A lot of my contemporaries seem content with settling down and being OLD. They let themselves go, they have health issues, they have grandchildren or even great grandchildren. They say they don't want to give it all up, but it looks to me like they're waiting for death to take them!
I took decent care of myself. I'm not a fat, sick old lady. I'm a skinny old lady who may not look exactly hot any more but I still feel young! I still swim and walk and I kept my late husband happy even when he was having some difficulty keeping me happy. My boobs used to be pert, now they're kind of deflated. I don't have many wrinkles but there's no hiding what I've got; at the corners of my mouth and my eyes and my forehead... My arms aren't muscular and tight any more.
When Russ died I was devastated, but it didn't settle me down. If anything it revved me up! I looked in the mirror and decided to do what I could. The first thing being the easiest. Over time more and more silver hairs had invaded my blonde hair. First I tried color. I didn't feel right as a brunette or a redhead and "blonde" dye didn't work for me either. Usually dark haired women use bleach to lighten to blonde but dye to turn silver to blonde looks obviously fake.Blonde isn't yellow!
On the advice of my stylist I did something a bit radical for me. My long straight hair was cut to a short shag and instead of turning the silver blonde I went for the bleach. The result was striking! My helmet of upswept hair became practically white with a few contrasting strands mixed in! I liked it, and I thought it distracted from my crow's feet! I'd always liked my stylist!
"I love it!!" I told her, admiring myself between the hand mirror and the big mirror behind her station.
"I'd do ya, Babe!" she told me. She's not a bad looking woman, and since she never seemed to have a private life to talk about I really wondered!
"Would you really?" My journey to the "other side" had begun. Oh not that moment, but most definitely begun.
"Mary, I think you're beautiful. Yes, I'd do you. I mean..." I raised my hand to silence her, and she said nothing else. Yes I'd thought about what it might be like with a woman. Usually at the pool or the beach, looking at much younger women proudly parading around in next to nothing. But harboring lurid fantasies is a far cry from actually going down on another woman!
And I'm a widow! The very term ages a person, suggesting I'd outlived my spouse! I must be old, right? Well my Grandmother lived to ninety-nine and stayed active, even dating after Grandaddy died. Mom's still kicking around too, though she looks her age. Thirty or forty years to go maybe...did I want a new spouse? Well, I didn't want to be that "old lonely widow woman" either!" And perversely my sex drive seemed to be in overdrive!
I bought an expensive vibrator, life size and "molded from an actual penis". I could get myself off with it but...it's still just masturbating. And at that I needed help from either erotic stories or porn. After Misty's (she's my stylist,) comment that porn tended toward lesbian porn. That seemed better than the regular variety for me. I never had sex with a girl so that held something of an erotic attraction. And much as I loved Russ and he was a good lover, he wasn't hung like a salami and that was fine by me, Even my vibrator isn't. Life size is life size, about five or six inches. Porn males are freaks!
I even toyed with the notion of going gay; I didn't really know anything about it but I didn't want to go against what I knew. Enter Jeff. He was a good looking guy about ten years my junior and he was charming. We met at a work party, and it was fun flirting with a receptive "young" man.Open bar, so the later it got the lower my inhibitions got. We danced and flirted and drank. And then they turned the lights down low and shot a spotlight on a mirror ball and played the kind of tune that calls for close dancing. I liked how he felt pressed against me. I could feel his warmth, and the hard lump of him pressed against me. When he kissed me I melted, going hot and so wet I was sure I'd soaked my panties through!
When he told me he had a room upstairs I nodded, eager to take advantage of the situation! We kissed in the elevator all the way up to his floor. He groped my skinny ass through the gown and that turned me on. When we got into his room I started stripping him. I was in a horny mood, no wasting time! My gown came off when I had him down to his boxers. I wasn't wearing sexy undies; I didn't expect them to be seen. I snatched his shorts down and shoved him back onto the bed. That my little mudflap titties were not exciting didn't occur to me or seem to matter to him. He was getting his dick sucked!
I have to give him credit, he had a nice cock and the liquor wasn't hurting it a bit. I pride myself in knowing how to give a guy head. I even enjoy doing it. I've heard my friends saying they don't enjoy sucking dick or that they only give head to get head. Well I like to give head. A man with his dick in your mouth is putty in your hands!
"Damn Mary! Slow down Baby." I laughed at that.
"I don't mind if you cum!" He sat up, reaching for me.
"I want to fuck you Baby. If I cum it might be a bit before I can." An honest man! And I really did want him inside me instead of my vibrator later. So I peeled my panties off and climbed onto the bed.
"I'm ready. Fuck me Jeff." He started to get up.
"I've got a condom in my wallet," He explained when I grabbed his arm.
"I think we'll be ok. I'm fixed." After two miscarriages I had my tubes tied, which is why I don't have kids or grandkids. He nodded. Nobody likes rubbers and he didn't pry into why.
I caught him though. "If you cum before I do you have to get me off with your tongue." I fully expected to get some head anyway but things were kind of going fast.
Instead of giving me a good licking he climbed on top of me and just stuck his dick into me! I was hot and horny but...fair's fair! There was no foreplay, just him pumping his dick in me. I was instantly disappointed. I mean, really? I'm giving up a free piece of ass and you can't even pay my little titties any attention? Not even a kiss? Not a lick! Just climb on and start fucking?
He was mercifully quick, and he splashed a hot load inside me and collapsed on top of me. He was heavy and sweaty and his cologne was suddenly turning my stomach.
"Oh Baby," he breathed in my ear, "Did you cum?" If I said no, I might have gotten some half hearted head, or he'd balk at eating his own cum. Or I could bring this debacle to a close.
"Couldn't you tell, honey? Yeah, I came!" I hated myself for the lie. He nodded and slid off me. He was snoring in minutes, so I got up, used a washrag in the bathroom and then quietly dressed and left. I fought back tears on the drive home and somehow managed not to get pulled over. I showered, thoroughly. Threw away my scummy panties. Got into bed naked and cried myself to sleep. I felt so used, and like such a desperate old slut!
I stayed naked all day Saturday, my head throbbing and my old pussy wanting. I mentally beat myself for being so weak and stupid. I tried to sleep but mostly just lay in bed, too upset to sleep or to get myself off. In fact my brain kept saying "That's it! Sex isn't worth feeling like this!" My very pricey vibrator stayed in the nightstand. About dinner time I got up and went into the kitchen. I wasn't hungry but I needed to eat something.
While a frozen dinner spun in the microwave, my phone rang. I almost ignored it but...It was an old friend, Susan. She lives halfway across the state, so we don't see each other too often. I answered it but I must've sounded as low as I felt.
"Well, I thought I had it bad," she told me. "I apologize."
"I'm sorry, I...I just had a bad night." I couldn't admit that I'd been used as a cumdump.
