Long long ago, before there was any internet and when even lonely hearts columns in the small adds of your local paper had yet to be invented I found myself working in a small provincial town, very much on my own, with no social life and no car. Finally, more in desperation than in hope, I placed a simple but silly ad in the miscellany section of the local paper, 'man, early twenties, seeks a woman who seeks a man in his early twenties.' I did not really expect any replies to such frivolity but hating television as I did and having too much time on my hands - I was reading four books a week and still finding I had too much spare time in which to visit the pub - anything was worth a go.
To my amazement I received almost thirty responses, I suppose back then I had no competition whatsoever. Quite a few of my correspondents were over double my age and that felt a bit too much so they were sent a polite yet firm, 'thanks but no thanks.' Several of the replies were clearly professional in their proposals and that was not what I was after either, so they were ignored. Some of the letters sounded just a little too clingy or desperate and they too were given the polite yet firm, 'thanks but no thanks' treatment. Still, even after that initial screening seven possibilities remained.
Now I could write a non-sexual comedy here, there were misunderstandings, there were mix-ups, there were mishaps but then, to compensate, there was Margaret. Her initial letter was brief and to the point, she was in her thirties, divorced, would appreciate a masculine perspective from time to time but did not get the chance to meet many new people and when her friends did introduce her to men they were usually significantly older than her and generally rather smarmy or seriously dull. We exchanged a couple of letters and then spoke on the phone arranging to meet in a local tea shop one Saturday afternoon, she would be sitting wearing a bright yellow straw hat and have a copy of Huxley's Chrome Yellow to hand and I would arrive carrying a rolled up copy of the Times newspaper, sport a red carnation in my button hole and enquire if I might join her: we had already established that we shared a silly sense of humour in common and rigged out like that we could not mistake one another.
Margaret was a bit of a shock. She was considerably older than I had imagined her to be from her voice and her interests. She was still in her thirties, she had told no fibs, but she was not, I was soon to discover, going to remain thirty for very much longer; perilously close to the 'twice my age' barrier that would have earned her a polite letter of rejection. She was short, mumsy looking and very demure in appearance; sweet or kindly were good words. Yes her hat was decidedly flamboyant but her jacket, blouse and skirt were plain, all simple blues and greys. She had little creases around the corners of her eyes, exaggerated by the face powder that clung to them and her laughter lines were already well etched. Still her smile was dazzling, her hair long thick and lustrous and her blue eyes sparkled when she spotted me coming across. But as soon as I saw her I knew that I was going to politely put her off, she was not at all what I was searching for, flirting Margaret would feel like flirting with my Mum. There was, however, no need to be rude about things so I sat down.
Her conversation was the exact opposite of her appearance, she was informed, witty, well read, controversial, vivacious and entertaining. Whilst all amorous thoughts had quickly fled I quickly realised that Margaret was someone with whom I could easily spend a lot of time. We gradually drained our pots of tea and consumed our wedges of cake over talk of Tolkien, Ballard and Powell - amongst many others whose names I can no longer recall. We paid our respective bills, she was most insistent about that, and set off wandering aimlessly around the town deeply engrossed in conversation. As we left the cafe I held the door for her and could not help but notice that, despite her heels, Margaret was really much shorter than I - children raised during the Second World War were not in general very tall at all - and she was decidedly dumpy. Not really fat but well rounded in that way that only short people can be. Still her appearance was no longer relevant to me and anyway I too busy discovering that she hated television almost as much as I did, consequently we spent another very amicable half hour together damming the medium.
It was a lovely sunny day and slowly we gravitated towards the big park on the outskirts of the town centre. The dahlias and roses were in bloom and Margaret proceeded to educate me on a topic about which I knew nothing, gardening. She had a passion for it whereas I could kill plants merely by glancing at them. Margaret considered my confessions of incompetence, interrogated me pointedly and announced that I was a chronic over-waterer. As we conversed we walked right around the park and then, close to the gates through which we had entered, we sat at opposite ends of a bench facing one another and enjoyed the sunshine. We chatted for an age before deciding to walk through the middle of the park and inspect the ornate but totally soot encrusted Victorian fountain that was set there: anything made of stone in those days was totally encased in soot.
At the far gates of the park, having simply kept on going in a straight line, Margaret announced that for her it was tea time, that she didn't live far away, that she was, for a change, enjoying a civilised chat with someone who held their own opinions so I would be very welcome to join her. In case I had any doubts she tempted me with the lure not only of home made scones but also home made strawberry jam. How can anyone resist an offer of homemade jam? And anyway I was really enjoying Margaret's company. She was so determinedly independently minded, so articulate and so very intelligent, perhaps more so than myself. Once home she bustled round her spacious kitchen brewing tea, loading plates with buttered scones and she even spooned the jam from its kilner jar into in a little bowl, clearly a lady of good breeding and considerable refinement. Once everything was prepared we first munched and chatted and, as out tummies filled, next chatted and munched: it was not until around seven that I began to make my excuses and begin my preparations to leave.