Phases Of A Cheating

It now appears to me that pretty much all cheating lovers, spouses or others in a longer-term relationship go through pretty predictable phases.

Phase 1: the spouse is "open" to "consider" cheating.

Phase 2: the spouse starts to compare their mate with their fantasy relationships.

Phase 3: (this is where the games really get underway) initial sexual contact with their new lover.

Phase 4: this is the hot and heavy phase. The cheater is in a flushed state. Pretty much the only thing on the cheater's mind is cheating.

Phase 5: the turning point. Will the affair continue and became the main relationship for the cheater, or do things start to cool down?

Phase 6: the new life. Sometimes that means divorce, sometimes that means a long and ongoing affair or sometime the wayward spouse comes home, until the next time.

Now the cheater always figures that they are so smart that no one will catch on. You know, the husband is the last to know.

They actively work to cover up, lie and generally respond like they have something that they don't want you to know about. Of course, to do all that, they need to up their game when it comes to manipulating the clueless and faithful spouse.

I can remember when she entered Phase 1. We were out to dinner. I was lovingly gazing at my wife of 12 years. She looked great. I loved how her dress set off her cleavage. My eyes wandered up her graceful neck to her lovely face. As I look at her eyes, I could see them checking out the men in the room. Oh, she was discreet. She thought she was careful.

After almost 15 years of having only eyes for me, their absence was noticeable to me.

After a lovely dinner with drinks and dancing we went home and had sex like we were new again.

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Phase 2

We were in a bar for drinks after work. It was an up-tempo place, a fair amount of wood for ambiance and an upscale clientele. We liked the bar and we're comfortable being there. It was a Friday and we both were letting our hair down, so to speak.

We were at the bar, side by side. I was looking at the bartender, and in the mirror behind him I could see her. She had her back to the bar and mirror and was looking out on the crowd.

I watched her settle on a man. She didn't think about the mirror I was watching her in. She really looked at him, then turned her head, and I watched her eye go up and down me. Then back to the other man. A sideways glance at me, then back to the man. She licked her lips and had a playful smile on when she turned to me.

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It's been three weeks of being a yo-yo. She smothers me, she's pissed at me. We are having sex, we aren't having sex. Last night, sex was off the charts. She was resistant at first, but once I got her motor going, she had a hair-trigger.

Tonight, she comes in after work. Her face is perfect. Not the normal after-work makeup that was touched up over the day. No, her face was her going-out-the-door-first-thing-in-the-morning face. I have known my wife for long enough to see she was just well-fucked. She can't hide that from me.

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She pretends she wants to be home with me, but she spends much of her time sneaking off to text. Her ringer has been turned off for about two months. I remember a time when, if her phone rang, she'd jump on it. Work calls, calls with family, girlfriends...

Nowadays, I don't ever hear her phone ring, and it doesn't vibrate any more either. Frequently when I call her phone, I get her voicemail and she texts her responses

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled on her phone. She had left in the bathroom. I tried to open it, but the combo was changed. I stuck the phone in my pocket.

I was "watching" TV, as I watched her ever-more-frantic efforts to find her phone. It was pretty funny. She had to find her phone, but not look like she was looking for it. At the half-hour mark she was so twisted. Like I said, funny, ha ha.

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We haven't had sex in two months.

It's just me and the kids around here most days, and more than a couple of nights. Odd, I didn't think a local company's lowly marketing assistant would have much out-of-town travel as part of her job.

Out-of-town work trips in the last 7 years? Zero. Now, three trips in 9 weeks. And she thinks she is hiding things from me.

When she is home, she is either a raving bitch, a sulky princess or a ghost. No one knows which will show up when she walks in the door.

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Seven months and a couple of weeks, give or take a few days, is how long her affair lasted. If I had to guess, I would say he dumped her.

She is mopey. Her eyes are puffy. She is using tons of Visine, but I can still see her eyes are red. She had some new jewelry she liked to wear, a lot. It's now put away in the back of her underwear drawer. She fondles it now and then when she doesn't think I will know. Her late night "girls" night has been canceled. She doesn't work late anymore.

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She is making more effort this week. She almost had a bit of her old self back. Until Friday. She was a wreck as she entered the house holding a cardboard box with all of her personal stuff from work. I didn't say a word. She rushed past me clutching the stuffed box. A Manila envelope fell out on her way past me.

She rushed upstairs to the bedroom, sobbing. I reached down and picked up the Manila envelope. Inside were her termination papers. Seems she violated her workplace ethics. Her lover was her boss. Imagine that. No rehire, no glowing work reference, no severance and after so many loyal years.

Ouch.

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We are at the lawyer's office. He is handling my divorce and my lawsuit against my wife's company and ex-lover. The kids are over 13 and they want to stay with me.

I'm offering to keep the house and the kids. Visitation with the kids, if the kids want to see her. She gets about 20% of my 401 (k) and she can keep her IRA. I'm offering her 20% of the cash.

The report from the social workers found she abandoned her family and her presence disturbs and traumatizes them. The report from the marriage counselor had recommended she receive medical care for depression and advised supervised visitation, with no path to reconciliation.

The PI reports were stacked on the table between us.

These days she is a little slow on the uptick; it's the meds you know.

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So now, phase 6.

The kids and I live in the house. I'm a single parent. We are doing ok. We had months of practice being on our own before the split-up. The kids had some tough spots, but we get through them, together. The kids and I are much closer. We have a great relationship.

She isn't doing that well. She lives with her folks. The judge ordered supervised visits, and her folks stepped up by letting her live there, so the kids get a bit more of a normal relationship with her. It's also is the only place she can afford to live.

She is pretty angry at me for giving the PI reports to her Lover's wife. She thinks that is why he broke up with her and wouldn't return her calls or texts. The Truth is, her Lover folded under pressure from his wife to send the text breaking up with her. As to not responding to her calls and texts, it was because he didn't have his phone with him in the ICU. Apparently, his wife's brothers and cousins had something to do with him being in the hospital.

The "work trips" that her Lover expensed, well, yes, my lawyer let slip that they made the company aware when they filed suit.

Her folks are pretty upset with her. The only time that they are not all over her ass is when the kids are over, she is at work at McDonalds, or when they are at Church or Bible Study. Her folks are pretty old-school. Hey, she may not have her virginity, but she still has the box it came in.

So, she dates a little. The last time her folks caught her going out, they threatened to toss her "whorish" ass out to "run with Satan", which would have ended her visitation with the kids.

So now, to the clueless husbands who are the last to know, I gotta ask: don't you pay attention to your wives?

Now, please be well,

B Wrongerer

Thanks to TRCIII for editing