Mindfulness Exercise

When Allie saw the email from Georgina, a pit formed in her stomach. Georgina wanted to talk about Allie's latest report. Specifically, she wanted to talk about the quality of the report. This was bad -- very, very bad.

As Allie walked toward Georgina's office, she mentally drafted a list of items she needed to do. Pack up her desk. Update her LinkedIn profile. Connect with people in her network that could help her find a new job. After being fired from Wellington, one of the foremost analyst firms in the world, who would want her, though?

"You wanted to see me?" Allie kept her voice casual as she peeked into Georgina's office.

"Come on in, Allie." Georgina motioned the younger woman to take a seat. "Close the door behind you."

Closing the door meant you were going to get fired. Allie's stomach sank further. She sat down in the lightly padded chair across from Georgina's desk.

"This report," Georgina said slowly. "It's not up to your normal standard, Allie."

Allie bit back a sob. "I'm sorry, Georgina! Please don't fire me. Please give me a chance to fix it. I can fix it, I promise."

One of Georgina's perfectly shaped eyebrows rose. "I wasn't going to fire you, Allie."

Allie sniffled. She hadn't realized she had begun crying. "Oh, thank you, Georgina! Thank you. I promise, this report will be excellent-"

Georgina held up a hand. Allie stopped babbling.

"Many times, when we make mistakes at work, we're not focused," Georgina said. "Is there something that's making you lose your focus, Allie?"

Now that her firing wasn't imminent, Allie's shoulders slumped. "Being back at the office hasn't been the easiest transition," she admitted.

Georgina nodded. "Yeah, it's been difficult for a lot of people. There are suddenly new distractions to deal with that you haven't had for the past two years."

Allie nodded. Georgina had a reputation for being distant, even icy. It was nice to hear that she understood what her employees were going through.

"I've heard really good things about this app called Trankwill," Georgina continued. "It has mindfulness exercises. They might help with focus."

"That would be great, thanks!" Allie rose from her chair.

"I can put it on your phone now," Georgina said. She looked at Allie in a way that didn't brook hesitation. Or arguments.

"Yeah, sure," Allie said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. She pulled her phone out of her slacks and unlocked it before passing it to Georgina.

Georgina tapped on an icon, then some more buttons, and there was an interminable wait while the app loaded.

"All done," Georgina said, smiling. Allie didn't believe her eyes. Georgina didn't smile very frequently.

"Thanks," Allie said, taking her phone from Georgina. "I'll get started on that report."

Georgina shook her head. "No, I think these mindfulness exercises are important. I want you to take the rest of the afternoon off to use Trankwill."

"Um, okay." Allie didn't see that one coming. "I'll go home and use the app."

"Good." Georgina smiled again. Wow, twice in one day -- was Allie also going to win the lottery? Well, you couldn't win if you didn't play. Maybe she should buy a ticket on her way home. "After you've used it, let me know how it went."

Once she got back to her apartment, Allie changed out of her slacks and sweater and into a t-shirt and yoga pants. She was still a little in shock that she had been sent home to do a mindfulness exercise. But, if it was important to Georgina, and it meant her keeping her job, she wouldn't complain.

Allie found the app on her phone quickly. The icon was a green T. Was it her imagination, or did it shimmer slightly? After setting up her yoga mat, she sat down on it and tapped on the icon to open the app.

The name of the app materialized against a background of muted blues and greens. The blues and greens shifted and shimmered. Maybe I wasn't imagining it after all, Allie thought. There was background noise, too -- wind rushing through the trees. The sound was gentle, soothing.

A menu appeared. Allie scrolled through the options until she found Focus. She figured mindfulness exercises would be under that. She tapped the Focus icon. Another menu came up, with an option for mindfulness exercise at the top.

Allie tapped on the menu option. A female voice began speaking. Her voice was warm, soft, and reassuring. When you listened to her, you felt like you were doing the right thing.

"Hello," the voice said. "Today, we're going to do a mindfulness exercise."

"Okay," Allie said. Since she was by herself, she didn't feel silly talking to an app.

"Lie down on your back and close your eyes," the voice instructed. Allie did as she was told, putting her phone on the floor by her side.

"Mindfulness is about being fully present, not being distracted or overwhelmed by what's going around you," the voice said. "We're going to do an exercise today that will help you concentrate more fully and be less distracted."

"Okay," Allie repeated.

"Let's start by taking a deep breath through our nose," the voice said. "We're going to hold that breath for a count of three. Then, we'll release it through our mouths."

Allie took a deep breath just as the voice instructed.

"Let's do that again," the voice said. "As you're breathing, think about how the air feels, entering your nose. Think about how the air feels as you hold it in your lungs. When you release, focus on how it feels as the air leaves your mouth."

Allie had never really thought about her breathing before. It was just something she did. Having to focus on it gave her a new appreciation for the act.

"To improve our focus, we're going to scan our bodies," the voice continued. "Scanning one's body means that you take a mental inventory of how each part of your body feels."

"Let's do this," Allie said to the app.

Starting at her feet, the voice asked Allie to focus on each body part, thinking about how it felt, the sensation of the air on her skin, how it felt to move it or tighten and relax the muscle. Allie had never done that before, never paid attention to the feel of fabric or air against her body, much less specific body parts.

Then, the voice came to her hips. "To be mindful, we have to pay attention to every physical sensation," the voice said. "Physical sensations can be run-of-the-mill, such as the feeling of air against bare skin. They can also be more pleasurable, like when you wear silky lingerie."

How does the app know I wear silky lingerie? Allie wondered.

"Think back to a time when you felt pleasure in your hips, or between your hips, or in your buttocks," the voice instructed.

That's easy, Allie thought. The last time she felt pleasure between her hips was two days ago, when she used her vibrator. She hadn't had time to date recently, and the thought of meeting another banker bro or lawyer at a bar made her stomach curdle.

"What did that feel like?" the voice asked. "What sensations when through your body? Remember what those sensations felt like. Remember how good the pleasure felt in your body."

Allie remembered the buzz of the vibrator against her clitoris. She remembered warm, liquid pleasure she felt pooling between her legs. She remembered the explosive orgasm that followed.

She opened her eyes and looked at her hand. How had it gotten between her legs? She should stop rubbing. She should focus on being present and mindful.

"It's okay if you want to relive that moment of pleasure," the voice assured her. "It's okay to want to feel pleasure again and be in the moment of that pleasure."

Well, if the voice said it's okay, Allie reasoned. Might as well take off the yoga pants. And the underwear, too.

"Take as much time as you need to relive that pleasure," the voice told her. "As you feel the pleasure coursing through your body, pay attention to the exact sensations. Notice how good you feel. Maybe you'll feel warmth, or even heat. Maybe you'll feel sensations in other parts of your body, such as your chest."

"My chest," Allie repeated. She pulled her shirt over her head. Next, the sports bra came off. Her large breasts fell to the sides. One hand slid between her legs while the other plucked at her nipple.

Oh, that was good. That might have even been better than the other night, when Allie hadn't been playing with her breast.

The voice had gone silent after encouraging her relive her last experience of pleasure. So, Allie decided to take her time. Besides, it felt so good. Rivers of pleasure flowed through her body. When she played with her breast, the pleasure traveled straight to her clitoris. Allie moaned. The sound came out of her mouth without a trace of self-consciousness. I'm enjoying myself, she thought. Why can't I moan?

The river was threatening to spill its banks. Her entire body was hot, yet she shivered as she got closer to orgasm. Allie remembered what the voice had said about paying attention to the exact sensations. She felt her body shaking as the pleasure intensified. She felt a pressure building up between her legs. She felt so fucking close to orgasm. She felt like she wanted the feeling to continue forever, while also feeling like she had to come right now.

"Ahhh!" Allie moaned. The river overflowed. The pressure built up beyond its breaking point. Her back arched in a spasm of pleasure. She lay on her yoga mat panting.

"Didn't that feel so good?" the voice asked tenderly. "Didn't it feel so good to relive that pleasure?"

"Yeah," Allie replied, a wide smile on her face.

"Would you like to feel that good all the time?" the voice asked.

Allie's smile widened. "Yeah."

"There's something that's holding you back," the voice told Allie. Her smile faded, replaced by a frown.

"Your mind gets too distracted by other things to focus on pleasure all the time," the voice explained. "Your mind is the problem."

"My mind is the problem," Allie repeated fervently.

"Your mind is the problem," the voice intoned. "If you want to feel pleasure all the time, you have to stop thinking."

"I have to stop thinking," Allie said urgently.

"You have to stop thinking," the voice repeated. "Imagine your thoughts draining from your body like water in a bathtub. The water swirls before it disappears down the drain. Your thoughts are circling the drain. Circling the drain. Circling the drain..."

"My thoughts are circling the drain," Allie repeated. "Circling the drain, circling the drain..."

"Your thoughts are slowly swirling away," the voice said. It was low and soothing. Something about the voice made you want to listen. You felt you had to listen. Everything the voice said was so important...

"My thoughts are slowly swirling away," Allie said tonelessly.

"Your mind is empty," the voice said. "It's ready to be filled with pleasure. It's ready to be filled with pleasure endlessly."

"My mind is empty," Allie repeated. "It's ready to be filled with pleasure. It's ready to be filled with pleasure endlessly."

"You know what you have to do now, Allie," the voice said.

Allie picked up her phone with the fingers that hadn't been furiously rubbing her clitoris. She dialed a number. When the other person picked up, she said, "Your mindless slut is ready, Mistress."

At the other end of the line, Georgina smiled. "Good. I'll be right over."

Before she left the office, Georgina made a call. She didn't think the other person would answer, but she was okay with leaving a message. As she expected, the other woman didn't pick up. At the sound of the beep, Georgina spoke. "Hi, Megan!" she said cheerily. "It's Georgina. Thanks for introducing me to Trankwill. One of my employees just tried it out. I'm going to check out the results right now. I owe you one." She ended the call and left her office, eager to see exactly how well the app worked.