It isn't quite desperation in her fingers, but she's certainly in a hurry as she tugs at the button and zip on my jeans: either she's worried that I might stop her, not much chance of that, or more likely, she just plain wants to get in there.
And get in there she does: although at one point she'd tugged so hard on the zip that it had momentarily jammed, she'd paused, taken a breath to calm herself, then eased it up to release it before slowly sliding it all the way down.
There hadn't been much of a lead up to this. I'd hardly known her before today, in fact I still hardly know her.
We live on the same long lane and I regularly pass this way each time I go deeper into the woods.
Until recently it had been "their" house. I'd occasionally seen one or the other of them in their garden and, in a neighbourly gesture, I'd waved and they'd waved back. But that had been it; the sum total of my "knowing" them/her.
But then, two months ago, her husband had, what I understand to have been unexpectedly, died.
There had been a funeral, to which I hadn't been invited, hadn't expected to be. And a wake, also to which I hadn't been invited, and again I hadn't expected to have been.
I hadn't seen her since all that, and, honestly, I hadn't really thought about her. Until this morning.
When she'd knocked on my door.
A very slender woman, similar height as me, possibly in her 70s with grey hair tied tightly back in a short ponytail, wearing jeans and an oversized white tee-shirt. And, even though her face rang no bells with me, I'd had the vague feeling that I knew her from somewhere,
She'd smiled. 'Hello, I live down the lane and I was wondering if you could help me with something.'
It had dawned on me who she was. 'Ah yes, you......your......' I'd paused, not knowing what to say and suddenly concious of saying the wrong thing.
'Yes, he died.' She'd seemed a bit matter of fact about it.
'Oh......yes......I'm sorry.' I'd tried to sound sympathetic.
'Thank you.' Again she hadn't seemed too concerned.
And, in an effort to overcome my slight embarrassment at nearly saying the wrong thing, I'd said, 'Please, come in, would you like a tea or coffee?'
'Thank you, a tea would be lovely.' She'd replied and followed me into the kitchen. 'Nice place, must be quite old.'
'Thank you, yes, two hundred years at least. I can't find much information about it, just seems to have been one of the few built along the lane for the woodsmen and estate workers. Most of them have been swallowed up into bigger houses: you can still see that some of them have this in them, your's would probably have been one of these originally. I was told by the engineer who did the buyers survey for me that this was the original part of the house and everything else was added later.' I'd said, still trying to cover my embarrassment.
'Seems the perfect size for you?'
I'd had the impression that there was a question in there. 'Yes, perfect size for just little old me,' I'd shrugged. 'I think so anyway.'
And after putting the mugs of tea down I'd held out my hand. 'I'm David, a pleasure to meet you.'
She'd taken my hand in a light handshake, her's was small and delicate. 'Hello David, I'm Jen, a pleasure to meet you too.'
I'd held her hand for a second longer than I'd needed to, enjoyed the warmth of it. And in those couple of seconds I'd studied her.
She had a narrow angular face that seemed quite severe but her smile showed bright white teeth and crinkled her blue eyes into a fine web of crows feet. It was a pleasant face but you could see that she had been under a strain recently.
Letting go of her hand I'd stepped back. 'Please sit down Jen, how can I help?'
Sitting at the table she'd taken a breath. 'I know you didn't, don't know either of us but......before I get to what I'm here for, I'd just like to explain a couple of things. With......what happened I've been trying to decide what to do with myself now that I'm on my own. I realise that the house is far too big for me, but I love it, always have done, it was always my house; not in a possession way, just in a loving it sort of way, he didn't really care about it but then he didn't really care about quite a lot of things.'
It had been quite a personal, private thing to say to a stranger on a first meeting but she hadn't seemed concerned about saying it, it had been said in an almost reminiscent and regretful way, she'd then paused for a moment and had seemed to mentally shrug it off.
'Anyway, I've decided that there's no way I want to leave it, or here, but I do need to have a huge sort out, get rid of some stuff.' She'd laughed. 'A lot of stuff. I've been boxing things up and now I need to shift what I don't want into the shed at the back of the house while I work out what to do with it. But I need help to do that.' She'd looked at me, hopefully. 'I'll pay you.'
I didn't have to think about it. 'Of course I'll help Jen, be happy to. But I don't want paying, you're a neighbour, happy to help out. But what brings you to me, we've never met, don't know each other.'
'Oh I've had offers, but mostly from Bob's old friends,' I'd made a guess that Bob was her husband. 'but most of them would have a heart attack if they lifted more than a golf club, and I'm sure that a few have a certain idea in their heads.' She hadn't elaborated, but it hadn't been hard to work out what she'd meant. 'So I asked a few people I know in the lane and you came up a couple of times, so I thought I'd give you a go. And here I am.'
I nodded, it was true, I had helped a couple of people out in the past. 'Nice to know I come recommended.'
'You do, which is, like I said, why I'm here. And thank you. When are you free?'
My plan for the day had been nonexistent. 'How about now? I've nothing on my social calendar.'
'Really? That would be brilliant.'
'Just let me get changed and we can get on.'
She'd talked all the way down to her house; about how they'd moved here over twenty years ago, how she'd loved the house at first sight, how she loved the lane, and how much she loved the woods. She had two sons: both in banking: one in Hong Kong, the other in Australia and how the one in Australia wanted her to move there but that she had no intention of doing so. She had a very bright, breezy voice, very easy to listen to: I barely got a word in but that was fine, she clearly wanted to talk, so I let her.
The house wasn't huge, but it was big, definitely too big for one person; four big bedrooms: all ensuite, a large lounge, a breakfast room with a conservatory attached, a smaller lounge - she called it a snug, a big dining room with a seemingly endless table, an office and a ridiculously big kitchen diner. And, with the exception of one bedroom, it all had a very definite womans touch to it: that one bedroom was much more masculine and had obviously been his; Bob's. They'd had separate bedrooms.
There was a triple garage attached to the house and the gardens were extensive, probably an acre, and very well cared for with manicured lawns and flower beds. Definitely too big for one person. But she seemed set on staying. She'd said that the pluses of staying far outweighed the negatives. Who am I to argue?
There were boxes and piles of things in every single room, including the bathrooms. It had looked an impossible task. But she'd had a plan. I was to learn that Jen was rarely without a plan.
The "shed" she'd talked about was more of a barn, with a ride-on mower, a neat stack of firewood and a clutter of unwanted and discarded items scattered across the floor. I'd spent an hour clearing one end then had spread a tarpaulin I'd found in a corner over the cleared area and Jen had taped A4 pieces of paper to it with destinations, like "charity" "friends" "sell", even peoples names, written on them: I'd chuckled at that one and she'd chuckled back. 'I know, I know, Miss Organised.'
'You are, but that's a good thing, at least we only have to sort the boxes once.'
'And furniture.'
'Furniture?'
'Yes, I want to get rid of some furniture.' She'd been smiling at me.