Some people may think that this story is sick, but it has been a very positive experience for my wife and me. You see, I am 46 and my wife, Donna, is 41. We have had a very active sex life practically since our first date. We love each other deeply and passionately and would do anything for each other.
When I was 29, my doctor told me that I have a disease (which I will not name here) that will slowly progress over time, gradually taking my strength (and other things) away. It took quite a while for us to accept this new reality, but in its own way, it strengthened our relationship.
We continued our life as it was, gradually making changes as they became necessary. We still enjoyed life, and our love and devotion for each other only grew. Our sex life seemed to go on unchanged, at least to me. About two years ago, I realized that I was becoming less able to perform sexually. Donna was supportive, telling me that even if I become totally unable to have sex, she will still love me forever.
Then, thanks to the wonder drug, Viagra, I have been able to continue having sex with Donna, despite the gradual decline of my abilities to attain and maintain an erection. But it did nothing for my strength or stamina. Our sex life was doing less for me and it was even more frustrating to Donna.
We tried to change things. I performed oral sex on her more than before. We accumulated quite a selection of toys for her. She always said that she would never masturbate, but she tried it, eventually doing it at least twice a week.
We treat our love making sessions as a time for us to be closer, unlike before when we both received great physical satisfaction. This is not bad, but I could tell that Donna was missing what we used to have and I was becoming less able to satisfy her needs.
It took me a while, but I got up the courage to ask Donna if she would like to get her sexual satisfaction from another man. I told her that I really wanted her to enjoy this part of our life that had all but died. She said that she could never cheat on me like that. I assured her that if I knew about it, it wouldn’t be cheating. I told her to think of it as using a “surrogate.” She thought about it, but still said that she couldn’t do it.
We have always communicated very openly, and she admitted that she would be lying if she said that she didn’t miss the intensity of our sex life from years ago. But she always reassured me that she “is ok” with what we have. It isn’t hard to read between the lines and see that she was willing to make the sacrifice, but with significant regrets.
Then, once while we were playfully talking about sex, I asked her again if she would like to have sex with another man. I told her that I would feel better knowing that she was being satisfied, even if it was by someone else. Her response was that as long as we can have sex, we will. If and when I become completely unable, then she might consider looking elsewhere, with my permission. That is when I surprised her by telling her that I would be hurt more if she waited to have another lover until I was totally unable. She seemed puzzled. I explained, “If I am still able to have sex with you, then the other man is HELPING me to satisfy you. But if I am unable, then he is REPLACING me.”
I was able to help her understand that it was not a now or never ultimatum, but if she ever wanted to have extramarital sex the best time would be before it becomes the only option. Of course, that is unless she wanted to screw around without my knowledge, which would hurt me even more if I found out.
She was understanding, and confessed that she had thought about trying sex with another man. But would not discuss how this would happen, with whom or when.
Then, last summer we went to her family reunion. It was a big deal because her mother’s parents were both having their 90th birthdays, grandma in May and grandpa in July. We met cousins and aunts and uncles that Donna hardly even knew.
Everyone seemed to have a lot of fun. I watched while Donna played softball. One of the guys on her team was the husband of a cousin that died in a car crash, leaving him to raise their children. His name was Tim, and he was chosen to be a team manager. When choosing sides, he picked Donna because she was very close to his late wife. Tim was very personable and he made Donna laugh. After the 2nd inning, she talked her team into letting me coach 3rd base. I liked being part of the team. We had fun, but our team lost. Tim brought us all over by the refreshments and loudly proclaimed that he was buying the team a round of drinks. The beer and soda were free, but the gesture was well received.
The party went on, with a lot of food and drinks and games. Music was playing, so Donna asked Tim if he would like to dance. They looked happy, two-stepping around. When they stopped, Donna came back and asked if I minded. I said, “No, not if you have fun.”