Russ Howards was his name and I decided I had to meet him. After reading his latest book, I decided he was an anonymous genius. He had a published a long line of psychological thriller novels. His books had everything in it - danger, humor, erotica, romance. He was by far my favorite author of all-time. Although he wasn't a well-known author, he had tremendous talent and I thought him very underrated. In all the books I had of his, there wasn't once a photo or a brief biography in or on the book jacket. I remember reading a short article on him in the local newspaper. He was asked to be interviewed on two local morning shows, both of which he flatly refused. Call it a blind, teenage infatuation, but I was curious as to see what this enigmatic creature looked like.
It was April in San Francisco and I was a senior in high school. I was looking forward to my graduation in May. Being 18 years old is never easy, and that's no exception for me. Though I am a little bit more put together than I was a few years ago. I lived with my parents and my younger sister who was 15, was a sophomore at the same high school as myself.
Anyway, I found out that Russ Howards was having a book signing on Friday the 18th and Saturday the 19th in the San Francisco area. The bookstore where he would be at was an hour away, but I had already made up my mind that I was going to meet him on the 18th - the sooner the better.
The 18th approached dreadfully slow, but finally the day came. I woke up and thought carefully about what I would wear. I decided on a green and white plaid skirt with a green sweater. I slid the garments onto my small frame, then headed to the bathroom to brush my hair and put on a little make-up. My hair was dark and wavy, my eyes a bright blue-green color, and my cheekbones high.
The actual signing started at 10 a.m. One problem was that I had school that day, which I immediately decided to skip. I left the house that morning, pretending to be going to school, when in fact I went out for breakfast at a diner and then left for the bookstore where his signing was at.
I was slightly nervous at the thought of meeting such an enormous talent. By the thrilling, sometimes gothic nature of his books, I expected to meet a man with baggy, black jeans and about a dozen piercings on his face. But when I walked into the bookstore, I was completely taken back. He was a normal looking man. He had brown eyes and slightly wavy brown hair, combed back. He looked to be maybe early or mid 30's and I could tell he was a tall man, even with him sitting behind his desk as he was. He was dressed nicely in a suit and a tie. I couldn't tell if I was attracted to his looks, but there wasn't time for that now. I hurriedly got at the end of the line and waited patiently for him to sign my copy of his latest book. Finally, my turn came. I swallowed my fear and nervousness and walked to his desk with fake confidence.
"Good morning," I said with a smile.
He looked up at me and with a slight smile, he spoke, "Good Morning. Who shall I make it out to?"
"To Laura Terrence, please," I said.
As he autographed my book, I stood there clumsily, trying out figure something to say to him.
"I really connected with Nicholas," I said to him, referring to one of the characters of the book.
He looked up at me, "Really? Well, I'm glad to hear it. It was tough to write about him, because he became such a complex character. But fortunately, my publishers didn't complain too much," he chuckled.
I giggled, "Well, they'd be silly to complain. You have such enormous talent."
He handed my book back to me and blushed, "Thank you, Laura."
"You're welcome," I smiled and left the line.
I left the bookstore and immediately opened the book. I read the message he wrote. It read:
"To Laura Terrence,
Who makes Helena Wilknox seem like a plain jane.
Best Wishes,
Russ Howards"
I blushed at the second line. Helena Wilknox was the sex kitten, femme fatale of the book. And he said I looked like a plain jane compared to her! I opened the book to the second chapter, where Helena makes her first entrance into the novel. The description of her read:
"She was not beyond description, as she will be described here. Her steady stare, from her twenty-ish face could make grown men squirm like a snake within their armchairs. Her suggestive appearance drew attention and many a night she had snagged admiring men, and by the morning light, leaving them jilted and confused as to why they could not absorb her beauty in the dawn."
I could feel my cheeks turn red again when I read and re-read this paragraph. I thought about Russ's voice. It was a very unique voice. It sounded almost like a semi-cockney accent. There was something that was appealing about him. I stood there awkwardly, unaware of what to do next.
I went back to the car and set the book onto the passenger seat. In the distance, I saw a JCPenney. I checked my wallet. $65. That kind of money goes fast on clothes. But I also had a checking account. I decided to go on a little shopping spree for appearing halfway normal around a man I admired.
I browsed around the store for a while a bought a couple pairs of shorts, t-shirt, and a bra and panty set. I had to admit the underwear set was pretty sexy. The panties were skimpy, pink and lacey. The bra was the same way. The cups were small to show plenty of the fleshy tops of the breasts.
Again, I found myself in a line. The line was ridiculously long and the cashier seemed to be half-asleep or maybe suffering from a hangover. Either way, I decided to leave the line and take the escalator down to the men's section. Men never shop, and I figure I could pay for my stuff and get in and out of the store faster that way. I spotted a guy at a register and headed in his direction when I heard a voice.
"Laura?"
I turned around and it was Russ. He was standing by a tie rack.
"Hello, Mr. Howards," I said and smiled up at him as he approached me.
"Nah, none of that stuff. You can call me Russ."
I laughed, "What are you doing here Russ? What about your book signing?"
He showed me the tie he was wearing, and there was a big yellow stain on it. He smiled, "I was on my lunch break and I spilled mustard on my tie, so I'm here to buy another one. Tell me, what do you think of these two?" He held up two ties.
I pointed to the striped one, "The stripes make it more interesting," I told him.
"Stripes it is then," he said. With his tall frame, he seemed to almost tower over me. He must be 6'4", I thought to myself. He looked down at me with a slight grin on my face. I think my clumsy, nervous nature either entertained him or attracted him. I couldn't tell which. "I can tell you're up to a little shopping yourself," he remarked, looking down at the clothes in my hands. I blushed, realizing the sexy panty and bra set were laying at the top of the pile.
I changed the subject. "You're autograph was very flattering," I told him.
We walked to the register to together, "Well, I meant it. You make Helena sound like Shirley Boothe." He grinned at me. "You look rather young. Shouldn't you be in school?"
I giggled, "Well, I should be, but I'm not. I was so eager to get your autograph."
"Are you in high school or college?" he asked.
"I'm in high school. A senior. And I'm 18," I told him. I found myself getting excited, and I wanted him to know I was legal and available.
We stepped up to the cashier. Russ paid for his tie and I paid for my things. We left the store and he asked me if he'd like to join me at a café. He still had almost a half-hour to kill before heading back to the bookstore for an afternoon of autographs. I said I'd love to join him, and we walked to the café a few doors down and decided to sit at one of the tables outside.
We talked, just learning about one another. I learned he was 34 years old, never married, and had gone to college for about a year and a half, then dropped out to pursue his writing career. He was a perfect gentleman, asking me about my job and my hobbies and school.
"Do you skip school often?" he teased.
I smiled, "Only for important causes."
He chuckled and looked at his watch, "Well, I should be getting back now. Would you like to exchange phone numbers?"
I giggled, "Of course." We wrote down our numbers and gave them to each other. He started to take his tie off and pulled the new one out of his bag. "Here, let me," I said.
We stood up and I wrapped the tie around his neck, adjusting and fitting it snuggly against his neck. I could feel his stare as I dressed him. I blushed at the phrase "dressed him".
We said goodbye to one another. He hugged me then headed to his car. I waved to him and he waved back. I sat back down and decided to order another coffee. I looked at my watch. It was about ten to two. I decided to sit and think for a while, then head on home, as it was about an hour's drive.
I arrived back home, tired by all the driving, but excited about Russ. At the very least, this could be a close friendship, and that was good enough for me. Though, if he wanted more, I was certainly willing to be more than a pal. His tall frame and the way he stood, his hands slid in his pockets, the way he studied me, turned me on. I finally admitted to myself that this sensitive, amazing talent also had a great deal of sex appeal. He was sexy and I wanted him.
I was not only feeling very turned on, but also very emotional. Feelings of excitement, but also a deeper feeling - a feeling I felt in my gut. Was I in love? I asked myself. Yes, I was. I was madly in love with this man who was almost twice my age. I felt an unselfishness that I'd never felt before. I knew that I would do anything he wanted me to. I could put myself in his hands and never be afraid of being hurt. This was more than a teenage infatuation. It was true love. I loved the man. But did he love me? I felt tears come to my eyes. What was wrong with me?
I was a virgin and I had this irresistible urge to give myself to him completely. I had dated a couple of boys from school, and they were very grabby and too close for comfort. One especially had pressured me to have sex with him. I was hesitant and scared to do it with him, so I didn't. But with Russ, I wasn't afraid. I knew that if he wanted me too, I would give myself completely to him. Somehow, I knew if it came to that point, I didn't need to be afraid of being hurt, that he would take care of me.
At about 7 o'clock that evening I was sitting at the dinner table with my family when my little outing for the day caught up with me. My Dad told me that the school called earlier, telling him I had skipped school. The third time that semester. Dad announced that I was not to leave the house for the next two weeks, except for work and school. He then ordered me to go to my room after I was done with dinner. I silently obeyed and tossed my dishes angrily into the sink and stomped up to my bedroom.
I undressed and put on my pajamas. I read Russ's autograph again. I jumped when my phone rang. I picked up the receiver.
