Although I didn't realize it at the time, what happened to me in the last chapter was the beginning of a long descent into codependent behavior and an addiction to the misdirected sense of power and self worth that came from sex. My husband Tom had stayed with me and taken care of me after I got pregnant during a brief affair. I had envisioned being left alone, losing my children, my marriage, my friends and family, everything I had known. When Tom took me back, I felt I owed him everything. The attention he gave me, emotionally and sexually, after several years of an emotionless marriage was so comforting that I easily mistook the codependent relationship for love. Tom asked me to let him watch me make love to another man and I did it as chapter 7 details. His response was even more attention and devotion to me. Tom's reward for me being a slut made me believes that was the way to keep and please my husband. I also loved the attention I received from other men and the sense of power I felt when they wanted me.
Tom had watched from the adjoining room while I spent the night making love with Herb, a former neighbor. The next morning, after Herb left, I went to Tom's room. He was an animal! He wanted me again and again, over and over. We fucked from 11:00 in the morning until 5:00 pm that afternoon. I had been up most of the night with Herb and I finally fell asleep, totally exhausted.
When I finally woke up, it was 11:00 pm. Tom wanted me again, but suggested we go down to the hotel lounge and have a drink or two. That sounded fine to me. I cleaned up and was about to get dressed when Tom stopped me and told me to wear nothing but my stockings, garter and raincoat. The night before, Herb had taken me to the lounge wearing that and a half bra. I had gotten a little drunk and had let my coat slide open so my body could be seen by several men at a table next to Herb and I. Tom had been watching from the bar and although he couldn't see me, he could tell the other men were looking at me with Herb. Tom told me that seeing other men admire me was a turn on for him. They didn't know us and would never see us again so who cares if they got a peek! It sounded reasonable to me and I could tell he really wanted it. My sense of adventure was aroused as well as my sexual desire. I was in a strange town, acting completely different from how I had ever imagined myself. It was like being in a movie, not real, but I could do anything!
I dressed as Tom had asked. We went downstairs and found a table near the back of the lounge. Big comfortable overstuffed chairs and small round tables with candles in the center were the decor. We ordered drinks and I was surprised that the bartender himself delivered the drinks, not the waitress. The bartender put the drinks on the table and spoke to me, not even looking at Tom. "Lady, we don't allow working girls to hang out in here. No shows tonight or you'll have to leave." He seemed surprised at my shocked expression. I was speechless! Tom spoke up, telling him that I was his wife, not a hooker. Tom grabbed my hand and showed him my ring, which matched Tom's wedding band. The bartender looked surprised and said he was sorry, he thought he recognized me as someone else and must have made a mistake. Suddenly, I was very self-conscious. I was nearly naked beneath my raincoat and I knew the bartender did recognize me. He thought he was covering for me with my husband!
Tom went to the men's room a little later and the bartender immediately came to the table. He said he knew I had been in the lounge last night with another man and he hoped he hadn't gotten me in trouble. He was smiling and spoke softly. I told him everything was OK, that my husband wasn't angry. He asked me if my husband knew I had been with the other guy. I don't know why, but I said, "Yes, he knows all about it!" The bartender chuckled and said I was " lucky to have a husband who shared ". I felt a thrill run through me, like butterflies in my stomach as he looked at me and said, " Very nice!" while his eyes roamed over me. He touched my hand and squeezed it as he turned back to the bar.
Tom returned and the waitress brought us two more drinks. She told Tom they were on the bartender. Tom raised his glass toward the bar to acknowledge the drinks. The bartender waved, and I smiled and waved back. Tom saw me and asked what was going on. I told him about the conversation I had with the bartender. Tom couldn't believe I had told a total stranger that he let me sleep with another man! I thought he was mad, but he was pleasantly shocked. He told me how that turned him on, that the bartender was watching us and knew what I had done! He told me he felt like he was with a celebrity or something. He said the bartender must have been impressed with me because he had bought us drinks. I was really beginning to feel like something special.
