My name is Jenny Carter. I'm a nice white girl of twenty-eightâat least, I think I'm nice. Some of my friends think I'm a bit on the meek and mild side, and maybe I am. But I'm no pushover! I've always believed there should be pretty clear differences between the sexesâand society seems to have decided that it's women who should be the caregivers and nurturers of the species, so we should be sweet and kind and gentle andâwell,
nice.
Don't get me wrong: I don't like men to be mean and nasty and brutish or cruel. I love men who are strong and muscular, but they have to be respectful of women, otherwise it's no go. I've had a few relationships over the years, but they haven't worked out. I'm still looking for that perfect guy who is powerful without being rough, self-confident without being arrogant, smart without being a know-it-all, and tender without being soft. Is that too much to ask?
The thing that I'm going to describe happened one Wednesday night in summer. I have a tiny little two-bedroom house in a small town in Illinois, and I kept the windows open all through the house to get some cross-ventilation in. I don't have any air conditioning, so this is the best I could do. I ended up wearing my sheerest nightgownâa little baby-doll thing that only went down to the middle of my thighsâand tried to get to sleep.
About an hour after I went to bed, I heard something funny. The next thing I knew, there was a man in my bedroom.
He'd come in through the bedroom windowâsomehow he'd managed to remove the screen on the window.
Well, you can imagine that my heart just about stopped! I just gaped at him, clutching the thin bedsheet (it's all I was usingâno need for a blanket in this heat) up to my neck and wondering what he wanted and what he'd do.
He was not a very tall guy, and from what I could see of him (there was a bit of moonlight coming in through the window, so it wasn't pitch-dark) he looked pretty young, maybe twenty-four or twenty-five. All he was wearing was a T-shirt, shorts, and sneakers. Even in my terror I wondered why he wasn't wearing a ski-mask or something over his face, so that no one could recognize him. Maybe it was too hot!
I somehow found my voice, although my words really came out in a sort of croak. "What are you doing here? Youâyou'd better leave!"
The guy made no movement. He was standing only a few feet from my bed, gazing down at me. And the weird thing was that the expression on his face made him look . . . frightened.
Well, maybe he was scared because he'd officially committed a crime and might get sent to prison if he got caught. So I tried to use that to my advantage.
"You'd better get out of here right now!" I said in my best schoolmarm voice. But he didn't budge.
Then he knelt down next to my bed. What he did next surprisedâeven stunnedâme.
He reached a hand out and stroked my cheek tenderly. Then he muttered, more to himself than to me, "Oh, so pretty."
Now I don't think of myself as the Marilyn Monroe of my generation. I do hope that I'm one of those women that guys "won't throw out of bed" (ugh! what a horrible expression!). I have nice curves at bust and hips, and people say I have an appealing faceâregular features, Cupid's-bow mouth, bright green eyesâframed by soft auburn hair. Maybe I might even win a local beauty contest or twoâbut you won't see me in the swimsuit issue of
Sports Illustrated!
This guy kept stroking my cheek as if I were a stray cat he was trying to make friends with, so my sense of fear went away a little. If he really wanted to attack me, he would have done so already.
And then I suddenly realized I knew him. He lived in a house a few doors down from meâa house not much bigger than mine. I'd seen him around for a few weeks, so I guess he was new to the area. He must also have seen me going to work, coming home from work, tending to my garden, or whatever.
Is it possible that he'd developed a crush on me just from watching me, without even saying a word to me? I now began to sense that his fear might be due to extreme shyness. Maybe he'd never had a girl before!
So I tried a more gentle approach. "What's your name?" I said.
"Chris," he replied instantly.
I know it sound stupid, but the first thing that shot through my mind was:
Chris and Jenny. Jenny and Chris. Has a nice ring to it.
I guess I couldn't help itâit's what women think about a lot. Whenever they meet a new man (even under circumstances like this), they wonder: is this the guy I'll be linking my fate with for the rest of my life?
But that was silly. There was no way I'd have a relationship with this manânot after he'd broken into my house. But the trick was to get him
out
of my house without causing an incident.
"Chris," I said in the mildest tone I could manage, "I really think you need to leave. You shouldn't be here."
Now his caresses had moved down to the area of my neck and shoulders. He seemed afraid of going any lower.
"I won't hurt you," he whispered.
Well, thank heaven for that! I instinctively trusted him. Chris seemed the sort of guy who was just incapable of lying. Wish there were more like him!
I pulled out one of my hands from under the sheet and just held it against his own cheek. It was pretty smooth, and the skin was nice and soft.
"Chris," I began.
Then something strange happened.
He let out a moan, burst forth with "I'm so sorry!" in such an anguished voice that it squeezed and then heâ
Well, he lowered his head on my abdomen and began to cry.
Now don't get the impression that I don't think men should cry. In many ways I feel the world would be a better place if men
did
cry more often. A guy so often locks up his emotions within himself that they often come out in very destructive ways. Women long ago learned the benefits of tears.
I now felt sorry for this poor guyâhe was really in a lot of pain. I'm sure he was feeling guilty for invading my house and frightening me, but I think he was in some kind of agony becauseâwell, because of
me.
He wanted me, but didn't know how to approach me in the usual way. He was too bashful to strike up a conversation with me, or to knock on my door and say, "Hey, we're neighbors, let's get acquainted." A lot of guys are like that.