Come Into Me 1

We found out two days ago that my wife's sister has cancer. Julie, my wife, isn't handling the news very well. At first, she trudged along as if nothing was out of the ordinary but that was a ruse. She does that - pretend like nothing is wrong. She's told me before that if she acts okay, she can trick herself into thinking things are okay. But, they're not okay and we both know it. I can feel worry all over her. It's circling around like an invisible cloud of dust. I've watched her try to carry on with life and stay two steps ahead of the elephant lumbering behind her. Today, the elephant has snagged her and she's retreated to our bedroom. I hate it for her. That hollow pit in your stomach that practically aches as if you've been kicked. Worry, grief, anxiety . . . I'd take it away if I could.

I enter our bedroom to assess the situation. Julie's in bed and I see her look at me but she doesn't speak or acknowledge my presence. The room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop and I do not wish to change the atmosphere; I plan to join it. Julie watches me pull my T-shirt over my head exposing my bare chest. Then, I remove my jeans, socks, and underwear before going to sit on the side of the bed where Julie lies. I reach over to the bedside table, seize a bottle of lotion then, proceed to put a dollop on my hands. I press my palms together to warm the lotion then, gently lift Julie's hand and rub. I caress slowly and lovingly and I can tell by Julie's expression that it feels good. I take my time and pay attention to her cuticles, in between her fingers, and round and round the center of her palm. It is not my intension to soften her skin with lotion. It is my intension to touch her, rub her, and love her with my hands. When the lotion begins to soak in, I apply more and continue to caress my wife. A few minutes later, I rub up her arm and knead her muscles. Julie lies still and motionless while watching me, occasionally closing her eyes. I lift her hand to my lips and kiss her fingertips, then placed her hand back where it originally laid. Next, I apply lotion to her other hand paying just as much attention to this one as the one before. I know Julie feels my love. She knows I'm taking care of her and it makes me happy that she's acquiescing to me. When she feels well, she's such a spit fire that she won't lie still long enough for me to caress her. Plus, she's a giver, not a taker, and she says it makes her feel strange to completely receive and not give back in some way. I am sorry she feels bad enough to be still, but it makes me happy that she'll let me do for her. I've tried to make her understand that when she is still and completely at my command, she is giving to me. That's as much of a gift as doing an active feat.

I am acutely aware of the silence in the room. There is virtually no noise. It's as if we're in a vacuum together, a surreal place, where time stands still and the only hint of life is our body heat. After I rub her second hand and arm, I slide my hands underneath the covers to find the bottom of her T-shirt. I slide the shirt up, and she raises her torso just enough to allow me to remove the shirt. Now, she's naked too. I begin to caress her torso, breasts, and stomach and watch the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathes. When my right palm is above her sternum, I deliberately press on her solar plexus and look deeply into her eyes. I whisper, "Feel my energy, baby. Take my energy into your body." After a few minutes, she begins to become restless as if the energy is becoming too hot. So, I remove my hand and resume caressing her. I do not touch her in a sexual way, I'm administering to her, loving her. I'm using my touch to try and make her feel better. I cannot take away her worry but I can, at least, soothe her.

Much time is spent on her torso before moving down toward her legs and feet. I touch her gently with light caresses and massage more deeply too. Occasionally, Julie sighs and I know she is enjoying my touch. I continually notice her expressions to ascertain what feels good and gain clues about which body part she would like me to rub more. I want to give her positive sensation.

After I have spent much time on her torso and limbs, I run my hands up her legs and begin paying attention to the inside of her upper thighs. She opens her legs to me as if she innately knows I wish to touch her intimately. Before I begin to massage her genitalia, I whisper, "Baby, I'm going to be so easy. All you have to do is feel." Julie doesn't reply, she just stares at me. My hands are already slick enough with lotion that I know I won't hurt her. And, I don't ram my fingers inside her; I'm gentle and I take my time. First, I stroke her outer labia. Then, after eight or ten strokes, I use my thumbs to part her inner labia. Julie gazes at me intensely. I press and knead the skin and glands around her labia before moving inside. My intension isn't to caress her genitalia as in foreplay, rather it's to massage her, rub her, and put love on the inside just like I've put love on the outside. I ease my middle finger just inside her entrance while watching her face for expression. Her eyes close and she sighs.

My movements are slow and I apply pressure just inside the vaginal entrance and knead internally. Julie continues to keep her eyes closed but I can tell by her expression that this feels good. After massaging the tissue just inside her opening, I push my finger deeper. I am acutely aware how warm her tissue is. I begin to knead a spot that I haven't massaged and the moment I touch it, I feel how tight the tissue is. I also hear Julie groan. "Baby, let me rub the tension. Just relax and let it go," I whisper. Julie doesn't open her eyes, she just lies, in this tranquil nest and lets me massage her. I am careful to be gentle as I make a small circular motion with my finger. I see Julie inhale deeply and she sighs as she exhales. Within a few more moments, I feel the tension release and Julie sighs once more.

I withdraw my hand and rub my palms on her thighs. She opens her eyes, our gazes meet, and I smile at her. Quietly she whispers, "Come into me."

I look at her tenderly, smile, and whisper, "I'm going to hold you now."

She replies, "Come into me, Ben." Then, she reaches in between her legs as if reaching for my hand.

I can certainly perform. I always become aroused when I massage Julie, but this time my intension was not to massage as a method of arousal. I truly just want to soothe her. But, I am also aware that I came into this room to administer to my wife and she's telling me she wants me to enter her. So, I climb in between her legs and position myself over her, covering her with my entire body. I look down and she meets my gaze with a gentle, serene expression. Using my hand, I direct the head of my penis at her entrance. I know she isn't one hundred percent aroused, but she is slick enough and open enough from accepting my finger massage that I know I won't hurt her. I push my member into her tight body and she inhales deeply and moans.

"Don't let me hurt you, baby. Are you okay?" I whisper.

Julie never opens her eyes, she just groans an uh-huh sound then whispers, "Take me, Ben."

As I begin to move, I enclose Julie in my arms and hold her tightly. Rather than pump out and in, I stay connected inside using a more circular motion. I feel her hips begin to move in tandem with me and I hear her sigh with pleasure. I whisper, "That's it, baby, just feel."

Swirls of ecstasy propel us into an ethereal place, a place that doesn't exist in reality, a special place that opens only for the two of us when our bodies join as one. All that exists in this place is heat and sensation and it swirls and whisks us up and away suspending us in pleasure. This is what Julie needs, to be taken away, to seek refuge from the harshness of life. She's no longer aware of her body or the sounds she's making; only what she's feeling. Nestled inside my arms is the safest place on earth and I transport us to the vacuous space that's reserved for our union.

I stay controlled and focused so I won't climax too soon. This is about Julie, not me. I want to give her what she needs and right now, it seems she just needs to be close to me, to let me hold her, engulf her, and take her away. I continue to make a small circular motion with my hips while keeping the length of my penis buried deep inside her. Julie's face is radiant and her skin is shimmering with the pink flush of arousal. If my rhythm changes, I feel Julie's body tense and I know this isn't what she wants. She's not ready for me to bring her back to reality or to propel her toward a grand climax. She wants to stay suspended in sensation where the worries of life are non-existent. I hold her tightly in my arms, close to my chest, and continue to circle my hips.

"It's so deep," Julie whispers with a raspy, sandpaper quality to her voice.

"Stay with me, baby." I whisper back. Then, Julie begins to lightly pant. "That's it, baby. Let me hear your pleasure."

Years ago, when Julie and I were first married, she didn't make any sound when we made love. It concerned me because I thought I wasn't pleasing her. After a while, I approached the topic and she told me she was suppressing noise because she didn't want to offend me. I was shocked and asked why she thought I would be offended. She told me her brother and his fraternity brothers used to gossip in front of her about the women they were banging. They were really critical about their conquests making too much noise during sex. So, being the kid Julie was, she put the lesson in the back of her mind to not make noise while making love because guys don't like that. I corrected her and told her that whatever noises she made were beautiful and positive reinforcement for me. That's how I know when I'm pleasing her! From then on, Julie hasn't suppressed whatever natural sounds arise; and, her pleasure is music to my ears.

I feel Julie's vaginal muscles contract and release, contract and release and then her panting changes to whispering "so deep" every other exhale. I can tell she's not talking to me; she's talking to herself while riding waves of pleasure radiating from her pelvis. Next, I hear her rhythmically breathe, breathe, breathe and stop - push! I hold my penis firmly in place and press my body against her as if becoming one with her orgasm. She is mine - this beautiful woman who is letting go with me.

After a little time has passed, Julie takes some cathartic deep breaths. I can tell she's coming down from her high so I gently withdraw my member. As soon as our bodies disjoin, Julie rolls onto her side and curls into the fetal position. I ease from the bed and go into the bathroom to release myself and clean up a bit then, head back to bed to cuddle with my wife. I wrap my arms around her and bring my knees up high to spoon. I want her afterglow to last as long as possible and then, as it slowly diminishes, slip into a deep sleep.

As I hold her, loving her, I think how lucky I am that we can share this together. Making love is complicated and the closeness of it helps in so many ways. Right now, my wife needs a gentle touch and it makes me happy that she will let me help her. If she needs more tomorrow, I'll love her again, and again, and again.