The door slammed behind me as I walked into my new apartment. I had just moved into my first adult apartment two weeks ago and finally finished setting it up last night. It had been a long week, and at this point, all I wanted was to have a drink, put my feet up, and watch some TV.
I went to the fridge, poured myself a glass of white wine, and plopped onto my couch. As I began channel surfing, I heard the bedroom door creak open. I looked behind me, and a smile grew across my face.
"Welcome home, Rivkah," Brianna said as she reached her arm out and pulled me in for a gentle kiss.
"I didn't realize you were home," I said as I returned her kiss.
"I got home a little while ago. Mind if I join you?" Brianna asked.
I pulled her down on top of me and giggled like a little schoolgirl as I wrapped my legs around her. I loved being silly with my girlfriend, and I always sought excuses to touch her.
Brianna crawled out from under me and settled down next to me on the couch. The feeling of her next to me made my heart flutter. We cuddled in close and began to flip through the channels together, finally settling on watching a movie neither of us had seen.
As the movie began, my mind started to drift away. I felt at peace in a way I never thought I would, and it was hard not to look back and think about how I got here.
Growing up as an "Ultra-Orthodox" Jewish woman in the insular community of Lakewood, NJ, I never imagined I would be living in New York City with a lesbian lover. Yet, here I was on a Friday night, Shabbat, cuddling with Brianna on our couch, watching TV, and beginning our new post-college life together.
Meeting Brianna changed my life in a way I never thought would happen, and in some ways, it all happened because I took a chance and went to college.
I had always loved learning, so my parents gladly allowed me to take college courses from the local Jesuit university when I finally graduated high school. While many of my friends took online correspondence courses to get a degree, I knew I wanted to experience the world outside of my little bubble. At least as much of the world, as I could experience while still living at home and attending school in the same town I grew up in.
My first week of class was a bit overwhelming. While there were other girls from my community I would see around campus, this was my first time interacting with the secular world. I grew up without a TV in the house, had never seen a movie, and the Internet in the house was only there for my father's work. My connection to the secular world was basically nil.
Walking around the college campus for the first time was quite a culture shock. Despite being a Catholic university, there wasn't a dress code. I grew up always having to wear long skirts and long or quarter length sleeve shirts that were loose fitting, even in the warmer weather. The girls on campus didn't feel that restrained.
The hot September weather meant most of my classmates wore shorts and belly shirts. I had never experienced anything like that before in my life. I was shocked by how comfortably all my classmates showed off their bodies. Growing up, I was taught that valuing yourself meant being modest in dress as well as in behavior. Yet, all the women in my class seemed happy and confident in a way I had never experienced. Every exposure to my new classmates made me rethink my family's teachings. I wanted to be around them more.
While I lived at home, I made every excuse to visit campus. I loved the feel and energy the university had. That first week, though, I got lost more than I would like to admit. It turns out that being lost was the best thing that ever happened to me.
"You look a little lost," I heard a voice say. I turned around and saw the girl with the kindest eyes I had ever seen.
"A little. It is my first week here. I was just walking around trying to get a feel of the place. I'm Rivkah, by the way," I said to this beautiful stranger right in front of me.
"I'm Brianna. Nice to meet you. It's my first week here too. I just got here from Florida," she continued, "I hope this doesn't come off rude but are you a local?"
I blushed. "It's that obvious, huh? It's the clothes that give it away, isn't it?" I said, feeling slightly self-conscious about how I was dressed.
"Oh no, no. Sorry I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just heard that the locals don't mix much with the university community. I didn't mean to imply... let me try this again. Hi, I'm Brianna. It is so nice to meet you, Rivkah," Brianna said, trying to make me feel better.
"It is really nice to meet you too, Brianna," I replied, trying to alleviate her guilt about the whole situation.
"You know I was about to go to the field over there, get some sun, and eat my lunch. Any chance you want to keep me company? It'd be nice to make a friend," Briana asked.
"Sure. That sounds nice," I said as I followed Brianna to a patch of grass where some students were lying out tanning.
I watched as Brianna pulled off her shirt, revealing the bikini top she wore underneath. I sat next to her, uncertain of what to say or where to look.
"I love the feeling of the sun on my skin. Growing up in south Florida, I went to the beach almost daily. I am going to soak up as much warmth as possible before it starts to get cold here," Brianna explained.
"You look uncomfortable again, "Brianna said, "I can put my shirt back on if...."
I quickly cut her off. "No, no. I am just not used to people showing so much skin. Heck, in my community, women aren't supposed to show skin below their collarbone or above their knees. It's nice seeing someone so comfortable with their body that they don't care about what others think. If I wore that, my family would blow a gasket!"
As we continued talking and eating, I couldn't help but take in Brianna's body. She was blonde, blue-eyed, and very in shape. It was a stark contrast to the typical brunette, brown-eyed girl I grew up with. Eventually, Brianna caught me looking.
"I can't help but notice the stares," Brianna said to my surprise. I wasn't used to the girls I was friends with being so forward.
"Sorry," I said sheepishly. I didn't know what to say. I felt embarrassed and lowered my head in shame.
Brianna reached out and put her hand on mine. "It's okay to look. I was just shocked," she explained.
"It is just that...well...you are totally different from the girls I know. And I can't get over how in shape you are and how willing you are to show your body. I know I sound crazy. I want to make the most out of college, but it has been so overwhelming, and we just got here. Everything here is so different. Good. Just different," I tried explaining without sounding too crazy.
Brianna's hand continued to rest on mine. She looked at me with those kind blue eyes and simply said, "I get it."
We continued to talk and lay on the grass for the next half hour. Strangely Brianna's hand never left mine, and I never moved my hand away.
I finally noticed the time and explained that I had to get home to watch my younger siblings.
"I liked talking to you. Would it be okay if I got your number? It would be nice having someone to hang out with when I am on campus," I asked nervously. I wasn't sure why I felt so nervous asking. It was just a girl from school. I had all my friends from high school's phone numbers. Something about this felt different, though. I chalked it up to us being from disparate worlds and pushed the thought out of my mind.
Brianna grabbed my phone from my hands and programmed her number in. Before handing it back to me, she pulled me close to her and snapped a selfie of us together. My heart started pounding in my chest as Brianna held me close to her body. I touched her bare skin for a moment as she snapped a few pictures.
She pulled away moments later. "Here you go. I hope you don't mind that I took a picture. I just felt like we should memorialize us meeting," Brianna said with a smile.
"I'll talk to you soon," she called out as I walked towards the campus parking lot.
As soon as I got into my car, I pulled out my phone and looked at the picture. She really is beautiful, I thought to myself. I put my phone down and drove back to my parent's home. As I entered the front door, I was transported back into the world of my people.
"Rivkah, thank god you're home. Can you help your sisters with their homework? I have to go to the store. We need to start cooking for Shabbat." My mom yelled as she stormed out the door.
Shabbat, the Jewish Sabbath, was a big deal to my family and my community in general. It was a family tradition for me to help my mom cook up a storm on Thursday night in preparation for the upcoming celebration. It was something I looked forward to every week. It was my favorite time of the week since it was when my mom and I got to catch up with each other. For some reason, I felt nervous about spending time with her tonight.
"How was your first week in school?" my mom asked as we began cooking.
I could tell she was genuinely interested in hearing about my new experience, so I went into great detail about my classes, how beautiful the campus was, and even about some of the girls I met from the Jewish community who were in my classes. For some reason, I found myself leaving out that I met Brianna.
Despite that, I found that Brianna was never far from my mind. While I enjoyed the weekend with my family and friends, I couldn't wait to return to campus and reconnect with her.
When Monday rolled around, I took my car and drove to school. I only had a few classes scheduled for Mondays, so I had plenty of time to take in the sights and sounds of my new surroundings.
As the day went on, I kept thinking about texting Brianna. "It wouldn't be weird if I texted her, right?" I kept thinking to myself.
I finally decided to text her after my morning classes to see if she wanted to eat lunch together. Yet, before I knew it, I heard a ping from my phone. It was Brianna!
"Hey, Gorgeous! It is so nice out. I was planning on lying out again and eating some lunch. Any chance you want to meet me?" her text read.
My heart jumped as I read her message. I quickly replied, "Yes!!!"
I hoped my excitement was palpable through the screen. Brianna replied immediately, "Okay, meet me where we hung out last week. See you soon!"
When class ended, I rushed out the door and headed to the field where Brianna and I hung out last week. I felt nervous yet excited. The overwhelming feelings were confusing to me. Brianna was just some new girl I met at school. Why is going to meet her for lunch giving me such butterflies?
