JESSE
I tried my hardest not to get my hopes up before I came here tonight, I tried to expect absolutely nothing. So when Dusty goes so far beyond my wildest imagination, when he tells me what he wants exceeds my wildest, craziest dreams, tells me he wants to serve me completely, I feel like I've been handed the moon on a fucking plate. The idea of having full control over him practically blows my mind. Being able to have that amazing experience of closeness again, of giving and receiving perfectly in sync, that incredible mutual pleasure, to experience all that again, and not just once, but over and over... I have to resist just saying yes on the spot. Stop, Jesse. Stop and proceed very slowly, very carefully. I have to think this through with my head, not my dick.
He says he would do anything to please me, but does he mean it? He said he would want to please me even physically, but will he really be able to put up with every dirty thing I've been dreaming up about doing with him in my secret fantasies when I was telling myself I wasn't thinking about him? Or will he freak out like last time at anything even slightly gay?
He says that he trusts me completely, but do I really trust him? We've been through a lot already and I want to believe he's really changed, but what if he gets bored? What if he changes his mind? What if it doesn't turn out the way he's hoping and I disappoint him and he just comes to hate me, or even despise me? Is he absolutely certain this is what he wants? And can I really trust him completely to keep his word?
And on top of all of this, do I want to be adored like this, put on a pedestal, be given this much pressure to be responsible for another person? Sure it's flattering as hell, but having to take care of all the kids and the trailer, taking care of Blue, my schoolwork, working at the diner, I already have so many responsibilities. How can I take on any more? What if I steer him wrong? If I make a mistake and something bad happens to him, it's all on me, it'll all be my fault.
I try to sort through my feelings, which is hard to do when he's watching me so closely and my mind is so overwhelmed and overloaded. The first thing I have to examine is how I feel about Dusty, given our past. I can honestly say that I don't hate him anymore. Somehow that started getting worn down bit by bit last time we were here. After that night I felt, I guess, sorry for him, for clearly wanting to try tasting my dick but not being able to face it, and in the weeks since then I decided I did forgive him and I hoped he'd really changed. I told him that it made me feel more confident about myself when I thought about how he submitted to me last time, and it did. The way he seems to be so sure of me, to see something in me that I don't. He said I was making him a better person. But he's been changing me too, and I think for the better.
And this afternoon... the way he went after Joe... the way he rushed to protect me... that really affected me. I was too shocked to think it through then and there, but all afternoon since then I've just been amazed. When, in my entire life, when has anyone ever cared so much about what happened to me? And when has anyone ever respected me as much as him?
And the rush, the absolute thrill, just thinking about what it would be like to have so much power over another person. And not just any person, but Dusty! Telling the little 'uns to do their homework or eat their dinner is one thing. Training Blue to heel or come when I whistle for her is one thing. But having Dusty, popular, strong, rich, fucking gorgeous football star Dusty, the same age as me, practically an adult, same as me, but better than me in so many ways, obeying trailer trash me... To have him really give me complete control over him... Just thinking about it... Damn, a power trip like that could so easily go to my head. This intoxicating rush of power that I've already tasted, seen how dangerously addictive it could be. It could change me in a really bad way. It could make me need him too much, it could make me overly confident, make me think and act like I'm better than I really am. It could threaten to bring out bullying tendencies lying dormant within me. It could change me in ways I can't even imagine right now. It could ruin not just my life, but the lives of my family too.
There's too much risk in this, my mind is telling me. I want to believe him. I want to trust him as much as he seems to trust me. But how can I say yes? How can I give in to this temptation?
...
...
But looking into those bright blue eyes looking up at me, full of trust, warmth and eagerness, clarity and faith... I do believe him. I do trust him.
...And if I do trust him, how can I say no?
There's one last voice of reason that pipes up, that is still preventing me from saying yes. It says, Hey, don't you remember that you said you wanted to have sex with someone you care about? Not like that first time with Will, almost a complete stranger. Having Dusty to use however I want would be absolutely insane, but will it be enough? that voice asks me. The sex might be amazing, but is this going to be a bad idea in the end since it's not going to go anywhere romantically?
This is the last hurdle I have to get over, and the one I struggle with the most. I know me. I know that I'm sensitive and a romantic, that I've been alone for so long I could get too attached. I'm probably already too attached as it is. Dusty might be willing to give me all of his obedience, but that doesn't mean he would ever be able to give me his heart. And I can already see myself falling for him. In some ways I already have, especially after today, even though I've refused to admit it until now. Am I willing to run that risk? Of having my heart broken beyond repair? And how could you even have a romantic relationship when one person is so subservient to the other anyway? Shouldn't a real relationship be between equals?
But then I see those eyes again, looking up at me, they're begging me to say yes. And God help me, I have to. Even if I get hurt, even if I end up caring for him more than he cares for me, even our relationship will never be a romantic one, I have to take this risk. I've been handed the moon, and I trust this man in front of me. I know that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore, not on purpose, same as I would never hurt him, and it's all more than I could have ever hoped for. So maybe it's not exactly the romantic relationship of my dreams. How could I have ever dreamed this up instead? This relationship that started with violence and is becoming... so important to me. It's already been life-changing. I'm not going to pass up this chance, no matter the risks.
And so, after making sure that he really understands what he's committing to, absolute honesty and absolute obedience, I say yes. And I give him the same level of commitment as he gives to me. Absolute honesty and the absolute promise to do everything in my power to be worthy of the trust he has given me.
And even though we seal it with a simple kiss, practically straight out of a church wedding, the real event that's going to seal the deal is gay as gay can be: a man on dick blowjob. We're finally getting to continue what we started last time, what was cut short so abruptly.
"You're going to suck my cock until I cum, boy," I tell him, pulling out my already hard dick. "My boy". Those are the words that came to my mind, and they're perfectly right. I can tell by Dusty's reaction, practically wriggling with pleasure, that he thinks so too.
"Yes, sir!" he says, and his face is glowing with anticipation.
Immediately he strips off his trunks and drops to his knees in front of me at the same time that I finish pulling off my shorts and my shirt. He pauses in front of my dick, and I know that the significance of this moment isn't lost on him. He must know that this is exactly where he was last time, being told to do what he wasn't able to do before. This is the first real test of his commitment to serve and to obey. But I can see him leaning forwards eagerly with absolutely no trace of fear this time. Maybe he'd been thinking about continuing that night as much as I had. I see that this time he's pausing not because he's freezing from panic and uncertainty, but because he's wanting to savor this moment. His first real taste of cock. I see him studying my dick closely with his eyes, breathing in the musky sent, preparing himself to take it into his mouth, no longer having to hide his need and his desire. Seeing him hold back to enjoy the moment is already giving me ideas for future experiences for him... I've pulled back my foreskin, and like last time I purposely don't push my cock forward into his mouth even though I really want to. He has to come to me, he has to take this first step on this path he's committed to.
I'm already starting to realize what it takes to be a good master, because instead of hurrying him along I let my boy take his time, to enjoy this once in a lifetime experience of his mouth losing its dick virginity. Life has taught me to be patient, and that's going to help me keep control of myself during our training, even though my hormones are running wild inside. My boy closes his eyes so that he can focus on the taste and takes a deep breath and then, finally!, he pushes his mouth forward so that first my mushroom cockhead, then the shaft of my cock enters his mouth. He takes it slowly, enjoying it inch by glorious inch, and I still can't believe that Dusty, fucking football star Dusty, has put my cock in his mouth. And I know then that he really doesn't have any more doubts, that he has committed to this vow, that he's given himself over to me completely, that he's fully accepted his role.