Marie's young lover Β© Alex Carr 2012
Marie, that's what I call her now - before I was appointed to redecorate her home.
It never ever crossed my mind, in fact quite the opposite, that I could ever see her as an attraction.
But although she was 55 and I was 30 years her junior it dawned on me, during the time I spent in her home , that there was a chemical attraction, something which you can't explain but there, whether it be because of her openness, her kindness I cannot say -maybe simply a bit of both but it did not take long for me to realise Marie was a very lonely lady - and when she told me she had only five years previously, lost her husband in a car crash I immediately felt empathy for her.
Not as though she harps on the fact, or ever admits she is lonely - she is not that type of woman and I admire her for that and perhaps the fact that something very unpredictable has happened, I have fell in love with this woman who is old enough to be my mum - I have even dropped Jeanne who was my sort of casual now and again girl friend just to be with Marie, because she is the type of woman who wants my all, all I can give and all she is able to take. She is my everything and more too and don't let anyone tell you a partnership where ages are so different can't work.
And now I live and sleep with her, she may not be your young girlie image gloating with sexual desire but to me Marie has an attraction all her own, and that means more to me than any other woman I have known.
I am so glad it happened, She was showing me her photograph album, she had no kin and expressed how she would have loved to have had kids, but Geoffrey, her late hubby, was unable to. Then in a couple of days the coffee offers lead to having dinner with her in her little kitchen.
One thing let to another quite unwittingly on both counts with me thinking of her as a mother figure and me assuming she was thinking of me as a substitute son she could never have.
But unbeknown to Marie and me something more was stirring and it was about sexual attraction, when after dinner, sharing the sofa with her and watching her favourite soap on TV she simply laid her hand on my left thigh in a very natural way, I looked into her eyes and there was nothing to suggest there was any motive there - but quite instinctively I moved my hand to cover hers - gently squeezing and do you know what? He whole face lit up - it really did and did me a power of good to think I could do this, make this older woman smile more than I had ever noticed before.
We chatted on about the characters in the soap called Neighbours, how they were always so perfect and glamorous, and we talked about relationships as well., she asking if I was with anyone and the like.
I told her about Jeanne but that she was only a casual friend.
She smiled saying she had heard that one before, it was like she was fishing maybe to see if I had any sexual attraction for her, she was not the type I realised that, to openly show anything so personal but I then realised that maybe unwittingly she was fishing
"Right, I did sleep with her, occasionally - but it was never serious." I admitted.
"But you never loved her?" she queried her eyes focussed on mine - "I mean as a man loves a woman big time?"
"That sounds like a line from an old movie" I smiled - "and yes, you are right, she was fun I wont deny that and I am a red blooded guy, it was good while it lasted but I am thinking with Joanne - no more?"
"No more, Pete? She asked, her face lighting up again.
"I have decided to dump her, Marie."
"That sounds awful, I hate that expression, like she was some garbage used and to be disposed of."
"Sorry" I offered.
"It's not you, I didn't mean that, it is just some of the modern expressions seem hard that's all. Pete."
It was the first time she called me Pete.
"Okay to call you Pete or would you rather Peter?"
"Pete is fine" I replied feeling her warmth coming through, realising at that stage she was more than a mother figure, much more. But how could it be, was I abnormal or something? Shouldn't I be attracted to someone nearer my age? But it was happening, I knew it and I believe she did too, and my assumptions proved to be correct.
I squeezed her hand again and this time she responded, squeezing back.