I was totally minding my own business. I mean totally. Strolling through the park reading an email on my phone, oblivious to what was around me. I was startled to hear an angry cry. Even more startled to have an angry redhead slap me as if she was trying to knock my head off.
I stumbled back a step, confused, only to receive another slap as she backhanded me across my other cheek. I was still trying to come to turns with this when she punched me in the stomach.
That was the point when I hastily turned side on, just knowing what would come next. I turned just in time as the knee intended for my testicles thudded into my side.
It dawned on me that I was well and truly getting my clock cleaned by a strange woman and prepared to defend myself. I wasn't sure how I'd do this without maiming the idiot so I prepared to run. I was saved by divine intervention.
"Sophie, stop. He's not my ex. He's the one running like a rabbit."
"Oh. Sorry," said my assailant and the two young women took off after the rabbit like bloodhounds on a scent. I wished him luck. He would probably need it.
I considered reporting it to the police but really? Tell them that a redhead not even half my size slapped the shit out of me? I don't think so. I would, however, remember those women and sometime I'd have a less than friendly chat with them.
Naturally I didn't see either of the young ladies in the park after that. Almost a month later, when I'd nearly forgotten the incident, I literally bumped into the second of the women as I was entering my condo.
"Fancy meeting you here? Does your manic friend Sophie also live in this condo?"
"Who are you and what do you want with Sophie?"
"My name is Mark. And you are?"
"Megan, and what do you want with Sophie."
"Do you and your friend assault so many men that you can't remember all your victims? I was the one in the park about a month ago. I just want to know if Sophie lives here so the police know where to find her."
"The police?"
"Naturally the police. Assault and battery is a serious crime."
"Oh my god. You didn't report it to the police. Tell me you didn't. It wasn't her fault."
"I'm damn sure it wasn't mine," I pointed out.
"She didn't mean it," pleaded my little blonde friend. "She was upset over what my ex did."
"And what heinous crime did he commit."
"He tried to rape me!"
I looked her over. A very nice figure pleasingly stacked on the upper deck. Naturally blonde with blue eyes that sought to capture a man and a totally innocent expression. She was wearing sandals, a flirty skirt that swung loosely around her legs, reaching to mid-thigh, a frilly and flimsy blouse, and a flimsy bra. (I could see her bra through the blouse and it certainly looked flimsy.)
"Tried to rape you, did he? Then I can excuse Sophie for beating up on him, but I wasn't your ex."
"But she thought you were. I'd just told her about what he did and mentioned that was him up ahead. She saw you walking along without a care in the world and just lost her temper."
"She didn't actually lose it," I said. "I know exactly where it went."
I checked her out again.
"I have to admit to some sympathy for your ex," I told her. "You look eminently rapable."
I could see the small bumps off her nipples pressing against her bra. I reached over and pressed one, pleased to see it react. Both of them reacted for that matter and were now noticeably pressing against her blouse.
"Uh huh. Noticeably rapable. Why don't you come up to my unit for a while."
"Well really," she said in a huffy tone. "This is because of Sophie, isn't it?"
"Certainly not," I denied. "This is purely between you and me."
"If I was stupid enough to go to your room you'd probably rape me. You just hinted that you would."
While talking the lift had arrived and we'd boarded. Her destination was a couple of floors higher than mine.
"You're slow but you do get there eventually," I said with a smile.
"And you expect me to tamely follow you?"
"You got it," I admitted cheerfully, ushering her out of the lift. "This way."
She followed me to my unit, protesting she wasn't ok with this the whole time. Me, I was trying to remember if I'd cleaned up that morning. I was pretty sure I had. Closing the door behind her I turned to look her over once more.
"While you look very nice dressed like that I'd rather see you without any clothes. Take them off," I said firmly.
"You can't make me," she retorted, unwilling to yield too easily.