Distant Affairs Of The Heart

'Flight 2090 scheduled to leave for Los Angeles at 10:00 AM has been delayed. The new time of departure is now 11:55 AM. We are sorry for the inconvenience.'

I was in Newark airport when I heard the announcement. My anxiety of flying and traveling across the country to meet up with the former love of my life was at its peak. I think I said a few curse words under my breath as I approached the gate and found an empty seat. Throwing my carry on bag to the floor, I pulled out my cell phone and began a text.

'Sorry, but my plane is now delayed for another two hours. I will text you when I land in LA. The anticipation of seeing you again is driving me crazy.' (Heart emoji)

I read it over before hitting the 'send' button as it was going to my ex Diane, who I haven't seen in nearly 10 years. I live in New York and she moved out to California to pursue a new job opportunity. It seemed like the only solution back then, but I'm not so sure we couldn't have figured it out without separating.

I never thought the day would come when we would want to be together again. Well, I didn't think

she

would ever want to be with

me

again. I, on the other hand, have never given up hope or lessened my desire to be with her.

We broke up just as a matter of logistics as there wasn't anyone or anything that came between us. It just made more sense to let the relationship dissipate inspite of our occasional weekends when either I would fly out there or she would come East for a few days.

Those short visits during the first year or so, were never the same as when we lived together for nearly 10 years. We were so compatible back then. I wonder if things will be as easy now that the time has gone by. Life with Diane was everything I wanted and never thought what we had would come to an end.

My anxiety of what she would think of me as I was now older, starting to gray and forty pounds heavier then when I saw her last. What would she think when she first spots me in the airport? Will she still feel the same as she did so many years ago when we couldn't wait to be alone to rip eachother's clothes off? I know she still had her girly figure and never stopped coloring her hair.

None of that mattered to me, as it was still Diane. The first and only woman I had ever been with. The one who captured my heart whenever she came within my view. I know I wouldn't hesitate to take her in my arms and devour her no matter what she looked like. I was hoping she felt the same way about me. I guess I will find out in the next six hours of so.

I had an opportunity to visit LA for my job, all expenses paid. Reaching out via email, I contacted Diane and told her I would be coming out to the West Coast. She sounded excited to see me again after such a long time. I'm not sure of her expectations, but I could tell she was happy I had reached out and wanted me to meet up with her.

Trying to relax during the long flight, I let my mind drift off to the time when Diane and I were a 'couple'. It was comforting to think that this might be the start of our getting back together. Life has never been the same since she and I separated.

The last text I sent her was about the time I would be arriving and that I would let her know when I had retrieved my luggage and was heading out of the airport. She acknowledged stating that she would be there to meet me.

Waiting at the turnstile seemed like an eternity until my bag descended down the conveyor belt. I took out my cell and sent her a text.

'Just retrieved my luggage. Will be walking out door number 4 in a few minutes.'

'Ok. We're in a whiteToyota. See you in a few!'

My heart sank after reading her text. 'We're' was all I focused on. Who else was with her? I was totally confused. She didn't mention anyone else until now. I picked up the pace as I went through the automatic doors and out onto the sidewalk. My eyes scanned the curb for a white Toyota. I saw her. She got out of the passenger side of the car and ran up to greet me.

'Oh my God! It's been too long", she exclaimed as she threw her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek.

'Come on. I want you to meet Jess!" she said.

"Jess?" I asked with a disappointing tone in my voice.

"Yes, My roommate. I'll tell you all about her later."

Jessica got out of the car and came over to me to help load my luggage into the trunk.

"Hi. I'm Jess. Diane has told me so much about you!"

"Nice to meet you too! I wish I could say the same, but Diane has never mentioned that she had a roommate."

I guess I wanted her to know that Diane hadn't told me about her living with someone. I was trying to hide my feelings, but I know I wasn't doing such a good job of it.

"Well, we have been living together about a year now. Let's get you settled and we can go out for a bite to eat", Jessica suggested as she closed the trunk and went over to the driver's side of the car.

I was trying hard not to like her. I was immediately jealous that she was my former lover's 'roommate'. That she got to see her all the time and probably sleep in the same bed. It was overwhelming and a huge blow to my ego.

I have to admit that this Jess girl was gorgeous. Short auburn hair, green eyes and rather tall. She seemed about the same age as Diane and I, but the years were kinder to her than they were to me. Diane looked really great too. I was trying not to stare at her from the back seat of the Toyota as we made our way out of the airport and onto the freeway.

"So, I know it was a long flight. Would you prefer that we just order in?" Diane asked.

"No, that's fine. We can drop off the luggage and go out. I don't mind. I could use a drink."

"Sounds good. It's so great to see you Barb!" Diane exclaimed reaching her hand through the separation of the front seats and rested her palm on my knee.

Jessica was driving, but I did see her look in the mirror for my reaction. The feel of her hand on my bare skin sent shivers down to the pit of my stomach. I always reacted to her touch.

"It's great to see you too! So how did you two meet?" I said changing the subject as I was dying to know just how 'close' they were with one another.

"Jess and I met at work. She was hired about two years ago. We work in different departments but we became close friends." Diane offered.

My mind was beginning to picture them naked together in a big bed in their apartment. I quickly shook those thoughts from my head as I managed to say,

"Oh, I see."

I knew Diane was reading my mind and I could see that she became uncomfortable. She led the conversation down a different path and asked about my family and my job. I didn't go into detail. As I was pretty bummed out, learning they were best of friends. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have realized she would have found someone else to be her 'best friend', even though she was the only one who ever held that title in my life.

We arrived at their apartment, not far from the center of town. Diane pointed out many popular tourist spots as we drove along. I pretended to be interested but couldn't get the images of her and Jessica out of my mind.

"I'll put your luggage in the guest room," Jessica said as she wheeled the large suitcase and carryon into a smaller bedroom, just off the kitchen. There was only one other bedroom, which had a large king-sized bed, confirming that they were 'together'. I had to face the fact that they were a couple. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I know Diane knew what was going through my mind as she offered,

"Do you want to relax for awhile before we go eat? I can make you a drink."

"That would be great. I think I really need one." I told her.

Jess came out of the bedroom and said, "I'm going to run down to the mailbox Di. Be right back."

I hated that she called her "Di". That was what I called her all the time. Within a few minutes, the door closed and Jess was no longer in the room when I took the opportunity to question Diane.

"Why didn't you mention you were with someone?" I asked her sounding a wee bit upset and trying to hold back my emotions.

"I didn't think that would matter. I was going to tell you all about Jess when you got here. We've been living together about a year now, but I'm not happy Barb. I was hoping you would come out to California and rescue me. I'm just so afraid of telling Jess I want out of the relationship.'

'Besides, would you have come if I told you I was with someone? Be honest. I don't think you would have and I didn't want to take that chance. I need your help. I'll explain more when we can talk. Jess will be back in a minute or so."

I was shocked at what she told me. My mind was racing as a glimmer of hope sparked when she said she wanted out of the relationship with Jess. Knowing she was right about telling me she was with someone, I probably wouldn't have come.

"I guess not." I told her. "But I have to admit, I did have intentions of coming out here and trying to win you back. What's going on Di? I need to know."

"I can't talk about it right now. I will, soon. I promise."

Coming over to me with the drink she prepared in her hand she placed it on the coffee table infront of me and placed her hand on my cheek and said,

"Please act normally around Jess. I don't want her to think I'm plotting to leave her."

"I will try. It's just hard to see you with someone else."

With that, Jessica came back muttering about what was in the mail to Diane.

As I watched her walk into the room, I envied everything about her. She was pretty, confident. and she had the one person in my life I truly loved. It was heart breaking for me to watch them, knowing it wasn't all what it looked like.

I was dying to find out what was going on between them but knew I had to wait until Diane could explain everything to me.

Ignoring the fact that I was in the livingroom, Jess said in a stern voice to Diane,

"I thought I asked you to call the insurance company and find out why they didn't pay that doctor bill?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Jess, I completely forgot about it." Diane told her

"Obviously! I'm still getting threatening invoices and I don't want it to affect my credit! Please call them tomorrow! Is that too much to ask?" Jess said in a scolding voice to Diane.

It was obvious that she was embarrassed at how Jessica spoke to her. I pretended not to be paying attention as I sipped on my drink.

"Did you also forget to pick up my slacks from the cleaners?" Jess demanded speaking directly at Diane.

"No. I got them. They are in the closet. Please change so we can get going," she told Jessica.

So, I thought to myself, if Jess is speaking so harshly to Diane with me in the room, how is she when they are alone? I didn't like what I saw and immediately began to hate Jess for the way she was treating my ex.

We arrived at the restaurant and Diane told the maitre de that we had a reservation. They showed us to our table. I noticed Jess just immediately sat down, so I pulled out the chair for Diane to sit on, right between us. How appropriate I thought to myself.

"So, what's good here?" I asked making conversation.

"The steaks are great and so is the pasta. " Jess offered.

We ordered drinks and talked about our jobs, and California and New Jersey and the past ten years that had gone by. Jess ordered and drank at least three more beers while we leisurely enjoyed our dinner.

I noticed as she drank, she became more and more amorous with Diane. She kept grabbing her hand and leaning in for her girlfriend to kiss her. It was heart wrenching for me to see them like that. I know Diane was embarrassed as she realized Jess was getting pretty drunk as the night went on.

When I was with Diane we never carried on in public. It was a different time then, but Diane was always very private and our relationship was never on display.

Diane had to help Jess to her feet, as she was too tipsy to drive.

Jess put her arm around Diane's neck and we all headed out to the car.

"I'll drive. You're in no condition," she told Jessica.

"Ok. You can drive. I'm feeling no pain." She replied.

Jess got in the back seat and lay down and I jumped into the front next to Diane.

"Sorry about this." Diane said apologized in a whispering tone.

"Don't be sorry for me!' Jess yelled out as she obviously overheard Diane.

"It's ok. I understand." I said meekly, not wanting to get Jess upset.

Diane looked in the rear view mirror and noticed she had fallen asleep.

"This is part of what has been going on." She told me.

"I see."

"We should be home in a few", Diane said as she sped down the highway.

When we got to the apartment, I helped to get Jess in and we both carried her under her arms and flopped her down onto the bed.

"Thanks. I'll take it from here." She told me as I exited and she closed the bedroom door.

After about 15 minutes, Diane came into the livingroom. 'She's out for the count".

"That's good. Does she have an alcohol problem?"

"I guess you can say that. She just doesn't know when she's had enough. I usually pay the price after she's had too much to drink."

"What does that mean? She doesn't hurt you does she?" I said very emphatically as I awaited her answer.

"No, not usually. She falls asleep or gets horny and very loud. You know, all the things I don't like."

"Well, I never treated you like that."

"Of course not. We truly loved and respected eachother. But you aren't here with me in California now are you?"

"Do you still have feelings for me Di?" I just had to ask her.

She hesitated, thinking about what she wanted to say.

"I've always had feelings for you. I never stopped loving you. It's just been very lonely and Jess seemed to be what I wanted at the time. We were close friends and got along really well about most things. Since we were spending so much time with one another, we decided to move in and share expenses."

"So where did things go wrong?" I asked as Diane put the kettle on to make us some tea.

"I guess we just got too comfortable with one another. I started seeing another side of her that I didn't like. It was already too late as we had moved in together and we were trying so hard to make it work. I guess neither of us wanted to admit that it was just a bad idea."

"Well, she seems too bossy. I didn't like the way she spoke to you about her medical bills and the cleaners."

"I know. It's just that I do everything for her. I guess I was trying too hard for her to love me and she took advantage."

"So, she doesn't get physical? Even when she's had too much to drink?"

"Well, there was one time I begged her to stop drinking as we were with another coworker and she became very embarrassing."

"And...? What happened?"

"When we got home, I tried to stay out of her way, but she started making demands on me and I didn't want to get intimate with her."

"So, what did she do?"

"She grabbed my arms and forced herself on me until I gave in and just let her have her way. I had black and blue marks on my arms from the grip she had on me, as I was unable to move. She is much stronger than I am."

By this time I was raging with anger, wanting to go in the bedroom and rip Jessica's head from her shoulders.

"Please Barb, just forget what I told you. I don't want you to act any differently with Jessica or she will know I confided in you. Please, promise me."

"You know I want to go in there and ring her neck don't you?"

"Yes, I know, but please just forget about it for now. I have come to realize that I want out of this hell with Jessica and when you emailed me that you were coming to California, I thought you could help me plan my get-a-way."

"I don't know Di. This seems complicated to me. She isn't going to just let you go."

"I know. But I have to try to make her understand that it just isn't working for me anymore. That's where you come in."

"Huh?"

"You need to make her jealous. I'll play along and flirt with you as much as I can. I'm hoping she will see that we still care about eachother and she needs to move on."

"I don't think it's going to be that easy, but we'll see."

After we drank our tea, I said my goodnight and started to head to the guest bedroom.

Diane came after me and grabbed my hand, turning me around towards her.

Without hesitation, she kissed me on the lips making me sigh as I welcomed her affection.

"Good night Barb. I'm so glad you're here."

I wasn't going to let her go just yet. I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close to me, forcibly kissing her back. Moving down to her neck I wanted to take her top off and devour her breasts. She pushed me away and said,

"Not here, not now Barb. We will have time to be together soon, I promise."

With that she slipped out of my arms and went into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

I just stood there for a few minutes taking in what had just happened. My mind was heading off in all directions. A few hours ago I didn't think I had a snow ball chance in hell that Diane would want to get together again, and now I learned it was all part of her 'plan'.

The next morning I took a quick shower and smelled the fresh coffee brewing in the kitchen. I quickly got dressed and joined Diane who was at the kitchen counter, wearing a short silk bathrobe with her hair up in a towel.

My mind transgressed to when we were living together and what I was seeing was a very familiar scene. It was one of those times I would snuggle up behind her and caress her bare skin under her robe. For now, I had to only reminisce of those wonderful times we were together savoring the few moments we shared the night before.

"Good morning!', she said as she poured me a cup of coffee and placed it on the table. "Sleep ok?"

"Yes, Thank you. I was thinking about you all night long. Is Jessica up yet?", I asked.

"Yes, she went out to get bagels for us down at the corner deli. I know. I feel the same way. It was nice kissing you again"

"She's feeling ok?" I asked.

"Yes. She hardly ever gets a hangover."

"Too bad." I said being very sarcastic.

"That's not nice."

"Well, she's not nice. Especially after what I learned about her last night."

"Please, try to forget it", she said as she placed the milk pitcher next to my cup.

As she did that, she dipped low enough for me to peer directly at her breasts through the opening in her robe, at eye level. I started to salivate just looking at her. Putting one hand on the towel on her head she leaned in and kissed me on the lips, again.

"You have to stop doing that", I exclaimed.

"Why? Don't you like it when I kiss you?", she asked.

"Yes, but it's driving me crazy. I want to be with you Di." I admitted.

"I know. In time, when we know Jessica isn't around."

"I don't think I can wait that long."

"It may be tonight. I think she has a card game with some of her guy friends. I don't play and I don't mind that she goes. They smoke cigars and drink beer and play cards. Nothing I'm interested in."

"Ok. I will be counting the minutes until tonight", I told her with a lot of anticipation in my voice.

At that moment, Jess came into the apartment and exclaimed, "Got the bagels!"

It seemed she was trying to make up for her bad behavior the night before.

Diane grabbed the bag from Jess and leaned away from her when Jess tried to kiss her on the cheek.

"Whats up with you?" she asked.

"Nothing." Diane replied.

I could tell Jess was not happy with Diane's reaction towards her. I guess she didn't want to kiss her after she had just stolen a kiss with me.

"So, what's up for today?" she asked me as she poured herself some coffee and sat at the table.

Diane brought over the plate of bagels with some crème cheese and butter.

"I was thinking we could go down to the pier. I know Barb likes to visit the ocean." Diane offered.