Tenderness

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I am sorry for the delay. I truly am. I've been studying, I've been procrastinating, I've been dodging taxes and eating babies and putting gum on the seats and doing all of the things that evil people do.

I am sorry, but Alone at the End of the World will be finished soon, I'll have a stand-alone viking story soon, and I'll have the last chapter of New World soon. If all goes well. And if it doesn't...

I'm sorry.

All characters are 18+*

--------AARON----------

When I woke up in the morning, he had rolled over and I was comfortably squished under his shoulder and arm. His hair was in a messy halo around his sleeping face, and he was snoring very softly. I never wanted to leave, but unfortunately, my head was aching slightly and my bladder was painfully full.

I tried to roll off to the left, squeeze out from under him without waking him up. He grunted and his arm, instead of resting heavily on my bare back, snaked around my waist and pulled me back in. When I was snug to his side, he sighed deeply.... and resumed snoring.

I tried to pry his arm off from around my waist, slipping my hand under his and lifting his arm away, but that just made him hug me tighter.

"Damn." I whispered. Then it just seemed deliciously funny and I had to put my hand over my mouth tight to stop myself from laughing out loud. I had to pee! Why wouldn't he let me go?

My soundless laughter and shaking made him groan and roll onto his back, pulling me with as if I were just a teddy bear instead of a human being. I was sprawled on my back like an upturned turtle, my back against his chest and his arms hugging me tight around the waist. Incredibly... the lunkhead was still asleep.

I turned my head to see the alarm clock, and the numbers said that it was seven thirty. I tried futilely to escape without waking him up, and he just shifted slightly, still holding me tight. It was kind of cute, but I really did need to go.

I took a deep breath. "Daniel Lewis Arceiro, let me go dammit!"

He snorted and jerked awake, and with that I slithered out of his arms and ran to the bathroom, giggling helplessly from the surprised look on his face. It looked like he had been goosed!

When I came back... He was asleep.

I checked the alarm clock. I had hours. I wanted to snuggle with Daniel. I slipped under the covers again and sidled up to my unconscious boyfriend. When he felt me snuggling up against him, he let out a semi-conscious groan and flopped his arm over my shoulders.

I felt like my heart would explode with love.

--------DANIEL--------

I dragged a comb through my hair, wincing. I had pulled on some pajama pants and he had pulled on some boxers. His sexy little ass was sashaying around my kitchen, making something that smelled heavenly.

"Hey, Aaron? What are you cooking in there? It smells amazing!"

"Potato pancakes, my Gran's recipe. I am SO glad that you have enough garlic for it.... Do you have any oregano? Or basil?"

I snorted. "My family owns an Italian restaurant, my mom would skin me alive if I didn't keep spices around the house! Check the top cupboard above the sink. What was going on this morning? One minute I'm dreaming, the next minute you were yelling at me!"

He laughed out loud at that. I loved the sound of his laughter, he just sounded so open when he laughed. I put my hair into a black binder and started brushing my teeth.

"You..." He burst into giggles. "You wouldn't let me go! I had to get up and use the bathroom, and you wouldn't let go of me even when I wiggled."

I felt my cheeks flushing. He seemed to think it was funny, and that was a good thing, because my stomach was squirming with embarrassment. "Huh... Guess I am kinda clingy." I spat into the sink and splashed some water around in my mouth, and then some on my face. I walked down the hallway to see him.

Piles of grated potato and onions and egg sizzled and spat on my biggest frying pan. He had a bowl filled with more of the mixture. It smelled buttery and garlicky and savory and delicious, but not nearly as delicious as the cook!

I trotted up behind him and nuzzled the back of his neck, feeling his new short hair tickle my nose. He giggled. "Cut it out, it'll be ready in a minute! That tickles!"

I backed away and set the table. His ass looked absolutely delectable in his soft blue boxers. The hem of the shorts ended barely below his perky buttocks, the only thing keeping them from being briefs was how loose they were.

Noel had given up begging and was curled on his doggy bed, looking at us mournfully. I ruffled his ears and I got a quick bark and lick.

"Am I forgiven, lumpy?" I cooed, ruffling his fur. He sighed and let his head fall with a soft thump, looking up at me complacently.

---

I had eaten ten of the potato pancakes. Part of that was that they were pretty small, but most of it was that they were Goddamn delicious. With ketchup, and (to my bewilderment) applesauce.

It was about nine. Aaron was cleaning the dishes, and I stood next to him to dry and put away.

"Well, I need a shower, and some mouthwash..." He grimaced, and ended up looking cuter then ever. "But then maybe we can walk Noel, and then I want to go home, get dressed and ready for the interview!" He looked excited and petrified at the same time. I dried our forks and put them in a drawer.

"Well..." I mused. "That sounds fine and dandy... but I need a shower too..." I waggled my eyebrows at him suggestively, and he burst out laughing.

Though he was laughing, he was still blushing prettily by the time all of the dishes were dried and put away.

--------AARON--------

He had a pretty big shower. A shower-head set over a deep bathtub. When I got to the bathroom, he was testing the water with one of his hands. He grinned at me, and his hair fell over his face. He had taken it out of the ponytail. My cheeks felt red-hot, and there just really was no hiding of the erection that had distended my boxers.

"After you, Sweetheart." He murmured, pulling back the blue shower curtain. I took a deep breath and hooked my thumbs in the elastic waistband of my underwear, pulling it down in one quick yank, nearly tripping when I pulled my feet out.

It was Daniel who caught me. My face and hands were pressed against his naked chest for a sweet moment while I caught my balance. I could feel his heartbeat against my hot blushing cheeks and the palms of my hands.

"Woopsie-daisy." He chuckled, cradling my face in his hands to give me a quick kiss. He ruffled my hair, grinning hugely.

I took off my glasses and dove into the hot spray of the shower, my skin tingling from arousal and excitement.

--------DANIEL--------

Aaron was in my shower. And if that wasn't an arousing thought, then I didn't know what was.

He poked his head from behind the translucent curtain. His cheeks were spotted with droplets of water, and he was half-squinting because of his bad eyesight. His cute mussed hair was damped down with the spray.

"Coming?" He whispered.

I grinned and slid out of my pajama pants. His eyes went wide as he looked me down, and then he squinted comically as he tried to focus on my groin. I leaned forward and kissed his wet lips hard as I moved into the shower.

It was dark and slightly crowded in the bathtub. The water pressure was on high, so I was getting sprayed by the water deflecting off of his shoulders. I hugged him close to me as the water slid down our bodies, making streams of water between us. I could feel his cock against my thigh, and my cock was grinding into his soft flat stomach. I could feel him moaning into my mouth, feel his eyelashes fluttering against my nose.

I broke the kiss, and he was beautiful. Water hung in crystal droplets from each individual eyelash, and the fine spray from the powerful jets made a halo of water around his shoulders and head. His eyes were wide and half-blind and trusting. He had this shy, lustful look on his face that made my semi-hard cock twitch and flush with blood.

I leaned forward and kissed his neck, sucking gently. I didn't want to give him a hickey for his big day... not on his neck at least.

He mewed softly. "No... Daniel, no hickeys... please..." His voice was so high and breathless, such a turn-on. I pulled my lips from his skin.

He gently ran his hands down my chest, tangling his fingertips in my chest hair, pinching my nipples. He was so focused in his activity, exploring my body. He leaned in so close that his forehead rested on my collarbone. I felt him kiss my chest, and felt his hands wrap around to my lower back to press me closer to him.

I groaned softly as my cock rubbed against his soft flat abdomen. I could feel the softness of his pubic hair against my semi-turgid cock. I rubbed my cock against his stomach, feeling myself grow harder and harder against him.

He tilted up his head so his chin rested on my shoulder, and then I gasped as he wrapped his lips around the side of my neck and sucked hard. The pressure and his teeth was so erotic that I gasped and humped my hips hard into him. I could feel his perky erection against my hip, and I reached down to fondle it.

That made him moan deeply, but then he giggled and pulled away. He was flushed and wet and adorable. His cock stood perfectly strait out and bobbed gently when he moved. He was feeling playful.

And that's what it was, we played. We soaped each other up with my body wash and the rough blue loofa. We always stopped a little short of making each other come. Teasing and rubbing and kissing was all we did, and by the time he turned off the water and we were both squeaky-clean, I was nearly stupid with lust.

We stumbled to the bedroom. He chased me, brandishing a rolled-up towel and flicking me with it. When we got to the room, I took the towel and dried his hair, covering his head with the towel and vigorously rubbing his head while kissing him so hard our teeth clicked together.

He pushed me down onto the bed and crawled on so we were facing each other. The light was better now, and I could see the dim shadows of the bruises that still darkened his face. He had small cuts on his forehead and eyebrow and nose, each one filled with hard dried blood. I could see the rough scratches and old bruises on his soft slender torso. I didn't get less aroused, but suddenly I was so gentle with him. I just wanted to hold him close to me and never let him go.

He rubbed his cock against mine, and I reached down. I was able to hold both of us together, and I started to stroke. He mewed and thrust his hips, kissing my chin, and going down the side of my neck to give me a hickey.

I couldn't help but smile at that. What a little hypocrite.

---

I got the call from Aaron at three in the afternoon. His interview had started at one. He had good news.

"I got the job Daniel! The new principal, she's really nice! She says that they desperately need an English teacher, so I'm going to be there tomorrow! I have some quizzes to grade. The old teacher left plenty of notes and planned the rest of the curriculum, so it shouldn't be too hard. Rachel says that if I do a good job, she'll bring me back next year! I'm so excited Daniel!!"

I congratulated him on his interview, and I really was happy for him. Aaron had some self-esteem problems, and it hadn't been helped by having to work as a bartender for two years. He had suffered application by rejected application, and even slurs about his orientation during his long job-search, and now he finally had one.

"Um... I gotta go... I'm at the clinic, and they called my name. Just... y'know, getting the checkup." His voice was very soft, and a little sad. It bothered me, but he wasn't too bad. He was still excited by the job.

"Well, don't worry Baby. I hate going to the doctor as much as the next person. Maybe we can go out for dinner tomorrow, celebrate your first day. Hey, maybe I can even give you a relaxing massage."

He giggled at the exaggerated smarminess of my voice. "We'll see, bye Daniel, I love you."

"Love you, too."

--------AARON--------

This wasn't the cheap Target clinic I normally visited. The hospital had directed me to a clinic that would be able to take care of my 'individual needs' better. I hated that. It was another part of the rape that kept haunting me, all of these little euphemisms. People were afraid to just come out and *say* things around me. They couldn't have just told me that the doctors here had the right equipment, or that they had more experience with rape cases, they had to be suited to my 'individual needs'.

The clinic was more expensive, but this would be my last time visiting them, if there were no more complications.

I hung up with Daniel and followed a nurse back to a small room. I sat on the crinkly paper on the padded bench and played with my phone, opening it and closing it until the doctor came in.

One compensation, my doctor here was very good. Dr. Harvey was an older stout man, but he was able to make me feel more comfortable. He was unafraid to speak to me plainly, and I could tell him about even the most sensitive and embarrassing problems about the rape. He had given me a stool softener after I told him about how I had been defecating blood. He had offered the names of a couple of therapists. I wasn't mortified whenever I broke down around him.

He came in, his reading glasses perched precariously in his thick grey hair. He asked me a few questions.

"Welcome back, I bet you'll be glad to leave these unpleasant encounters behind, yes?"

I chuckled and nodded.

"Okay, any change since last time? Undue pain? Tearing? Blood?"

"Um... no. Actually I feel a lot better. I think I wont need the pain pills much longer..."

"Sounds good! Keep the Percs around just in case, but if the pain is gone, then you should just need to keep the ibuprofen handy. There, I just saved you a prescription for glorified aspirin."

I giggled harder at that one.

He gently thumbed some of my bruises, and announced that they probably would be invisible in three or four days, but might be painful for a bit longer. He said my nose was doing well. My blood and saliva tests from the last visit came back and I was officially uncontagious for Chlamydia.

I felt my eyes stinging, and I bit my lower lip hard to stop myself from sniffling.

He smiled gently, and offered me the tissue box. "Careful, son. You're leaking."

I let out a soggy hiccup and took a couple of tissues. He called me 'son' a lot. It was nice. I usually hated it when people called me 'son' because it felt patronizing. My dad was going to visit tomorrow, one last visit before he went back home. I wasn't as petrified as I had been for the other visits, but I knew that no matter how well it went, it would be uncomfortable.

Dr. Harvey politely turned away to finish writing something on a clipboard. I saw him reach for a box of blue latex gloves and I made a face.

"Hmf, I don't like it much either, son, but it has to be done. Last time, I promise."

Maybe Dr. Harvey was a very kind and sympathetic doctor, but nothing could make this part of the check-up any less pleasant.

I got up and unbuckled my slacks. My good tie, the blue silk one I had gotten for Christmas from my dad, dangled down and folded up on the table as I bent over slightly. I pushed my slacks and underwear to my knees and put my hands on the edge of the table.

He was quiet. It was kind of impossible to make small talk for this kind of thing.

It was short and unpleasant. His lubed finger poked the sore swollen tissues in and around my sphincter for about ten seconds. He wiped me briefly with a tissue, and then I was pulling my pants up and he was taking off the glove.

"I have to tell you young man, you are incredibly lucky. A little rougher, and you would have needed surgery for that nasty tear. You are a quick healer though, swelling is down a lot, and the tear looks closed up. I would be careful and keep taking those softeners for a while. Any pain?"

"Not much, a little bit near the tear." I flushed.

He smiled. "Good, it looks like you're gonna beat this thing." He washed his hands in the sink, and I gathered up my coat and scarf and gloves. The heat was getting finicky in my shitty little car.

"Aaron, wait for a minute."

I lingered in the doorway.

He dug around in his binder. "Where... Where did I put the damn thing? Ah, here."

He handed me a smearily printed flyer. "Listen, I was very serious when I suggested that therapist the last time, but I realize how high those bills can run, especially for a young guy like you, with student loans still hanging over your head. I just heard about this recently, but from what I can find out about it, it's a very good group. I have another patient who attends it. I even called the group leader."

The flyer was printed on pale blue paper. It was for a support group that met twice a month at a local church. The group was called 'Survivors'. It was for men who had been survivors of abuse. It had a list of bullet points at the bottom.

Physical abuse, spousal abuse, sexual abuse, rape, childhood trauma, neglect.

At the bottom, printed in all caps, "WE SURVIVED, BUT NOW WE WANT TO THRIVE. LEARN TO LIVE, LOVE, AND ENJOY LIFE"

"Now, I know that the flyer isn't the most informative, but I spoke to the group leader. It's a small group, usually between ten and thirty men at each meeting, and a lot of them come more then once. The leader told me that most of the men there are heterosexual survivors of childhood abuse. It's supposed to be a very open environment, and the leader said that your orientation wouldn't be a problem. I seriously advise you to go to at least one meeting. The next one is this Friday."

I read the flyer twice as he spoke. My stomach had shriveled into an uncomfortable ball.

"I'm not..." I whispered. I didn't know what I was trying to say, but it was okay, because Dr. Harvey interrupted me.

"Aaron. I don't think anyone who hasn't been raped can understand what it's like to go through this. But I see a lot of victims like yourself come through these doors, so I can say that I have a rough idea. I have two kinds of patients. Those who seek help, and those who don't. There are exceptions, of course. But I can tell you that those in the first group usually do better. You need someone to help you get through this. I understand that your partner is helping you as much as he can, but please, go to at least one of the meetings. For my sake."

I hesitated for another second, but then I nodded. "Okay Dr. Harvey."

He smiled back and snatched the flyer from my hands. He scrawled the address and the time of the next meeting. He also scribbled down a number. He had atrocious handwriting.

"That's the number of George Heinlein. He's the leader of the group, and you can call him if you have any more questions."

"Thank you for everything Dr. Harvey." I whispered, blushing slightly.

"No problem, son."

---

The classroom smelled like whiteboard cleaner and books and wood from the desks and the faint, but unmistakeable scent of teenagers. That polecat musk of body odor and perfume and shampoo and hormones.

Speaking of body odor... I quickly reached into my shirt with a few tissues to dab away the nervous sweat in my armpits. I threw the crumpled tissues in the little dustbin as soon as the first student walked in. A junior girl with dark skin, jeans, a sweater and a hijab scarf carefully covering her hair. She looked down at the desks in confusion as she sat, because I had placed a single strip of spearmint gum on every desk.