"That young lady you asked us to watch for has just entered the store."
One of my minions broke the happy news to me. The young lady concerned was about twenty and was a petty thief and always seemed to get away with it. As far as I was concerned enough was enough and that woman had reached the limit and marched straight past it. She was reasonably well off and always promptly offered to pay for any goods that she'd absent-mindedly slipped into her pocket. It was her heart-felt apologies and willingness to immediately pay the cost of the goods along with a certain winsome appeal that had kept her out of trouble.
"Have someone keep an eye on her and as soon as she slips something into her pocket have her brought to see me. Don't bother waiting until she tries to leave the store without paying. Just haul her in."
"Ah, you realise that if we do that we can't charge her with anything. She's not officially guilty until she tries to leave the store without paying."
"I know. I'm not trying to crucify her. I just want to issue a warning that she'll have to take seriously. Knowing we're watching her will help."
Five minutes. That was all it took. There was a knock on the door and then Mike was ushering our pretty little thief in.
"Thanks, Mike," I said. "I'll take it from here."
Mike left and I indicated that she should take a seat.
"Why have I been brought here?" she demanded.
"Good morning, Miss Evans. May I call you Michelle? I'm Roy. I'm in charge of security here. If you look around you'll notice that I don't have any recording equipment here and I'm not giving you any formal warnings. This is strictly an off the record chat. The reason that you're here is because you're a sneaky little thief and I'm sick of it. Your latest attempt is currently sitting in your right pocket."
Mike had tapped his jacket to indicate where her putative loot was.
"You mean this?" she demanded, hauling out a tube of lipstick. An expensive brand and one that would probably suit her. "I wasn't trying to steal it and you can't say I was. I'd have paid for it before I left the store. There's no way you can say I was trying to steal it."
She was righteously indignant, confident that we'd over-reached grabbing her before she made the actual attempt.
"Quite right," I agreed. "That's why we grabbed you early. I didn't really want to have this chat while you were sitting in a police interview room. This way we can both agree that you've done nothing wrong. Yet."
"In that case I don't need to sit here and listen to you," she snapped, jumping to her feet.
"Sit down and shut up," I snapped right back. "If you try to leave you will be permanently barred from this store and from all the major stores in the mall."
She sat back down in a hurry.
"You can't do that," she gasped. "I'd sue."
"We can do that. We're a private company and can choose who we deal with. As long as we don't discriminate on race or religion or one of those things we can bar you. There's no protection for sneak thieves."
"How dare you?" If she'd been standing she'd have been dancing up and down in her temper. "I'm not a thief."
"Three times, by my counting, you've been caught leaving the store without paying for something. Each time you were terribly apologetic and saying you were distracted by something and just forgot, offering to pay on the spot. In cash at that, so you weren't caught trying to sneak something onto a full credit card."
"I have ample credit on my cards," she protested. "I just like to pay cash when I'm buying things. That's why I had the money on me. It wasn't my fault."
"I'd be more willing to believe that if I hadn't seen you going through the same rigmarole at another store," I said, smiling.
I don't think she liked the look of my smile. I don't know why? I've always been told I had a nice smile.
"I am just letting you know that the next time you get caught there will be repercussions, and you will be caught because we'll be watching you. You're now on our list of people to be watched. I will be quite willing to press charges and see you in the dock in court. You will find it a very lowering experience and you'll find the judge will not be quite as gullible as lowly sales people. You're an adult and you'll face the consequences as an adult."
"But it's not my fault," she said, starting to cry. "Honest it's not. I don't want to take things but something just makes me. Alright, I admit it. I'm a kleptomaniac. Are you satisfied that you've made me admit it? I'm getting treatment. Honest I am. I've even got a letter in my purse from my doctor explaining my affliction."
"I'm sure you have and I don't believe a word of it. I assume that your parents called a psych the first time you got caught and the fool believed you. Well, he would, wouldn't he? He gets paid for believing you and treating you."
"You don't believe me? Are you saying you know better than the psychiatrist who's treating me?"
"That's precisely what I'm saying. I'm saying you're a thief, plain and simple. You do it because you get a kick out of getting away with it and you think you can bribe or cry your way out of any real trouble. Not going to happen next time. Next time there will be real consequences."
"How dare you!"
"You keep saying that. Tell me, do you know what a kleptomaniac does?"
She looked at me a little blankly, not quite understanding the question.
"Ah, they steal things. They can't help it. It's just something they do."
"Quite right. It's interesting that you say it's something that they do rather than something you do. Do you know what sort of things they steal?"
She shook her head, still not getting what I was driving at.
"They steal anything that comes to hand. We do get the occasional real klepto and we keep an eye on them, relieving them of their goods on the way out. Some of them we even provide with a hiding spot so they can stash their loot. After they leave we just empty the stash and put the stuff away. It keeps them and us happy.
As to what they steal, whatever is convenient. It doesn't matter if they have a use for it or not. They're like magpies, grabbing pretties as they go. One woman was stealing cat litter because she found she could. She had fifty boxes of it at her home. She doesn't even own a cat.
We have one old lady who steals balls. All sorts of balls. Golf, tennis, ping pong, play, etc. She even tried to sneak out a fully inflated beach ball. She seemed quite surprised that we spotted her carrying off a ball with a three foot diameter.
You, on the other hand, only try to walk out with things that you can use. Not things that you'd give away but things you, personally, would use."
I looked significantly at the lipstick she'd intended to hoist.
"Not a klepto," I said, shaking my head, "but a common thief, in it for the kicks. Your fun ends now. Pick a new hobby. Maybe flower arranging or martial arts. Now why don't you run along and try to behave."
She bounced to her feet, glaring at me.
"You wouldn't dare have me arrested. Not when I've got that letter from my doctor. As long as I'm getting treated you can't touch me. It's not my fault I'm taking things because I'm sick."
"You keep telling yourself that. Just remember, if you get caught just once more I'll personally see that there are consequences and that you won't like them."
She turned away, flouncing towards the door. Just as she was about to open it I called out.
"Michelle."
"What?" she demanded, swinging back to face me.
"I believe you wanted to buy some lipstick," I said, indicating the tube still sitting on my desk.
She snatched the lipstick up, gave me a killer of a look, and flounced out of the room. I wondered how much of what I said got through to her.
None of it, apparently. Fifteen minutes later Mike knocked on the door and ushered Michelle back into the room. He placed three lipsticks on the desk.
"She tried to walk out with these in her pocket. When I pulled her up she said she forgot because she was so upset with you pulling her in for a lecture when she hadn't done anything. She offered to pay but I thought maybe she should discuss it with you."
"Thank you, Mike. Would you care to take a seat, Michelle?"
"Want me to call the police now?" asked Mike and I smiled as Michelle blanched.
"I don't think so. I'm sure that I can have a very informative little talk with Michelle and make her understand the errors of her ways."
Mike departed and I sat back, looking at Michelle and smiling. Once again she seemed to find my smile a little unsettling.
"This is all your fault," she snapped.