A Commanding Weaness

There was something weird going on with Captain Vasser.

That was the starting point Doctor Yuzuko Hiraga kept coming back to, as she anxiously reviewed her notes whilst waiting for the captain to come and visit her in the Inyx's medbay. It wasn't a lot to go on, frustratingly, but it was a conviction that had been growing within her ever since she'd caught sight of Captain Vasser leaving the holodeck a week before. She'd tried to dismiss the feeling a hundred times, but she just couldn't. Deep down, she knew it.

There was something weird going on with Captain Vasser.

She had seemed so unlike herself when Dr. Hiraga had seen her that day, overstaying on her holo-rec time. For one, the captain she knew would never, ever lose track of time. She was far too strict, especially with herself. And for another, Captain Vasser wouldn't be caught dead looking so messy and disheveled. Even that could have been dismissed as a rare, momentary lapse, but what truly bothered Dr. Hiraga was how she had seemed so oblivious to it. It was as if she'd been in some kind of strange daze.

It wasn't normal and it wasn't right. As the ship's doctor, Dr. Hiraga needed to get to the bottom of it - but discreetly. The last thing she wanted was to publicly undermine Captain Vasser.

And so, she had privately asked Captain Vasser to attend a medical appointment in the hopes that she could get a feel for what was wrong.

Dr. Hiraga adjusted her thick-rimmed glasses one more time, and then tried to sit still behind her desk and look like she had been in the middle of something unimportant.

With a muted, familiar hiss, the medbay's doors slid open, and through them walked Captain Yvonne Vasser, looking as formidable as ever in her neat, perfectly-tailored uniform.

"Doctor," the captain said, favoring Dr. Hiraga with a small smile. "Let's make this quick, shall we?"

"Of course, captain."

Dr. Hiraga beckoned for Captain Vasser to take a seat. Seeing her like this, it was all but impossible to imagine her as anything other than an invulnerable pillar of dignity and professionalism. Her hair was, as usual, in a stern ponytail, and her gaze betrayed no hint of the nerves and anxiety Dr. Hiraga was used to seeing in her patients.

It was almost enough to make her doubt herself. Nothing was ever wrong with Captain Vasser, right? Simply being in her presence was a comfort. Dr. Hiraga knew that some of the Inyx's crew were afraid of her. They thought of her as a haughty, terrifyingly-perfect, disciplinarian robot of a captain. But to Dr. Hiraga, Captain Vasser was simply perfect.

"So," Captain Vasser began, "what's this all about?"

Dr. Hiraga adjusted her glasses nervously. "I've decided to set up some appointments with the senior crew. We all know it's been a long tour out here on the rim, chasing after Wasp. There's a lot of pressure on officers like Lieutenant Kuznetzov and Chief Carter to not let standards slip. I thought it might be helpful to discuss mental health and wellness in a professional context."

"That's very diligent, doctor," Captain Vasser commented approvingly.

"T-thank you." Dr. Hiraga's heart skipped a beat, and she silently prayed that she wasn't blushing. "So, um, I thought: where better to start than the captain?"

"How thoughtful." Captain Vasser laughed politely. "But I'm afraid I don't think we'll have much to talk about."

When Captain Vasser laughed like that, her whole face lit up. Her eyes sparkled. To Dr. Hiraga, it was a rare, precious moment, like catching a sunset. Captain Vasser never let her guard down around her subordinates, but with a doctor, in a private setting, it was a little different. It made Dr. Hiraga feel blessed, and she had to pause to bask in the moment.

The feeling it gave her, though, was also an uncomfortable reminder of why she felt so conflicted about what she was doing.

Dr. Hiraga had a massive crush on Captain Vasser.

It was embarrassing. Mortifying. Completely and totally unprofessional. What kind of doctor developed feelings for someone under her care? Worse, the captain of her ship! There were a hundred reasons nothing would ever come of it even if Captain Vasser returned her affections - which would have been nothing short of a miracle, Dr. Hiraga was sure. She was just a boring doctor. How would she ever catch the eye of a woman like Captain Vasser?

Her feelings made navigating situations like these difficult, to say the least. It was difficult to act like a professional when simply being in Captain Vasser's presence reduced the doctor to a blushing schoolgirl. She was thirty-four, for goodness' sake! She needed to pull herself together.

And, more pointedly, it made her seriously worried about her professional judgment when she was considering prying into Captain Vasser's personal affairs.

"Doctor?" Captain Vasser ventured.

Dr. Hiraga started nervously when she realized she'd been zoning out. She tried to cover her blush by adjusting her glasses. "Yes! Um... well, that is, I wanted to ask... have you been feeling alright recently?"

Captain Vasser smiled politely at her. "Yes, of course."

"Nothing on your mind?" Dr. Hiraga prompted hopefully. "Nothing's bothering you? Nothing you'd care to get off your chest?"

Captain Vasser shook her head. "I'm perfectly fine, doctor."

Dr. Hiraga paused for a moment to judge her next move. It was very tempting to just let the whole thing go, but she knew her curiosity would keep eating at her.

"Captain, please don't take this the wrong way," she began hesitantly, "but I happened to notice that you've been spending an awful lot of time in the holodeck recently. That's your right, of course. It's your ship. But... it's unusual for you. And sometimes, when I see crew members doing this, it can be an indication of serious stress. Of trying to get away from reality."

Dr. Hiraga couldn't bear to continue. She just hoped the captain wasn't too angry at her. Mercifully, though, Captain Vasser just cocked an eyebrow, amused.

"Been checking the holodeck logs, have we, doctor?" she asked.

Dr. Hiraga blushed. "W-well, in this instance, it's simply part of my job. I didn't mean to-"

"It's quite alright." Captain Vasser held up a hand. "There's no harm in seeing who's using the holodeck. It's not as though you can see what they're doing with it. And I understand your intentions. Doctor, any ship would be lucky to have a medical officer with your level of care and attention."

Dr. Hiraga's blush deepened, although her joy at being complimented by the captain was undercut by her guilt at how dishonest she was being.

"In my case, though, it's nothing to worry about," Captain Vasser continued. "I've just been sinking my teeth into a little project lately. I thought it would be wise to pick up a hobby, especially since it's been so long since our last encounter with the hacker we're chasing. Wouldn't you agree?"

"O-oh, right," Doctor Hiraga replied. "Y-yes, of course. Very, um, healthy."

She felt like a fool. A new hobby? That made perfect sense. It was obvious, really. She'd probably been worrying about nothing.

"So, will there be anything else?" Captain Vasser asked.

"No, I don't think so." Dr. Hiraga tried to put on a brave face and maintain her professional demeanor, smiling as the two of them stood. "I just wanted to check in, that's all. Although please remember: my door is always open, captain."

"Thank you, doctor," Captain Vasser replied warmly, before leaving medbay to return to her duties.

Dr. Hiraga sighed as she sank back down into her chair. What was she going to do now?

***

Hours later, at the end of her duty shift, Captain Vasser was still playing on Dr. Hiraga's mind. At first, her explanation seemed to clear everything up, but now the doctor wasn't so sure. A new hobby didn't explain why she'd looked so disheveled and acted so strangely that day she'd seen the captain leaving the holodeck. It was such a small thing, but Dr. Hiraga couldn't quite let it go. Her gut was telling her something. There had to be an explanation. A reason. There had to be.

It was still tormenting her when, just as she was leaving medbay, the communicator she wore on her chest started to beep.

She tapped the badge at once, fully alert. "This is the doctor. Is there a medical emergency?"

"No, doctor, don't worry." The sound of the captain's voice sent a chill down Dr. Hiraga's spine. "I know you've just come off duty, and I was actually hoping you might be able to do me a small favor. In a... personal capacity."

Dr. Hiraga's heart skipped a beat. "O-of course!"

"Wonderful," Captain Vasser said over the communicator. "Then, could you please come to the holodeck? I'd like to show you what I've been working on."

"Oh! Um. Yes, absolutely." Another heartbeat skipped. "I'll be right there."

"Thank you." The captain closed the channel.

Dr. Hiraga couldn't believe what had just happened. A personal invitation? From the captain? It was like a dream come true. And from the sounds of it, all her questions were about to be answered.

But that wasn't truly what was getting her secret hopes up. Rather, it was the way Captain Vasser's voice had been filled with a kind of breathy, intimate urgency Dr. Hiraga had never heard before.

It had sounded, in a word, like flirting.

Dr. Hiraga couldn't quite bring herself to believe it. But it did put a little frisk in her step as she headed over to the nearest turbolift as quickly as she could.

As the turbolift carried her through the Inyx and toward the holodeck, Dr. Hiraga took a moment to inspect her reflection in one of the metal walls. She wanted to look good for the captain, even if it was nothing more than a friendly invitation. Unfortunately, the long duty shift had taken its toll. Dr. Hiraga was tired, and looked it. Her point of pride was her long, silky hair, which she always wore up in a fetching crown braid, but by now more than a few hairs were coming loose, and there was no time to do anything more than try to tuck them away out of sight. People said her big eyes, the color of chocolate, were pretty, but they said that about everyone. Dr. Hiraga wished she had time to run back to her quarters and put on a little makeup, but it wouldn't do to keep the captain waiting.

The sound of the turbolift door opening made the doctor jump, and she blushed even though nobody was there. That was a relief. It wouldn't do for the crew to see her preening like that. Dr. Hiraga hurried out of the lift and walked over to the holodeck.

She presented herself to the door, but it appeared to be locked. After taking one last moment to adjust her glasses and muster her courage, she tapped her badge. "Captain? I'm here."

There was no reply, but the door slid open.

As Dr. Hiraga walked into the holodeck and crossed the threshold of the holographic projection playing within, she heard the door close and lock behind her. That was unusual, but Dr. Hiraga was immediately and completely distracted by the situation she found herself in.

It was a perfect recreation of the captain's quarters.

It had to be. It was clearly still the Inyx, and on a ship like that only the captain would have quarters as spacious as these. There was something disorienting about walking into a holodeck and finding yourself in just another part of the starship, but even more surprising than that was the mood.

The lights were dim and warm. There was some low, swinging music playing from hidden speakers. The bed was prominent, and its freshly-made sheets were scattered with rose petals.

There was no mistaking it. This was romantic.

Dr. Hiraga immediately started panicking.

"Welcome, doctor," said Captain Vasser. "Thank you for coming."

She was emerging from the bathroom, and the way she looked made Dr. Hiraga's jaw drop. Captain Vasser's hair was down, which Dr. Hiraga had never seen before. It made her look shockingly casual. She was out of her uniform too, which was another first. Even better, she was wearing a very long gown wrapped tight around her body, all the way up to her neck. Dr. Hiraga couldn't tell if she was wearing anything underneath, and the garment looked tantalizingly easy to unravel.

Dr. Hiraga's cheeks started to burn. This was a fantasy come to life, but it made her feel as anxious as it did elated. This was exactly a fantasy come to life. A specific fantasy, one that Dr. Hiraga had played out in her mind's eye again and again. But that was impossible.

"C-captain," Dr. Hiraga replied awkwardly, struggling to keep calm. "Um...what can I do for you? Is it something medical?"

She couldn't assume anything, no matter how obvious it seemed. The last thing the doctor wanted was to make a fool of herself.

"Isn't it obvious?" Captain Vasser replied playfully. "Can't you guess?"

Dr. Hiraga's cheeks were burning. "I-I'm afraid not."

Captain Vasser laughed. "Let's not beat around the bush. You and I - we have a connection, don't we?"

The doctor's eyes went wide. She knew that line. She knew it because she'd programmed it herself. Months ago, in a moment of absolute shame and unbearable yearning, she'd started working on a holodeck scenario that would have allowed her to play out some of her fantasies with the captain. She'd never gone through with it, of course. It had felt far too disrespectful to Captain Vasser. But she'd never quite gotten around to deleting the half-completed files either.

But this Captain Vasser wasn't a hologram. The scenario wasn't functional. It had never been finished. This was real.

Dr. Hiraga struggled to find the words to respond as she fought to wrap her mind around that. "W-well, um, yes, I mean, I've always felt we work well together, speaking as two professionals, and-"

"Oh, doctor." Captain Vasser cut her off with a low chuckle. "I'm not talking about anything professional, I can assure you."

Another line from her holodeck scenario. That had to mean something, but Dr. Hiraga was too flustered to figure out what.

"Then..." she ventured nervously, unable to keep the hope out of her voice.

Captain Vasser took a few slow, swaying steps toward her. "You know, doctor, I've always admired you."

"I've always admired you too," Dr. Hiraga replied hopelessly. "I mean you're so... just... wow."

"Thank you," Captain Vasser purred. Hearing her purr like that was unbelievable. "And so are you. In fact, I just can't hold myself back any longer."

That was another line from her holodeck scenario, but Dr. Hiraga was so caught up in the fantasy, she barely noticed. "You can't?"

Captain Vasser nodded, and moved closer. "You're lovely, doctor."

Dr. Hiraga couldn't keep the dumb grin from her face. "I... oh my goodness, just hearing you say that is...."

Captain Vasser stepped closer still - close enough that she could reach up and stroke her fingertips along the doctor's burning cheek. The warmth of her touch was further confirmation. This was real, even if it was still a virtual mirror of what Dr. Hiraga had half-programmed into the holodeck.

"Do you feel the same way about me?" the captain asked.

"Yes!" Dr. Hiraga blurted out. "God yes. You're... captain, you're the most amazing woman I've ever known. And... I can't believe how beautiful you look."

"Thank you." Captain Vasser grinned. She took hold of Dr. Hiraga's arm and started to guide her, gently but commandingly, over to her bed. "Then, what are we waiting for?"

Dr. Hiraga let out a nervous giggle. Her head was spinning. "W-wait! Um... not that I don't want to, but... isn't this... a little fast?"

That was half of what she was thinking. The other half was all about her fantasies. The ones she had tentatively added into her holodeck scenario before chickening out. The secret, shameful fetishistic ones she'd never shared with anyone else. Dr. Hiraga couldn't help but glance down at Captain Vasser's body, hidden under her long gown. Was she wearing anything underneath? It was impossible to tell.

"Are you really going to tell me you don't want this?" Captain Vasser replied, an undiminishable smile on her face. Despite her protest, Dr. Hiraga couldn't help moving with her toward the bed.

"I do!" Dr. Hiraga insisted. "I do, I promise. M-more than anything. But... aren't there rules about this? Fraternization, chain of command, acceptable power dynamics..."

"I'm the captain," Captain Vasser said firmly. "The Inyx is my ship. I make the rules. I'll take care of it all. Whatever it takes."

Hearing that was like a drug. Whatever her reservations, Dr. Hiraga couldn't help but lose herself to the moment. She didn't resist as Captain Vasser guided her to sit down on the edge of her bed.

The captain remained standing directly in front of her. It was a flustering reminder of their considerable height difference. Up close, Captain Vasser's body was even more stunning. She had aged gracefully into her thirties, and it was obvious that she kept herself in ferociously good shape.

Again, Dr. Hiraga's thoughts drifted to sinful places. Was the captain naked beneath her gown? That would have been a dream, and yet the doctor couldn't help but wish for something else instead.

"Doctor," Captain Vasser said. Her voice commanded the doctor's attention effortlessly, but it was different from the voice she used when she was giving orders from the bridge. It was secret. Intimate. "Do you want me?"

Dr. Hiraga knew that if she said 'yes', there would be no turning back. She wanted that more than anything in the world. And yet the old adage rang in her ears: if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. The captain wasn't acting normally. Perhaps she hadn't been for weeks. If something was truly wrong with her, as Dr. Hiraga had been suspecting, it wouldn't be right to take advantage.

"It's not that I don't want to," she replied regretfully. "I promise, with all my heart, that I do. But... I want to do this properly. Let's take it a little slower, OK?"

She braced herself for the worst. For anger. For rejection. What Dr. Hiraga wasn't ready for, though, was for Captain Vasser to simply reach down, untie the belt of her gown, and shrug it off from her shoulders.

Dr. Hiraga gasped when she saw what the captain had on underneath.

From her neck all the way down to her ankles and her wrists, Captain Vasser was wearing a black bodysuit. It was perfectly skintight; it hugged her mature curves close and left absolutely nothing to the imagination. There was no mistaking its eroticism. Seeing anyone like that would have made Dr. Hiraga stare; seeing the captain, of all people, like that had her completely dumbstruck.

But it wasn't the form of the bodysuit that truly made the doctor's mouth water, and drove every last thought out of her head. It was the material. The bodysuit was made of black, shiny rubber, polished to such a mirror sheen that it reflected each one of the holodeck's dim lights in bright shapes that contoured perfectly to the curves of Captain Vasser's body. Dr. Hiraga had seen bodysuits like this before - in fantasy and pornography, if not reality - and she recognized it immediately.

It was latex.

Dr. Hiraga's love of latex was her deepest secret. Her greatest fetish. She'd never told anyone about it. Exploring kinks was difficult for someone in her profession - a starship doctor, working for the Alliance - and she had always struggled to imagine how to articulate her feelings. Compared to the kinds of fantasies that other people had, fetishizing a simple clothing material seemed strange. Abstract, almost.

But that didn't stop her craving for it from being all-consuming.

"Do you like it, doctor?" Captain Vasser asked, a strange smile on her face. "I can see that you do."

Dr. Hiraga nodded dumbly. She could scarcely believe this. Did the captain, her crush, of all people, secretly share her kink? That was too much. It was impossible. And yet...