A Match Made
By A Vixen Literally©
** May 23th **
I'm Melissa Eileen Burkhart Stone. That's Lissy for short. If it's Thursday afternoon it means I'm in the office of my shrink, Elizabeth McCormick. I started therapy a little more than a year ago. Me? I have three children and was recently widowed. I suppose 'recently' depends on who's doing the telling. My husband Dylan died Christmas night, 2011. This being Thursday, we were talking.
"I was awakened by the phone. I looked – no Dylan. Great. The voice asked, 'Is this Mrs. Stone?' I started crying. They didn't even have to say the rest. I knew he was dead. Calls at that time of the night are rarely good news. JR, my oldest, drove me to the hospital. The Park Ridge policeman who called told me there would be a uniform at the Emergency Room to meet us. What I didn't know was that the phone call was just the beginning of the nightmare.
"There's more to an accident than two cars running into each other. Dylan had run a red light and was hit on the driver's side door – t-boned. Jerry and Gail, our friends, didn't want him driving. But they knew better than to voice their concerns too strongly. The police told me the people in the other car had minor injuries. The hospital told him Dylan's blood level was high - .14. There are lawsuits pending. I have no idea what's going to happen." I shook my head.
"We'd had a family dinner after doing presents. Dylan wanted to go out; it was the final weekend of the football season. My youngest was home; I really didn't feel like arguing on Christmas." I looked up. "I'll probably always regret not putting up ... insisting he not go out. The hard truth is I really didn't give a shit one way or the other.
"Dylan had died shortly after the ambulance had arrived at the hospital." I was crying. I don't even know why I picked today to talk to Dr. McCormick (please call me Bette) about his death. I suppose it was because I'd had another birthday earlier this week.
I looked at Bette. "Did you remember that my birthday was Tuesday?" She smiled.
"Yes I did ... May 21st. Happy Birthday Lissy."
She has a gorgeous smile.
"Do you think I'm crying because I miss him?" My question was answered with a slight turn of her head, on an angle. "I guess if I'm truthful with myself the answer is a strong maybe." I stopped and smiled. "I know ... let's talk about that." I laughed, she didn't.
The truth of the matter is I only kind of miss him. Kara is part of my life now; has been since early last year. My two oldest are both married. My youngest, who turns twenty two this summer, still lives with me.
"Things had begun to fall apart a little at a time. I'm not sure how much longer we'd have been together if he had lived. His drinking was getting worse. I can't remember the last time we'd had sex. I had stopped calling it 'making love' a long time ago. Sex was something I did to get him to leave me alone for a while."
Yeah, that's fun to talk about.
Bette really wasn't mute in our sessions; she just let me work through as much of what I was talking about as I could. "Feeling that way about being intimate – can you tell me about that?"
"If I fucked him, he'd stay in his office, or work. Whatever he did when he wasn't home."
Apparently drinking had become a bigger part of the equation than I knew.
"I really never knew when he'd be home. His hours had always been rather erratic." I thought for a minute. "A long time ago, in the beginning, he told me how he'd set up his schedule. No appointments on Friday afternoons; that was when he made phone calls to line up the early part of the next week."
I looked at Bette. "I've been seeing you since St. Patrick's day last year, a little over a year." She nodded. "I wasn't doing very well, feeling regret and relief. The whole relief thing really messed with my head. But it was real. Things were very early with Kara. Back then, I liked her but wasn't even sure if I should be dating. I was a mess. Plus, I had to take care of my children. My daughter just graduated without her Dad being there. She'll be 22 soon. She needed me. She still does."
"That's all the time we have for today, Lissy." She stood. "I'll see you next week."
"Bette, can I ask you a question?" A smile and a nod. "Am I doing okay? Are we making any progress?" I try not to ask too often, but today it feels like ... I just need to get some kind of feedback.
"There are a host of things we're working through. I think you're just where you should be." Smiling, she said, "Try not to focus on mileposts. Focus on feelings, on working through some of the things we've talked about." I'd heard it before. I guess that's the point.
Kara and I were meeting for a drink. Bette's office was downtown. Both Kara and I worked downtown, though on opposite ends of the Loop. Sometimes I wonder why we're still together. Then there's how we got together in the first place. Life, let alone relationships, is complicated. I had time and the weather had cooperated, so I walked to our meeting place. I'll leave it at this – it's an Irish pub and restaurant that sits on the northwest corner of two busy streets north of the Merchandise Mart.
It sounds so hackneyed to say – but I was drunk my first time with a girl, late night, in our dorm room in college. It was more grab ass and kisses than serious. That night. It may have been decades ago but her name was Vickie. Dylan doused my interest. I did what was expected – then. When things changed I let 'it' loose. You take what you can get when you're married. Yeah, there are risks. Making excuses for staying out late. Whatever; he stayed out late, so did I.
It was hard with kids. Let me clarify. He may be dead but I have three gorgeous children. I'd give my life for any of them and you better goddamn believe it! I kinda, sorta have. Given my life that is. My Rachel wasn't expected - quite the opposite. What's that about birth control? Ninety nine point something effective? See my hand in the air? Uh huh!!
My Kara is gorgeous; fabulously so. Younger than me, she's short, slender, blonde, yummy. Her gorgeous blue eyes get very gray and very dark when she's turned on. Thinking of that brought a smile to my face as I walked. I think I want her to take me home with her tonight. It still astounds me she ever showed interest in the first place. She's eighteen years my junior, not much older than my Jenna at thirty eight. I was walking past an auto dealer and stopped to look in the window at my reflection. I'm taller and my body shows my age and that I've had children. My Kara! Would she laugh or blush?
She was waiting for me ... smiled when she saw me come in. That smile melts ice cubes in the Arctic. Melts me too. A quick kiss; my chair was to the right of hers. I always angle it so I don't have to turn my head when I look at her.
"How was your day, baby?"
"Good; Bette remembered it was my birthday." She reached and took my hand, her thumb running lightly over my skin.
"I remembered too. I plan on saying happy birthday a little later." Gray eyes smoldered. Gawd!
"Let me check my calendar to see..." The rest was lost in her kiss, her fingers laced in my dark brown hair. Heaven help me, she's a fabulous kisser. Soft, sweet, and oh my god, sometimes not ... like now. "It seems I can make time for you."
"You'll be making more than time, baby." Help! I mewled.
"Check please!" She laughed.
"You just got here."
"Mm hmm; are we there yet?"
"You're silly." I nodded.
"You make me feel childlike again, lover. Well, um, except ..." Her fingers traced lightly over my thigh, then under my skirt. "Yeah, like when you do that."
"Happy birthday, Lissy." Her fingers were teasing the skin just over the tops of my thigh highs. I started wearing them when I met her. "Should we order food?"
