Dirty T-Shirt (bi)
It was my first year of college, the parties were frequent, the kegs were plentiful, and the girls were wild. Well, everyone was a little crazy experimenting with alcohol, freedom from parents, and fledgling adulting.
I walked past a few of the guys in our frat's common room and overheard them talking about hosting a wet T-shirt contest in the courtyard. I was like, "Dudes, it's winter! Get a better idea."
The three guys looked at me like I'd rained on their parade, "OK, Andrew, since you're so smart, what's a better idea?"
It only took me a second, "Have a DIRTY t-shirt party."
"And just what would that be?" One would think they would be smarter by the age of 19. Or are all 19 year olds still foolish?
I sighed, "Everyone has to come wearing a dirty t-shirt. Then have a prize." They looked at me like I was the dense one. "Look at Patel's shirt right there. It says, "I'm not an asshole. I just don't give a fuck about your opinion." Or think about that shirt Bud wears all the time, that one shows a picture of a glass of beer with lots of suds and says, 'I'm just a guy who likes lots of head'. Get it?"
The guys all instantly grinned, "Maybe we'd get lucky!" And so the theme was decided.
On the big day people started arriving with the typical innuendoed messages but also some really funny ones.
I can't remember all the best, but off the top of my head I do remember this one guy had a shirt that said, "I like girls for their hearts. Their big bouncy jiggly hearts." And having announced to the world that he liked big boobs, girls with big boobs rewarded him.
Like this girl who said, "I've got heart. Two of them."
He responded with, "Show me your hearts so I can appreciate all your kindness." And right there in front of the crowd she flashed him. She just lifted up her shirt for some seconds then it was done. And man! Did she have some heart!
I wanted to be funny too so I wore a shirt that I had smeared with ketchup and mustard. I think my humor was lost on most people.
Another said, "Would you like to see my footlong?" And there was a picture of a hot dog.
Then there was the one that had a picture of a jug of milk overlaid on top of each boob.
About half an hour into the party Patel announced a vote for best and worst shirts.
I couldn't believe I lost. Surely mine was better than the one that said, "You don't need a drivers license to ride me."
The winner was this super hot chick who's shirt read, "I swallow juicy wieners." It also had a picture of a hot dog on it. I thought she only won because she was hot. Wieners seemed to be a very common motif and the frat even provided piles of hot dogs for the food.
Patel gave the contest winner a gift certificate to Dunkin Donuts and a wish.
He made me take off my shirt. Stupid Patel.
She jumped up and down to celebrate her win while we all watched her knockers bounce. The crowd cheered her with the encouragement, "Take it off!" and she ate up the attention.
They booed me.
For her wish she asked that I would have to wear her t-shirt. Flushed, I pulled it over my head. Being the ONLY one without a shirt would have been better than being a guy wearing the shirt she had made famous. Oddly, I kinda liked the attention when, for a change, the crowd cheered for me in her shirt. And we all enjoyed seeing her strut around in her blue bra for the rest of the night.
Half an hour later Patel announced another contest. This time I won. He gave me a certificate for a free pizza. I also won a wish.
Since I had been eying the bodacious jugs on this one girl in the "I've got a dirty mouth but I can do great things with it." shirt, I took a chance and wished that everyone wearing a shirt that included the word, 'dirty' would have to take it off.
Everyone loved my idea including those who had to remove shirts. Maybe ten people, guys and girls, ripped off their shirts and threw them in the air. Two of the girls didn't have a bra on and were now topless including the one I was crushing on.
A while later I was embedded in her small circle of revelers when this one drunk babe pointed at a guy's shirt which had the message, "I got a dig bick. You that read wrong." And exclaimed excitedly, "Oh, I get it! Do you?"
Her shirt read, "Nasty girls have more fun." So he answered, "Let's go in the back room and see if my shirt and your shirt add up to big fun." And to my shock she grabbed his hand and they left.
I was left with my topless crush, whose name I now knew was Valeria, another girl in a "That's gross (unless you're up for it)" top, and a guy in a "My PEN IS huge." shirt.
The "gross" girl laughed and while eyeing me and the guy with the supposedly huge dick said, "I guess it's time for you two to get together."