When my friend Tracy asked me to be a groomsman in her wedding I said sure. What else could I say? Tracy and I had dated briefly our freshman year, but we both knew right away it wasn't going to work & instead we became close friends. She met Dave our senior year and now, three years later, they were getting hitched. Dave was a good guy and I liked him, but it still felt a bit weird.
It was a three-hour drive to the town Tracy grew up in, and during the drive I found that I was looking forward to the whole thing. I'd been dumped a month before and I figured that a number of Tracy's cute friends would be in attendance. And there I would be, gorgeous in a tux and oh-so-available. I had a hotel room all to myself for the weekend, and a box of condoms in my shaving bag. Yowza.
I pulled into the driveway to Tracy's old house at 9 p.m., giving me an hour to clean up and dress. And then I remembered Tracy's mom, who I had met four or five times while we were in school. Mrs. Moore was a really nice lady, kind and motherly. Cute too, I remembered. She was blonde like Tracy and a little plump, with big soft breasts and wide hips, very Mother Earth. But she was now also divorced. Last year Mr. Moore had abruptly announced that he was leaving her for a younger women he had met through work, and Tracy said it had been very hard on her mom.
What promised to make it harder was the fact that he and his new wife would be at the wedding. Tracy had invited him, but forbidden him to bring "the other woman". He retorted that if she couldn't go, he wouldn't either, and he also wouldn't pay a dime for the wedding. It could have turned into an ugly scene, but Tracy's mom had intervened and told Tracy to invite them both, it was OK with her. It was a classy thing to do, but it had to be really hard on her. I was worried that when I saw Mrs. Moore she wouldn't be the same person I remembered.
I knocked and entered and said hello to everyone and hugged and shook hands as appropriate. Tracy looked fantastic and I told her so and her friend Lisa looked double fantastic and I said something witty and Dave looked nervous and I told him to breathe through his nose. I was there 15 minutes before I realized I hadn't seen Tracy's mom. I asked where she was and I was told the kitchen, drinking coffee and talking to some relative. I figured I should say hello.
The woman I saw leaning against the counter was Mrs. Moore, no doubt about it. But before I had always seen her as a mother, someone who baked cookies and drove in car pools. She wore big sweaters and heavy flannel skirts and looked all protective and warm. The woman I saw was not like that. She'd lost weight, not enough to make her skinny, but to change her from plump to curvy. Her blonde hair had always been long and straight, but now it was cut to the shoulders and had a little curl to it. And she was wearing a black skirt cut just above the knee, a white ribbed top that was just tight enough to show off her breasts, and a green printed vest. She looked sharp and sexy and I was caught totally off guard. She saw me and smiled and came over to hug me and say hello, and when she pulled away I said, "Wow, you look like a million bucks."
She did a little spin to show herself off. "Tracy picked this out for me. I had to buy her an outfit just like it, mind you, so I think I got suckered. But it's pretty nice, I guess. Comfortable."
I was a bit uncomfortable, myself. She looked damn good, and I grinned to myself as I pictured Tracy's reaction to me scoping out her mom. She'd freak. But Lisa was out in the other room and from what Tracy told me she liked to do things that you normally have to go to Bangkok to enjoy, so I said my goodbyes and went back to the living room.
Well, whatever I was selling Lisa wasn't buying, 'cause I got nowhere. The time came for us to go to the church for the rehearsal, and Mr. Moore was gonna be there. We filed in and they were already there, Mr. Moore in a sportcoat and jeans and his wife in a white suit that was cut way low in front and way high in back. She had big blonde hair and big fake tits and long fake nails and I guess was sexy and hot in a big, fake way. Then I saw Mrs. Moore, with her soft bosom and her warm thighs and to my eyes there was no comparison. I was hard in my pants and I said to myself, "Down boy, this is getting a bit out of hand."
A point of protocol came to mind and I sidled up next to Tracy. "Uh, Trace, what should I call your Mom? Is she using her maiden name, or Moore, or what?"
Tracy, being Tracy, grabbed her mom's arm and said, "Mom, Rob wants to know what he should call you."
She laughed and said, "Just call me Diane and I'll be happy." She came up close next to me and said, "If you call me Mrs. Moore you might start an argument."
"I'd be on your side for that one."
"Well, she can have it. What do you think of her? Is she as gorgeous as everyone seems to think?" For the first time her voice betrayed some hurt, some anger, and her blue eyes sparkled with anger. Dammit, I had to stop looking at her eyes!
"She is really hot, for a cyborg," I said, and it took Diane a second to get the joke and start laughing. "I mean, you have to take it in for an oil change every 3000 miles and have the tits rotated, but other than that, yeah, she's OK."
Diane was getting stares now, she was laughing so hard. "Remind me to stay away from you during the ceremony. I can't be cackling like a maniac during the vows." I was glad that I made her laugh, made her smile at me, her lips parted…knock it off! It was like I had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, arguing about my sudden desire to fuck the brains out of Tracy's mother. This had to stop before I made an ass out of myself.
The priest called us to order and put us through our paces. My job was easy as pie--escort Lisa up the aisle, sit down, escort Lisa out of the church. During practice Lisa held my arm like it was covered with shit. I had the feeling that she had the hots for Dave's brother Dan, who was 6'5'' and built like a lumberjack. Oh well, that left me free to…what?
We finished and headed to a local restaurant for dinner. There was an open bar, thank God, and I quickly polished off a pair of Buds, hoping this would quench my thirst for Diane. Yeah, right. I had a hard-on like a chisel and I wanted to taste her nipples. This was getting silly, I thought, but it was fun, chatting with Diane and telling her jokes and making her laugh. She made the rounds to everyone and so did I, but I kept trying to work my way back to her, to look at her breasts and her ass and her legs and…
And then Mr. Moore sidled up to where Dave and I were talking and shook my hand and then Dave's. He was a little pickled, as all of us were by then. "I'm really glad my daughter picked you, I think you two will be as happy together as Vicki and I am." I don't know if it was deliberate or not, but he said that when Diane was standing just behind him. She heard him, and I saw her eyes sparkle again, hurt and angry, and she saw me looking at her just before she turned and walked toward the rest rooms.
I waited five minutes for her to come out before I went looking for her. I found her in an empty dining room, dabbing at her eyes with a napkin. "Oh, shit," she said when she saw me. "Thought I got away without anyone seeing me."
"Are you OK?" I asked.
"Yeah, yeah, I am. It just hurt, you know? I don't want him back. At first I did, but I don't know. I'm not jealous. It just makes me feel, I don't know. Worthless. Like no one would want me anymore. I know that isn't true, but still…"
