Devilla
Abigail desired to date me.
Abigail
desired to
date
me.
Me!
No matter how many times or ways I repeated it, it failed to make sense in my head. It was too foreign a concept for me to wrap my mind around.
Lucy's stubborn misconception of me was one thing. She'd only seen the good I had to offer, so far... No, she was
choosing
to focus solely on the good and overlook what I'd hidden from her. She lacked an understanding of who I truly was, though. An understanding that
Abigail
, of all people, should have had! When had I ever caused her anything but trouble? What had I ever done to deserve her affection or insistence upon my worth?
I'd practically forced her into working for me, not to mention bedding me, all while withholding crucial information from her. I'd eventually informed her of my secrets, of course, along with my plan to leave the tower behind - and she'd called me stupid. She'd stood up to me and had convinced me to alter my plots.
What's more, she'd even taken it upon herself to remain active in my life, handling some things on my behalf. Even when my seemingly small request led her into a web of politics and lies and
Nivera,
of all people, she'd persisted in my name. She'd helped me without expecting anything in return.
She'd called me her
friend
. I'd thought it was the best I would ever get from her. It was far more than I deserved.
Yet now she apparently wanted to
date
me...
"Is everything alright?" Lucy asked from behind me while working an arm under my body to pull me in for a hug. We were currently sleeping together, as we often did, her naked body pressed against my own for warmth. Her breasts against my back, two weighty reminders of everything I'd gained and everything I could lose. Her love, her affection... it was already more than I deserved, yet now she was pushing me to seek even more?
"Why are you so invested in seeing me and Abigail together?" I asked, unable to resist. Though I wanted to treat it as a simple curiosity, my voice came out far more accusatory than I'd intended. Enough so that I flinched, worrying how she'd react.
"It's not really that I want to share you," Lucy told me in a surprisingly chipper tone. I could practically feel her smile across the back of my neck. "It's just that I don't see a reason not to? I'm pretty sure you'd push me towards anyone who you thought would be good for me, too..."
"Yes, but in my case it would be to ensure you still have support and love after you inevitably give up on me," I confessed. I would have shaken my head, were I not afraid of tickling her nose with my hair. "I understand the concept of polyamory. I might even be polyamorous myself. I certainly feel as if there's room in my heart for the both of you... or at least there would be, were the terror of potentially losing either of you not threatening to rend my heart asunder."
That
was
the problem, wasn't it? I didn't want to lose either of them. Ridiculous. I didn't
deserve
either of them, yet I was somehow certain that
both
would lecture me for thinking that way... Lucy would tell me that there was no 'deserving' anything when it came to love, only receiving it or not. Abigail, meanwhile, would insist that it wasn't my choice who she devoted her feelings towards.
"Both of you are wonderful," I admitted aloud. "Yet I have an easier time seeing you with one another than myself..."
"Well, I
did
ask her out," Lucy informed me before giving me a little squeeze. "For after her date with you, I mean. Maybe we can all date each other!"
'Or you could dump me for her
' was my immediate thought, but the words didn't leave my lips. I was certain the thought would anger Lucy, who would insist yet again upon her affection for me... affection I did believe to be genuine, but which I could not see lingering as she grew to know me better. No matter how much I wished otherwise.
"I just... don't want to lose either of you," I admitted at last. "You, who has helped me, held me, and believed in me. Abigail, who was first to greet me after I gained access to my past life memories. She supported me, stood by my side, and made me feel as if I wasn't alone in this world... If I were to lose either of you, I'm not sure what I'd do... how I'd handle it."
"Don't think about that!" Lucy told me, though it sounded less like an order and more like a plea. "Just think about how happy we can all be if it works out! Isn't that worth aiming for?"
"Bringing the two of you joy would be enough for me, even if I wasn't involved in it..." I felt Lucy tighten her grip around me and quickly added, "But I suppose it would be better if all three of us could achieve it together somehow."
"Hmm... I know you don't really think it's possible, but... I'm going to convince you otherwise! You'll see for yourself that you can be happy, and that others can be happy to have you around!"
"For my presence to bring something other than misery... I suppose that's a fantasy worth working towards, if nothing else."
"You've already succeeded! Look how happy you make me," Lucy insisted, somehow cuddling even tighter against me. I swear, she must have been squashing her boobs against my back.
Not that I was in any mood to back away...
"Fine," I uttered at last. "Fine. I'll go on a date with Abigail and see where it leads us..."
"And then I'll go on a date with her, too, and see where that goes!"
"If that will make you happy... then so shall it be."
Maybe they'd both figure out they were better off without me, or maybe they'd end up dating one another and cutting me loose. Maybe I'd get to stay a friend, or maybe they'd decide it too awkward, preferring to never see me again.
Or maybe, some small part of me whispered as I fell asleep, just maybe we could all be happy
together
in the end...
***
The next day came far too quickly. Not that I was dreading it, per se, but knowing that I had a date later that very night... Well, it was a bit nerve wracking, to put it lightly. Nevertheless, time kept on marching. I ate breakfast with Lucy, helped to put away the tent in my Empty Bag, and then scooped her up in a princess carry so that I could fly us towards our mysterious destination.
Lucy still hadn't told me where we were to have
our
date. The date that would directly follow my date with Abigail. Right before Lucy's date with her...
To distract myself, I eventually ended up focusing on something
else
that had been bugging me. Namely, my vision. It still bothered me that a mere lantern had ruined my night vision that one time, when I now knew that no such impedance should. Flying had reminded me of something else, though - during my first true long distance fight, I'd noticed that I could spot details fifty feet below me, to the point of being able to make out individual leaves on trees. While I wasn't entirely sure how impressive that was compared to what harpies and the like could manage, it seemed remarkably better than my day to day vision. Why?
Only one idea came to me, an easily testable one. Namely, I tried focusing on the trees I was flying over - and the world seemed to slow before my eyes. Suddenly, I could make out the leaves below me with ease, even spotting what looked to be a beetle atop one. Then, with the thought of returning my sight to normal, time snapped back to how it always was and the world blurred below me once more.
That... probably proved my theory correct. My senses - or at least my
eyes
- were not only highly adaptable, but incredibly
responsive
to my desires. My desires
or
unconscious expectations, if I had to guess. My eyes had misbehaved because I'd been thinking like a human, expecting myself to have human limitations despite all evidence to the contrary. Yet because I'd expected it, it became my reality...
I wondered what else that applied to. The ability to slow my perceived time was an obvious boon, but what about my other senses? What about my strength? If I was only ever as strong as I wanted or needed to be, then that might be the true reason I'd never struggled with accidentally breaking things, unlike Lucy. What about my durability? Was it possible for me to will myself to be frail? I had no intention of testing that out, but... it would probably be best to assume I was tough enough to handle anything, while preferably trying to avoid everything. If I feared an enemy's might too much, I might accidentally give it power over me, yet if I recklessly accepted an attack... I shuddered to think of the results. If nothing else, I'd receive endless lectures from Abigail for risking myself without certainty or necessity.
For now, I decided to experiment with something much safer by increasing my hearing range. Reducing it was... probably possible, but would be difficult to test. Lucy was focusing hard on keeping an aerodynamic wind shield around us to help us move faster and block out the sound as we flew. Increasing my hearing range, meanwhile, let me hear those same howling winds again. Much too loudly, in fact, as I'd naively tried to press the limits of how far I could push my hearing. It was enough to cause a mental overload so bad that I almost dropped out of the air for a moment.
"Eena?" Lucy called out after I'd straightened myself out. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I informed her, my cheeks bright red. "I was merely paying for hubris, so to speak... are you alright, though? I should have known better to experiment with you in my arms."
"I'm fine," Lucy promised, "but what were you experimenting on?"
