Cayden was my husband until my dad made me sign the divorce papers he'd had drawn up. I guess dad was right. Cayden was a good worker; he just wasn't any good for me.
I loved him so much. When I was in school the only time boys paid any attention to me was when they needed help with their homework or when they wanted to make fun of someone. Cayden's a year older than me. I'd seen him around ever since I could remember. He's always been handsome; the girls all liked him. I had a terrible crush on him when he was in high school, but he never even knew I was alive. He'd drive by my house on his way to school. I had to walk to school. Sometimes he'd drive right by in his pick-up. He never even noticed me.
He noticed me once though. It was the year after he graduated and I was a senior. I know I'm not pretty, and my body never developed like other girls. All my girlfriends got boobs and hips and stuff. All I got was older. Well at least I never got acne.
I remember it was afterschool one afternoon and I was on my way home, walking of course. There were several boys standing around on the edge of the school's property. They were all talking and carrying on. Cayden was with them. I tried to make myself as inconspicuous as possible. I didn't want anyone, especially Cayden, to notice me. One of the boys in the group saw me coming and he yelled, "Hey Angie, you're so ugly it's pathetic!"
All the other boys laughed, Cayden didn't. He walked over to his pick-up; he opened the cab door, and asked, "Angie, you need a ride home?"
Of course I got right in. All the other boys just watched as Cayden helped me in and closed the door. He even helped me buckle my seat belt. That was all it took. I fell madly and deeply in love.
Cayden started dating me. At first he took me to nice places. We went to the movies, and he'd buy me popcorn and a soda. He took me to the beach, he'd set up an umbrella, and we'd sun bathe. He'd go get pizza and cokes, and we'd sit on a blanket and eat on the beach. This was something only pretty girls did, and here I was, this woman in a child's body, with the coolest boy in the county. We'd lie there on the blanket and make out. He tried to feel me up. At first I wouldn't let him, but in the end he got to feel of me. I recall the first time. He was groping all around and I heard him mutter, "Where's it at," he was looking for a boob. I rolled away and started to cry. Cayden, he got real upset. He pulled me back over toward him and told me size didn't matter. He said I had all he wanted; that made me cry even more. He held me in his arms, he kissed all over my face, and he told me he loved me. He said big tits were overrated. He said I had all he wanted. He said that a couple times. He said he'd take care of me, love me, and protect me for always.
My dreams had come true; well at least for a while. Sometime around the end of the summer after my senior year Cayden started to change.
I was supposed to go away to college, but he'd talked me out of it. It made my parents mad, but I didn't care. Cayden had a farm, he had money, and I was convinced he loved me. I was actually going to get the happily ever after every girl dreams of. All I wanted to do was be with him, but something went wrong.
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I keep reminiscing while I'm in Bernard's truck.
So I'm in this truck with Bernard. I have Cayden's baby, but I won't let him near her. I don't know what went wrong. Cayden had been so good; then he got mean.
I'm small, and Cayden well he's big, at least a whole lot bigger than me. I used to like it when he sat me on his lap and wrapped his arms around me. He'd take his hands; his hands are big, and he'd softly rub them over my body. Mostly he did it outside my clothes, but sometimes he'd unbutton my blouse and rub his big hands all up and down my back and chest.
After he started dating me exclusively he told me I wasn't allowed to wear bras anymore. He said he liked to see the little bit I had bounce around under my clothes. He said he liked to see my nipples stick out against my blouse. He'd nibble and kiss on my nipples until they perked up; then he'd suck on them. I don't have much in the boob department, and he could suck a whole boob in his mouth.
Pretty soon I wasn't permitted to wear panties or pantyhose. Then he said I couldn't wear slacks or jeans. I could only wear skirts, preferably minis, or dresses. He said he liked the idea that I'd always be readily accessible. That all started shortly after I let him get me the first time. Sometimes I'd be sitting beside him in his pick-up, and he'd pull me over on his lap and slide his thing inside me. It hurt; it always hurt. We did it once while we were at a stop light. By then I was always so hot for him I did anything he wanted.
I said he had big hands. He could wrap his hand almost completely around my neck. Once while we were stopped in traffic he wrapped his right hand around my neck while he unzipped his pants with his left. He pulled out his thing and slowly pushed my head down so I had to put it in my mouth. Then he held my hair and kept pushing my head up and down until he ejaculated in my mouth. I had to swallow all his stuff. I coughed. It tasted awful.
I don't know why, but he kept getting worse and worse. He started calling me his little whore whenever we were out. He'd say that in front of other people. Then the worst possible thing happened and all the bad things stopped.
One night we were out in his pick-up and we'd parked down by the ocean. The waves were crashing really loud that night. He got a blanket and carried me and the blanket down to the beach. I had to lock my legs around his waist while he wrapped his left arm around my lower back. That's how he carried me that night. He put me down and laid out the blanket. Then he ordered me to take off all my clothes and lay down on the blanket. By then I was more afraid than in love with him so I always did what he told me to do without question. I wasn't afraid that he'd hit me or anything; I was afraid he'd get mad and stop seeing me. I mean I loved him so much that if he told me to shoot myself I would have done it.
He told me to get on my hands and knees. I figured he was going to do me doggie style; we'd done it before, and though it hurt, like I said it always hurt, I always let him do it. This time though he said he was going to do my ass. I asked him not to, but he said I was his and he would do as he pleased. He got out some kind of gelatin; put it on his fingers and pushed them way up my rectum. I cried out. It really hurt. He laughed. Then he got behind me. I begged him not to do it, but he only laughed louder.
He pushed his penis way up inside my ass. He was really hard. I never felt him be so big or so hard. I'd never felt such excruciating pain before. I screamed, and I started to cry. It hurt so much I just couldn't stop crying. He only pushed inside one time and stopped. He went way up inside my body. I could feel myself being torn inside; I thought I was being split apart. I started to bleed. I couldn't see the blood, but I felt it.
Just that fast he pulled out of me and started crying. He swept me up in his arms and just kept crying. He held and hugged me so tight I thought I was going to suffocate. He said he was sorry. He kept apologizing; he kept telling me he didn't know why he did it. He just said he only did it because he wanted to hurt me. He kept saying he had to punish me. I still don't know what I did wrong. I loved him so much I swear he could've done anything to me. I would have died for him if he asked me to.
We both sat there on the blanket and cried for like a half an hour. Then he picked me up and carried me like a baby back to the truck. That was the night he asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes. A few weeks later we got married, but by then I was so deep into alcohol and drugs it was like I was lost in another world.
So here I am bouncing along toward the Wagon Wheel in Bernard Keith's truck. I hope Cayden finds out. I hope it makes him mad. I don't know why I want that, but I really do. I want him to be so pissed he'll find me and give me a good beating. Sometimes he used to spank my ass. I know I deserve a good spanking now.
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The other girl.
Back inside the small 1960's red brick ranch house with the peeling paint on the front door, proof the house was in disrepair, a little girl looked out her mommy's bedroom window as her mommy jumped in the man's truck and rode away. She looked down at the raggedy old box she clutched tightly in her hands. This had been her mommy's game when she was little. Mommy promised she would teach her how to play. The box lid was scratched and worn. Someone had once drawn a stick picture of a girl on it, but somebody else had taken a pen and scribbled over it. Dried up masking tape still barely held two of the top's corners together; the title on box top read Candy Land. Mommy promised she would teach her to play one day.
Emily carefully put the box down on the old hardwood floor. She didn't know how to play, but she'd played with the board and the cards before. She took off the lid, collected the cards, and started to lay them out in neat rows across the board; "one for mommy, one for grand-mommy, and one for me..."
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Cayden gets a call.
I got a call from Mrs. Bradford. She said Angie was headed to the Wagon Wheel with Bernard. She sounded scared. She said Angie really got plucked when she saw Caprice in my truck.
The idea that she was out with Bernard again really tore my ass. She had my child, and Emily was getting old enough now to start to understand what was going on. She'd be asking questions soon, and I wanted Angie to be able to give her the right answers. She wouldn't be able to do that if she was off drunk with a bum like Bernard Keith.
Right away I called Del. He didn't like it when I asked him to help me. He said he had plans, but I begged him to go down to the Wagon Wheel and keep an eye on things. He tried to bail by telling me he was still only nineteen and under the legal limit. I laughed, but promised I'd make it up to him if he kept a watch out tonight. He said he would. Del's a great kid.
So I ruined Del's evening; now it was time for Caprice and I to go to church and probably ruin a lot of other peoples' evening too.
