Everyone in this story is 18 or older. This is chapter 2 of a longer story that I will hopefully be uploading here soon. Enjoy
- Asyncronous
*****
It was a couple months since that night with Anne. After that night everything seemed a bit awkward with Anne. She still hasn't told me herself that she's into women, but I know. I decided tonight was the night, the night I was going to get Anne to tell me the truth. Once Anne would tell me the truth I would tell her the truth about myself and we would live happily ever after together, or so I thought. I chuckled under my breath and then realised I had been staring at my laptop's screen for over an hour without doing any work.
Work had been going well and normally after work Anne and I would hang out at the pub or something. Over these past few months, Anne and I had become quite close, becoming good friends. This was what was driving me nuts about it. It wasn't like Anne and I had only been out that night and maybe a couple nights after, but it was more like we were dating. I could feel myself becoming wetter thinking about being in a relationship with Anne. Of course we weren't dating. Neither of us knew each other's secret, at least according to Amy.
I looked up and sighed. I had spent most of the night already daydreaming and contemplating things pertaining to Anne and have hardly gotten any work done. I could hear Amy coming in the house with our dinner. I closed my laptop and walked out into the den where I could see Amy unpacking our chinese.
Another thing that was on my mind was Amy. Amy and I have been starting to drift apart from what we were. We had been best friends, now...not so much. I'm normally not good with socialising. I can however, usually sense when something is up with someone - especially Amy. I took my place next to Amy and started questioning her about Anne.
"Did Anne really tell you that she was gay?" I asked her breaking the ice from the silence that was there.
"No, but I could however tell that she was," She said in an almost shocked voice. I figured she would be a bit shocked about it because it was kind of out of the blue.
"How could you tell? I couldn't even tell," I said kind of shocked that Amy didn't even mention this before. I thought that Anne had told her all along that she was gay. Damn, I knew I shouldn't have worked myself up with this. I was starting to feel doubtful about this entire scenario. I figured maybe Amy was wrong and that maybe Anne wasn't gay. She didn't even seem like the gay type..wait, was there a gay type? From that the questions just started flooding into my head about what was gay and what wasn't.
"Well, it was mostly just the way she looked when I had asked her if you were her girlfriend," Amy said in a more upbeat manner. I thought about that for a second. If Amy was able to figure out that I was gay, then maybe she could figure out that Anne was gay too. I laughed at the idea of Amy having a gay-dar like they say in movies and television.
"She kind of blushed at the idea too" Amy said teasingly. Damn she knew I liked Anne. Then it dawned on me, Anne knew I was gay! Damn, so much for the element of surprise. I chuckled at that too, "surprise I'm gay," I chuckled a bit too loud and Amy kinda looked at me like I was weird.
We mainly just continued chatting random stuff after that, nothing too much about Anne. She asked how work was going for me and I told her that it was fun but super boring at times. Most of the time I didn't get to code like I wanted to, I mainly just did cleanup for the rest of the guys. I asked her how school was going and she said that it was mostly routine, not much in the way of events.
After dinner I helped Amy clean up and told her I was going out for a stroll. As I was walking around the block a man came up behind me and grabbed me by the neck. I felt something sharp in my back and the next thing I knew a hand was over my mouth and he was pulling me into the alley.
"Scream and I'll stab you. Fight and I'll stab you. Got it?" He whispered in a harsh tone. I nodded. Honestly what else could I do, I wasn't necessarily a tough girl so I couldn't fight my way out of this. I could scream but he had a knife to my back. I let him have his way with me. I could feel him penetrating me with his penis. After that everything went dark. All I remember from that night was walking around like I was lost until late when Amy finally called my phone asking where I was. I told her I was fine and that I would be home in a moment. I was close to the house anyway, but was I really fine? I was just raped by some stranger. Honestly at this moment I just needed to get a shower and go to bed. I sighed as I walked into the apartment building and walked up the stairs to our apartment. Finally I was home and safe. I contemplated for the longest time in the shower if I had done the right thing by not telling anyone. I burst into tears in the shower and began crying for over a half hour. After I stopped crying I finally pulled myself out of the shower and into some pajamas. I then walked into my room and flopped onto my bed.
"Fiona?!" I awoke with a startle. It was Amy and she was in my room shaking me, she looked scared.
"Yeah?" I responded slightly groggy.
"What time is it?" I asked looking at my clock. Damn it was still only 4:30 am.
"Are you okay? You were screaming and kicking in your sleep..." Amy said extremely worried. At this moment, this is the moment that I have regretted all my life.
"Yeah I'm fine just a nightmare okay?" I responded, lying. I knew I was lying to my best friend, but honestly I didn't want to scare her or make her worry. I did however want this night to be over, and everything to go back to the way it was.
"Are you sure?" She asked. Again the most regretful thing I ever did was lie about it. I'm sure if I could have done it all over again I would have told her the truth. Hell I wouldn't even have gotten into the shower, I would have been at the police station getting examined and everything so they could catch the bastard that did this.
"Yes" I said, annoyed. Of course the annoyance in my voice was somewhat genuine, I was annoyed that she was still pestering me about it. At the same time I wish she had asked me again. Maybe if she had asked me again I would have finally said something about it. I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep, but I couldn't. Finally after lying there for another half hour I got up and went out into the den. I got some milk and sat down on the couch and just contemplated life. Of all things that could have happened, this had to be the one thing that actually did. I kept thinking that this wasn't fair, that I didn't deserve it. Then I came to the conclusion that I did deserve it. I lied to all my friends and family about being gay. I've done other bad things. All that is just being repaid by this one horrible event. I felt like I deserved it. I sighed, got up and walked into my room. I walked over to my bags and pulled out my little black box. This was another thing that I kept from people. I sighed again. This was the first time in months that I've had to do this. At this moment though I needed this, I felt nothing other than the need to cut. I sat down on my bed and stripped off my shorts and panties and began my ritual of making small cuts on the insides of my thighs. I could see prior scars and it wasn't very nice down there. There were many, but they were fading out and most of the ones that were there aren't there anymore.
After about 5 minutes of cutting I finally felt a little better and decided that that was enough for the night. I put my clothes back on and went back to sleep. I could feel the cuts sting and bleed. It felt relaxing, but at the same time reminded me of why. I know that cutting was a bad idea, and generally something that teenagers did to gain attention. This was different though, I wasn't using it for attention, I was using it for a way to feel. I knew I was depressed, I know other people could sense it too at times, but I never let it show. Cutting just seemed to help me feel alive, something I barely felt on some days. Days like now, where all I felt was just hollow like an empty shell.
I awoke to my alarm going off it was 6:00. I sighed and contemplated calling in sick today. Reluctantly I got up and began getting ready for work. I quickly went into the bathroom before Amy could see me. I started stripping, I removed my shorts and panties. I could see the aftermath of last night. I then removed my shirt and jumped into the shower.
After my shower I still had about a half hour before I had to get to work, so I decided to eat some breakfast. A few minutes after sitting down Amy sat down next to me.
"So you going to tell me what happened last night?" She said in a stern voice.
"Nothing happened last night...I swear" I said reluctantly. Why on earth was I even fighting it? Why couldn't I tell her what happened? Why was I lying to my best friend? All these questions were running through my head a mile a minute. I kind of just shrugged it off and continued eating my cereal since Amy seemed done with her questions.
After finishing my cereal I headed straight to work. I had a few minutes by time I got there so I proceeded to go to Anne's office and asked her if she would like to have some drinks tonight. She mentioned she would be available and would love to. Finally I reached my work station and began working.
Work was so much of a bore today. Not much was to be worked on since we were in the midst of finishing up a project. Everyone involved could mostly relax. So I basically just spent the day thinking about what I'm going to say to Anne to get her to reveal herself to me. Honestly I couldn't think of anything relatively worth saying that wouldn't sound like I knew the truth. If it was the truth...I began worrying again. All the doubt kept on flooding in on me, making this sound like the worst idea possible.
Finally I was able to shrug if off and decided that I should just go along with it and see what happens. If she isn't then she isn't but if she is...what then? Damn I thought I had all of this figured out. I figured I shouldn't be worrying about this right now as I should be working, but it kept creeping up in my mind every time I had the chance to think about something.
