'Flight 2090 scheduled to leave for Los Angeles at 10:00 AM has been delayed. The new time of departure is now 11:55 AM. We are sorry for the inconvenience.'
I was in Newark airport when I heard the announcement. My anxiety of flying and traveling across the country to meet up with the former love of my life was at its peak. I think I said a few curse words under my breath as I approached the gate and found an empty seat. Throwing my carry on bag to the floor, I pulled out my cell phone and began a text.
'Sorry, but my plane is now delayed for another two hours. I will text you when I land in LA. The anticipation of seeing you again is driving me crazy.' (Heart emoji)
I read it over before hitting the 'send' button as it was going to my ex Diane, who I haven't seen in nearly 10 years. I live in New York and she moved out to California to pursue a new job opportunity. It seemed like the only solution back then, but I'm not so sure we couldn't have figured it out without separating.
I never thought the day would come when we would want to be together again. Well, I didn't think
she
would ever want to be with
me
again. I, on the other hand, have never given up hope or lessened my desire to be with her.
We broke up just as a matter of logistics as there wasn't anyone or anything that came between us. It just made more sense to let the relationship dissipate inspite of our occasional weekends when either I would fly out there or she would come East for a few days.
Those short visits during the first year or so, were never the same as when we lived together for nearly 10 years. We were so compatible back then. I wonder if things will be as easy now that the time has gone by. Life with Diane was everything I wanted and never thought what we had would come to an end.
My anxiety of what she would think of me as I was now older, starting to gray and forty pounds heavier then when I saw her last. What would she think when she first spots me in the airport? Will she still feel the same as she did so many years ago when we couldn't wait to be alone to rip eachother's clothes off? I know she still had her girly figure and never stopped coloring her hair.
None of that mattered to me, as it was still Diane. The first and only woman I had ever been with. The one who captured my heart whenever she came within my view. I know I wouldn't hesitate to take her in my arms and devour her no matter what she looked like. I was hoping she felt the same way about me. I guess I will find out in the next six hours of so.
I had an opportunity to visit LA for my job, all expenses paid. Reaching out via email, I contacted Diane and told her I would be coming out to the West Coast. She sounded excited to see me again after such a long time. I'm not sure of her expectations, but I could tell she was happy I had reached out and wanted me to meet up with her.
Trying to relax during the long flight, I let my mind drift off to the time when Diane and I were a 'couple'. It was comforting to think that this might be the start of our getting back together. Life has never been the same since she and I separated.
The last text I sent her was about the time I would be arriving and that I would let her know when I had retrieved my luggage and was heading out of the airport. She acknowledged stating that she would be there to meet me.
Waiting at the turnstile seemed like an eternity until my bag descended down the conveyor belt. I took out my cell and sent her a text.
'Just retrieved my luggage. Will be walking out door number 4 in a few minutes.'
'Ok. We're in a whiteToyota. See you in a few!'
My heart sank after reading her text. 'We're' was all I focused on. Who else was with her? I was totally confused. She didn't mention anyone else until now. I picked up the pace as I went through the automatic doors and out onto the sidewalk. My eyes scanned the curb for a white Toyota. I saw her. She got out of the passenger side of the car and ran up to greet me.
'Oh my God! It's been too long", she exclaimed as she threw her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek.
'Come on. I want you to meet Jess!" she said.
"Jess?" I asked with a disappointing tone in my voice.
"Yes, My roommate. I'll tell you all about her later."
Jessica got out of the car and came over to me to help load my luggage into the trunk.
"Hi. I'm Jess. Diane has told me so much about you!"
"Nice to meet you too! I wish I could say the same, but Diane has never mentioned that she had a roommate."
I guess I wanted her to know that Diane hadn't told me about her living with someone. I was trying to hide my feelings, but I know I wasn't doing such a good job of it.
"Well, we have been living together about a year now. Let's get you settled and we can go out for a bite to eat", Jessica suggested as she closed the trunk and went over to the driver's side of the car.
I was trying hard not to like her. I was immediately jealous that she was my former lover's 'roommate'. That she got to see her all the time and probably sleep in the same bed. It was overwhelming and a huge blow to my ego.
I have to admit that this Jess girl was gorgeous. Short auburn hair, green eyes and rather tall. She seemed about the same age as Diane and I, but the years were kinder to her than they were to me. Diane looked really great too. I was trying not to stare at her from the back seat of the Toyota as we made our way out of the airport and onto the freeway.
"So, I know it was a long flight. Would you prefer that we just order in?" Diane asked.
"No, that's fine. We can drop off the luggage and go out. I don't mind. I could use a drink."
"Sounds good. It's so great to see you Barb!" Diane exclaimed reaching her hand through the separation of the front seats and rested her palm on my knee.
Jessica was driving, but I did see her look in the mirror for my reaction. The feel of her hand on my bare skin sent shivers down to the pit of my stomach. I always reacted to her touch.
"It's great to see you too! So how did you two meet?" I said changing the subject as I was dying to know just how 'close' they were with one another.
"Jess and I met at work. She was hired about two years ago. We work in different departments but we became close friends." Diane offered.
My mind was beginning to picture them naked together in a big bed in their apartment. I quickly shook those thoughts from my head as I managed to say,
"Oh, I see."
I knew Diane was reading my mind and I could see that she became uncomfortable. She led the conversation down a different path and asked about my family and my job. I didn't go into detail. As I was pretty bummed out, learning they were best of friends. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have realized she would have found someone else to be her 'best friend', even though she was the only one who ever held that title in my life.
We arrived at their apartment, not far from the center of town. Diane pointed out many popular tourist spots as we drove along. I pretended to be interested but couldn't get the images of her and Jessica out of my mind.
"I'll put your luggage in the guest room," Jessica said as she wheeled the large suitcase and carryon into a smaller bedroom, just off the kitchen. There was only one other bedroom, which had a large king-sized bed, confirming that they were 'together'. I had to face the fact that they were a couple. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I know Diane knew what was going through my mind as she offered,
"Do you want to relax for awhile before we go eat? I can make you a drink."
"That would be great. I think I really need one." I told her.
Jess came out of the bedroom and said, "I'm going to run down to the mailbox Di. Be right back."
I hated that she called her "Di". That was what I called her all the time. Within a few minutes, the door closed and Jess was no longer in the room when I took the opportunity to question Diane.
"Why didn't you mention you were with someone?" I asked her sounding a wee bit upset and trying to hold back my emotions.
"I didn't think that would matter. I was going to tell you all about Jess when you got here. We've been living together about a year now, but I'm not happy Barb. I was hoping you would come out to California and rescue me. I'm just so afraid of telling Jess I want out of the relationship.'
'Besides, would you have come if I told you I was with someone? Be honest. I don't think you would have and I didn't want to take that chance. I need your help. I'll explain more when we can talk. Jess will be back in a minute or so."
I was shocked at what she told me. My mind was racing as a glimmer of hope sparked when she said she wanted out of the relationship with Jess. Knowing she was right about telling me she was with someone, I probably wouldn't have come.
"I guess not." I told her. "But I have to admit, I did have intentions of coming out here and trying to win you back. What's going on Di? I need to know."
"I can't talk about it right now. I will, soon. I promise."
Coming over to me with the drink she prepared in her hand she placed it on the coffee table infront of me and placed her hand on my cheek and said,
"Please act normally around Jess. I don't want her to think I'm plotting to leave her."
"I will try. It's just hard to see you with someone else."
With that, Jessica came back muttering about what was in the mail to Diane.
As I watched her walk into the room, I envied everything about her. She was pretty, confident. and she had the one person in my life I truly loved. It was heart breaking for me to watch them, knowing it wasn't all what it looked like.
I was dying to find out what was going on between them but knew I had to wait until Diane could explain everything to me.
Ignoring the fact that I was in the livingroom, Jess said in a stern voice to Diane,
"I thought I asked you to call the insurance company and find out why they didn't pay that doctor bill?"
"Oh, I'm sorry Jess, I completely forgot about it." Diane told her
"Obviously! I'm still getting threatening invoices and I don't want it to affect my credit! Please call them tomorrow! Is that too much to ask?" Jess said in a scolding voice to Diane.
It was obvious that she was embarrassed at how Jessica spoke to her. I pretended not to be paying attention as I sipped on my drink.
"Did you also forget to pick up my slacks from the cleaners?" Jess demanded speaking directly at Diane.
"No. I got them. They are in the closet. Please change so we can get going," she told Jessica.
So, I thought to myself, if Jess is speaking so harshly to Diane with me in the room, how is she when they are alone? I didn't like what I saw and immediately began to hate Jess for the way she was treating my ex.
We arrived at the restaurant and Diane told the maitre de that we had a reservation. They showed us to our table. I noticed Jess just immediately sat down, so I pulled out the chair for Diane to sit on, right between us. How appropriate I thought to myself.
"So, what's good here?" I asked making conversation.
"The steaks are great and so is the pasta. " Jess offered.
We ordered drinks and talked about our jobs, and California and New Jersey and the past ten years that had gone by. Jess ordered and drank at least three more beers while we leisurely enjoyed our dinner.
I noticed as she drank, she became more and more amorous with Diane. She kept grabbing her hand and leaning in for her girlfriend to kiss her. It was heart wrenching for me to see them like that. I know Diane was embarrassed as she realized Jess was getting pretty drunk as the night went on.
When I was with Diane we never carried on in public. It was a different time then, but Diane was always very private and our relationship was never on display.
Diane had to help Jess to her feet, as she was too tipsy to drive.
Jess put her arm around Diane's neck and we all headed out to the car.
"I'll drive. You're in no condition," she told Jessica.
