This story is written for my Master with all my love.
*****
My divorce was finalized two months ago and I needed a new environment. Moving to the city is a big change from the suburbs but ensures that I won't have to worry about chance encounters with him. The move was stressful by myself and just as the apartment gets set up and the kids settled, he gets them for the summer as per our agreement. It's an adjustment but I need to get used to it as this is my future. The few days the kids have been gone, work has kept me busy and my mind off the empty nest. It is now my first day off without them and it weighs heavy on me. Still not knowing anybody on a friendly basis, I decide I need to venture out on my own and maybe find some new friends or even a special someone. There is an establishment nearby I pass on my way to work called Feeders that has intrigued me, their website shows a restaurant and bar that transforms into a night club after hours. Their slogan is 'When life goes dark, we bring you back.' I find it a little odd but I want to drink my depression away and who knows, maybe a shy drunk mother of two will run into her next husband.
I spend two hours getting ready and I'm still not dressed. It did feel good shaving off all the hair from my vaginal area, something he would always protest. I apply more makeup than I've worn the entire length of my marriage and look thirty-four going on twenty-five. Perhaps if I had done this more often, my ex-husband wouldn't have started fucking that coffee shop barista he now lives with. The reflection of my body in the mirror says otherwise. A mother's body is on display with the heavy breast that droop and large dark nipples pointing down instead of forward. There is the added weight on my belly, hips, ass and thighs that I have never been able to lose. Then of course there's the stretch marks, the scars that my children left me to ensure I always remember the 18 months I carried them. I force the thought from my mind before I start crying and head to the closet. Thankfully the fashion designers know how to hide and enhance all these flaws. I settle on a black mesh lace fit and flare dress with a sheer neckline and sleeves with a pair of black flats to save my ankles.
I walk instead of drive, feeling comfortable enough with the local neighborhood to still feel safe. Now I won't have to worry about my car should I drink a little too much which is bound to happen with my current mental state. It doesn't take much for me to feel the effects alcohol but I do know how to keep myself out of trouble. It's a cool night out for Summer and the walk is enjoyable. The store fronts are all dark with the occasional food delivery place busy bringing late dinners to my neighbors. The road is busy with cars going nowhere in particular and I pass a few others out for a late night walk. A little over five blocks and I can see the sign.
The night club entrance is off the side in an alley with signs leading the way. It is a little creepy, but a line has already formed and people are waiting which provides comfort in numbers. The way the younger woman dress suddenly make me feel my age again. So much is left uncovered and their perfect figures leave me feeling jealous of their youth. I am comforted to see that I am not alone in my age group. Surprisingly there are a few women who appear to be in the later years of their life. The number of women slightly outnumber men and the men that do wait accompany their dates. The patrons fill the time with idle conversations while I stand alone waiting.
I do carry on occasional short conversations with others but they don't last long. The bouncer walks the line and pulls a few women out as well as a couple. They bypass the line and they are allowed to enter. Otherwise, the line stays motionless. Red lights illuminate the alleyway and as the night progresses the air becomes cooler. Another pass ten minutes later and another group is allowed to enter. I start to wonder if this was all a mistake. A mother of two shouldn't be out at a club but sitting at home watching TV and eating tubs of ice cream and should be looking for a companion in church. What was I thinking, trying to be young again? I am pulled from this thought as a group of men walk up directly to the door bypassing the line. My eyes lock on one of the men for a few seconds and we hold each others gaze. I get that feeling in my stomach of nervousness and excitement, butterflies some would say. It passes as quickly as it came, watching him disappear through the doors.
Fifteen more minutes pass and I feel disheartened. Another wasted night, back to my empty apartment where it's bad TV and that tub of ice cream. The bouncer walks the line, listening in to an ear piece and speaks inaudibly to an unseen microphone. A few seconds and he points to me and pulls me from the crowd. I am frozen for a brief second, and then follow as he pulls me by my arm. Walking past those waiting, a blur of faceless bodies but I can feel their stares watching jealously as I am escorted to the door. The music gets louder as I get closer and you can feel it penetrate you. He puts a band around my wrist and then opens the door for me and I am inside.
I am instantly overcome with that feeling that this is somewhere I should not be. It has been at least a decade since I last frequented a night club. The loud music is disorientating, the people bunched in groups make it difficult to walk. I get this feeling as though I'm being watched but everybody I see ignores me as I walk around bouncing off of bodies. It is just light enough to see where you're going and who you are bumping into. The atmosphere matches what I had seen on their website, just darker with red lighting and so many people. I finally spot the bar and slowly make my way. It is in a separated by a wall with a doorway and this area is a little more quiet and lit up. The tables from the restaurant allow for a place to relax from dancing and to enjoy a drink.
I finally make it to the bar and use a little trick I learned when I was younger to get the bartenders attention. Lean over the bar and putting my modest cleavage on display, he finishes with the patron he is serving and comes to me. I still have it, I smile to myself which doubles as innocent flirting.
"Can I get a Long Island Iced...", I'm suddenly interrupted by hands on my waist. Startled, I jump and look behind me to see those eyes that I seen earlier while waiting outside. His voice is deep and commanding, "She'll have a sparkling water with lemon, on my tab." The bartender nods and prepares the drink. The man's eyes pull me in and I am overcome with a calmness, an odd comfort that I shouldn't feel with a complete stranger. "It's dangerous for a beautiful woman like yourself to be drinking alone. Who knows, someone might take advantage of you." His hands are still on my hips but I don't mind. His eyes have done something to me, built a trust with just his look alone. He nods to the bartender as he hands me the drink and then leads me to a table hidden away.
He pulls two chairs so they face each other, the edge of the table is a small but ineffective barrier. He leans close to me, his hand midway up my thigh. I am overcome with a warmth. I should be nervous as men are never this forward with me, ever. I should be asking for space but I don't. His eyes, dark yellow, have a grip on me that I can't escape but oddly enough don't wish to. He uses this force against me, it leaves me vulnerable and open. I feel compelled to the truth and I speak openly and honestly, holding nothing back. He introduces himself.
I learn his name is Jonathan and he is part of a group who owns the establishment we sit in. He is one of twenty investors. He explains the establishment isn't a source of income but has other perks making it a worthwhile investment. He subtly turns up the flirting, casually hinting that when he saw me in line he knew he'd have to make an appearance. As he talks a warmth continues to blanket me and I find myself becoming more and more attracted to him. His fingers traveling to the insides of my thighs go unprotested. Listening to him and feeling his touch, my mind begins to wander. I remember reading that a woman knows within the first few minutes if she is willing to sleep with a man and I, now for the first time, believe that to be true. He smiles as though he can read my thoughts and his hand moves further up my thigh and I become very self aware of my current arousal. "Enough about me, I am very interested to learn more about you."
I speak as though he is a friend I have known for years and I'm telling my deepest secrets too. I don't have any skeletons in my closet but that is the feeling I get as I open up to this man I have only known for such a short time. I talk of my divorce and how I moved to just get away. I tell him where my apartment is and that I am a mother, even the hospital where I work. He learns of the depression I am feeling and that it has been close to a year since I have last had sex. Intimate and personal details flow from me with no filters in place and I feel okay with this. He lets me vent and just listens and he soon knows my life's story. The questions he ask show he is paying attention and wants to know more, I give freely.
The time has disappeared and the crowd is now thinned and the music less intense. I don't know how much time has passed and I don't care. Is this what they call love at first sight or is it something more, the way his eyes penetrate deep into my soul? He moves his hand from my thigh and takes my hand, "Would you like to go somewhere more private? I have an apartment here where we can continue this further. A few proper drinks, with someone safe."
Normally, every thread of my being would be screaming no but I am drawn to him. His demeanor is comforting and pulls at me, there is no thoughts protesting his invitation. "I would like that." I reply shyly. He stands and offers his hand. He nods to the bartender who presses a button hidden under the counter that opens a hidden doorway. He escorts me through and we are standing in an empty room with only another door. The one we just passed through shuts and seals behind us and for the first time I feel a little fear. The room is well lit and I can see him clearly, handsome and charming. He can sense my fear and pulls me close to him so that my body is touching his, his eyes again lock to mine. Staring into me, I can feel him massage away the anxiety and he puts me in a trance like state. His words become my reality and the fear fades.
