The Guitar Player

I stood by myself on the small stage, watching three people talk about me as though I wasn't there. I sort of felt like I was back in high school waiting to get a test back that I wasn't sure I'd passed. Only in this case, I had just finished a mini-audition for a small cover band that played in a bar called

Big Carl's.

I had been in Atlanta for two weeks without finding a job, and my funds were dwindling. I didn't know what this particular job paid, but anything coming in would help stem my financial bleeding until I could find a real job. However, although beautiful, the group's leader, Tanya, impressed me as being a total bitch. As much as I wanted into this group, I figured she'd tell me to take a hike.

As I stepped down off the stage, I watched her closely. She had put away her phone and was staring at me intently. I took the fact that she wasn't snarling as a good sign. But then she wasn't smiling either. Finally, Tanya had joined George and Simon. Both the guys were almost giddy with their smiles, but Tanya's face still revealed nothing.

Finally, she smiled and stuck her hand out. "I'm Tanya Parker. The tall one here is Simon Ohbacker, and the other is George Sanders. I put this group together, and we're known as "Tanya and the Crew." And you are?"

I took her hand and replied, "I'm Robbie Wilder."

"Well, Robbie Wilder," Tanya said after releasing my hand, "do you have an acoustic guitar?"

"Do bears shit in the woods?" I laughed.

"Silly question," she smiled and then went serious. "Here's the deal. We get paid nine hundred dollars for singing three hours on Friday and three hours on Saturday nights. We also work behind the bar for the rest of the week. We put a tip jar out while we're singing. I get three hundred dollars, and you guys split the rest. Any tips we get are split four ways. Your hourly pay for working the bar, which isn't much, is yours, as are any tips you get while serving drinks. Is this something that would interest you?"

"Again, the thing about the bears," I was ecstatic.

Tanya laughed and went back behind the bar. She returned fifteen seconds later with several pages stapled together. It was a list of songs. "The first three pages are the songs we do all the time. The other pages are songs that we drop in periodically. Check them out and let me know which ones you don't know."

I scanned down the first page and a half and knew all of them. Then I found a Glen Campbell song I wasn't familiar with and pointed to it. Tanya pulled out a copy of her own and marked that song. I finished off the complete list and found five more songs I didn't know.

"That's pretty impressive," Simon said. "Ty's was with us for a year, and there were thirty or forty dozen songs that he either didn't bother to learn or couldn't play."

"How soon can you go get your guitar and get back here?" Tanya asked as she looked at her watch.

"As long as it takes MARTA to get me to College Park, pick up my guitar and hustle back here."

"Good, I'd like to have a little warmup practice before we go on."

After they wrapped up my burger, I paid my bill and flew out the door. Luck was with me when I hit the MARTA station as a train had just come in. Twenty minutes later, I hopped off and ran to the Monroe's house. I figured it was only a little before noon, so I had time to take a quick shower and change my clothes.

I walked on air back to the station with my guitar. Two hundred dollars a week wouldn't be enough to cover all my expenses. Still, with tips and whatever I'd get paid for working behind the bar, I figured it would carry me until I found a full-time job.

When I reached the platform, I had to wait about ten minutes for the next train. All the while I was standing there, I bounced up and down, willing the train to come. I was back at the bar about a quarter after one. Tanya, George, and Simon were already playing when I walked in.

As quickly as I could, I got my guitar out and tuned it. Then I stepped up onto the stage and waited to be told what to do. I listened as the group played Glen Campbell's

Southern Nights

with Simon and Tanya singing it as a duet. It sounded good. Tanya had a beautiful voice, and Simon had a decent bass quality to his. I didn't really know the song, but I quickly picked up the melody, and when they were about halfway through, I was able to join in. They all looked over and nodded.

When the song ended, Tanya went to get some water bottles, and when she returned, she tossed me a blue t-shirt with "Tanya and the Crew" on the front.

After handing out the water, Tanya started telling me what she expected. She decided which songs would be sung at each performance and in what order. I glanced at her list and didn't find anything I couldn't handle. Then she wanted me to sing Patsy Cline's

True Love

with her.

It's always a little dicey singing a duet with someone you don't know. You're never quite sure what your singing partner is going to do. Sometimes they come in late or early. Some hold a note longer than they should. Some sing at a faster or slower tempo than the song is supposed to be sung. I found Tanya very easy to sing with. We matched and harmonized perfectly.

Moments after we got into the song, I noticed that the other employees and the few customers had turned to watch us. When we finished, even though the numbers were small, we got a rousing ovation.

"We're absolutely doing that song tonight," Tanya said as she thumbed through her sheets. We did the beginnings of about a dozen songs, and Tanya called an end to the practice. Then George told me to follow him into the kitchen, where he gave me a bartender's apron.

"I have to be honest," I admitted with trepidation, "I can play the guitar and sing, but I don't know anything about bartending."

He laughed. "It isn't rocket science. Tonight, we'll just have you serving the beer in bottles and or draft. If there's time, I'll show you how to mix a few simple drinks. You'll pick it up pretty quickly. Just remember to be quick and smile. That will get you more tips."

At five, more and more people began to drift into the bar, and I was hopping back and forth, serving bottles of beer or pouring drafts. That night, I must have moved thirty cases of beer from the cooler out to the bar. I also learned how to install a new keg, sliced dozens of all kinds of fruit, and learned how to mix a half-dozen drinks.

I was pretty frazzled when eight o'clock approached, and we headed to the stage. However, when I looked around, Tanya wasn't anywhere in sight. I just shrugged and re-tuned my guitar. About five minutes later, Tanya appeared to a round of applause. If my eyes weren't attached, they would have dropped to the floor.

Tanya wasn't wearing a blue t-shirt. She had changed into a blue and green sundress which was cut fairly low in the front. A good portion of her breasts was exposed, and the mystery of what remained, I'm sure, left many of the men in the audience drooling.

As I looked out, only about half of the bar was full. But the patrons that were there were already pretty well lubricated. I had learned that this could be good or bad. A crowd that was very relaxed with alcohol was easier to entertain. They also tended to buy more drinks. However, there is a fine line between a relaxed customer and an obnoxious drunk. Still, I was super excited to get the night going.

Tanya kicked off the night singing Dolly Parton's

Nine to Five

, which got the crowd into it right away. Then we moved to a Johnny Cash song, followed by a Willie Nelson's

On the Road Again,

with all of us joining in. After about an hour and a half, Tanya told the crowd that we were taking a fifteen-minute break, and we'd be back.

Sitting in the kitchen sucking down a bottle of water, I felt more at peace than at any time since my divorce. For the first time, I didn't feel the dagger of pain in my heart. I hoped they wouldn't kick me out of the group after tonight. The crowd had been great so far, and Tanya was certainly the focus of all the males in the bar. She also had the attention of a goodly number of women. But as soon as we started the second half of our show, I knew something was off.

There was a table of two women and three men close to the stage, and I knew instantly that they weren't feeling any pain. They were also getting kind of boisterous and rude. They had crossed the line from relaxed to obnoxious. Tanya was into her second song when one of the men made a crude remark about Tanya's ass. His comment wasn't wrong; Tanya had a spectacular ass. But the comment was totally out of line. And I could see that Tanya was getting angry, so I decided to step in.

I had handled drunks many times before. Drunks, as a general rule, aren't bad people; they've just lost their inhibitions. The best way to deal with them was with humor and a little embarrassment. So, when Tanya finished her song, I grabbed the mic from her.

"Thank you, thank you," I said as the light applause began to die out. Tanya looked at me with annoyance but didn't say anything. "We absolutely love it when people in the audience enjoy our shows. And this table over here seems to be enjoying the show more than anyone else. We like to show our appreciation for what you might call our super fans." I then turned to the audience. "Would you like to meet one of our super fans tonight?"

The crowd started clapping and calling out, "Yes, Yes, Yes," I smiled and, of course, singled out the loudmouth. I pointed to the rowdy gentleman and said, "You, sir, seem to be having the best time of anyone. Stand up and let everyone see you."

The drunk jumped to his feet, swayed a little, and said, "Fuck You!"

"I'm sorry, I don't swing that way," I said with a smile. "Not that there's anything wrong if that's your preference."

The crowd roared with laughter and started to whistle.

"What's your name, sir?" I quickly asked.

"Frank," he roared back. "And I still say fuck you."

"I don't know how much dating you do, Frank, but that approach isn't going to win any woman's heart." Again, the crowd howled and laughed.

"Now, Frank," I said innocently, "I can call you Frank, can't I?"

"Fuck, yeah."

"Boy, you have a one-track mind," I said, laughing with the crowd. "Now, Frank, you seemed to have a strong opinion about one particular part of my friend's anatomy. I think it is only fair that your same anatomy should be judged. What do you think folks, on a scale of one to ten, how do you rate Frank's ass?"

A roar of laughter was followed by numbers being called out. "Four! Two! Minus ten!"

I let the number calling go on for about ten seconds before I announced, "it seems that you have fallen very short in that part of your anatomy. I hope there is nothing else that would fall short on your body." Then I looked to the ladies sitting at the table who had been laughing as hard as anyone else. "Ladies, you know Frank. Does he have any other deficiencies?"

The two women were nodding and cracking up. Then one of the women held up her thumb and forefinger about an inch apart. This brought the house down. Frank turned scarlet and stormed from the room, jarring two tables as he went.

When he was finally out of the front door, the room got very quiet. I looked around and spread my hands in mock confusion. "Was it something I said?"

The room went wild, and I got a standing ovation. As I handed the mic back to Tanya, she reached over and kissed me on the cheek. She said into the mic, "my hero." This brought another roar from the crowd.

The rest of the show went off very well, especially when Tanya and I sang Patsy Cline's

True Love

at the end. We got a standing ovation.

I was nervous as we started off the stage. I know the show had gone well, but I didn't know what to expect at this point. I had overstepped my bounds by taking the mic, but it just seemed to be the thing to do at the time.

George was the first to speak. "That was our best show ever."

Simon followed immediately. "Robbie, you had them eating out of your hand. Outstanding job."

I turned to Tanya because I knew she seemed to have the final say. She just walked up to me and gave me a big hug. I guess I was in.

We weren't expected to tend bar after our performance, but we wound up helping the regulars and helped with the cleanup. During this time, I learned that Simon was gay and lived with his boyfriend, Dave. I was relieved that he wasn't offended by my comments directed at the drunk. In fact, he thought it was really funny to watch the guy squirm. George was single and a real womanizer. He had a girl waiting for him to finish. If George hadn't made her show us her driver's license, I would have sworn she was no older than fifteen. I was shocked to learn she was twenty-three. Lucky George.

Tanya was very closed. All I got from her was that she had attended Julliard in New York for a year. Tanya didn't say anything about why she decided to leave school. All she said about her family was that her father had deserted them, and her mother was dead. I also learned that Tanya was single and rarely dated. I didn't care; I was just thrilled to be able to perform and get paid for it.

We had another show the following night, and to me, it seemed like the crowd was slightly bigger, but I couldn't be sure. However, after my first show, Carl had taken me aside and told me that he was impressed with how I handled the drunk. I thought we had another great show the second night, and Tanya and I sang three songs together. However, Carl pulled me aside again after that show, and gave me some advice, or maybe it was a warning.

"Kid, you got talent," he said, patting me on my shoulder, "but in this business, don't trust anyone. Not Simon, or George, or Tanya, and for sure, don't trust me."

As the weeks went by, I felt we were beginning to click on stage. But off stage, while George and Simon were very friendly, Tanya was a very cold and distant ice princess. That didn't bother me at all as long as I could perform. To me, playing my guitar and singing fed my soul, and getting paid was just a huge bonus.

The routine for the next six weeks was the same, working the bar and playing music each weekend while I continued to look for a job during the week. However, I have to admit that I wasn't looking too hard. I was covering my expenses with the money from performing, tips, and minuscule pay for working the bar. And with each passing week, Suzie was becoming a distant memory, and the pain was fading.

By my estimation, the crowds were getting bigger, but, again, I had no way to measure it. Even if it was true, Carl decided to make a change, and on that Monday, he told us that the upcoming weekend would be our last. He was bringing in a Beatles cover band for a six-week deal. I was devastated. That meant I'd have to once again start looking for a job in earnest.

Carl had proved his advice to be spot on. I thought he liked our act and appreciated it, but the truth was, he didn't give a shit about us. Anyway, once Carl lowered the boom on us, I went out and bought a newspaper. I was scanning the want ads when Tanya stuck her head over my shoulder.

"What are you doing?" she asked with a smile.

"As much as I regret my decision not to do it," I said, grinning back. "I never trained myself to only eat once a week. I have to get a job. In fact, all of us need to find gainful employment."

"Already taken care of," Tanya said as she grinned and walked away.

"What!" I said, spinning on my stool. "Did you find a job already?"

"No," she said with a coy smile, "we all found a job."

"No way. Where? What kind of job?" I responded in total confusion.

"George! Simon!" Tanya yelled into the kitchen. "Come out here. We have to talk about something."

Once Tanya had us all together, she led us to a table on the far side of the bar. George and Simon were as confused as I was, but they didn't say anything until everyone was seated.

"Okay, Tanya," George finally asked, "what do we need to discuss?"

"I've got our next bookings lined up," Tanya said calmly.

"Really," George and Simon said at the same time.

"Yup, at the Abbey Tree Lounge in Alpharetta for four weeks, and then at the Uptown Club in Cummings for five weeks. Then we're going to Charlotte, North Carolina. Brad Brooks and Honey Weston are doing two shows at the Spectrum Center. They're opening act canceled on them, so we're filling in."

"What's the pay?" Simon asked.

"At the Abbey, we're getting two grand a week, but we have to perform six nights and two matinees, one on Saturday and one on Sunday. They also want us to tend bar like we do here. At the Uptown, they're going to pay us Twenty-two hundred dollars with the same deal as the Abbey. For the two concerts in Charlotte, we're getting four thousand dollars for the two nights."

"The Spectrum is a big venue," Simon said in awe. "That place holds at least twenty thousand people."

"How did you arrange all of this since Saturday?" I couldn't help but ask.

Tanya responded with a Cheshire cat look. "Actually, I've been working on it for a couple of months. An agent caught our show and liked it. He contacted me when the Spectrum job came available. But I figure if we do well in Charlotte, we could be on our way."

We all looked at each other with huge smiles. Then Tanya chuckled. "I was going to tell Carl on Sunday, but he beat me to the punch. I didn't say anything to him because I figured if he thought we were down and out, he might slip us a little something else."

"Carl?" George snickered, "he'd steal his grandmother's eye teeth if he thought he could make a buck off of them."

"Before we get all excited," Simon said as he put his hands up. "How are we going to get to Alpharetta and Cummings? MARTA doesn't go there. And even if we get to Charlotte, where are we going to stay? Rooms for two nights could eat up a big chunk of what we earn."

Tanya looked at me questioningly. "Robbie, you said you had a car. What do you say?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Actually, it's an SUV, but yeah, I can drive us if you guys will chip in some money for gas. But Simon's right about Charlotte. If it was just me, I'd sleep in my car, but with the four of us, that wouldn't work."

"That's already taken care of," Tanya said quickly. "They've arranged a room for us for one night. I figured we'd travel up the day of the show, perform and spend the night. After the second show, we'll head back. The only downside is that it's only one room. And just so it's clear with you three, I get one of the beds. If it just has a king or queen-size, you all are sleeping on the floor. If there are twin beds, you guys can fight over the other one."

Both the Alpharetta and the Cummings engagements went well. The customers at both establishments were generous, and we made almost a thousand dollars each week in tips. In Cummings, after we sang

True Love

at the end of the show, this guy came up and said he'd pay us a hundred dollars if we'd do it again. So, we did.

The Spectrum was mind-blowing. None of us had ever performed before an audience that large. It was a little unnerving for George and Simon, but Tanya wasn't intimidated at all. As for me, if you can survive farting in front of thousands of people, very little fazes you after that. Fortunately, we all pulled it together. And by the end of our set both nights, we had the crowd out of their seats, ready for the night's main entertainment.

As we took our final bows the second night, I looked over at Tanya. Her eyes were shining. It seemed to me that Tanya was chasing the dream.

After the Spectrum appearance, we all thought we were really on the move up. However, the opposite happened; things really tapered off. We'd work a week or two and then nothing for two or three weeks. It got downright grim, and I was tempted to go look for a regular job. But I didn't want to give up performing, and I didn't want to leave Tanya in the lurch.