"Hey Candace, break time," I yelled through cupped hands at the pretty Nordic looking blonde on the lifeguard chair.
With tremendous agility, Candace climbed down and sprinted for the ladies locker room. After spending three hours on the lofty perch, a much needed bathroom break was in order.
I gazed at the retreating figure with longing. While most of my friends stared at the male lifeguards with hungry looks, I was pining for a female.
For the first time in my nineteen years, I was having bi feelings or more appropriately, lust for someone of my own gender.
At the first lifeguard meeting, I found myself stealing glances at Candace's face and body. In fact, I was completely occupied gawking at her and missed most of the important information.
Candace was the senior lifeguard and technically my boss. A statuesque five foot nine inch beauty with an incredible swimmers body, she exuded a sexuality that made my blood surge like the rapids of a mighty river with want.
My desires conflicted with my previous lack of interest for anything remotely lesbian in nature. All through high school, I considered myself a heterosexual. Although, I was aware of same sex hook ups, I lacked any desire for intimacy with another female.
However, my attitude changed during freshman year at college when my roommate admitted she was bi curious. Rosie was a tough cookie from Brooklyn but with a heart as big as the Big Apple.
As I sat on the lifeguard stand and waited for Candace to return, I tried to think logically about my desire for the blonde hottie. But that was the problem, when it came to animalistic impulses, logic was missing from the equation. In addition, with my lack of experience in same sex matters, I felt completely inept at how to broach the subject with her.
My calm, reserved nature was a definite drawback. The only pleasantries I exchanged with Candace were "hello" and "goodbye".
"She doesn't even know I'm alive," I thought self mockingly.
Convinced that I would never experience her womanly charms, I had given up all hope when fate intervened.
From my early teens, I took prescription medication for allergies during the spring and fall. Without it, I had a hard time functioning outdoors. That year, my medication seemed less effective and my doctor prescribed a stronger pill.
One of the side effects associated with the heavier dose was drowsiness or a pervasive feeling of fatigue, especially during physical activity. I usually took my dosage at night before bed but on that particular late spring day I took it in the morning because I missed the previous evening.
I struggled to stay alert most of the afternoon. Around dinner hour, Sarah, a fellow lifeguard, dropped by and chatted excitedly about the annual men versus women lifeguard competition taking place that same evening.
"Hey Julie, it's the girls against guys when the pool closes at seven thirty. You ready? " she asked in her bubbly way.
"Oh...well...I don't know, I'm kinda tired," I stated weakly.
"Sleep when you get home, you're one of our best swimmers. Please stay?" she pleaded.
Sarah was right, except for Candace, I had the fastest recorded times for the girls' and most of the boys.
"Ok, I'll stay," I sighed.
I felt weak and sleepy from the medication but convinced myself that the physical activity would rouse me. Although I won the three events I was entered in, my limbs were leaden and I was out of breath.
While I was resting after my final event, Sarah approached me again.
"Hey, Tia's injured and can't compete in the 400 meter medley. You'll fill in, won't you?" she implored.
Against my better judgment, I accepted.
At the sound of the starters' pistol, I knifed my body in the water and for two thirds of the race, I poured it on and was in the lead. I was making the turn for the final lap when an overwhelming fatigue enveloped my body.
My limbs felt incredibly heavy and I involuntarily slowed down as though I was in slow motion. I could hear the spectators yelling but it sounded faint and far away.
By the time I reached the wall for the final turn, my nearest competitor had caught up and would certainly pass me. Time took on a different characteristic as seconds were drawn out like hours. I was floating weightless in a serene state of mind with no worries or cares.
As I sank deeper, I remember thinking that breathing under water was a cinch. It was so incredibly peaceful that I wanted to stay there forever. For some inexplicable reason, I thought about the "The Little Mermaid".
"Hell, if she can do it, so can I," my brain intuited.
A darkness, an all encompassing but peaceable darkness was sweeping over me. However, a barely perceptible feeling of pressure on my mouth and chest invaded my mind.
Suddenly, I was jolted back to reality; coughing up large amounts of pool water onto the concrete deck. Candace was hovering over me with a grave expression on her pretty face.
"What happened?" I asked still unaware of my predicament.
The sound of an emergency vehicle siren assailed my ears as I sputtered and spewed more water from my lungs. Slowly the reality of the situation took hold and tears erupted from my eyes.
Candace held me as my body shook with heaving sobs.
"You're ok now...shh..." she said in a gentle tone and stroked my wet hair trying to comfort me.
In Candace's embrace, a wonderful feeling of security enshrouded me and I gradually lost consciousness.
I awoke to the sight of my father's face filled with concern but relief.
"Julie...sweetheart..." he blubbered and brought my hand to his tear dampened cheek.
"Where am I dad?" I asked in a croaking voice.
"County General..." he said in a weepy tone and was unable to continue.
My dad rarely expressed deep emotion except when it concerned me. Our relationship was one of love and mutual respect. He had a cynical side but was a lighthearted, loving father who treated me like an adult.
I was ten when my mother died of breast cancer. While my teenage years were generally free of the strife and angst that typified many of my friends, it was hard on my father.
However, he was adamant that I experience a normal childhood. No topic or subject was taboo and we shared in frequent exchanges of ideas. My dad spoke to me like an equal and I fail to recall him talking down to me. He was fearlessly determined to fill the void left by my mother's absence.
With my slender body, dark brown hair and light olive complexion, I bore an uncanny resemblance to my mother. Along with my quiet and shy nature, my dad found it disconcerting.
"My child, you really are your mother's daughter," he would say with a beaming face and always with the utmost caring.
Per doctor's orders, I took three days off from work and was confined to my bedroom. My dad spent the first day with me but much to my surprise he informed me that Candace had called and volunteered her services until I was on my feet again.
"When did she call dad?" I asked with earnest curiosity.
"This morning but you were still asleep. She's working late afternoons at the pool and insisted on spending her free time watching over you," he stated with admiration.
I'm sure I had a wistful expression on my face.
"Of course, if it's not ok, I'll call and tell her not..." he started to say but I cut him off.
"It's fine dad, really," I said with emotion and took his large hand in mine.
