Enjoy!
Friday!
Worked another double shift yesterday.
Mom gave me today off and I found out why she was mad as well. It wasn't for the fight itself, but fighting at school. If I had waited for the park, or alley between Jen's and The Gap rip-off, I would have been okay. In Mom's eyes anyways. I tried to explain that I wasn't fighting, but she was proud that I was finally sticking up for myself. Who am I to disappoint?
Mom slipped and mentioned her sister. I wasn't even aware that I had an aunt. She caught herself and clammed up. I figured that I shouldn't push it.
However, unlike when I asked about her father and her mother, Mom actually looked sad about her sister.
I slept in today. I missed seeing Dina on the roof. Or any of the things that had happened every other day, except Monday, this week.
Mom also admitted that she talked about me being grounded for the sake of the school yesterday.
"You're a good, young woman, Dear! I know how those little bimbos are. They come into the store and talk about their fancy clothes and everything their parents give them. They strut around hanging off of boys' arms. The one even tried to steal!"
I asked why she had hired Tyra, Mom waved her hand. Something was up, Mom had a bit of a mean streak in her.
I had found, when I was ten, her mug shot.
I hadn't thought about it in years. She told me when I asked back then.
She was sixteen and had been at a concert.
Another young lady, who wasn't an orphan, was constantly pushing Mom's buttons.
Bumping into her and spilling her drink, or Mom's drink. Constant remarks about how poor Mom was and Mom not having parents.
The straw that broke the camel's back wasn't when she slapped my mom, but when she grabbed my dad and tried to kiss him. When he pushed her off of him, the girl slapped my dad and yelled rape.
Apparently you do not mess with Mom's man!
She told me that after three solid punches the girl went down, of course it wasn't like Mom had gotten off scot free, having received a busted lip. Mom had the girl down and from what I understood, "stomped the bitch out" and then the police arrived.
The details are really fuzzy, so I am sorry if that isn't more detailed.
I think I remember the bitch part so well because it was the first time I remember either of my parents swearing in front of me.
So I'm outside again and...
A whirring noise and a click interrupted me. The batteries in my recorder have died. I had just turned it on too.
... back to my room. I never realized how I walk and write before. Could be like how I walk and read.
Dropped my recorder!
I don't know why I worry. This off brand piece of crap rewinds the tape when powered off, so I usually make sure I am done when I turn it off. That and I don't have anything worth saying. Still, now I have to fast forward the tape to find the end of what I was saying.
I sigh.
It isn't like it matters.
I kind of like writing it all down. I had put in an order for a fancy leather bound diary with a lock. I can tape the loose pages into it and continue on.
If I choose to.
I don't know exactly when I even started the tapes. Mom teases me about talking to myself. I guess it seems that way.
It is eleven, so it's warming up. I guess I can get some air. I sort of enjoyed playing my guitar outside yesterday. Aside from the interruption.
I don't think I'll sing this time. Mom says I do well, but she is my mother. I usually only sing in the shower. Where I only have to worry about Mom hearing me.
Of course, Dina didn't complain.
I look over at my closet. The lacy bra and panties hang between my sun dress and my running outfit. My current worn outfit is a snug pair of grey sweats, but not skin tight, and a matching sweat shirt.
"I'll take my run tonight." I get up and grab my sundress. As an after thought I grab those underwear that I had been so embarrassed about before.
I draw the curtains and take off the stained, and way too big sweater and snug sweat pants.
Then I slip out of my "granny panties" with a happy sigh. They are uncomfortable and I reserve the pairs of them for that time of the month or laundry day.
I am so glad that it is only laundry day.
These big panties bunch up in places without the pads I use for girl issues.
The material really isn't my favorite either. I bought cheap because I planned on them getting ruined from mishaps and leaks. I think I will spring for a little better next time. Just a little.
My every day undies are soft cotton. I have them in plain white, light blue, a couple light grey pair, fourteen in total. I am weird I guess. I also keep an unopened bag in my drawer.
I have no regular bra, just a few sports bras so that my nipples don't poke through my shirts when I do wear less than my layers of bulky clothes.
"How would it feel?" I ask myself rubbing the material between my fingers. Silky! I have to say I am a bit surprised.
I close my eyes and slip the panties on. I can't help but sigh as I feel heaven slide up my legs. Why haven't I bought silk before?
I peek at the mirror. I would be perfect if I couldn't count my ribs and hips.
"Lunch time." I tell myself.
Fifteen minutes after twelve I have paid the pizza boy. The food actually comes from Jen's diner but if you are nice enough she will make whatever you like and have her grandson deliver it. I think his name is Eddie. He's home schooled. I think he was looking me over, you know, checking me out.
My sundress is a light yellow. Comes to just above my knees. I have had it for years now and it still fits.
The breeze is something I am not used to. I have goose pimples and I shiver.
I look at my order. Three extra large pies.
A combination. Extra cheese. Thick crust. Anchovies.
Hawaiian, with jalapeno peppers. Thin crust.
A hand tossed meat lovers with just about every type of meat from our deli at the market.
Mom loves combination, I am not too keen on anchovies, we will split the meat lovers.
I take my half of the meat lovers outside with me where I have my guitar set up in the gazebo. I look around and admire the plants. All of the green dotted with the other colors of the rainbow and everything in between.
It smells wonderful!
I hear the water from Dina's pool lapping at the edge. The wind is pretty strong for a breeze now. I almost regret wearing these garments.
Almost.