Porn Star's Daughter

Chapter 8 - Loss and Gain

My heart pounded in my chest. Tracy had given me fifteen minutes before she returned. Fifteen minutes left before I lost my virginity. To a

woman

.

I paced in my little bedroom, unsure of what to do. After days of sexual frustration, I was about to

finally

get what I had been craving. Even so, I felt scared out of my mind. Ever wish for something so hard that when you finally get it, you feel like you have no choice but to take it? Well, that's kind of how I was feeling.

I felt uncomfortable. Or was it excited? No, nervous. Or was it anticipation? Oh crap, it felt like everything was moving so fast, and yet

what was taking her so long?

Everything in my body seemed to scream for attention at once. My heart was pounding in my chest, and every muscle seemed to be tightened and ready for movement. Every sense was heightened. Was this "fight or flight?" Was this an adrenaline rush?

This is what I wanted. Rather, this is what I

told

her I wanted. Then again, when she had asked me, I had said yes - enthusiastically. Okay, perhaps not in so many words, as she was riding my father's cock at the time, and I was hiding behind a banister at the top of the stairs. Okay, maybe she wasn't riding him

yet

, but -

ohgodohgodohgod

.

Panic lurked behind every thought. I looked around the room, searching for a place to hide. I suppose I could just leave the house, right? I mean, wait. No. Where would I go? I didn't know anything about the place where my father lived. Whenever I visited it was just to the house, really. I never really paid attention when we left the house to go anywhere. I felt remarkably unobservant.

Plus, it was in the middle of the goddamned night.

So, where? Under the bed? I could fit there, I suppose. That bed where Tracy was about to come in and pull me over and lay me down and kiss me and take my nipples in her mouth and oh god where the fuck was she?

I shook my head to get that image out of my head, but when it started to slip away I found myself holding on to it desperately. I saw the closet, and thought that perhaps I could hide in there, but of course that would probably be the first place she would look. She would open the door and see me kneeling there, waiting for her, and she would lift her skirt and show me her pussy and invite me to taste her. I would lean forward, and she would stand there, skirt in her hands, as I leaned in...

I shuddered, but it wasn't clear whether it was because I wanted her to come visit me after my father fell asleep, or because I didn't.

The thought finally hit me about what was about to happen.

I was about to cheat with my father's girlfriend

. What the hell was I thinking? And why was this the first time I had realized this little wrinkle?

More than anything, this little

faux pas

started to sink in. I couldn't do this to my father! Moreover, what kind of person was Tracy for even suggesting it? Seriously, what was wrong with

both

of us? I was never a troublemaker, why would I want to start now? Like this?

I had to made up my mind at that point. Yes, I wanted her, and yes, I wanted to lose my virginity. Yes, I had even had sex dreams about Tracy before even meeting her. But no, I couldn't fuck her, or let her fuck me.

Once I made up my mind, though, I was surprised at just how much my body rejected that notion. My pussy and nipples screamed in protest. It was as if they were tired of only having my hands for companionship. All the confusion seemed to separate into two distinct camps: Team Morality and Team Shutupandfuckme.

None of it mattered, though. Not ethically, anyway. I

couldn't

mess around with my father's girlfriend. It was one of those things that you couldn't return from, couldn't be forgiven. It broke people apart forever, and I didn't want to lose my father from my life.

You two aren't that close in the first place

, I heard a dark voice in the back of my head. Team Shutupandfuckme wasn't going to take this decision without a fight.

Though I would take it lying down!

some twisted part of me tried to joke. Joke or no joke, though, the part that wanted Tracy had a voice in this decision, and it was

primal

.

But I'm not gay

, Team Morality protested.

You are tonight,

Team SUAFM countered.

Team Morality had a point, though. Up until I saw the video and had the sex dream, I had never even thought about women in a sexual way. I'd only fantasized about boys and penises. Maybe I was still straight, and only attracted to Redd? I mean, Tracy?

The debate was about to hit full stride when the door opened.

She stood there, smiling. I don't know what I was expecting. She could have crept in playfully, tiptoeing in like a secret between us that we were about to share. She could have flung the door wide open with a "Ta da!!" Somehow, it wouldn't have surprised me if she had floated in mid-air with rose-petals whipping about her wind-blown hair.

Instead, she simply walked in like she owned the place. Quietly, she closed the door behind her, and then turned to face me. There was no pomp, no circumstance. She was just there with an excited grin on her face. She was dressed in a simple neglige, a very slight pink satin number that matched her darker red hair and lipstick. Dammit, did she always look like she was ready for a model shoot?

I stood stock still, a deer caught in headlights. Or in a wolf's glare. Either way, I couldn't move.

"You know," she said. "When I said to wait for me, I didn't mean that you had to stay exactly where you were!"

I looked down, confused. Then I realized that despite my pacing, I had somehow wound up in the exact same spot as when she left. "I..." I stammered, but didn't know what to say.

Her grin broadened, and she came towards me. I raised my hands to stop her, to hold her at bay. I opened my mouth to tell her that I couldn't do this, that it wasn't right. I couldn't do this to my father. I'd just have to lose my virginity some other way.

My hands touched her rib cage, but instead of pushing her away I felt them betray me and pull her closer. Somehow, Team Shutupandfuckme had coopted my body while Team Morality was stuck arguing inside my head. My mind protested, reeled back in horror as it felt completely detached from anything my body was doing. Everything seemed to be on autopilot, and suddenly my own mouth and lips weren't obeying my control either.

What are you doing?!

Team Morality shrieked.

If you don't know by now,

Team SUAFM sneered,

then watch and learn, dumbass.

She slid through the space between us in less than a heartbeat, and then she crossed the boundary between interpersonal space and private space -

my

space. It was the first time I had another woman's body so close to mine that wasn't platonic or family. Once more, I could smell her perfume, but this time it was freshly applied over a clean smell of body wash and freshly applied makeup.

She took a shower

, I thought.

For me

. I instinctively licked my lips, which she took as encouragement.

I was eye-level with her lips, and I marveled at how shiny and glossy they were.

For me

. Team Morality tried to fight back with one last weak parry.

She showered for you, but you didn't freshen up for her!

It was too late. My chin raised on its own, and I felt my own lips touch hers ever so slightly. They were just separated enough so that they fit together, my upper lips slipping in between her own, our mouths creating an embrace. A whimper escaped me, my arms pulled her tight against me, and Team Morality abandoned me completely.

I'll never forget that moment for as long as I live. It was the first time anyone had ever taken me in their arms as a lover-to-be, and every nerve ending in my body seemed to be hitting the record button. I wanted to remember

everything

. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a perverted sexual editor was already splicing the feed for masturbation material in the future, and we hadn't yet gone beyond the first kiss.

My first kiss

. It wasn't my "first" kiss, of course. In comparison to this, however, it felt like I had never been touched in an intimate way until this very moment. It felt like a completely different level, but I couldn't put words to it. In fact, I couldn't put words to any of this - it was all so new to me.

The satin seemed to slide across her body under my hands - my awkward, shaking hands. I tried not to paw at her, but at the same time I didn't want to

not

touch her all over her body. I felt as if I had no control over any of my limbs any more. I simply didn't know what to do.

I felt as awkward as a marionette on strings, and probably looked about as gracious as well.

It didn't seem to faze her. Her arms slid around and underneath my own, and I felt her hands come up to my head and hold it in place so that she could kiss me. She had me locked in place, which should have thrown me into a panic but, instead, I felt myself relax into her.

She kissed me gently, and I found myself appreciating her confidence and control. I kissed her back, trying to match the pressure she was giving me. It was only after a moment that I felt the softness and swell of her breasts against my chest, fulfilling an unspoken promise of earlier.

"Let me take care of everything," she said. "Relax. You don't have to be in control

all

the time."

Tracy's confidence allowed me to slip into a new, completely unfamiliar role. It simply didn't matter that I had no idea what was going to happen next - Tracy had it all taken care of. Letting my guard down was an alien concept for me, but for some reason it felt okay.

I felt myself ease into her embrace, and she took the subtle changes in my body as encouragement. She kept one hand on the back of my head and we separated slightly. She looked at me, a hungry smile creeping across her face as she looked down at my body. I felt her hand slide down to my side, gently guiding me to turn a little so she could see all of me. She kept me close to her but with enough space to see my whole body.

It was the first time anyone had ever looked at me with pure lust. As self-conscious as I was, as

skinny

as I was, there was no mistaking it: she

wanted

me. I didn't know just how good it was going to feel to be wanted so badly. The way she looked at me, she looked as if I were the most beautiful creature she had ever seen, that just the mere sight of me made her barely able to keep control.

Something foreign clicked inside of me. I knew that I

liked

how she looked at me. Suddenly, everything my mother had been trying to get me to do, to dress sexier, to start enjoying my body more - all of it was meant to give me the opportunity to enjoy being

desired

. Not only was I okay with it, I luxuriated in it. I felt like I was bathing in her lust for me, and all I wanted to do was give in to that lust.

Tracy reached for the hem of my T-shirt and pulled upwards. Instinctively like I did as a little girl, I raised my hands obediently as she slipped it off of my torso. A heartbeat later, my bra was unclasped and dropped to the floor, along with the makeshift pads that comically tumbled out of the cups.

I felt slightly embarrassed, but her warm palm immediately came back up to my chest, and started tracing large circles around my breasts. I felt her fingers quickly pass over one nipple, then circle around my chest to the other, causing a quick sensation cycle of anticipation, glory, and disappointment as her hand passed over them.

Her hand paused for a moment and I looked at her, confused. Was something wrong?

She flashed a pearly white smile. "I'm so glad you kept yourself open for business," she said.

I found her hand drop to my open fly. I had never bothered to zip it up after she left my room. Her fingers practically flew down my flat stomach, the tips tracing along the skin until it reached down below to where the waistband of my jeans would normally be. Having someone other than myself touching my "no go zone" made me jump involuntarily.

She stopped and looked at me, quizzically. "It tickles," I said, trying to cover my reaction. It was true, too, as it

did

tickle, but I didn't want her to know that I was nervous as well. If I complained, would she stop? I did not want her to stop.

She resumed her descent, and her grin broadened when she found no resistance from pesky underwear. "Oh, my," Tracy said. "You've got a naughty streak."

She was so close, now. All she needed was another inch or so...

She's going to do it!

Team Morality warned.

She's going to do it!

Team Shutupandfuckme screamed in excitement.

I stood frozen from indecision. I wanted to grab her hand and force it down into my jeans, hold her arm while I thrust my hips against her hand. I wanted to feel the heel of her hand press against my protruding mons and feel her cup my groin. I could anticipate the feeling of her entire hand covering the area of my pussy, her fingers sliding into those wet, slippery folds.

Why was she going so slowly?

Then, her fingernails deftly reached down until they felt their way to just above my clit. A near victory, until her hand got stuck inside the tight enclosure of my jeans. She gainfully tried to reach me, but she just wasn't able to fit in any more of her hand. I pushed my hips forward and back in a feeble attempt to give her some purchase and finally grab my pussy.

Frustrated, my hands went to my sides to hook my thumbs into the waistband and pull them down. "No, wait," she ordered, and I froze. "We've got time. There's no rush."

Speak for yourself!

I thought. She withdrew her hand from my pants, and I felt a strange mixture of relief and agony. I was still anxious about being touched for the first time, and being touched by a

woman

at that, but I was also so turned on I could barely stand.

She started to walk around me, but never took the flat of her palm away from my tummy. I tried to turn to face her, but she took her other hand and kept me from turning around.

"Just stay there," she said, and I did. Now I

really

wasn't sure what to do with myself. Then I felt her hot breath on my neck, as she pulled my hair away from the side of my face. I felt a wobble in my knees.

"What..." I began, and I heard her kiss the nape of my neck. A shiver coursed through me, and I couldn't remember what I was about to ask.

Her hands snaked around me, but never stopped moving. Her hands came up to my chest and briefly squeezed my nipples ( -

yes!!

- ) before continuing on. One came up to cradle my chin, the other moved down to the open zipper of my jeans. And then they moved even further.

I felt her breath, hot and moist, against the side of my face. "You are so beautiful," I said, as she kissed my shoulder and up my neck. I felt the shape of her mouth change against my skin, and I could tell that she was smiling at the compliment.

"Thank you," she said, softly. She nibbled on my earlobe. I had to fight to keep on my feet.

Wait, my earlobe? How can my

earlobe

be sensitive?

"You are stunning, too," she returned the compliment. I snorted in self-derision, despite myself. I felt her pull away, her hands leave me, and I panicked.

I blew it!

I thought.

Now I've done it!

I turned around to face her, to apologize, but caught her in the middle of taking off her neglige. As the fabric ascended, her perfect breasts fell into view. My mouth dropped open in sheer, absolute awe. I had never seen anything so beautiful on a human being in my life. I suddenly understood the urge for men to want to motorboat a woman's tits. I just wanted to fall into those perfect breasts and never come out.

Tracy caught me staring at her chest, and she seemed to encourage my gawking. "Go ahead," she said, pressing them together with a slight movement of her arms. "I like to be looked at."

I must have been looking at her with that same desire that she had shown for me. Beyond the physical contact, I suddenly felt a stronger connection with her now, though it felt hard to define. We seemed to share something, an intimate part of ourselves, and now each of us knew it about the other.

It took a while to completely register, being distracted by her breasts, but she was now completely naked. Her lily white skin seemed almost porcelain, and my eyes were drawn to the incongruous narrow, shallow strip of fine red hair just above her pussy. It contrasted starkly with the porcelain delicate whiteness of her skin, and I was fascinated by it.

It didn't even occur to me that I was reaching for another woman's pussy until I actually brushed the fine strands with my fingertips and she gasped in excitement. Reflexively, I pulled my hand back as if shocked.

"I- I'm sorry!" I gasped.

"Oh sweetie," she laughed, catching my wrist. "What do you think we're here for?"

I tentatively reached out again, and touched the hair lightly. It was very fine, short, and perfectly shaped. I swallowed, realizing that I was touching another woman's pubic area for the first time in my life, and I

wasn't

disgusted by it. Wait, no. Disgusted isn't the right word. Turned off? Hang on. No. I just...

Tracy took a step forward and pressed her mound into the heel of my palm - just like I had wanted her to do to me - and cupped my face in her hands. She kissed me passionately, and I found my hand simply stayed where it was as she moved, and now I was fully cupping her mons with the palm of

my

hand. All I had to do was curl my fingers and they would be inside of her pussy folds.

So, I curled my fingers.

Tracy was as wet as I had ever been, and the knowledge that I turned her on like this filled me with incredible satisfaction. I began to play with her, feel the strange and wondrous sensations of another woman's physiology. It was the same, but very different. Her lips felt longer, somehow, and her clit seemed just a bit higher on her body than mine, and a bit bigger. It was all very curious. I mean, I knew that we were all different, don't get me wrong. I'm not

stupid

.

But when you

feel

it for yourself, slide your fingers across someone else's delicate parts, it really strikes home just how subtle the differences can be. I explored with my finger tips, gently at first, then tried to press deeper into her folds. I felt her push her hips even more against my hand, giving me encouragement as well as better access. "Yes," she muttered, almost to herself.

I felt her flesh envelop my finger, almost as if her cleft was made for my digits. Her body felt more than just warm, it was almost tingly hot against my fingertips, and I tried to douse the heat by sliding them further into her body.

When my middle finger found her hole and prodded into it, I think it surprised both of us. She grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me deeply, while at the same time grinding her pelvis down onto my hand. My wrist was completely turned around from when I played with myself, and I found it awkward to keep it in that position. Even so, I was giving her pleasure, and I didn't want to stop.

"You little minx," she said. "You are full of surprises."

I didn't know exactly what she meant, but I felt a strange sense of pride. Whatever I had done, I apparently had done well. But what was it? I had only been curious and had been following my instincts.

She took me by the shoulders and turned me around again to face away from her, and started kissing my neck. "Let's see," she said in between kisses. "I think this is where we were."