Hows Your Sex Life

'How's your sex life?'

Daniel Parks was sitting in his GP's consulting room, getting checked over in preparation for the renewal of his pilot's licence. 'Sex life? What does that have to do with flying?'

Carol Hurst smiled. 'Possibly nothing. Unless, of course, you are looking to join the Mile-High Club.' And she laughed. 'But a colleague of mine is conducting a study. She is looking for suitable people to take part. You, umm, tick all the boxes. Well, you tick all the physical and demographic boxes. So it's just a matter of whether or not you consider you enjoy a satisfactory sex life.'

'Satisfactory by whose definition?' Daniel asked.

'Satisfactory to you. That's the thing about sex, isn't it? There's really no right or wrong. The only objective benchmark is your own opinion. Some would say your own entirely

subjective

opinion.'

Daniel frowned. 'What if I was into the odd fetish?' he asked. 'Not that I think I am,' he added hastily.

Carol Hurst shrugged her shoulders. 'At this stage, how you arrive at satisfaction is not really the question. The question is simply whether or not you arrive at a place that you consider to be satisfactory.'

Daniel continued to frown, but nodded.

'So...

do

you manage to arrive at a place that you consider to be satisfactory?'

'I suppose so,' Daniel said. 'Ninety-nine percent of the time.'

'Ninety-nine percent sounds pretty good to me. Perhaps I should get you to give me a few tips.'

Daniel laughed.

'If you were prepared to participate,' Carol Hurst said, 'the first thing would be to sit down with Marcia -- Marcia Ramsgate -- and answer a few questions. Then she would get you to keep a diary for a month or so. And, finally, she would like to observe you.'

'Observe me?'

'If you were willing.'

'You mean watch me?'

'Observe how you went about, umm, finding satisfaction. You would be helping others. And Marcia would pay you a small fee for your time.'

'Gosh, I don't know.'

'Considering the part that sex plays in the lives of most people, it's rather surprising how little good quality research there is out there. Without good quality research, it makes it very difficult for professionals to help people who are looking for answers.'

'When you say that she would want to watch me....'

'

Observe

you.'

'OK.

Observe

me.... Does that mean that she'd want to sit there while I was... well... whatever?'

'Or maybe a camera,' Carol Hurst said. 'To be honest, I'm not sure.'

For perhaps a full minute, Daniel just sat there. Thinking. And then he said: 'I suppose that I could talk to her. No harm in that.'

Carol Hurst smiled. 'If you're happy for me to pass on your email address....'

'Yeah. Fine,' Daniel said.

* * *

Dr Ramsgate -- 'Call me Marcia' -- was older that Daniel had expected. Late fifties? Early sixties? A little on the stocky side. But very well dressed. Very well groomed. In fact, all in all, a very tidy package.

'It's a bit of a walk, I'm afraid,' she told Daniel when she met him in reception and led him off to her office. 'I don't think the vice chancellor quite approves of sex research. He has us tucked away almost in the next county. Carol tells me that you are a pilot. That must be fun.'

'Nothing glamorous,' Daniel said. 'I fly freight. But, yes, there are worse ways to earn a living.'

'Have you been a pilot for very long?'

'A while. When I left school, I joined the air force. My plan was to fly fast jets. But things didn't quite work out that way. I became a transport pilot.'

'Still... that must have been interesting.'

'It had its moments,' Daniel admitted. 'And I got to see some interesting parts of the world.'

Marcia's office may have been almost in the next county, but it was hardly the janitor's cupboard that Daniel had been expecting. It was quite spacious; nicely furnished; and it looked out over a field with grazing sheep.

'As you can see, we have an armchair and a couch,' Marcia said. 'Choose whichever you would prefer. I'll use the other one.'

Daniel smiled. 'Is this some sort of a test?'

'Test?'

'Yes. To see which one I choose.'

Marcia laughed. 'No, no,' she said. 'It just saves

me

from having to make a decision. I can be very lazy sometimes.' And she laughed again.

Daniel chose the couch. He wasn't sure why.

Marcia grabbed her iPad and settled herself into the armchair. 'I have often wondered what it would be like to fly an aeroplane,' she said. 'To be up there in the clouds. Although I suppose that you try to avoid actually being in the clouds, do you?'

'If possible. But sometimes it's unavoidable,' Daniel said.

Marcia nodded. 'Do you have a partner?' she asked.

'Flying?'

'In life.'

'I do,' Daniel said. 'Although we're not actually married. Susie had been married before we met and she said that she didn't want to make the same mistake again. Mind you, that was twelve years ago now. I guess you could say that we're more like best friends really.'

'But you live together?'

'We do.'

'And I assume that you are sexual partners.'

'Sometimes.'

'Does your partner know that you are here today?'

'Umm... yes. I told her that I was coming to talk to you. Why? Should I not have?'

'You should do whatever seems right to you. When it comes to achieving a satisfactory sex life,' Marcia said, 'I'm not sure that there are any rights or wrongs. We are just trying to discover why some people enjoy a satisfactory sex life and others don't. Now... you say sometimes.'

'Sometimes?'

'When I asked if you and your partner were sexual partners.'

'Oh. Yes. We have sex with each other. But we each have other partners too.'

Marcia nodded. 'And that works for you?'

Daniel frowned for a moment or two and then briefly gazed out at the nearby sheep. Finally he said: 'If I'm honest, it's probably more important to me than it is to Susie.'

'In what way?'

'I think I have always needed a bit of variety. Susie probably doesn't really need variety. Well... not so much anyway. But she still seems to enjoy it. From time to time.'

'But you say that Susie is your best friend?'

'Oh yes.'

'And would Susie consider you to be her best friend?'

'I'm pretty sure she would.'

'And your other partners... are they of the opposite sex? Same sex? A bit of both?'

'Mine are both women. Susie currently has one of each.'

Marcia nodded and tapped away at her iPad. 'And how did the multi-partner situation begin? Did you start out as a twosome? Did you talk about it? Did one of you break ranks. How did it start?'

Daniel laughed. 'No. We talked about it. We talked about it for about six months before we did anything about it. I'm not sure how serious we were when we first started talking about it. Talking about it was just a bit of fun. A bit of a turn-on perhaps. We talked about who else each of us might fuck. And then I met a woman who was quite keen, and so I talked to Susie, and she agreed that we should see how it went.'

'And I presume that it went OK.'

'It did. It went very well. It's still going very well.'

'And do you ever get together as a threesome? Or a moresome?'

'We've had the occasional threesome.'

'And the third? Male? Female?'

'Female. The idea of sex with another man just doesn't work for me.'

'Why do you think that is?'

'No idea.'

'You're not even curious?'

Daniel shook his head.

'The whole reason that you are here,' Marcia said, 'is because you told Carol that you had a good sex life. Why do you think that is?'

Again Daniel stared out of the window for a few moments. 'I think having the right partner certainly helps. Susie. She and I are on the same page. My other partners are pretty good too. But Susie is special.'

'Special, but, on her own, not enough?'

'Depends what you mean,' Daniel said. 'Sometimes sex is something that you do with someone special, and sometimes it's just something that you do. Like playing tennis. Or going to the pub. It's just a thing. With Susie, it's more that just a thing. With the others, it's just something you do. If that makes sense.'

Marcia nodded and once again tapped at her iPad. 'Masturbation,' she said.

Daniel smiled.

'Is that part of your satisfactory sex life?'

'You could say I'm a bit of a fan,' Daniel said.

'Solo?'

'Sometimes,' Daniel said. 'But not exclusively. Susie and I quite like a mutual masturbation session.'

'You watch each other?'

'We do.'

'Put on a bit of a show.'

'A bit of a show.'

'And is there anything about your sexual preferences that you consider a bit... let's say unusual?'

'Not really. I'm not into bondage or any of that stuff. Not into pain. But pretty much all the normal stuff.'

'Anal intercourse?'

'Well, that's pretty normal, isn't it?'

'You tell me.'

'I think it's pretty normal.'

Marcia nodded. 'Yes, many people think it's pretty normal. But there are some people who think that it's far from normal. Why do you think that might be?'

'Some people think you should only have sex if you are trying to make babies, don't they? And I think that some people try a bit of anal and find it painful. You have to work up to it. Lubrication and all that.'

'Does Susie enjoy anal intercourse?'

'She does. Sometimes it's her favourite way.'

'And do you enjoy the fact that she enjoys it?'

Daniel nodded.

Marcia and Daniel chatted on for another 20 minutes or so, and them Marcia showed Daniel a 'sex diary'. 'The idea is just to jot down what, where, when, and who. And then, like an Olympic diving judge, give each occasion your own score out of ten.'

Daniel laughed. 'With extra points for degree of difficulty?'

'That's up to you,' Marcia. 'It's your sex life. And then let's talk again in a month or so.'

* * *

That night, over a glass of wine, Daniel told Susie about his session with Marcia.

'Was it a bit weird?' Susie asked. 'Talking to a stranger, a woman you'd only just met, about your sex life?'

'Not really. I thought that it might be,' Daniel said. 'But she was very easy to talk to. She reminded me a bit of my mother's younger sister, Dolly. You could talk to Dolly about just about anything.'

'Did you talk to Dolly about your sex life?'

'I may have taken her advice on one or two things,' Daniel said.

Susie nodded. 'So what happens next?'

'Marcia wants me to keep a diary. She wants me to make a note of when I have sex. She even wants me to make a note of when I just think about having sex. And I'm supposed to give each session a score -- like an Olympic diving judge.'

'Should be interesting,' Susie said. 'I hope that you give me a good score.'

'I think you'll be OK,' Daniel told her. 'Straight tens, I would have thought.' And they both laughed.

* * *

'Well... you've certainly been busy this past month,' Marcia said to Daniel when they meet up again to discuss his completed sex diary. 'Is this a... well... normal month for you?'

Daniel laughed sheepishly. 'It might have been a bit busier that normal,' he said. 'One or two unexpected events. I don't know. Perhaps this whole thing had me thinking about sex a bit more than usual.'

Marcia waited for Daniel to say something else. But he didn't. 'OK,' she said. 'So... a busy month and, to judge by the scores you have awarded, a satisfyingly-busy month. Would that be fair?'

'No complaints from me,' Daniel said. 'But you also have to keep in mind that I had more days off this month than I normally get. And the devil finds work for idle hands -- or whatever the expression is.' And Daniel laughed again.

Marcia nodded. 'When we spoke last time, I seem to recall that you made the distinction between having sex with Susie and having sex with your other partners. If I understood correctly, having sex with Susie was special; having sex with others was often more akin to playing tennis. Is that about right?'

Daniel nodded.

Marcia flipped through the completed sex diary, running her finger down the right-hand edge of each page. 'Which, I'm assuming, helps to account for the generally-higher scores you have given to having sex with Susie.'

Again, Daniel nodded. 'It just tends to be better,' he said. 'I don't know why.'

Marcia also smiled and nodded. 'And then we have this one,' she said, turning back a few pages and flattening the booklet with the palm of her hand. 'A threesome. You and Susie... and another male. Toby. Do you want to tell me how that came about?'

'I blame the Russians,' Daniel said.

'The Russians?'

'Yes. Isn't that who we blame for everything these days? Or is it the Chinese?'

Marcia smiled. 'I thought that it was the Martians. But it's your story.'

For a moment or two, Daniel gazed out of the window. The sheep that had been grazing in the field the last time that he had come to visit Marcia were no longer there. In their place, there was a small herd of brindle-coated cows. All of the cows were facing in the same direction. Daniel had no idea why.

'Susie had been reading this book,' Daniel said eventually. '

The Pink Pavilion

, I think it was called. Something like that. A Regency romance on steroids. She said that it was about a young dowager duchess and her two lovers. Susie said that she really enjoyed the sex scenes. And talking about them certainly seemed to inspire a couple of ten-worthy performances from her in the bedroom. It was after her second ten-worthy performance that she started talking about what it would be like to recreate the duchess's threesome.

'I didn't take it too seriously at first. But then one thing led to another, and one afternoon I arrived home from a flight to Spain and Italy to be told that she had arranged for Toby -- one of her occasional fucks -- to join us for supper the following evening.

'I reminded Susie that I wasn't into other men. But she said that she really wanted to see what it would be like to be with two men at the same time. She said that I could just watch if I wanted to. But I would need to get naked.'

Marcia nodded. 'And so you agreed.'

'I thought there'd be no harm in watching. In fact I thought it could be fun.'

'And was it?'

'Yes. Surprisingly, it was.'

'Why surprisingly?'

'Well... perhaps not surprisingly. But, as I said, I've never found the prospect of doing it with another man even vaguely appealing.'

'But you were happy to watch? And you were happy to -- as you put it -- get naked?'

'For Susie. Yes. If that was what she needed for her fantasy.'

'And Toby? How did you feel about him being there?'

'Umm... well... at first, he was just

there

. And I was just watching. He and Susie were making out. And, yes, it was fun. It was a bit like watching a sex movie, I suppose. Except that it was in 3-D.'

'Did you find it arousing?'

'Oh yes. Surprisingly. Well, no, again, not really surprising. Not really. It was, after all, sex, wasn't it?'

'But you weren't inclined to join in?'

'Not at first. At least I didn't immediately want to rush over and suck Toby's cock or anything like that. But I was probably not as against the whole idea as I had been. But I was just watching. And then, after a while, when Toby was lying on his back on the bed, and Susie was kneeling in front of me, sucking his cock, I suddenly had the urge to go and tongue Susie's cunt.'

'And did you?'

'Yes. She was kneeling on the edge of the bed with her arse towards me. So I repositioned my chair, and then I parted her arse cheeks, and went to work on her cunt with my tongue.'

'And how did Susie react to this?'

'I think her exact words were: "Oh, fuck, yes!"'

Marcia smiled. 'So her dowager-duchess-with-two-lovers fantasy was coming to pass.'

'Pretty much.'

'And how did this make you feel?'

'I was pretty happy for her.'

'And the fact that you were now participating in a threesome with another male?'

'Well, at that stage, Toby and I hadn't actually touched one another. It was Toby and Susie... and me and Susie. MFM, isn't that the term?'

Marcia nodded, and tapped away at her iPad.

Daniel looked out the window at the cows which all seemed to be facing in the same direction. 'You're a psychologist,' Daniel said. 'Why do cows often all face in the same direction.'

Marcia laughed. 'I'm not really an expert on cows,' she said, 'but I seem to recall reading somewhere that it reduces the chances of conflict. The herd against the world rather than individual cows against each other.'

'Why would cows be against each other?'

'Cows are herd animals. They have a pecking order. Rather like chickens do.'

Daniel nodded. 'I suppose that makes sense,' he said.

'So... when you and Toby did touch one another... how did that happen?'

'Umm... well, I was on the bed by then. Doing stuff with Susie. And I felt a hand on my cock -- and I knew that it wasn't Susie's hand.' Daniel looked out of the window again.

Marcia said nothing.

'I guess, by that stage,' Daniel said, 'we were all a bit worked up. And so I just went along with it. I was sort of on my knees, giving Susie a bit of a finger fuck, and Toby started wanking me. I hadn't expected it. But it felt pretty nice.'

Marcia nodded. 'Nicer than you had expected.'

'Oh yes. Much nicer than I had expected.'

For a moment or two, neither Daniel nor Marcia said anything. And then Daniel said: 'I guess, after that, we just got on with it. Yeah. We just did what we did.' And he nodded. 'It was quite interesting playing with another guy's cock. And it was rather nice having him play with mine. Yes.'

* * *

'How was your friend Marcia?' Susie asked when Daniel got home that evening.

'She wants to meet you.'

'Me? I thought that you were her tame guinea pig.'

'Her working hypothesis is that our extramarital encounters -- or whatever the non-marital equivalent of extramarital is -- only work because of the core relationship between you and me.'

'And is that bad?'

'Marcia doesn't seem to deal in good and bad,' Daniel said. 'Whatever is just is. Her research so far leads her to believe that the happiest people are those in consensual polygamous relationships based around a strong central relationship. So I guess that should be good news for us.'

Susie frowned. 'What about people with kids?'

'I asked her about that. She said that she needs to do more research. But she suspects that people who have kids without carefully thinking it through may be amongst those with the least satisfying sex lives.'

'Yeah. I can see that that might be the case,' Susie said.

* * *

Rather than Susie going to meet Marcia at her office at the university, Marcia came to meet Susie at Daniel and Susie's home. Marcia and Susie sat down to chat at the table in the spacious kitchen-diner. Afterwards -- all going well -- Marcia would observe Susie and Daniel performing in the bedroom.

'Thank you for agreeing to speak with me,' Marcia said. 'After my chats with Daniel, I feel that I already know you. But I think it might be useful to get your views on a few aspects of your relationship.'

'OK.'

'Daniel says that you are his best friend. Do you see yourself as his best friend?'

Susie looked at her coffee mug for a moment or two. 'Best friend? Yes,' she said. 'Yes, I suppose that I do. We're lovers. But we're rather more than that. Best friends? Yes, I think that sums it up. I certainly don't have a better friend.'

'And Daniel makes a clear distinction between his sexual relationship with you and his sexual relationship with his other lovers. Is that how you see your relationships?'

'Oh, very much so,' Susie said.

'Daniel suggested that sex with others is more akin to playing tennis.'

Susie laughed. 'I'm not sure that I've ever thought of it quite like that. But, yes, I can see what he means. Daniel needs variety. I don't think that I actually

need

variety, but, now and then, a little bit of variety can be fun -- don't you think?'