I'm ashamed to admit this... The hell I am! I was flying high in my wildest dream. Think about it: I had three lingerie-clad college girls who were eager to share me with each other in any sexual way I devised. All that power, all that energy, all that desire. There's no surprise I started our night together with a swashbuckling dildo swordfight.
"Sword" might be an overstatement. The bright green foot-and-a quarter double dong in Alex's hands was a little too floppy compared to the pair of silicone vibrators I wielded in the icepick grip.
"Avast, scoundrel!" Alex shed all of her giggles and played her character straight. She raised her weapon into a guard possession. Her face turned positively villainous. I salvaged all of those giggles and ramped them up into manly guffaws until I was laughing in her face. She didn't make it any easier. "Your booty will be mine, scurvy dog."
"Oh no!" Sam was no actress. She slipped up behind me and her hands ran over my shoulder and side. "Save us, Dildo-Ninja! You're our only hope."
"Um? Can I surrender to Alex?" Max asked from my other side.
I had survived innumerable swordfights with my brother. Broom handles, sticks in the woods... Mom couldn't wrap Christmas presents without adding to our cardboard tube arsenal. Turns out, with all that experience, I knew nothing. Alex stepped forward, sliding between a playful two-bladed crosscut, and uppercutted me. If she had a real blade, I'd have had my sternum split in half. She hadn't expected the give of her weapon. The dildo snaked up my chest and whipped me in the chin.
"Gene!" Alex broke character in worry. I swayed back; she stepped in, unguarded. I spun around her and grabbed her by the waist. My sex-daggers pointed between her breasts and towards her thighs.
"You got her!" Sam cheered.
"Oh no!" Alex turned her head up to me. "Am I to walk the plank?" She wiggled her butt. "'Cause that's a big plank."
So, the laughing didn't help. I really wanted to go all in on the game. The invitation shone in her eyes, overloading my lizard brain until I pulled her tighter against me. However, I was still trying to stab her with dildos. I had finally made my parents proud.
"Captain! Now!" Max surprised us all. She spun along our left side and ran the side of the suction-cup-bottomed dildo across my ribs. I let go of Alex and feigned the wound.
"Wait? I thought we were trying to all get captured and ravished by Gene?" Sam asked. "What're you doing, Max?"
"The fight's not over yet!" Alex recovered her footing and her 'sword' floated dangerously in front of her. Max is not a sneak. She was up on her tiptoes and had her weapon overhead. I tapped Max in the hollow of the throat and dropped that dildo to the floor. I grinned. I snagged the redhead and made for the captain. I had grabbed Max's nightie above her breasts and pulled her to me.
"I've got your little spy, uh, Blondebeard?" We hadn't really dug into the characters before we started the scene. Oh God! What was my motivation! Max found the name Blondebeard to be ecstatically funny. Do you know how hard it is to maintain a human shield who is five hundred percent giggles?
"I was thinking 'Captain Hooker'." Sam shoveled coal into Max's giggle engine.
"Your plan has failed, landlubber!" Alex flourished her sword. "Now I'll-"
Alex was ticklish. Sam got her right below the ribs and in her elbow. The theatre major collapsed, laughing, kicking, and flinching from Sam's fast fingers. I squatted down and stroked red hair. Max had collapsed onto her butt on my feet.
"Disarm Blondebeard and tickle her down! Join the winning side," I told her.
"Is it the dark side? It's more fun to play the bad guy and, uh, pirates are badder than ninjas. I think."
"Go." I pushed her and she scrambled up. Max knew exactly where to strike, inside Alex's thighs and behind the blonde's knees. I swaggered over, kicked aside the dildo, and looked down on the three of them.
"You're all mine now," I told Alex.
"What-Oh my God! Girls-" Cackling flinching laughter. She found her voice a moment later, but she was still under assault and breathless. "What's going to happen to me?"
"Rum, sodomy, and the lash," Sam declared. I snorted at her affected threatening tone.
"There's not enough rum for everyone," I tutted, shaking my head.
"Sure, stop! Uncle! I surrender!" Alex started tapping the floor, the coffee table, Max's shoulder, and Sam's knee. "Oh my god!"
Her face reddened, her hair whipped, her body spasmed; she was lovely. I smirked.
"You do have rum! There's two bottles. One in the fridge and the other in the cupboard." Alex pointed. That opened her armpit. Max attacked.
"All three, then?" I made sure to bare all of my teeth. I wasn't unable to smile in the moment. "You're in for a hell of a night."
"Oh." Max stopped tickling. The meaning of Sam's words percolated through to her brain. Alex's eyes went wide as her lips flattened in surprise. "Oh. Wow."
"Hey?" Max asked. "Do you want me to start pouring drinks?"
"Are you in help-everybody-out mode or-"
"I'm fully charged from the magic boots." She disabused me of my worries. "Oh, and um. Can you help me put this on?"
She slid across the table and lifted a strapon harness with her index finger.
"Whoa?" Sam's eyes had gone wide and her hands were waving to slow us all down for a moment. "I thought that was in the joke pile."
"There's a joke pile?" Alex and Max could've jinxed each other in that moment.
"There's not?" Sam seemed shocked. She picked up a glass shape with a bulb on one end and a ring on the other. "I mean, this is supposed to be for butts."
Max looked at Alex. Alex shrugged. Max seemed shocked. I almost spoke. I was going to say something not unlike, "Of course, Sam, we're not going to do anything you're not comfortable with."
"Girls have butt sex. I've known sluts who bragged about it. You're not going to try that kinda thing? With Gene?" Alex dared Sam. "Would a drink help?"
"I think so." Sam frowned. "Would it?"
She was asking me. I almost got to say my piece about not pushing her again. I wanted to say: "It might make it easier to get out of your head, is that what you mean by 'help'?" I didn't get a chance before Max fielded this one.
"Please, the only thing we've ever done when we drink is complain, leave early, and go to sleep." Max shrugged.
"I can remember at least one time it was different. The night we met Gene," Sam said.
