supposed to check in with you here, correct?"

"That's right." Mulligan hurried back to his booth. "I have to inform the comm center that you are all off your ship, minus one man. They'll relay this message directly to Commander Braxton. It will only take a minute." He went about his task quickly, and more importantly, happily. The man was even humming now.

Crumly gave Mary a hug. "I can't believe you got my boss to smile again. I'll give you and all of your buddies a tour of the ship, anytime you want."

"Oh, aren't you a sweetheart." Mary pinched Crumly's cheek. "Do you want a Happy Kiss, too?"

"Yes, ma'am. I surely do." Crumly gushed.

"I'm going to give you a little one, because you're already so happy." Mary pecked the man on the cheek. "I can feel how happy you are on my thigh."

The dock coordinator stepped from his booth, smiling. He was about to deliver his news when Cruz stopped him. "A little bird told me that not too long ago, you used to swoon the ladies during Karaoke Night here at the Neptune. Would you like to sing your next few words to us?"

Mulligan considered this, but just for a moment. "That's a wonderful idea!" He cleared his throat and bellowed out, "This dock is alive, with the sound of workmen! And your crew is approved, to enter the shiiip! Crumly, my friend, take these women and men, and take them wherever you damn well pleaaaase! All except for the lieutenant, who must be taken elsewheeeeere, to Commander Braxton's office, for she is waiting for him theeeere! And so you may pass, but tread light on the gas, and please observe all the signage posted on the waaaalls!" He shuddered from his own performance, after which the smile popped back on his face. "How did I do?"

"That was fabulous, baby!" Cruz exclaimed, while he and Mary both clapped. "I hope we'll get to see you performing again soon!"

Crumly joined in the clapping as well, although he was reluctant to take his hands away from Mary's waist.

Washington noticed that beside him, Willow was clapping. Behind him, Margo and Cummings were doing the same thing. Cummings was even wiping a tear from his eye with his handkerchief.

"That was just beautiful." The hefty navigator sobbed.

Once the gate arm was lifted, Cruz gave Mulligan a high five, and he drove on through.

Margo and Cummings were watching the coordinator closely, as the booth dwindled further and further away. They both turned to voice their observations.

"He's doing it!" Cummings cried out. "He's really doing it! Just like Cruz said it would happen earlier!"

"Doing what?" The lieutenant asked.

Margo explained. "Mulligan went straight to his comm once we started driving away from him. He's calling people up to tell them about us. Those people are going to turn right around and start repeating his words to everybody else. Pretty soon, everybody on this ship is going to be talking about us!"

"It's the buzz that Cruz said would happen!" Cummings added. "And it's really working!"

"Who's he talking to, Mary?" Margo called out. "Can you tell from this far away?"

The blonde looked back at the occupants sitting in the last two benches. "I think we overwhelmed the poor man. Right before we left, the man was thinking about me giving him a lap dance and about Cruz showing him how to masturbate. He was also wondering if he should participate in the karaoke show later today, or tonight, or whatever time they have it here. He didn't know what to make of Margo and the lieutenant's argument, either. But he's got plenty to talk about, that's for sure."

Cummings gave Margo a high five, for being part of the buzz.

"The Starship Neptune isn't going to know what hit them." Cruz told them all. "We're like a tidal wave, baby."

It was the repercussions of that wave, Washington considered, that he was afraid of.

Date: Irrelevant

Location: Deep in the bowels of the Starship Neptune.

As the starship was a massive piece of modern construction, it consisted of many levels. To maximize practicality, the level the cart was currently rolling on was restricted only to vehicular traffic. The corridors were spaced widely enough to have vehicles going in two directions.

Cruz waved and honked at every single cart they passed, but was disappointed to see very few drivers or passengers returning his greeting.

"Well, I'll say this much." The lieutenant complimented his two science ensigns. "The two of you certainly have a way with people."

"We owe it all to you, sir." Cruz returned. "You brought Mary and I together, and together we're epic, baby. She is the yin to my yang, and the tits to my tat, and I don't need to tell you that she has some very nice tits!" He glanced over at the blonde and held his hand up. "Give me five, baby!"

"As long as you give me your six-point-five later." Mary obliged him.

"What's a six-point-five?" Willow asked the lieutenant.

"You don't want to know." Washington replied.

The electric cart rumbled along through the driving corridor when it came to a traffic snarl. A horde of other carts was clogging up the aisle in both directions.

Cruz honked his horn like an attention whore.

"Hey, keep a lid on it!" One gruff passenger in the cart beside theirs grumbled.

"My good man, we're new here." Cruz spoke to him. "Where is everybody going all at once?"

"The Tridents are playing the Striders in about forty-five minutes." The other man replied. "We're going to kick their ass this time!"

Cruz turned toward Crumly, who was still in high spirits with Mary sitting on his lap. "These are teams, yes, but for what sport?"

"Football." Crumly said. "Neptune's Tridents are the local team, and Hermes' Striders are the team that trounced us the last time. A lot of people are wanting the Tridents to win today."

"Football." Cruz thought the concept over. "That should mean that all the bullies and troublemakers are going to be occupied watching the game, at least for the next couple of hours. All of the Neptune's women and the more sensitive Emo types will be hanging out elsewhere. Mary, since we aren't tied down to any specific part of this ship, where would you like me to aim this vehicle?"

"Oh, I'm going wherever you're going."

"Very good." Cruz nodded, before turning to face the others. "Troops, whichever of you would like to attend this football game, may exit the cart now and pile into one of the vehicles around us. The rest of us will be heading in another direction."

Cummings and Margo both climbed onto the cart next to theirs and took the two empty seats that remained. The male driver of the other cart opened his mouth to protest the intrusion. "Get the hell off my cart!"

Margo flashed her double Ds in his direction.

The man's eyes gaped. "My name's Larry, what's yours?"

"See, they're in good hands already." Cruz joked. "Or they will be, soon." He started backing up his cart, a tad too fast, for he reached an intersection at the same time as another cart. The two chassis bumped together to jar the occupants of both vehicles.

"Why don't you watch where you're going, you moron?" The driver, a cute redhead, berated Cruz.

Cruz looked back to count three, no, four females sitting in the cart he'd just struck. "Are you by any chance headed to the football game?"

"Hell, no." The redhead informed him. "We're going over to the Aegean Lounge, where the real party's at."

Cruz looked over at Crumly. "My good man, I am now relinquishing control of your vehicle back to you, and I do thank you for giving me the opportunity to drive it." He glanced next at his counterpart. "Mary, your assistance as my wing person would be most appreciated here."

"You've got it, buster!"

Cruz set the cart in park and started clambering out and across the frame of the vehicle. Mary followed.

"Willow, you're coming with us." Cruz stated, as he passed the middle seat.

"What? Why me?"

"Because Crumly is taking the lieutenant to meet with the commander of this ship." He explained. "It would look much more professional if he arrived alone."

Willow glanced at Washington.

"You can go with them if you wish." Washington nodded. "I'll catch up with you and the others later."

"Oh, okay." Willow replied, but she was clearly intimidated by the two science ensigns.

Brazen as always, Cruz stepped from the back of one cart and onto the hood of the other. "Which one of you beauties is single?"

The first woman to admit this was rewarded by having Cruz jump onto her lap. Mary and Willow took the two empty seats in the back.

Washington observed them pull away. Their cart soon turned in the opposite direction. He mumbled quietly at his crew, "Please don't get into too much trouble. I don't want to lose my ship on my very first mission."

Crumly slid over to take the wheel. Not wanting the man to feel like a chauffer, the lieutenant made to climb into the front passenger seat next to him.

"It would be better if you stayed where you are, sir." Crumly said.

"You don't want me in the front seat?" Washington was instantly offended. "Is it because I'm black?"

"Your pigmentation has nothing to do with it, I assure you." Crumly replied. "Commander Braxton has a big pet peeve. She insists that any high level personnel distinguish themselves from the lower ranks. She even has a private cart for herself, which only her and her driver are permitted to board. You'll have to trust me when I say that she'll think a lot less of you if you're my only passenger and you're riding up next to me. That woman monitors all the surveillance cameras like a hawk."

"She sounds like a real queen bitch." Washington stated.

"If you say so, sir. I prefer not to comment."

"Come on, Crumly. Tell me how you really feel. Be honest."

"Okay." Crumly glanced back. "As you said, she's a real queen bitch. But don't tell anyone I said so. She might have me thrown out of an airlock when they dump out the trash. Commander Braxton may just be the meanest bitch ever to wear a Space Corps uniform."

"She's worse than Admiral Cocksander?"

"Oh, definitely worse than him. Plenty of times, she's stated that she wants that man's job. She said that if she had a man's cock she would already have it. Braxton goes out of her way to try and embarrass the admiral every chance she gets."

"Why didn't I hear about this rivalry when I was in the academy?" Washington wondered. Already, he envisioned Braxton digging up some dirt on him, or on a member of his crew, and flinging it right into Cocksander's face. There'd be hell to pay later if that happened.