I Am Not a Wimp

I anticipate there may be readers who will ask that this story be "finished" or that they be permitted to finish it themselves. Just now, I have no idea how to satisfactorily proceed with it myself as I think I have made my point as it is (although the readers may think otherwise.) It may well be that I never do "finish" it, but, just in case, I have added, "Pt 1." to the title. If you're interested, I would be honored to have you do so.

Chapter 1: Jenny

Have you ever had something on your mind or maybe you were doing something and although it was bugging you, you couldn't define just what it was and so you continued to just "go through the motions" until it finally clicked? Perhaps an idea that wasn't working out but you just didn't get around to dropping it until the "lights went on"?

I had been that way for about 3 weeks some time ago until one night it "clicked.".

"What in hell am I doing here?" I thought to myself.

I remember that exact question flowing through my mind that night. It actually hit me almost like a physical blow.

The real question however was, "What in hell have I been doing for the last three weeks?"

I looked across the table at Jerry, the man who had just insisted that it was about time I went with him to his hotel room, upstairs, to spend the night in his bed. I'm more than a little embarrassed to tell you that he had good reason for thinking I might.

In spite of the fact that I had been telling him all along I had no intention of getting into his bed, he thought he was going to get lucky a couple of weeks ago and although he never did (and never would) as I said, I'm embarrassed to admit I have given him some reason to think he might.

Over the last three weeks I have had lunch with him 5 (or was it 6?) times and I've had dinner with him three times on each of the last three Wednesdays (including that night when I finally came to my senses) while my husband was out of town on business and the second and third weeks, we went dancing in the hotel lounge.

During the latter part of the first evening, I clearly felt his arousal rubbing my leg and my groin while we were dancing.

It gave me the creeps!

It brought the evening to a rapid halt when that happened. I had promptly said good night and left on my own.

What in hell was I doing there with him?

I don't even like him. All I had was a vague plan to use this asshole to make my own husband a little more attentive but I had no idea how to go about doing it.

They say that in times of extreme stress or sudden revelation, your life passes before your eyes. That didn't really happen, but enough of it did that I came to the clear realization that; in spite of my husband's lack of romanticism, his sometimes overwhelming devotion to his business and his clients (often to the detriment of our marriage) and in spite of him not having kept the promise he made to me after we had discussed the need to have him be more attentive to me and to our marriage, in the final analysis, I really loved my husband and, like it or not, I'd rather have him in my life as he is, than be without him.

What to do about Jerry and his hardon?

That wasn't really a problem. As I said, I didn't even like him and over the time I had spent with him those few weeks, I found he was even worse than I originally thought. He turned out to be an arrogant, slimy SOB who, I had recently discovered, already cheats on his wife and in this case, he was ready to fuck his boss's wife.

How did I come to be with him?

It seemed like a good idea at the time although I didn't really think it through and while I was trying to work out in my mind just how to add a spark of jealousy to my husband's thinking and push him to live up to his promise to be more concerned about me and our life together, I kept stringing Jerry along.

My name is Jenny Conden. I'm 38 years old and I have been married to Ted Conden for the last 6 years and although we had some struggles while we were dating and some more while married, I think that overall it has been good for us both.

I was raised by two loving parents who brought me up to be caring, confident, independent, honest and loyal. They taught me the value of setting goals and working hard to achieve them very early in my life.

While I was both learning and applying those things, I dated quite a bit in high school and in college and spent some time in bed with some of the guys I really liked. I enjoyed my time as a single woman but wasn't able to find anyone I thought might be "Mr. Right", that is, until I met Ted Conden.

I joined Deston Corp. as a "Management Trainee" just out of college at the ripe old age of 22 and I had worked hard to earn my way to "Executive Assistant to the Vice President of Operations" by the time I met Ted.

There had been a few offers of assistance along the way if I would sleep with the "right" people but I managed to avoid that and be a success on my business and personal skills. In fact, by the time I was 31, I had a high paying job, I owned my own home and I had a personal investment portfolio worth about $250,000.

I suspect that I might well have been otherwise married by then but my personal drive, ambition and success seemed to have frightened off the better prospects and rather than settle for less than an equally strong and confident partner, I began to resign myself to a life of one night stands and brief flings.

Then my boss decided to do some business with a small upstart company called Conden Enterprises and my life began to change.

To begin, and I know I am biased, I strongly suspect that any woman (and a good many men) would describe Ted as particularly handsome. He's 6' 2'' and 200 lbs of muscle and co-ordination. My brother Rob had heard of him as Ted was an outstanding college athlete who might well have made it in the professional ranks as either a baseball or a football player, but chose, instead, to go into business.

My boss assigned me to work with Ted as we were going to outsource our computer software and hardware needs to his company.

My first impression was excellent. As I've already said he is particularly handsome and fit and, although not overly friendly when we first met, he was quite nice.

With a guy this good looking and, as far as the rumor mill knew, unattached, I expected him to demonstrate at least a little interest in me. I may not be a super model but I'm confident I'm attractive, intelligent and not totally without charm.

After 3 weeks of working pretty closely with him I began to wonder if he was gay but it seems that virtually all of the other women in our office knew of him as he had been featured in several magazines a while back as an up and coming superstar and, of course, eligible bachelor, and almost all were anxious to interrogate me at every available opportunity.

I had nothing to tell other than he was very nice, polite and considerate. The good looks they could see for themselves.

They, on the other hand, seemed to have plenty to tell me. According to them, he had been with quite a number of women most of whom still think very highly of him. There are many who openly claim, or have somewhat intimated, that they had shared his bed and they too had nothing bad to say, other than he clearly is no where near ready to commit.

After a while I began to doubt myself!

Although he didn't seem intimidated, I thought that maybe he was just another one of those guys put off by my business success.

After more than a month of working together day after day, we began to work a few evenings as well, trying to meet the sub-contractor's deadlines.

One day as we were somewhat frantically working to meet the next deadline, my boss's boss, the C.E.O., asked Ted if we needed to meet with the subcontractors to work out a new schedule, to which he responded, "No. As long as Jenny is available to work some overtime and maybe a weekend, we can finish by the end of the month. By the way, this woman really knows her stuff! We wouldn't be even close to managing the original deadline if it wasn't for her. You better watch out Ralph, I think she's not far off being able to do your job very effectively."

I was blushing, I know, but enjoying every millisecond of this kind of ego boosting banter, especially in front of the company C.E.O. and coming from quite a hunk of a guy who, by the way, really knows his stuff too.

When the moment had passed and the boss moved on, we were planning out the remainder of the week before the deadline, which included working a long day Saturday and possibly some of Sunday too, when I thanked him for his kind comments.

"You deserve that and more Jenny. You're an exceptional administrator. We've done as well as we have not only because of your own knowledge, which is extensive, but also because you manage your staff so well. You seem to know which of them you need to consult for each of the issues we've had to deal with. That alone has saved us dozens of hours of slugging through this mound of raw data. I'd hire you myself but it's plain to see you would put me out of a job and I'd have to retire and I'm much too young for that. Besides," he added with a dazzling smile, "I couldn't afford to hire you anyway!"

If I wasn't in love with him then, I was damn close. A man of my dreams! One who could see and appreciate my intellect and business ability and not be threatened by it and one who is so damn smart, good looking and, I've noticed lately, is sexy as hell too.

"After all those compliments the least I could do is buy you dinner." I blurted out.

He was seemed shocked but recovered well and said, "That would be great. I'd love it."

It turned out that he is great company beyond the job. He is well versed in the arts and we had a great conversation about Broadway shows which, it turns out, we both love.

It was a wonderful evening and, although I had no intention of inviting him into my bed that night, I was hoping for a kiss or two but what I got was a beautiful, sexy smile and a hearty 'thank you' for dinner.

The following was a long week with no rest likely to come over the weekend as we were scheduled to work Saturday and maybe some of Sunday.

By mid-afternoon that Saturday it looked like we were finally nearing the end. For me that was a bittersweet thought. I would be glad to get it done but I would miss working so closely with this man.

He too could see that we were nearly done and asked if I would be willing to stay with it that night and get it done rather than take time on Sunday. By 8:00 PM that night we had a final draft of our report ready for the secretarial pool on Monday.

He asked if he could buy me a late dinner and I agreed. We tried a few decent places but it being Saturday night, they were all booked solid so I suggested we order some Chinese and take it back to my place.

Once again I found him to be a marvelous companion and I was sorry to see the evening end. I knew he was planning to fly back to Savannah soon, but the disappointment in my face must have been vivid when he off handedly mentioned he was going out that next day.

I must have looked silly standing there, somewhat in shock, but he smiled, leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek as he said, "I have really enjoyed working with you Jenny. I'm going to miss you. I hope we can have dinner sometime when I'm back in town to service this account."

I leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. "I'll be very disappointed if we don't."

I remember feeling like a teenager, excited by the prospect of a relationship with him and disappointed that he was leaving.

About two weeks later he called to say he was going to be in town and we got together for dinner. I don't remember much other than it was a fabulous evening of dinner and dancing. Like every other thing I had seen him do, he was an excellent dancer and it felt especially good to have him hold me in his arms as we moved across the dance floor.

The evening ended all too soon with a chaste kiss on the lips and a smiling "Thank you!"

It was almost three weeks before I heard from him again but this time there was, for me at least, great news.

His business was growing rapidly and, as most of his clients were now in the greater Atlanta area, he had decided to move from Savannah and set up locally.

Once he got that done, we dated for about three months getting out at least once each week and sometimes twice. We kissed, sometimes passionately and I'm sure I left all the right hints but with no success as we didn't even come close to sleeping together at all.

Finally one evening, after a round of golf and dinner on the clubhouse terrace, I asked him why it was we hadn't yet reached that level in our relationship.

His face was pensive and his manner and tone serious as he said, "Jenny, I've never met anyone I enjoy spending time with as much as I do with you. You're an intelligent, charming and well informed woman whose self confidence is evident. I really like being with you. We enjoy the same sort of things. You have introduced me to new things that have added to my life.

I'm no virgin, not by a long shot nor, I suspect, are you. It seems to me that in the relationships I have enjoyed up to now, once the sleeping arrangements are made, the relationship always seems to move quickly to expectations of commitment and marriage and to be perfectly honest, one, I'm not sure I'm the marriage and commitment type and two, I have enjoyed being with you so much I've tried to avoid the sex creating such expectations and continue to enjoy your company."

Was that a compliment or a put down?

A compliment, I think.

Then he said, "I know I want to and if, knowing what I've just told you, you still want to, then let's and allow the relationship go where it does."

I never thought of myself as being sexually stimulated by visuals of a naked man. I thought it was intimacy, caring, touch and imagery that did it for me, but when we both stripped off our clothes that night in my bedroom, I could feel the excitement build as I admired him.

Not an ounce of excess fat. Tall and muscular without the overly large muscles that come from serious weight training. Abs that are rock hard and of course, I was pleased to note, that that was not all that was hard.

He is a caring and gentle lover. I was already very turned on by the sight of his gorgeous body but his touch made me even more so. He stroked by breasts and my nipples became so hard they almost hurt. By the time his hands got to my pussy I was noticeably wet. His kisses were delightful and I was more than ready as he knelt between my spread legs and slowly entered me.

My delight was so extreme it was almost too hard to bear.

He began to stroke in and out moving smoothly as I was so well lubricated. Although excited myself, I did notice a deliberate change of pace after a while and as I caught his eye I was sure I knew what it was. I reached up and pulled him into a passionate kiss, our tongues lashing at each other and when that kiss broke, I whispered huskily, "Let it come Baby. Let it come."

And cum he did. It seemed interminable and his groans of pleasure were music to my ears.

I'm not sure what was better, knowing I had that sort of effect on him, or feeling as I did when he held me tight and continued to caress me as he recovered from that orgasm.

Fortunately he recovered rather quickly and for most of the rest of the night it seemed my body was wracked with orgasm after orgasm.

I was delighted to learn that he is not the least bit hesitant when dealing with his own cum. He ate me to a number of orgasms, one or two of which were nothing short of earth shattering, after he had cum in me.

We slept in each others arms, exhausted from the sex and next morning he was still as caring and charming as ever.

We spent the next 7 months in a monogamous relationship. We slept either at my house or at his apartment and although I knew I was desperately in love with him, I was very careful not to press him for any sort of commitment beyond what we had.

If there was anything other than the commitment thing that gave me cause for concern was that he wasn't big on the "I love you." comment nor was he big on little things that show you care.

Funny thing there was that on one of the rare times he did make an intimate gesture without prompting, I had to tell him off. One day he had come by my office to pick me up and I wasn't quite ready. It was still during working hours and my whole staff was still in the office when, unlike him, he pulled me into a hug and kissed me on the lips.

I really love him to do things like that but I was unprepared just then and he did it in front of a good number of my staff who began to giggle. As soon as we were alone in my office he saw how annoyed I was, but, as much as I was annoyed, I wanted not to upset things as we were headed out on a long weekend together, so I calmly tried to explain how important it was to maintain our dignity around our staff members.

I thought I may have pushed that too hard but he was not offended in the least, and he was quite contrite. He apologized and told me it was one of the things he was going to have to learn as he found he would soon be hiring more and more staff and really didn't see himself as having the kind of personal management skills he had so often seen me demonstrate.

My annoyance was soon gone, replaced with great delight in having a guy like him dating me.

Although I tried often to get him to, he wasn't keen on talking about his own life, particularly when he was growing up. What little I knew told me it couldn't have been an easy time for him.

His Mom died when he was 8 and although his dad remarried later, that marriage ended in divorce and he had essentially been raised by his father who had died at the age of 47 when Ted was 23. We were both nearing our 31st birthdays at that point and I knew very little about his youth, although I had asked often enough.

From what I could gather, to deal with it, he buried himself in sports and academic achievement and to this day, really didn't like to talk about it.

We didn't spend all our time together in isolation. We visited my folks frequently and my brother Rob and Ted hit it off right from their first meeting and he and my sister-in-law, Diane frequently joined us on dates.

Diane was my best friend in school and remained so after she dated and married my brother.

My Dad also knew of Ted from his college athletic days and both he and my Mom visibly adore him. Mom hinted often, all too often, that she was expecting to hear about wedding plans soon. When I responded by saying that I wasn't in any rush to commit to Ted, she looked at me as if I were insane, then proceeded to tell me I must be crazy. I couldn't bring myself to tell her it was Ted who wouldn't commit.

We went on like that until nearly Christmas. As the holidays approached I began to notice that Ted's manner was changing. Nothing dramatic but he seemed quieter and more into himself. I passed it off initially but after a while it became too vivid to ignore.

I decided to confront him as I began to suspect that we were nearing the end of the relationship. Sure we hadn't talked commitment and certainly not marriage but it was there anyway. We were entangled in a web of family events, issues and relationships and avoiding talking about it wasn't changing it. We were being treated by my family and our friends as a committed couple and there was no getting around it.

I had steeled myself for the bad news and was ready to ask Ted what was bothering him but before I could, he came to me and asked if we could go for a walk by ourselves. There is a golf course near my home where we had often walked before. That day the brightly colored leaves were a contrast to my mood but the dark, somber, gray skies matched it well.