Lost Her to the Ex

Reading Instructions:

1. There is no explicit accounts of sex here. If you need that, you won't find it here.

2. Comments welcome. Moralizing not.

*

Here are the simple facts. I'm 30 and I've been happily married to my hot 26 year old wife, Melanie. She's really slim, but with curves that talk to you, long black hair that goes half way down her back, and a really pretty face with big sincere eyes.

The fact is she's also a bright woman who works as a grade 3 teacher in a local public school. For me, Melanie is the perfect package.

Three months ago, on a warm, typical, mid-July Friday, we were having dinner in our apartment. Mel's younger sister, Beth, was with us. When we all sat down to eat, Beth said she had some news. "Guess who's back in town?" she asked.

Mel and I looked at each other. I couldn't even think of someone who had left town! Beth looked straight at her sister -- she wanted to see the reaction -- and then announced "Tanner."

I'd heard of Tanner. Tanner had been Melanie's former long term boyfriend. I didn't know much about the relationship, other than that it had ended badly and Mel took a long time to recover. Fortunately for me, she had already got back into the dating game when I came onto the scene. And as far as I was concerned, the rest was history.

Judging from Mel's face, history was repeating itself. She seemed shaken by the news. And she looked as if she was going to great efforts to brace herself. I figured old wounds never heal.

Beth continued. "He asked about you." Beth paused, wanting to take in the impact on Melanie, and then on me. "He asked me all about you and how to get in contact with you." Beth paused again. "I gave him your number -- after all, it's in the phone book." "I did tell him you're happily married and that all was great with you."

It was a quiet dinner. After we had eaten, I took the dishes in. I could hear them talking, but couldn't make out the discussion. I guessed it was about this Tanner guy. I returned to the table just as Mel went to take the remaining dishes into the kitchen. Beth saw this as an opportunity to talk to me now.

"Give her a lot of room over this. She'll need it."

"Over what?" I asked.

"Tanner" was the one word reply. "Their break up really hurt her and she wasn't expecting to hear from him again."

"Well -- I'll be sure to be comforting."

"You'll need to do more than that. Give her some breathing space. And trust her. She loves you very much, you know."

"Of course I trust her."

"Then be supportive of her if she wants to meet Tanner again. She just might want some closure on that relationship."

Well -- that sounded reasonably adult to me. I promised I'd be supportive.

That evening I decided to talk to Mel. "You seemed surprised and upset to hear about this Tanner guy."

"Sorry", she apologized. "I had a hard time dealing with the break up. Don't forget I was young then."

The name 'Tanner', unfortunately, returned swiftly. It was a Monday evening and I had just returned home from work. Melanie informed me he had called. He'd be in town for a good number of months working on a project. He was glad to hear she was well. He was well too. And he wanted to get together with her.

Now I've got to admit I didn't want to hear that. No guy would. But in light of Beth's comments about giving Mel some room and about trusting her, I knew I had to be supportive. I asked her when she'd be seeing him.

Melanie was a little surprised. "You don't mind?" she asked. "Of course not!" I replied. "You know I trust you completely." Mel smiled a little at that.

"Okay. I hadn't committed to it -- but I guess I will."

The next week I had to be out of town on the Tuesday and Wednesday. Mel informed me on the Monday that she was going to be meeting Tanner Tuesday evening. Given I was away, she knew she'd be free.

I ended up speaking to her both nights. Of course, I asked, in a considerate way as possible, how it went meeting Tanner. Her response was rather brief. She said she was having many emotions before hand, but once they met, her misgivings dissipated. They had had a good time. Mel didn't offer any more than that -- and it was relatively early in the evening -- so I convinced myself that nothing really could have happened.

I talked to her again on Wednesday evening and she didn't have anything eventful to add and there was no mention of Tanner.

For the next month, there didn't seem to be anything amiss. Perhaps Melanie was a little distant, looking back, but really, I can't say I noticed. Tanner wasn't talked about and I began to forget about him. The only one acting at all weirdly was Beth. She twice mentioned to me that she thought I was a very understanding kind of guy. She never elaborated and I wasn't that interested in pursuing her train of thought -- she only said this in the course of a conversation about something else.

It was exactly 4 weeks after Mel's reunion with Tanner -- on a Tuesday -- that my world was shattered. Mel sat me down, saying she had to talk about something serious.

She began by telling me how difficult this was for her to tell me, and my first thoughts were that she was seriously ill with some deadly disease. Instead, she informed me she had been unfaithful -- and of course, her partner in the infidelity had been Tanner.

You can understand I was in absolute shock. She apologized and cried. All I could do was ask her "How could she?" She tried to explain.

It was a long evening. The gist of her story went like this: She and Tanner, when they were an item, had a crazy kind of sexual relationship, and when he broke up with her to move out of town, it was a psychologically scarring experience. She was absolutely desperate to get him back. Tanner rejected a long distance relationship and didn't want her to come with him -- he didn't think either of them were ready for that.

Even when she began dating other guys, she was obsessed with Tanner. Tanner came back to town once -- about a year after he had left -- to meet up with some friends. He contacted Mel and that evening had her in bed again. She was with him for 3 days and then he left again to go back to his new home. Those 3 days cost her a relationship with a guy she had been dating. She knew Tanner would be leaving again, but she just couldn't say no to him.

This is, according to her story, exactly what happened again, when they met up last month. Within an hour of them meeting at a bar, she was back in his apartment to go to bed with him.

Mel told me her sexual desire for him has always been a little freakish and that in spite of her love for me -- in spite of the fact that he left her -- she really still physically desired him in this intense, crazy fashion.

At the same time, she said, she just couldn't feel comfortable continuing to cheat on me -- hence her confession.

In the last month, she had been seeing him almost every weekday, during the day, and once on a weekend. Originally, she thought since he was only her for a number of months, that she could continue the affair in secret. Having the summer off made it easy for her. But it now looked like he'd be in town for at least a year and the guilt was weighing down on her.

I felt simply destroyed. I asked her what I was supposed to do. I asked her what she was going to do. It was clear to me our relationship was over.

Melanie told me she loved me - but that message now just seemed so bizarre. She told me she didn't want to lose me -- but she'd add that she understood that I could never trust her again.

It took hours to get my wits together -- and I finally asked her a question I should have asked so much earlier. "Do you want to stay married to me?" She nodded in the affirmative.

"Okay," I said, "If you want to stay married to me, are you going to stop seeing him completely?" Surely, that was a fair question.

Her answer hurt. "I owe you to be truthful -- I don't know if I can stop seeing him."

We cried some more. I slept on the couch last night. She apologized over and over, but wouldn't do the one thing I wanted her to do -- make a commitment to me to be faithful.

I didn't sleep much that night. We didn't talk about much that morning. We agreed to talk more that evening. I really just didn't want to think about what she'd be doing during the day.

At work, Beth called. Yes -- it turned out she knew about the affair. I began to scold her. She just replied that if I wanted any chance of keeping Mel, I should back off, and let the affair run its course.

That was pretty stunning advice to take. Beth said that I had no chance of winning against Tanner. If I forced the issue, Mel would likely pick up and leave. Judging from the conversation of last night, Beth was probably right.

Beth said it was all up to me. I could keep her or I could lose her. But keeping Mel meant allowing her to continue the affair with Tanner. She added the affair will either end early or end when he has to leave again.

I really wasn't in the mood for such outrageous advice, and just angrily asked just what was so special about this guy anyway. Beth responded telling me that basically he was a really athletic good looking guy, and that Mel always claimed the sex was amazing. Other than that, she said, all that matters was that Mel was completely and utterly hooked on the guy and there was nothing I could do about it. He had that power over her and he was willing to use it. I'd had enough. Angrily, I said "Fuck Tanner." Beth responded back, "She is." That really hurt.

A few hours later I was back in our apartment talking to Melanie. I had cooled down several degrees. I told her she's put me in an impossible situation and that I've never been hurt so badly before. Naturally, she started to cry again.

I asked her to spell out in detail what she wanted. Her response was that what she wanted was me. Good answer, but obviously, no longer good enough. I prodded her further -- "Is that all you want?"

She composed herself and took a deep breath. She told me that as much as she wishes it were otherwise, she still desired Tanner. She told me she understood how hurtful her actions would be for me, but she really hoped I'd prefer her honesty. She then added that what she really wanted was to remain married to me, but she didn't think she could in honesty promise to stop seeing him.

Tanner hadn't wanted her to confess her infidelity to me and preferred to continue to bed her behind my back. Mel was hoping that I'd value her honesty enough to put up with not only the fact that she's been cheating on me, but also the fact that she still might continue to cheat on me.

Ideas were swirling in my head. I guess I partly believed her story -- she did want to remain married to me. What Beth had told me was inside my head too -- if I wanted to keep her, I'd have to allow her to continue on with Tanner.

I realized that it would be a big mistake to make a quick decision. I wasn't sure what it was I wanted -- but ending the relationship now might be something I'd regret. And if I didn't end the relationship now, I was faced with the reality that she'd still be bedding this other guy.

With all this in mind, I reasoned that I should put off my decision-making and give myself, this time, some chance to think things through. And in the meantime, it was better, if I were to continue my relationship with Melanie that I know what she was up to.

I again asked her what exactly she would like to see happen -- and I told her to outline it all. Melanie looked at me -- the eye to eye contact was intense -- and said she wanted to remain married to me and that she hoped I would understand that what she had been doing with Tanner had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with her. And then she said what she would like was my understanding if she continued to see him.

So I asked her if she would definitely be continuing to see him. She looked down for a moment and then looked up at me again and said, "Yes".

I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to summon the courage to make a proposal to her that acquiesced to what she wanted. I told her I was willing to a trial run, which would allow her to continue to see Tanner -- the only proviso was that I'd have to know about it and she'd have to be completely honest with me about anything I wanted or needed to hear. I told her there could not be any more surprises for me. If she was going to see him, she'd have to let me know. She'd have to be fully truthful with me, answering any questions.

Truthfully, I was inclined to end the marriage right then -- but I just kept thinking I can end it at any time. It was best to give this some time before I acted. I warned her if I thought she was being less than truthful, I'd walk away from the marriage immediately.

I guess it shouldn't be surprising that Melanie agreed to this arrangement. Shockingly, I guess, we ended the night having sex. It just sort of happened. We both slept well that night. I think we were both physically and emotionally exhausted.

The next morning over breakfast Mel told me that in keeping with our agreement she needed to tell me she'd be seeing him again in just a few hours. Although he was working, he was taking long lunches. Mostly, they just met up at his place. "So it's mostly sex?" I asked. She nodded yes.

On the one hand I wanted to ask her a million questions. I wanted to know why she wanted him so badly I wanted to know what she was doing with him. I had never even seen a picture of this guy, but a thousand images were going through my head involving Mel and some faceless guy writhing on the sheets of some generic bed.

Thinking about it just burned me up. Melanie was good in bed and this fucking prick was taking this from me. Visions of her sucking him off were haunting me. I couldn't take my mind of it.

All day it was all I could think about. At lunch time, I couldn't eat, knowing that at that very moment she was with him; sucking on him; fucking him; pleasing him; being pleased by him. It was horrifying to realize that when I kissed her on her mouth I was kissing a mouth that had been sucking on another man's cock.

All the emotions possible surfaced; anger, humiliation, disgust, then horror. But there were two thoughts that somehow allowed me to go home that evening. The first was the continued belief that it would be unwise to rush to judgment. Acting out of spite rarely was a wise course of action. The second was that it seemed even more humiliating to walk away. It would mean I lost to him. As it stood, she was maintaining that she still loved me. If I walked away from her his victory over me would be complete.

When I got home that evening she was waiting for me in a pair of sexy shorts and a skimpy white tank top. I felt like I was being split in two -- half of me consumed by jealousy and rage; the other by lust. We sat on the couch and kissed.

We began some serious making out. After a couple of minutes the other half of me suddenly kicked in and I pulled away. I apologized, but said I had to ask her some questions. She nodded, but now had a sad look in her eyes. I guess she was hoping I would acclimatize myself to this new relationship quickly. I think she was hoping to keep everything as separate as possible. Well, these things were eating me up, and not even an erection was going to put an end to these feelings.

So I asked her, "Did you have sex with him today." She replied that she had, and that she told me she'd be seeing him at lunch. I told her I wanted to know more -- I did this wondering if it was a mistake -- surely it was revealing how insecure I was feeling, and that could be unwise and used against me. She asked me if it was really necessary to go into all the details -- it seemed pointless and would only cause pain.

I persisted, pointing out how I was the injured party in all this, how she had already been cheating on me, and that going forward I'd only remain if there were no secrets. I pointed out that obviously I wanted her to stop seeing him immediately, but she wasn't willing to offer me that. At the very least, I wanted there to be no secrets -- which meant she'd have to answer anything I wanted to know.

Her expression was very sad now. Resigned to having to answer she said she'd answer any questions I had.

My inquisition began:

How long had were they together today? "Two hours", she replied. Was it all sex? "Yes", was her answer. Did you enjoy it? "Of course", she said, with a slight hint of exasperation. "What were you wearing?" "What difference can it make?" was her response. "Just tell me" I demanded, "I need to know everything." "This tank top and a pair of jeans", she responded, now showing a flash of anger. I realized that she was putting on hot outfits not just for me.

That she should be exasperated was annoying to me. It made me determined to ask more questions. "Was it just intercourse? Or are you going down on him too?" "Everything, of course", was her reply, still exasperated. "What's everything?" I demanded. Angry now she said, "Everything -- intercourse, oral, we've even done anal. Are you happy now?" Anal was something I've never even attempted (not that I was particularly interested.)

I admit it -- her responses were just making me angrier. I wanted to confront her. "So what is it? Is he better than me in bed? Is he some super stud you just can't get enough of? Why are you doing this? At least give me the satisfaction of knowing why? Why do you feel compelled to cheat on me with him?"

Melanie had turned away from me, but this rant caught her attention. She realized it was wrong to be angry with me. She tried to dissuade me from talking about this. She said it couldn't possibly be healthy. It would be best -- please trust her -- that we didn't go down this road.

I paused. I then said, "Look -- this is killing me. I need to know. This is eating at me and it's consuming me. I just need to know."

Mel looked at me in the most compassionate way I've ever seen from her and said, "Tanner is the best I've ever had in bed."

I guess it should have been obvious, but it was stunning to hear your wife tell you that. She went on, "Sexually, he's perfection to me. He's a perfect package. I've always been in total lust with him. Beth thinks I'm just fixated on him. But I can't help it. His body; his eyes; his mouth; his muscles; even his big cock -- everything is perfect. When I'm with him I just want to please him. It's that simple."

It was crushing to hear but I persisted, "And it's that good that you were break your marriage vows?" She didn't hesitate, "Yes. I knew instantly when Beth told us he was back in town I had three choices, none of which you'd like. I could see him without you're knowing it; I could leave you; or I could hope we could come to some kind of arrangement. I hated doing the former and I didn't want to lose you -- really."

I felt absolutely deflated and defeated. I thought about him and his victory. "And this guy -- Tanner -- he doesn't want you to leave me?"

This was a difficult subject for her, now, for different reasons. This was now about her. "He hasn't asked, and I'd go out of my mind if he did." If everything previous was hard to hear, this was even harder. She added, "He's happy the way it is now. It's a big ego boost to get his now married ex-girlfriend into bed whenever he wants. He wanted me to keep things behind your back, but he now likes the fact that I've told you and you're still willing to let me see him."

Just as I was seeing this as a crushing defeat, this fucking piece of shit was seeing it identically -- as a victory. "And you don't mind feeding his ego this way?" I asked. "I just told you he's the best I've ever had. I know you can't understand this, but I want to feed his ego. I want him to feel like he's won me in battle", she responded. "But that battle is with me", I pointed out. "It's a battle you want me to lose."