A Borrowed Wife Not Returned

"What's the jar for?" Ken asks while perking up ever so slightly. We've just had some magnificent adult fun, with handcuffs out on the kitchen table, and to say that Ken took good care of me is so understating it. I specifically wanted that, I had brazenly chased him for sex, going so far as to "gift" myself to him for literally anything he might want. I'd never lower myself like that for any other man and Ken knows this, so a very special gift for a very special man. There are several things I might not really want to do with any man, but I'd actually let Ken do them if in a certain mood.

He's sated now though, and therefore a bit sleepy, but these few words of mine have him paying a bit more attention, stirring the analytical part of his brain; perhaps trying to use some of those skills that had failed him so miserably in the years before with two ex-wives. So as many times as Ken has fallen in love, he's also eventually fallen out of it as well, something I'm obviously mindful of myself. I don't believe his ex's cheated on him either, (seriously, why would they?) they just got tired of him for reasons that I don't pretend to fully understand.

So to me Ken's a great guy, but apparently only for the right woman, and as we all age, finding such a mate without a trunk-load of extra baggage gets exponentially more difficult. Not to be too self-lauding, but the good ones of both genders that somehow end up on the open market again likely get snatched up pretty quickly.

Hubby knows Ken's history too though, we've both watched it painfully unfold over the years, that's one possible explanation as to why hubby offered so much potential "skin" in this illicit game of ours. If it goes less than the full five years with Ken, by implication things go back to some version of "normal" for hubby and I, and as a couple we've selflessly helped a lifelong friend in dire need over a difficult life-hurdle. But after that time has passed, extraordinary, life altering things are potentially on the horizon; a snipped hubby in some form or another, and even a new common-law quasi-husband for myself.

So, if hubby stays the course himself and doesn't safe-word out, I can safely assume he's telling me, via his deeds, that he's good with the jar-consequences and whatever fate has him selecting for himself. However, if I myself allow this to go full term with Ken, I'm kind of sending my own message to hubby here as well, one of long-term choices and preferences.

I had initially thought hubby's offer back at the camper was a bit convoluted, a million miles away from rational reality, but the more I think about it, the more selflessly brilliant I think it was. Doing it this way, I can tell him exactly what I want for this next part of my life, all without the confrontation and pain of actually verbally telling him I've chosen another man over him; truthfully it would be a heartbreaking little scene for both of us. So, hubby is potentially making this easy on me, on us really, and he's maybe even willing to pay a heavy jar-chosen price for my long-term happiness. Ken's too though...

I now believe this is why my flippant tattoo suggestion twisted him up so much, as this was a right-now, can't ignore it kind of thing, so physically-real, as opposed to to five years from now conceptual. Hubby would have to look at whatever tattoo we decided for him for the rest of his life, so a physical alteration that hinted at a further one down the road. The actual date of his chastity-caged emasculation would be recorded directly on his skin, and that would be a daily count-down reminder that five years from that date something else profound was also to happen; and irony of ironies, he'd choose that fate with his own hand.

Then, seven years from that date something far more profound would occur, Ken would become my common-law husband, all as hubby watched Ken steal me away from him in slow motion, hour by hour and day by day. So the drip, drip, drip of Chinese water torture, the outcome almost a foregone conclusion if his safe-word goes unused. By that point hubby would not only be medically emasculated in some way, (I'm actually thinking a vasectomy here) but also a virtual owned-slave in our home. He'd also have Ken's and my own anniversary date permanently inked into his flesh, as a constant reminder of what he's given away, and when, so in my mind the ultimate mind-F for a cuck-husband.

So, if hubby actually wants this insanity to go full-term, all he has to do is passively cooperate, but so far he's done far more than just that, and therefore my conscience is mostly clear, at least at this early stage...

"Rose and I have a little wager on the outcome of something" I confess to Ken, downplaying the significance of the offer I accepted from hubby, aka Rose.

...So, Ken has this way about him, he'll just look at someone, and that look kind of clearly states, "tell me what your not telling me." I'm guessing some of his underlings at work get this look sometimes, and trust me, it's intimidating. Not that Ken would ever raise a hand to me, it's more that disappointing him is something I'd like to avoid. It's new for me to get this specific look myself though, but Ken is clearly dominating here, flexing those muscles, so the game is further changing, but I had also clearly asked for something like this. I could stop this right now with a few sharp words, but I won't because I love how it feels for this man to "man-up" like this with me.

...I don't know if hubby gets a feeling like this from submitting to Ken, or even to a lesser extent to myself, but if he did I can't blame him for wanting some more of it. It's a near-sexual thrill for me, and I can only assume for him as well...

So long story short, I get this look, and I'm not exactly hiding the fire in my eyes at Ken taking such liberties with me. I won't go so far as to call it a near-punishment, and to be sure I'm not wanting to be bent over Ken's lap and spanked like a naughty little girl, but some elements of that are on the fringes of my mind. Anyway, for me the mind-F is pretty hot, and I come clean in like three seconds on the concept of a tattoo for hubby, and even the jar that's to contain hubby's five year anniversary consequences. That's the way I present it too, not that hubby and I were wagering on Ken messing this thing up with us...

Come to think of it, I'm the only woman to date that hasn't dumped him in some way or another; we kind of drifted apart physically, but we've always remained close friends.

Some of hubby's crazy castration talk is on me though, not only because I had playfully suggested neutering him like a naughty pet dog back at the camper, but also because one of the eBooks that I had downloaded for him had some elements of this for the husband in that fictional tale. In that case the cuck-husband was to have a vasectomy, as a condition of remaining in the family home, so that the cohabitating boyfriend could be the only man possibly making babies with the adulterous young wife. That left the perpetually unemployed and snipped useless husband-character home as the nanny to raise them; so an economic prisoner in his own home I suppose. Then again though, good daycare is quite expensive and hard to find, so perhaps a lazy husband repurposed for a greater good.

So, potential food for thought, if of course hubby were the least bit lazy, or if the three of us were the slightest bit interested in making babies ourselves. Ken obviously could still make babies with a willing and fertile younger woman, (as my baby making factory was closed) but he'd still be pushing seventy by the time even the first child graduated high school. So at this point no kids in our future either way, and that meant that the three of us only had each other to ride the train to the end of the tracks with. In my particular case with two men, a skilled taboo lover, and another less masculine one that was also loved, to do all the things I didn't want to do myself. So for a woman who also doesn't want to end up alone one day herself, a wise human insurance policy.

It's really too good to be true from my perspective, and a pretty sweet deal for Ken as well; certainly a pretty wonderful rebound from the "my life sucks" low of his second divorce. Ken (acting so much like the old Ken) then takes charge of this potential little future hubby-ordeal, "carpe-diem" and all of that. He reminds me that Cathy from the plane was a graphic artist that did commercial work, that she could easily design a very unique tattoo for Rose; maybe with a duplicate on the jar with all of "our" suggestions for hubby's snip. He further suggests writing them on identical folded sticky notes, closed in on themselves, so there could be no cheating.

He's clearly caught up in the moment here, planning as if this is to actually happen; or perhaps just giving me my own mind-F while thinking he's serious. In my mind it's still more of a hollow threat, so for me maybe still just a mind-F to gauge hubby's commitment. I then remind myself that keeping Ken post vacation was initially just a naughty daydream too, until of course it wasn't.

Ken's also a take-charge man, and in some way he maybe sees hubby as a problem, and men just think like this, certain men anyway; problems demand solutions. I've also intentionally been a bit vague myself on the five year thing, but I have to be fair with him, level the playing field, and I also share the seven year common-law scenario hubby and I kind of stumbled into. I know Ken though, I see the wheels turning in his head. Maybe in his mind hubby had me for the first twenty-five years, and now it's finally his turn to have me for the next twenty-five; or at least try to. Not as a "walk down the isle" wife number three though, I had made that promise to hubby and I'll keep that one, but maybe a cohabitating near-husband, so everything but the shared last name and a new set of vows.

Whatever it eventually ends up being, by unwritten agreement it can't fully displace hubby; safe-word phrase or not I want him in my life. Maybe not as a traditional "same-bed" husband, but perhaps a redefined one; so maybe a social husband to go out to movies with, or dinner even. So kind of like a girlfriend I suppose.

Anyway, the next day Ken and I go to work from home, my home that's also Ken's now, and it feels quite natural with Ken and I living together like this. I'd thought there would be a greater period of surreal adjustment, and maybe there would've been if hubby didn't take on that remote job, leave us "home" alone to further sort it out. Yes there's still a twenty plus year lingering echo of hubby within this home, within the very walls, but it's slowly being overwritten by Ken dominant character. I even smell his masculine presence, feel it too.

I've also been reminded of what's been missing in my life, as has Ken, and I have some mixed feeling about that. Ken having me on the kitchen table the night before was a step in this new direction for us though, so ownership of not only myself, but the surrounding structure and it's contents. That part's a bit surreal, but I'm also learning that Ken makes the places he inhabits somehow his own.

It's mid-morning that day when Ken tells me by text that he contacted Cathy, and asked about having her do some "art" for Rose, and the two apparently brainstormed some possible tattoo options; so more ownership and taking control, but I had also asked Ken to do this earlier, man-up a bit more. This is Ken expediting the process, so the tattoo seemed profound to him as well, a milestone; or so I assume. He's being manly and firm here, and goal oriented too I suppose, and I go back to hubby being the problem that requires a solution, with Ken as the invested natural problem-solver...

That same day Cathy shares some hand sketches with Ken in text form, which he then shares with me as well, and all I can say is Cathy can draw like I wish I could. In her words these are conceptual "rough" sketches for the tattoo, but already well in excess of what I could possibly hope to achieve on my own. The one that catches my eye is a pink rosebud on a thorny twig, so a play on Rose's new name while also hinting at her budding feminine nature too. That along with the date of our "lost" keys I think is about perfect, but I need to ponder that a bit more before I commit, as twenty years from now that tattoo will still be there on hubby's skin, no matter if Ken is still in the picture or not.

It's a bit surreal for me suddenly, as in this is really happening, and here I thought this little tattoo would only twist hubby up. I can't make him do something like this and then get all wishy-washy myself, so his level of commitment has to equal my own, at a bare minimum.

Towards the end of the day I text Cathy and thank her for the sketches, stalling on my own commitment though, so I make a gentle suggestion that hints at a few potential things in Rose's own long-term future. Cathy is quite perceptive on the changes though, so perhaps Ken has told her a bit more than I might have liked him to myself.

She loves the suggestions, texting me a devil's smiling face emoji, proving if nothing else that Cathy has a bit of a dark sense of humor herself. She revises her concept sketch and sends it to me as I'm driving home, and once home I study it, thinking it's about perfect; so really no excuses to stall any longer. Technically I don't know how much detail can be represented on human skin, without the tattoo getting obnoxiously large, and therefore hard to hide while dressed. Zero public humiliation is my goal here, and a billboard sized tattoo with this specific subject matter isn't that.

I show Ken the results of our collaborations, and he likes our revisions, they're quite playfully evil as this little picture tells quite the tale. Hubby can always safe-word out and refuse, but if he does the game stops here, although what to do with hubby then gets a bit unclear. In Ken's safe-word world he leaves, but in my world that isn't happening. Of these two men can be fully counted on to be there for life, but Ken just doesn't have that kind of track record himself, not yet anyway.

Anyway, Rose has some serious skills in the kitchen, perhaps to rival Cathy's own artistic ones, like when Rose has the time and wants to show off she can blow away most restaurants. So, in my mind I see inviting both Cathy and Henry into our humble home for an award-winning Rose-cooked meal, letting her show off a bit and flex her domestic muscles, as partial payment for Cathy's sketches. This way Rose gets to shine as well, pay her own way forward, and show what she brings to the table herself; quite literally. At the same time we can also demonstrate how much she's loved, that while a bit unique, it's actually still a consensual arrangement between us. Both Henry and Cathy could meet subby-hubby Rose in the flesh this way, see her in action in a comfortable environment, perhaps getting a feel for the evolving power dynamic in our three element family.

"Will they judge us harshly for our kink, or become so caught up in our crazy lifestyle that they wish to participate?" I wonder.

If they're accepting, I have a further thing in mind, something I've also read about in my research, not only to better understand the more intense flavors of this cuck lifestyle, but to provide some kinky reading materials for hubby while all alone at our camper.

Anyway, cuck-sitting is apparently a growing thing these days, (as is the cuck- lifestyle in general) as in what do you do with your cuck-husband when people not privy to your lifestyle come to visit? A secondary consideration is what do you do with your cuck-husband when you and your lover want a romantic weekend alone? If he were a mischievous cuck, or in our particular case if he couldn't be seen on his own at home for social reasons, a remote cuck-sitter might be a good option; so potentially Cathy and Henry, if of course they're willing. That's obviously several steps ahead of where we presently are, and another larger home with a special room that hubby could be secured within might negate the need for a short term cuck-sitter anyway.

All of these things are potentially hinting at the long-term thinking at work here, so little clues so that none of this is a surprise for hubby when the axe falls, if it actually goes all the way to jar-time, and the vague consequences contained within. We're planning for the full term like it's inevitable, laying the foundation, but if that doesn't happen we'll just have to adjust. To do it any other way just sends the message that I fully expect failure, and for Ken's sake I can't do that. For Ken's own mental best interest this has to work; for at least a few years anyway, hubby was dead-right about that part as well.

So Ken gets "home" first that night, and he's volunteered for the dinner duty, cooking burgers on hubby's grill. Our young next door neighbor sees Ken and waves, which Ken returns, or so Ken tells me once he walks back inside. Nobody uses hubby's grill, including me, not because he forbade it or anything, but it seemed disrespectful, as in it's his domain, just as there were ancient iron skillets that hubby loves, and I don't touch.

This is a bit "in your face" for our young neighbor too, but he's also seen hubby in his maid's persona, as well as Ken and I going at it on that very same deck like two horny rabbits in the middle of the night. Fair to say my neighbor has some dirt on me, really on all of us, so still another good reason to look for a larger new home someplace else.

Ken doesn't seem to mind using hubby's grill at all though, but if I look at it from his point of view; why should he? He's taken hubby's place in my bed, in a good part of my heart as well, in comparison a grill is nothing. It's a further taken-liberty though, just as is Ken and I doing-it on that same table we end up eating our burgers at. The burgers themselves, well hubby's were undeniably better in every way, but he isn't here to cook for us, and Ken is.

After dinner we look at Cathy's sketches still again, we're on the surface maybe pretending that this is no big deal, but this ink is a forever thing, and we do both care. We want to keep this tattoo no larger than a silver dollar, and at first Ken suggests centering it over his little man bits, but under his beltline. Hubby is shaved bald down there just like I am now, which in my case Ken prefers. But, if we all had a change of heart at some later date he could still grow his little bush in again, theoretically hiding his tattoo. It's a good plan, minimal future embarrassment, and more appropriate than putting it on his little ass cheek where I first thought to.

I offer a competing option though, practicing a bit of playful evil, placing the same tattoo at the left side of the same area, with the key-date under it. My reasoning is also sound, as in I now see a second tattoo in Rose's future, a second proverbial shoe to drop, and I prefer symmetry to mirror nature. If Cathy's work is centered there will be no prominent space for this second, and just as profound work on this human canvas.

So the first tattoo Cathy designed for Rose has a little pink rosebud, on a half-wilted thorny stalk, so not standing erect like it should be, or so is the implied message. The second tattoo, in five years, will be the same stalk with a new date on the right side, but with the pink bud either nipped off, or in full bloom, the symbolism obvious either way. Either fully Rose, as in almost fully feminine, or just an emasculated limp thorny twig that's pretty much useless.

This second tattoo would have hubby's snip date though, the day he gave up his masculinity and any possible claim to my bed in a permanent way. This signifies Ken being my near-husbandly replacement, cementing hubby's status as our quasi-servant going forward. Still loved, and still with us, "us" then meaning Ken and I as the forever couple though, and hubby as the tag along extra. Ken had been that extra many many times during our long history, so in a way maybe this was Ken's reward for never giving up on me.