Part II
Love on the rocks.
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Author's Note
If it's not obvious from the title, this is a sequel to 'Can I Give You a Lift?' If you have not read the first one yet, you'll be missing out on a lot of how Dani and Ava met, and how their relationship began. This one's a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, so hang on. It ends well.
Oh, and if you want to play Neil Diamond's Love on the Rocks for the first part of the story, go ahead and get it cued up, I'll wait.
Enjoy!
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Wax Philosophic
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The events and characters in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
There are elements of dominant-submissive role playing in this story. It's mild, but if it offends you, please find something else to read.
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Can I Give You a Lift? Part II
"Dani, how come you never let me do that for you?" Poor Ava. I knew this conversation would come up eventually. I've been holding off on telling her the truth, afraid of how she will react. Not wanting to hurt her. And selfishly, at the same time not wanting to lose her.
"It's enough for me just to make you feel good." I don't meet her eyes. I can't. She'll know something's up.
Ava's head is lying on my chest, a few strands of her dark hair still stuck to her cheek, as I share in her post-orgasmic bliss. I take a deep breath, trying to remain calm and hoping that my heartbeat does not betray me. "I like to make you feel good, baby."
"You do make me feel good, Dani. So good. And I want to be able to do the same for you."
"It's enough just having you next to me, Ava. Please. Trust me on this."
She says nothing in return. I know she's not satisfied with my answer, but she's too demure to make a fuss. Funny that this is what attracted me to her in the first place. Now it's that same quality making it hard for me to tell her the truth.
I think about the results of my latest MRI. Think about words like 'upper motor neurons' and 'lesions' and 'macrophages'. I do not want Ava to ever have to know these words, or the initials MS. I don't want her to see what their effect will be on me over time.
Oh god, why did I have to fall in love with her? This would be so much easier if she were like all the other women in my life -- transient flings, a brief rubbing together of flesh -- no emotional underpinnings.
"It's not you Ava, it's me." Totally clichΓ© I know, and she calls me on it.
Six months ago she would have just accepted it, wouldn't have even questioned me. Hell, six months ago Ava wouldn't have even looked me in the eye, but oh how things have changed.
"You know I don't believe that Dani." She hasn't stirred yet, still has her head on my chest, running her fingers gently over my arm. I'm going to have to push a little harder. God I hate myself for doing this.
"Ava, I really don't care if you believe it or not. That's all there is to it. Now, would you please just drop it already?" I've never raised my voice with her before, and I think she's a bit startled by my reaction.
Ava lifts her head from my chest and begins sliding off the bed. "I should just go."
"Good idea," I say. Ava's facing away from me as she gets dressed, so she doesn't see me as I wipe the tear from my cheek.
"Thank you for dinner," she says and turns to go. She doesn't even slam the door. If someone just treated me this way, I'd be slamming the door. Why can't you just slam the goddamn door, Ava? This would be so much easier if you hated me.
I bury my face in the pillow and cry myself to sleep.
*
Tuesday is the day I've been dreading. I've had another relapse, I'm back to walking like a peg-leg pirate again, and that means another round of physical therapy. I'm going to have to face Ava. I had thought of finding another clinic to visit, but I really like my therapist. Besides we're all adults here, we should be able to maintain a level of professional courtesy.
My hand is shaking as I sign in. "Hi Dani," she says.
"Hi Ava."
"Everything OK?" She's looking me right in the eye. She never used to do that. It's going to make it harder for me to lie.
"Yeah. Just fine," I manage, and turn away. I walk over to join my therapist standing amid the exercise equipment. I'm hobbling along like a pirate.
"Another relapse, huh?"
"Yeah," I say, frowning.
"Any numbness or tingling this time?"
"Nope, just the same stiffness and dull ache."
"Alright, let's see if we can get you walking again." And she proceeds to put me through a series of exercises that, believe it or not, actually make a slight improvement. I'm not quite walking like a normal human being yet, but at least I'm not dragging my leg as I head toward the door.
"Dani," she says, as she hustles over to catch me before I leave. "I know this is none of my business, but Ava's been really worried about you. You should tell her."
"She can look it up in my file." But I know she can't, not with patient confidentiality. Ava just schedules the appointments, she has no idea why I'm here and what's wrong with me.
I push the door open and walk out into the summer air. It's a gorgeous day, and I decide to play hooky the rest of the afternoon instead of going back to work. I hop on my bike and ride to the park. At least that's something I can still do without too much problem.
As I'm whizzing down the trail I feel my phone vibrate. It's probably work wondering where I am, so I pull off and take a look. 'Call from: Girlfriend' it says on the screen. "I really need to change that," I think as I let it go to voicemail. Another half a mile down the bike trail and I feel another buzz in my pocket. I know who it is, so I just keep going. It's a beautiful sunny day and I don't want to spoil it.
That night when I put my phone on the charger, I happen to glance at the text message. It's from 'Girlfriend'. I really do need to change that. 'Can we talk?' it says. 'I don't know what's going on, but I'd like to help.' I delete the message.
I flop onto the bed and cry myself to sleep.
*
The next week when I sign in for my appointment, there is a plate of baklava sitting at the front desk with my name on it. Damn that girl, she just doesn't give up. I finish up my exercises, grab my baklava and head out the door. I try not to catch Ava's eye as I leave.
Ava knows I can't resist her baklava, damn her. I summon all of my willpower, but it only buys me an extra ten minutes before I'm ripping into the cellophane and hoisting some of the luscious dessert to my lips. Underneath that first piece is a note.
'Dinner,' it says, 'at the diner. My treat. If you don't call to confirm, I promise I will make a scene at your next appointment. Trust me, I know how. I learned from the best.'
"I bet you did," I mumble as I pull out my phone and scroll down to 'Girlfriend'.
"You ready? Ten minutes," she says and hangs up. I don't even get a chance to say hello. Maybe that's part of her plan. No time to back out.
Nine and a half minutes after her call, I enter the diner. Ava's already there at the counter with a cup of coffee, so I take the seat next to her. I say nothing, just pull out a menu and contemplate today's specials. Two minutes later I can't even remember what they are.
"We can order something light," she says, "I assume you've already pigged out on baklava."
I allow myself a tiny smirk behind the menu that hides my face. She knows me too well.
"I hear the soup is good," she offers, laying her hand on my arm.
"Not as good as yours." I lower the menu a few inches.
"Dani, what's wrong? Why won't you talk to me?" Ava's looking me directly in the eye. Six months ago I was practically begging her to do that. Now I just wish she'd stop.
"It's complicated." I shift my gaze back to the menu.
"Not good enough," she replies, taking the menu from my hand and setting it down on the counter. She still has her other hand resting on my arm, and she's stroking lightly with her fingertips, so I know she's not angry. My stomach knots. I am a horrible person.
"Please Ava, I don't want to hurt you."
"Well, I think it's a little late to be worrying about that, don't you?"
I pull my arm away.
"Sorry," she offers. She rests her hand on the counter, in the space where my arm used to be.
I place my hand on hers in what I hope is a reassuring touch. I take deep breath. "Not here, OK?"
Ava stands up, throws five dollars on the counter and squeezes my hand. "Come on," she says, "I know a place with much better soup anyway."
"We drove separately," I remind her. "What makes you think I even remember where you live?"
"I see you riding your bike by my place almost everyday."
I shrug. "It's on the way to the park."
Ava just smiles. And for the first time in a long time, so do I.
*
I am just finishing up the most delicious bowl of soup I've had in weeks, when Ava lays her hand on mine. She says nothing, she doesn't have to, I know what we're here to talk about. I take a deep breath. Ava gives my hand a reassuring stroke with her thumb.
"Ava," I say. "Do you know what MS is?"
"Multiple sclerosis? Yeah, I think a few of the patients at the clinic have it. That's why they come in for physical therapy."
I look at her. She looks at me.
"You?"
I nod.